


A Not So Vicarious Thrill

by omega12596



Series: A Not So Passing Fancy [1]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Canon-Typical Violence, Drama, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Multi, Non-explicit reference to the loss of a child/children, Romance, That time when the Muse ran away with me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-20
Updated: 2013-09-15
Packaged: 2017-12-12 09:18:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 129,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/809922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/omega12596/pseuds/omega12596
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In between bouts of furious studying over the last few weeks, I was looking through the meme at very old, unfilled prompts and came across one that distracted me. And this happened.</p><p>Link to prompt below, but basically asked for Leandra not to die. Terrific! Then I had to imagine how that might happen, and I ended up with a modern OC woman, who's from an Earth ravaged by the third world war, and wakes up to find herself in Kirkwall. This thing went so pear-shaped... but it's a helluva ride!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Original prompt here: http://dragonage-kink.livejournal.com/7357.html?thread=27507389#t27507389
> 
> Also, a thanks to a_happy_dancer, who is writing this: http://archiveofourown.org/works/788125/chapters/1487387. It didn't inspire this fic, since I started it before 'Broken Walls' was posted, but I just read the first couple of chapters and it prompted me to go ahead and post a work that seems a bit self-insertish.
> 
> Really, this thing had a mind of its own, LOL! It's finished, but I'm only going to upload a chapter at a time, since I have two other fics that aren't finished and have been bitching at me to upload their new content - as well as write more. So I'm cleaning up a chapter of this a day in order to relax after I finish writing the others.
> 
> If as we go along, anyone can think of tags I failed to mark, please, let me know.

“She’s waking up.”

The voice was soft and so familiar, but I couldn’t place it immediately. What I did recognize, however, was that every muscle in my body felt as if it’d been pummeled relentlessly by wild, enraged mustangs and my brain seemed determined to forcibly evict itself from my skull.

I tried to open my eyes and thought better of it, the strength involved still beyond my means. I did swallow, loudly, my mouth sticky and dry, as if I’d been sleeping with my mouth open for days. A murmur, a garbled groan bubbled from my throat and another, lighter, happier voice drifted to my ears.

“Her lips are so dry. I’ll go get her some water.” The words were followed by the soft shuffle of bare feet on uncovered floor. The sound faded but returned swiftly and I sighed as I felt the first cool, liquid drops fall onto my tongue.

“Not too much, she doesn’t seem to be coherent yet and I don’t want her choking.” The first voice again, masculine, a gentle baritone. 

A face flashed in my memory, gone before I could fully resolve the image. Then more water seeped into my mouth and I swallowed, whimpering, a strained and squeaky sound, when the liquid stopped coming.

“Hold her head up for me.” The second voice, as familiar as the first, was equally gentle, so soothing. Her tone lilted, reminded me of an Irish brogue a bit. 

The edge of a cup, I thought, was brought to my lips as a large, warm hand curved against the base of my skull. The container felt strange, a little rough, like wood, but I didn’t care. My head pounded fiercely and my whole body shook with what little energy I expended just to swallow. I did so glutinously, uncaring as it trickled over my chin, spilling down my neck.

When I finally felt like my tongue and teeth and lips were close to normal, I turned my head away and the cup disappeared. As the palm cradling the back of my neck settled me against a soft pillow once more, I sighed and fell back into sleep.

* * *

I awoke to the sound of voices, quiet but angry tones. My body still hurt, though not as badly, but my head was once more my own. I drew a slow breath, and immediately knew I was somewhere I'd never been. Nothing smelled right, not the blankets around my shoulders, not the air in the room. My heart thumped hard in my chest, once, twice, as adrenaline jolted through my body. _Where am I?_

“I don’t care, Mage. This is my house. I want to know who she is, how she came to be here, and if she’s working for Danarius!” The words were uttered in a harsh, hateful tone. But one word, just one word, made my eyes open wide, disbelief probably making them bulge.

“Have you looked at her? Even if she were sent by your ex-master, she’s obviously in no position to attack anyone. Beyond that, does she even look remotely like she’s from here? Or the Imperium? Or better, bloody Thedas?”

“Blondie’s got a point, Elf. I’ve never seen clothing like that in my life, and considering how much contact I have with the Merchant’s Guild, I can guarantee I’d have seen that shit. The thing that keeps the strange coat-thing she’s wearing closed itself would set the textile industry on fire. Hell, I’m thinking about stealing the damn thing just to see if I can replicate it. I’d be the richest man in Thedas if I could.”

I could not, absolutely could not, wrap my brain around what, or rather who, I saw standing across the room from me. Anders, Fenris, Varric Tethras. Close to the boys, Isabela leaned casually against the mantle of the fireplace with Merrill sitting in a chair not far from the pirate queen. All that was missing was Aveline, Sebastian Vael, Bethany or Carver, and Hawke – his or herself- and the picture would be complete.

The entire cast of _Dragon Age 2_ , complete with appropriate voice-actor voices, clothing, and –thus far – in character interactions. This was not possible, hell it wasn’t even probable, and I squeezed my eyes shut and started chanting in my head _there’s no way this is real, there’s no way this is real_. Unless I’d been kidnapped by some really, super devoted, cosplaying maniacs. Which, Occam’s Razor and all, might actually have been the case, because crazy as the idea was, it made a hell of a lot more sense than me suddenly being transported to the fictional world of Thedas, more specifically Kirkwall in the Free Marches.

My heart beat erratically, my limbs quivered, as real terror coursed through my blood. Taking a slow breath, I shoved the fear away. I had no idea what had happened, but I did know being petrified was not going to help. I talked myself down from blind panic, concentrating first on my heart beat, then on controlling my muscles, so my brain could function logically. _As logical as possible, at least._

I mean, I wasn’t the Mary Sue or Marty Stu awesomesauce of Hawke and his/her companions, the fearless band of eight or so that they were. I didn’t regularly take on repeating waves of heavily armed and armored combatants as I blasted my way through Kirkwall and its adjacent territories. However, I wasn’t a coward. I didn’t back down from a fight if I found myself in one, which since the war began counted a significantly higher number than it had when I'd been writing computer code in a cubicle. _I don't honestly know if Kirkwall during Hawke's rise is actually any better than BFE America after the world fell._

It wasn't a good idea to think about where I should have been, when where I might have been was just as dangerous. I clamped down on thoughts of Earth and, figuring it was better to find out what the fuck was going on now, I gritted my teeth and pushed into a more upright position in the bed. I should assess the whack jobs I found myself in the company of before they decided to kill me and be done with it. Or rather, before Fenris decided to.

“It’s called a zipper, in case you’re just so dedicated to staying in-character that you expect me to supply the word for the thing that keeps my jacket closed. Could I get some water?” My throat hurt and my voice was terribly raspy and broken.

Still, I couldn’t stop myself from gaping as five bodies whirled, weapons whipped from backs and scabbards, staffs glowing with power. _Holy fuck, I think I'm in serious shit here._


	2. Chapter 2

No one moved, although by the glowing ball in Anders’ hand, I half expected to hear something about this being a sanctum of healing or some shit. Really, of the six of us, I can’t say for sure who was more surprised by it all: me or them. When I didn’t move, or say anything else for several moments, Merrill replaced her staff on her back and took the first hesitant steps my direction.

Which, truth be told, surprised me. Of all of them, I kind of thought it would be Fenris who’d storm over and shove his hand into my chest, demanding answers. But, hey, I may have played the game more than a dozen times, start to finish including all the DLC, but maybe there were still some things I could learn about these characters. Or rather, people, I guessed. Or whatever.

 _I have finally gone off the deep end._ Considering how fucked up my real life was, I didn't actually blame myself. When the 'apocalypse' came, it hadn't been with a bang. We still had power, though that was more because the small town I lived in had shuttered itself and built its own infrastructure. Hell, that's how I was still able to play my video games - which I did as often as possible if only to immerse myself in a world where I could do something to change the story - not much, admittedly, but more than I could in real life. The shuffle of bare feet pulled me from introspection and I watched Merrill approach.

She strode to the table opposite me, and I heard the sound of liquid falling into a container. I stared as she came toward me, absolutely stunned to see her face in the flesh, and not in computer generated pixels. Honestly, the game hadn’t done the sparkle of innocence in her lively green eyes justice. And though I could see her wariness plainly, her mouth was curved in a soft smile, her entire demeanor gentle, welcoming, and a little bit sad. 

She held the cup, made of wood, to me and I took it with a shaking hand. “Thanks, Merrill.”

She gasped softly and I immediately realized my mistake when Fenris made a growling sound and lunged for me. Anders and Varric both reached out to stop him, the mage’s arm a bar across his chest, the dwarf’s palm pressed to his abdomen. 

“Hold off, Broody. There could be a perfectly good reason the woman who fell through your roof a week ago knows Daisy’s name.”

Isabela tittered as she twirled one of her daggers. _Jarvia’s Shank._ That thing wasn’t exactly a dagger, more like a fucking massive chef’s knife, but I recognized it immediately. Seeing the blade had my mind spinning. I looked at Anders, recognized the staff at his back as _Freedom’s Promise_ and not _Freedom’s Call_ , the staff he was equipped with at the beginning of the game.

I brought the cup of water to my mouth with both hands as I looked over Hawke’s companions, trying to figure out just when, in Kirkwall, I was. Seeing DLC weapons wasn’t helping, though, since I could tell by the fact that everyone but Vael was in the room with me it must have been at least some time a few level-ups into Act 1.

Tipping my head back slightly, I raised the rough-hewn cup to my lips and drank down every drop. The water soothed my aching throat, and helped me to collect my thoughts. They were all staring, Fenris having relented and eased back, though not without hissing at Anders to keep his filthy mage hands to himself. For some reason, it made me feel a little less tense knowing that the animosity between the two was real, in the very surreal situation I was in.

“So.” I dropped my hands to my lap, cup gripped tightly in my fingers. “Well, this is totally fucking insane. And completely impossible, so there’s that.” I glanced up at Merrill, who remained close to the bed. “May I have some more? I’m unbelievably thirsty. Elfroot potions? I didn’t think regular healing potions dried you out so bad.”

Her delicate elven, _no, Piper, elvhen_ , hands took the cup from me, her bow mouth making a little ‘o’ as she nodded. “We had to give you several. And that was after Anders spent hours healing you.”

My gaze turned to the Warden. _He can call himself an ex-Warden all he likes, we both know there’s no escaping the Grey Wardens once you’re inducted into their ranks._ “How bad was I hurt?”

Merrill passed the cup back to me and I took it gratefully, watching as Anders stepped away from Varric and Fenris and strode toward me. _Holy shit, he is even hotter in a real-live body. Fuck, Christ, he’s like…_ I kyboshed those thoughts immediately because the last thing I needed in this already fucked up situation was to start panting like a bitch in heat.

_I’ll leave that to Bela._

I giggled, I couldn’t help it. The thought flashed into my head that fast, a stray snippet of party banter I’d always found terribly funny, especially considering the rarely-funny Fenris was the one who shot that arrow at the Rivaini pirate. I glanced at said brooding Tevinter, noting the distinct lack of red ribbon and family crest. _So could be Act 2, but no Hadriana yet._

I won’t even lie, the lack of Hawke’s favor at Fenris’ wrist elated me and sent a shiver washing over my skin. Not that the amazingly sexy elf would give me the time of day – I was in my early thirties and hardly a hottie. I was squishy, not morbidly so, but definitely squishy. As Anders drew to a stop in front of me, I glanced down at myself.

And let out a strangled scream. 

“Whatthefuckthisisn’tmybody!” I threw myself back on the bed, flipping ass over elbows off the other side, as I tried to tear away skin, hands, arms, flesh that was not the flesh I knew I’d had before I woke up in this dream, nightmare, psychotic break, whatever the hell was going on.

“Whoa, calm down! You’re mostly healed, but your body still needs time to recover.”

“Recover? Recover! What did you do to me, you crazy fuck? How’d you make me- what the hell am I? Get me a fucking mirror, right now!”

“There are no mirrors here, woman.” In another instance, the sound of Fenris’ voice would have made me all melty, but then, not so much.

“Fuck! Shit! _Venhedis!_ ” I hissed the Tevinter curse, and watched the lines on Fenris’ body flash. “You stay right where you are, you mage hating fuck. Keep your damn fancy fisting to yourself!” I crab walked backwards, away from all of them, until I managed to trap myself in a corner. _Smooth move, ex-lax._

Anders and Merrill looked at each other before the human spread his arms wide and moved around the bed, toward me. “Easy. Listen, no one is going to hurt you-“

“Yet.” Fenris spat the word and Anders head turned, shooting a scathing glare at the ex-slave.

“No one is going to hurt you.” He turned back to me, his expression kind, his actions non-threatening. “I’ll create a looking glass and you can see I’ve done nothing to you.”

I nodded, and unsteadily pushed my body up the wall. My legs were weak, knees shaking and thighs quivering. His hands came together, a ball of greyish light growing between them at first, but quickly expanding larger and larger, the middle solidifying, in a way, becoming more like the smooth, still surface of a lake and less like glass. 

I moved forward, only enough paces as necessary, and took a good, hard look at the body I inhabited. My mouth dropped open and my hands flew to my face. I was, or wasn’t, what I thought I would be. My feet moved closer to the mirror, the movements unbidden by logic but rather by curiosity.

My skin was fair, I supposed, though nowhere near as fair as I’d been before I ended up in Fenris’ mansion. There was a soft golden glow to it that had nothing to do with the roaring fire or the tapers lit in the room. My eyes were larger, the irises huge and the faintest, most striking shade of violet I’d ever seen. I didn’t remember this color being one in the palette when I’d made my twelve or more Hawke’s, and I would have remembered. My new eyes were ridiculously lovely, framed with long, thick black lashes, accentuated by soft, dark brows riding above them.

From my eyes, I moved lower. This face was gaunter than my original, no sign of extra padding evident, the jawline strong, nose slim but not too blade-like. I had high cheekbones and a very full, dark pink mouth. Swiping my tongue along the lower lip, I watched the moisture shine on the slightly pouty flesh. Fuck, I was totally fucking hot, if I said so myself. Taking in the whole of my face, I could see the resemblance to the face I’d been looking at for all my thirty-something years, but it was like it’d been made better, and a least a decade was gone from the flesh, the freshness of youth starkly evident on the bold features.

I lifted my hands to move the dark, nearly black, blood red hair that framed my face behind my ears, and gasped when I noticed both the pointed shape of them and the wicked looking talons on the ends of my fingers at the same time. Bringing my hands closer to my face, I stared at each finger, seeing each tapered digit, how they looked fairly human, if a bit over long, until I got to the ends.

Only one species in Thedas had hands with claws instead of nails: the Qunari, or in this case, Kossith – those who came before the Qun. Most of Thedas didn’t know anything about Qunari, though the Seeker in the game was right, the name was more a reflection of the people’s philosophy, or maybe religion, and not the actual creatures themselves. The ox-men, as the rest of the Dragon Age world were happy to name the grey, horned people who lived on Par Vollen, but had come to Thedas many centuries past and were there to stay.

I dropped my hands and stepped even closer to Anders’ magical looking glass. There was no sign of horns, for which I was glad, but my gaze finally wandered past my face, and I took in everything else that was different. I was taller, without question. Glancing at Anders, who I knew to be quite tall, I could see that he only surpassed me by a few inches, which meant I had to be 5’9” or 5’10”, at least. 

My shoulders had always been broad for a woman, my chest deep. I’d had a high waist that gently flared into my hips, before the curve tapered again after my ass. I was still broad, but my waist was longer, my curves still there, but harder, less cushion and more muscle. A lot more muscle, the body I looked at was powerful, not bulky, but the strength was evident. Still, if there’d ever been anything I’d liked about my body, at least the one I was used to, it was that even though I wasn’t what society considered perfection, neither had I looked like an oompa-loompa. I was soft, softer than was popular, but all my weight was evenly distributed. 

But as I pulled my jacket off and felt my jeans begin to slide down my legs, I almost passed out. I tugged the t-shirt I was wearing away from my body at the neck and peered down the front. Two tits, two very perky and slightly overly-large breasts, their dark coral tips poking up at me, had been hidden behind the fabric.

“Oh, my god.” I let go of the shirt, looking into the mirror again as I lifted the hem of my shirt, revealing a decidedly toned, hell ripped, eight pack of abdominals. I stepped out of my jeans and forgot there was anyone but me in the room. Turning slowly, I glanced over my shoulder to see my ass, firm and hard and covered by a tight pair of what most people in Thedas considered underwear, which was little more than two tiny triangles of cloth held together by thin strings. 

At least my panties were black. Turning back to face the mirror, I took in all of my new form. I was mouth-wateringly attractive, in a very dark, kind of scary way, apparently in better shape than I’d been in my life, and by the look of it, part Kossith and part human. I had to be at least part human, because my face wasn’t long enough to suggest elven, and the golden glow of my flesh was not a tone the Kossith were known to have, well, not the much more 'from the inside' hue of it at least. Un-fucking-real.

Looking at my hands again, I curled them into fists before remembering I wasn’t alone. I took a deep breath and nodded at Anders. The man made a simple gesture and as his magic disappeared, I felt a tug from deep in my core. _Oh shit, I hope that doesn’t mean what I think it does_.

“I’m part Kossith, aren’t I? I can’t be full-blooded, I’m not grey. Okay, I guess I’ve seen some that looked a little golden, but more metal-like, not this sort of honey tone I’ve got. Plus, I’m pretty sure I’m on the small side. Hmm, I didn’t know they could breed with humans.”

Fenris growled, low and deadly. Shit, yet again, my knowledge of Thedas spilled unchecked from my lips. As a player of the game, I had access to information that most of the in-game characters didn’t, which was apparent when one played. No one seemed to know that Qunari weren’t what the grey-skinned giants were, species wise at least. The only one in this party that might was…

“Let me go, Varric! I will have answers, _fasta vass_.”

A tingle started low in my belly, and it grew into a buzz that spread throughout my body. The fine hairs on my arms lifted and I knew what was going on. Gritting my teeth, I dug those fierce looking talons into the palms of my hands and breathed slowly, in through my nose and out my mouth. The last thing I wanted was to start doing magic, that would only turn the whole damn mess bad, epically bad, instantly.

I counted to fifty and felt the energy recede. Believing I could keep things together, I relaxed my hands, ignoring the fact that I could smell the tang of my own blood on the air, and lifted my chin, my gaze colliding with Fenris’. 

“Where’s your Hawke? I’d expect he, or she, would have been here by now.”

Isabela laughed again, but her gaze was cold. “He’s with his mother at the theatre. But don’t you worry, sweet thing, he’ll be here.”

“Then we’ll wait. None of you are going to believe me anyway, but I’m not telling this story more than once.” Remembering what had started this whole thing, I turned back to Anders. “I got distracted there, sorry. You never said how bad I was hurt.”

His warm amber eyes were wary, but he relaxed his stance and gave me a small smile. “Well, you did fall through that,” he lifted a finger and looked up, indicating the giant gaping hole in Fenris’ bedroom roof, “head first. So, all considering, you weren’t as injured as you could have been. Still, four broken ribs, a broken arm and collarbone, shattered knee cap, plus internal damage. If Hawke and I hadn’t been standing in the room when you crashed through the ceiling, I don’t think you’d have lasted long.”

I nodded at him. “Then thank you… I think.” He frowned, and I sighed. “I don’t think I’m thankful, I am. I’m just not sure whether I’ll still be thankful once I figure out what the hell I’m doing here.” _Or once I really believe I am here, because if I’m here, then I’m not on Earth, and that could mean a lot of things. Things I don’t want to think about right now._

We all heard the door downstairs open and immediately, the other five people seemed to release a collective breath. Not me, the air stalled in my chest. I counted each heavy footfall as I waited to see their Hawke. Still, I wasn’t prepared when he stepped into the room. The man wasn’t the default Hawke. He was one of mine.

I would have recognized that long, light-gold hair, bangs held back by in a braid, the light dusting of growth below his full lower lip and shading his chin, those deep, dark green eyes. One of my first incarnations as a male Hawke, he was hard to forget, as I’d played him a lot sarcastic and more than a little aggressive, dancing between the two personalities just to hear how he’d react in a given situation.

And his name was –“Nevarr.”


	3. Chapter 3

To say Hawke was shocked would have been an understatement. He stepped past Fenris, and I took a hard look at the greatsword on his back, searching my mind for its name, and praying it would tell me where I was in this world. Finally, I recognized it. _The Brothers’ End._ The sword was a reward for completing ‘Blackpowder Courtesy’, as I recalled. Considering Leandra still lived, but it seemed Fenris had not yet dealt with Hadriana, I wagered a guess that Nevarr had dealt with the Arishok’s request as quickly as possible after receiving his summons from the Viscount, but little else.

“I don’t believe we’ve met. In fact,” his gaze traveled down my body, probably trying to unsettle me as much as he was taking in the view, “I’m sure of it. You, I would not have forgotten.” He flashed a smile, all charm and white teeth and I couldn’t stop myself. I laughed.

“Rein it in, for fuck’s sake. You’ve seen me in much less. Anders here didn’t heal my wounds through my clothes.”

“My dear lady, why ever would you think I’d seen you unclothed?” Hawke tried for a serious face, but the glimmer of teasing shining in his green eyes gave him away.

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe because these aren’t my smalls?” I flashed the side of my hip before crossing my arms over my chest, which reminded me about of another important piece of clothing. “Besides, I’m guessing you boys couldn’t figure out how to get my tits back in my bra, which is why I’m not wearing it. Don’t worry, I’m not modest, though the fact that you three have seen all my wares does seem a bit unfair.”

Anders had the good grace to blush, and Varric hooted with laughter. Fenris didn’t blush, but he did turn his face to stare at the fire. Nevarr, however, just lifted a brow, a slow, sexy smile curling his full lips. “I was simply remembering.”

Direct, honest, Nevarr was exactly as I remembered playing him. “I don’t blame you. This body is fucking knock out. I mean, it’s not as divinely curved as dear Bela, but it’s nothing to be ashamed of, that’s for sure.” Despite my new body, despite the absolute insanity of finding myself standing half-dressed in front of a roomful of fictional characters, I felt a wave of relief wash through me. It seemed I was still me, the me I knew, inside, where it mattered.

“Isn’t she the sweetest!” Isabela laughed, her posture relaxing even more, the ice in her gaze melting some. I shot her a wink over Hawke’s shoulder.

Banter aside, I really needed to get to the point, so I cleared my throat and locked gazes with Hawke. “How about we bypass all the bullshit and cut to the chase. You want to know who I am and why I’m here. Fenris is practically foaming over there, sure I’m some sort of Imperial subject sent to take him back to Danarius. So let me address that first. No, I am not from Tevinter. In fact, I’m not from Thedas at all.”

“Par Vollen is part of Thedas, regardless of what your Qunari masters say.” Fenris angrily snapped at me and I tried not to grind my teeth in frustration.

“I’m not from Par Vollen either, Broody. I’m from a place called earth, a place where science rules and there is no magic, a place where things run on electricity that’s produced by burning coal or running water and not by spells. And you, all of you, are characters in a game, a story driven game, called Dragon Age. You aren’t real in my world, but I am, and I’ve played through your story so many times I know it like the back of my hand.”

None of them said a word. They didn’t even shift position. I looked at each face, waiting for someone to laugh, or growl, for someone to shout I was daft or something like that. But none of them replied at all. They just looked at me, waiting, but I had no idea what they wanted me to say. I decided maybe I hadn’t been clear enough with my explanation.

“You know, it’d be like if one of you suddenly woke up and found yourself in _Hard in Hightown_ , with Donnen Brenokovic staring down at you, in the flesh, real and alive. Kind of. See, in Dragon Age, I create the PC, the player character, and that character is my avatar in the story. He, or she, is me, for lack of a better way to explain it. I make his or her decisions; I control his or her fighting, whether s/he is a rogue, mage, or warrior. And in the game, I’m the Hawke.”

That, at least, got me a response, though not exactly what I’d expected. “What do you mean, you’re me?”

“What did I say? And it’s not that I am you, but rather you are me. You are the character I want to play when I start the game. Obviously, that’s likely not one hundred percent the case here, since you’re fucking real, maybe, but that’s the best way I can explain it. Thedas doesn’t have anything even remotely equivalent to the technology I’m talking about, let alone – wait, maybe you do. Do you have any games here, where someone like Varric tells a story, but you play a character inside it? The character isn’t actually you, but a construct you control?”

Hawke’s brow crinkled. “No.”

I felt my shoulders slump. “Figures.” I paused and looked at all of them and was dumbfounded by their lack of reaction. “Is it because of the magic?”

Nevarr cocked his head. “Is what because of magic?”

“The fact that none of you seem even remotely freaked the fuck out by what I’m saying? Or are you all just trying to decide how nuts I really am, and thus how dangerous?”

“If you mean crazy, then yeah, that’d be it.” Varric chimed in and I shifted my feet, turning my body so I could see him better.

“Thanks, Varric. At least you’re honest.”

He laughed at that. “When it suits.”

“Truer words were never spoken. Alright, ask me anything. Within reason.” I glanced at Isabela, “That doesn’t include the color of Fenris’ smalls. Ask me something you’re sure no one would know about you, something I couldn’t know through magical means.” 

I took a chance, doing this, because despite having played through both Hawke and The Warden’s story many, many times, it was possible the questions they might pose could be something the games didn’t cover. After all, if they were real, then all those years between acts in game two were years I didn’t know in detail. Still, I hoped I’d be able to give them answers… and keep my heart safely ensconced behind my sternum.

“Alright. Merrill, you go first.” Hawke motioned to the quiet woman.

“Well, I don’t know… What am I?”

Right then, I had an inkling why Merrill drove some of her companions nuts. “You’re going to have to be more specific, Merrill. You are one of the elvhen, Dalish, from a clan that once roamed Ferelden. You’re Keeper is Marethari and during the last blight, two of your clan found the damned _eluvian_ you have hidden away at your house in the alienage.” I paused. “Who is the Hero of Ferelden?” I looked at Hawke and the expression on his face suggested he wasn’t going to answer me. “Look, that story, it’s the game that comes before yours. I’ve played it too, more than this one. But there are six different origins. So, who is the Hero of Ferelden?”

“The Queen of Ferelden.”

I couldn’t help my grin. “Sweet! Lady Cousland. Okay,” I turned back to Merrill, “you lost Mahariel and Tamlen to the mirror. Marethari turned to Flemeth, Asha’Bellanar to your people, for aid in trying to cure the sickness in Tamlen, but it did no good and he died. However, in asking for help, the Keeper indebted herself to the Witch, and that’s why your clan are right now camped at the base of Sundermount. And they haven’t left yet, even though the debt to Flemeth has been paid, thanks to Hawke here showing up with Flemeth's necklace. Marethari says they haven't moved on because they have no halla.”

I didn’t dare say more. I wasn’t exactly sure that I should. This place was a living, breathing world, or appeared to be, and I just didn’t know how much I should divulge. In the life I knew, I was a huge geek, constantly seeking more knowledge, more information, especially if it involved science of the cool kind, like quantum physics and mechanics, technology, artificial intelligence, things like that. Not that all that information did me much good the last couple of years, still...I wasn’t sure if I believed I could cause some sort of temporal rift, some kind of fucked up butterfly effect that might break this strange domain I was in now, but I didn’t exactly want to tempt fate right then.

Plus, if this was some kind of crazed, fevered hallucination or dream, if I was physically still on earth, dying from the sickness that had already stolen a child from me, well, I didn’t want my last moments to devolve into a psychedelic trip from hell.

Merrill swallowed hard but nodded. She glanced at Hawke, who scowled slightly, which was telling. 

“I see she’s hadn’t told you about the mirror, Nevarr. Sorry about that. Surprise? I’ll assume you believe me.”

“You could have divined that through magical means.” Damn Fenris.

“Fine,” I pointed a finger at Anders. “You’re an ex-Warden, except we both know there’s really no such thing. Your name isn’t really Anders, it’s a nickname you picked up in the Circle because you’re from the Anderfels and your name was too hard to pronounce. You’ve escaped at least seven times, you were recruited through conscription by the Hero of Ferelden in Amaranthine. One of the people in your Joining, a lovely woman with a great rack, if I recall Oghren’s comments rightly, named Mhairi did not live. Should I continue?”

“Uh, no, no. I think that should pretty much satisfy anyone.” The mage was shocked, he’d gone a bit more pale, but he didn’t look like he was going to attack me.

“Alright, well, I’m not sure how you know what you know, but in an effort to keep you from spilling my history as well, I’ll accede you aren’t crazy.”

Varric chuckled derisively and I almost huffed a relieved sigh. I didn't know much about the dwarf's past, at least not in detail.

“Great, fantastic. Now what.”

“You won’t convince me that easily.” Fenris barked at me. That was the only way to describe his tone.

“In the Maker’s name, Fenris, there is no feasible way she could know any of that unless at least some of what she says is true. There’s not enough blood or lyrium in Thedas for her to have conjured the information with magic.”

I waved off Anders’ rant and took a moment to rub my fingers over my eyes. I was too fucking tired and sore to properly deal with Fenris. “Alright, Broody, ask me something. I swear, you bitch like an old woman.”

Pine-toned eyes narrowed, full pink lips curling with disdain. “What is my name?”

 _Well, shit. Now, how the hell am I supposed to answer that?_ “You’re a real asshole, you know that? I can’t tell you what your name is. If I do, you’ll say it’s proof I work for Danarius, and if I don’t, you can use that to ‘prove’ I’m lying.”

“Then you don’t know my name.”

“ _You_ don’t know your name, Fenris. It’s a bit bullshit, don’t you think, to be asking me what it is? You’ve no way to confirm my answer or dispute it.” _Not yet at least._

Hawke gave the elf a strange look, as if he didn’t know Fenris had no memories from before the lyrium brands. “Ask something else, Fenris, if you must. Though I am satisfied she isn’t insane. Whether she’s lying, about where she’s from and how she’s knows what she does, I don’t know, but she doesn’t seem dangerous. It would be so much easier, though, if she were.”

The Tevinter grumbled, but acquiesced. “Fine. How did I escape Danarius?” 

My eyes widened at that and I looked around the room. “Are you sure you want me to answer that, Fenris? You’ve never told anyone. Or have you, yet?”

“No one.” Well, that explained why Nevarr had given him such an odd glance. They hadn’t had that conversation yet. While I mused about that tidbit, Fenris went on, “And since I know you weren’t there when it happened, I know you couldn’t know unless what you say is true and we are all characters in a... a game.”

“You sure you want me to do this in front of them? Perhaps just Hawke, since I know you’d get around to telling him eventually.”

Something passed over his features, then his jaw tightened. “Quit stalling and answer my question.”

Oh, that pissed me off. “Fine. The first time or the second, you bastard?” I actually saw the shock ripple through his fine, fine body. Those beautiful, haunted green eyes widened a bit and his jaw relaxed, not quite gaping, but definitely unclenched. “By your lack of response, I’ll take it just knowing it happened more than once is enough. Even if the first time was more chance and less active escaping.”

“Enough.” His words came on a harsh whisper. “I’m satisfied.”

“Good. I didn’t relish the thought of you jamming your hand in my chest when I revealed your secrets.” I looked around the room, into each face, and noticed a bit of fear in all of them, now. Sadness rolled through me, but I didn’t let it show. If I was going to be in Kirkwall for any length of time, like beyond the evening, the last thing I wanted was to have Hawke and Co. as enemies. The fucking city was a madhouse, but Nevarr and his group were the baddest mofos in town.

“Listen, I know this is a lot for you guys to handle. But imagine what it’s like for me, huh? Until I woke up here, you all existed in my imagination or in a game. To suddenly be thrust into the real Thedas, the bustling, breathing Kirkwall, to know that the life I had before is probably gone, or I’m dying, or dead, or hallucinating – Look, I’m just as fucking confused and wigged out as you all are.”

And that’s when it hit me we were missing someone from the active party. “Where’s Aveline?”

Hawke’s gaze snapped to mine. “I told her I’d drag you to the keep if I thought you were a danger.”

“And Bethany? Oh, god, please tell me Bethany isn’t in the Circle?”

Again, Hawke’s face registered surprise. “My sister is with the Grey-“

“Oh, thank fucking god!” The wave of relief that rushed through me made my knees weak. “I mean, I know what happened in the Deep Roads wasn’t easy on you, but Jesus Christ, I am so glad she’s not in the circle.”

“Another mage sympathizer, just what we need.” Fenris cursed at me, his tone foul and dark. 

But of course, Anders was thrilled. “Exactly, no mage should suffer the ‘kindness’ of the Templars.” His amber eyes warmed to me and I didn’t know whether to hug him or choke him. _Not helping, Anders._

I looked back at Fenris. “I’m more of an Isabela on this one, Fenris. Everyone should be free, period. It’s not about who’s dangerous and all about having choices made for you or taken from you. And if you took three seconds to shove back all that vile hate you have for the magisters, you’d realize it’s not magic that’s the problem but the system in place which condemns all mages before they’ve ever done anything to deserve it, you’d agree.” 

“Damn, she’s scary good at that. I think we should keep her, just to find out what she knows.” Isabela’s voice was throaty and warm and I couldn’t help but grin. Leave it to Bela to let a girl know she wanted to use her.

_“Fasta vass.”_

My grin fell with Fenris’ curse. “Yeah, yeah, fuck you too.” I growled back at him, my eyes narrowed. But too soon, the anger drained away. Now wasn’t the time.

There was a tense silence for several long moments before Hawke cleared his throat. “You don’t seem to be a danger, yet, weak as you still are, and I don’t believe you’re crazy. But what to do with you?”

I took a few shaky steps to the bed and sat down with a sigh. “I don’t know, Hawke. I’m a bit conspicuous, even though I doubt anyone in Kirkwall would recognize me as a Kossith half-breed. My clothes alone would be enough to get me noticed. And I understand if none of you wanted to have anything to do with me. I can’t imagine what I’d feel if I were in your shoes, staring at a being that probably shouldn’t even exist in your world, and one who also seems to have an awful lot of knowledge, which could be dangerous. No, strike that, if someone else knew all the things I did, it would be dangerous.”

I looked up into his face, searched his eyes, and knew what he was going to say before he said it. Like I’d told him, he was me, or at least an aspect of me at one time. Damn, he was so handsome, I had to actually stop from ogling while I waited for him to speak.

“You’re coming home with me. I’ll tell mother I found you in Lowtown, being attacked, and that you’re a refuge. That way I can-“

“Keep an eye on me, yes, but also try to help me figure out how I got here and maybe find a way to get me home.”

He smiled. “Exactly.”

I couldn’t help but grin back. “I know you too well.”

His eyes darkened and his gaze shifted to the expanse of leg I had on display. “Or maybe not well enough.”

That pulled a loud, hearty chuckle from my chest. “Oh, you are absolutely shameless.”

“So I’ve been told.” With a wink, he motioned for Anders to collect my things.

The mage handed me the jacket and jeans, which I slipped into quickly. Looking down, I realized I had no shoes. “Uh, anyone got some shoes I can wear? I’m not exactly keen on stone bruising from walking to your estate, Nevarr.”

“She can stay here, for the night.” Fenris’ voice was soft, though he may as well have shouted for all the dropped jaws and wide eyes he received for his statement.

Even I was surprised.

“I can carry her, it isn’t far.” Anders piped up and I wasn’t surprised by his comment.

“No. She stays. In the morning, one or another of us can get her some appropriate clothing and then she can be off to your home.” The elf looked at Hawke as he spoke, but I couldn’t clearly see his face. 

Hawke pondered for a moment before nodding in agreement. “Fine.” To me he said, “stay here tonight, try to get some rest. And do behave, the last thing this place needs is another corpse.”

I crossed my arms over my chest and glared, but in the end tossed my hands up in defeat. “Whatever. I’ll stay.”

“Alright then. Come on, everyone, it is late. I promise, I’ll bring her to the Hanged Man tomorrow and you can all continue to rake her over the coals then.”

With gentle, but firm, movements, Nevarr ushered out the rest of the group. Merrill paused a moment before leaving to hand me a refilled glass of water and two vials. “I want you to take one more tonight before you go to sleep and another in the morning when you awake.”

I wrinkled my nose. “Okay. Goodnight, Merrill, and thank you for being, well, you.”

She gave me a bright smile, but it faded quickly. “Oh, dear, we never even asked your name. You know all of ours.”

I uncorked the elfroot potion and realized she was right. “Piper, though my closest friends and family call me Pip.”

“Alright then. Goodnight, Piper.”

I heard Anders talking to Hawke in hushed tones as he escorted the man out, but apparently Hawke wasn’t going to change his mind. When I heard the front door close, I really wished the mage had swayed the man. Because staring across the room at Fenris, I couldn’t help but be worried as to whether I’d still be in Thedas in the morning, and if I wasn’t, I didn’t think it would be because I was suddenly back on earth.


	4. Chapter 4

After about five minutes, I couldn’t stand the quiet... or the tension.

“Do you want your bed back, Fenris?”

The elf had taken the chair before the fireplace, his sword settled against the side of it, at hand but not in hand. He shifted in the chair, turning the whole of his body toward me, one gauntleted hand curled beneath his chin.

“Answer my question now, woman.”

Well, that explained his uncharacteristic charitableness. I sighed. “Only if you give me your word you won’t attack me. I don’t exactly know what this body is built for, so I don’t know how I’d react to defend myself. I don’t think Hawke would be pleased if either of us were no longer among the breathing come morning.”

Asking for his word was a risk, since I knew sometimes Fenris couldn’t keep it. I could only hope what I told him wasn’t something that would override his sense of honor.

He dipped his head. “I give you my word.”

 _Here’s hoping._ “The first time you found yourself free of Danarius was after a Qunari attack while you and he were on Seheron. You managed to get him to a ship, but there wasn’t room for him to take his ‘little wolf’. As it was, after he left, you barely managed to get out of the city.”

His body was rigid in the chair, hands gripping the fabric on the arms so tightly I could tell the tips of his gauntlets had rent the covering. I swallowed hard, my heart beating fast, and waited for some sign I should either stop or go on.

“Continue.” His voice was so low, like gravel, and whether the elf intended it or no, my body heated at the sound. _Keep it together, girl, coming on to him now would not be a good idea._

I snorted at my conscience. Coming on to Fenris at any time could be harmful to one’s health, but seriously, even I thought it a bit slutty to try to jump in the sack with a fictional character mere hours after meeting him. Even if he’d already seen me naked.

“The rebels, the Fog Warriors that live in the island’s jungles, found you and nursed you back to health. And you stayed with them for a time, they welcomed you, accepted you. You watched them, interacted with them, saw that slavery didn’t have to be your life as they fought for their freedom. But then Danarius came.”

His body leaned forward, and I thought for a moment he was going to run at me, attack me to stop the words from spilling out of my mouth. But he didn’t shift further, though his eyes burned into my flesh like a brand. I drank the last of my water, needing it so I could keep talking.

“He bade you to kill them. And you did. You felt it was inevitable, that what you’d had with the Fog Warriors was a fantasy and reality had finally reasserted itself. But once it was done, once you’d brought death to the entire camp, when you looked down at the blood covering your flesh, at what you had wrought, you ran. In that moment, you ran from the monster you were. Later, though, you began to run from Danarius. And you’ve continued to do so for three years now.”

A log broke in the fireplace, but neither of us reacted. My gaze was locked with his and I struggled to keep the emotions tumbling around inside me off my face and out of my eyes. Every time I played the game, this particular story was one of the few that really moved me. It was so fucking tragic, and I hated that Fenris had suffered so much, that he’d been so unable to break the bonds of slavery he’d killed men, women, and children because Danarius demanded it.

But I was even more mournful of the guilt the elf wielded against himself. What he’d done was wrong, but he had no memory of his life before, no understanding of how to be anything other than a slave, and it had taken that horrific tragedy to give him the impetus to begin to break free.

“I do not understand how you can know these things, but I believe you. If you had the power to gain this knowledge with magic, you would not have been so careless as to fall into my home. So, I must accept that you aren’t from here at all.”

“Fenris, I really wish you hadn’t asked me that question. It… it’s a difficult tale to tell. And listen, in my world yes, you’re a character. But this isn’t my world, it’s yours. The only person pulling your strings here is yourself.”

He snarled something beneath his breath and I sighed. I knew he didn’t believe that, not really. He was thinking of Danarius, more than some outside being shaping the world like I did in the game (as best I could, at any rate). But I knew that I hadn’t somehow been ‘Tron-ned’ into the game. This place felt solid, it was tangible, and it existed just as earth did. Or it felt that way. When I woke up in the morning, no one was going to believe this crazy dream or trip or whatever it was.

If I woke up.

I eased back against the headboard and pulled the sheets to my waist, watching the fire and trying to relax. There were so many things I wanted to do, so many things I wanted to see, it was like I was suddenly connected to a live wire, by body itching and twitching to go out, investigate Kirkwall, finally figure out when in the timeline I’d landed, see all the faces of the people I’d come to care about over the course of multiple playthroughs. 

I stifled a giggle as I thought about meeting Aveline. I’d always liked the woman, wondered what it would be like to have a friend like her in real life. And Sandal, I wanted the chance to meet the dwarven boy that was so much more than he seemed. I shifted on the bed, anxious energy making me unsettled. 

“Do you know my name?”

His voice, so soft, the question almost muffled, startled me. I felt a little bit of my heart just drift away, to be forever locked in the soul of the ex-slave. Really, like two hours in this fantasy land and already I’m losing my shit. _Losing hearts, ha, not likely. You don’t do love, remember, so the only way that’s happening is if Broody rips yours out._

I tried my best to ignore my inner self. Bringing my palms to my face, I rubbed my eyes in weariness. So many thoughts crowded my brain, so many things whirled around I was near to dizzy by the time I pulled my face from my hands.

I was kind of messed up, psychologically, in the ‘real’ world. The theme of emotional distance was something that came up over and over in my life. With flesh and blood people, I didn’t connect. A really bad childhood and a deep mistrust of ‘love’, well, what the hell could anyone expect? I didn’t, however, have that problem with fictional constructs. I’d never been in love, ever, in the real world, but I’d fallen in love with a least a couple of fictional characters. 

After all, the human brain didn’t differentiate between fact and fiction when it creates memories, nor when it feels emotions. It’s one of the reasons why people cry during a movie or show or while reading a book. We become emotionally invested because in our minds, or at least part of our mind, the things we are reading or watching are real while we’re engaged with them.

I was already a little in love with Fenris. Okay, maybe a lot. But I was also a bit in love with Anders – despite his crazy- and Varric. And Hawke, which I know, brings up all kinds of questions about narcissism, but what the fuck, I made him into a man I would fall for, so of course, I did. But on earth, they were nothing but fodder for my fantasies, occasional dream lovers as it were. They didn’t take over my thoughts, I didn’t ignore reality to spend time thinking up fanciful scenes of daily life with my boys. I wasn't 'in love' with them, more like I had crushes on their fictional selves.

Still, I was in an emotionally distressing place, when I woke up to find my ‘boys’ were alive, breathing, and even more potent in 3-D than they’d ever been in two dimensions. I looked back at Fenris, felt a jumble of things I didn’t want to feel, and swallowed hard. Fuck.

“Yes. I also know quite a bit about your life before the brands. But I don’t think it’s a good idea to tell you those things, Fenris.” _Even though a part of me really, really wants to._ But even not wanting to tell him more, I realized there was a question he could answer for me. “Are you interested in any one, Fenris?”

His gaze jerked to mine, something flashing in those emerald green depths I couldn’t read across the distance. “What do you mean?”

“Have you taken up any flirtations?” I was trying to be delicate, but fuck, this was awkward.

“What? No! Why would you-“

“Don’t get your panties in a twist, Elf. I know you haven’t been with anyone, not that you remember at least. I just thought it would be good for you to have someone, when you find some of the answers you seek. That’s all, I wasn’t hitting on you.” Okay, I kind of was, but not blatantly. Besides, if he wasn't interested in anyone, that could mean Hawke hadn't earned enough of his trust yet. Or Isabela hadn't managed to seduce him yet.

“Hitting on me?”

“Yeah, making a pass at you? Inviting you to my bed? Whatever the hell you people call it.” I shifted uncomfortably under his gaze, my own eyes moving over anything but him. Jesus, I was anything but a prude, but I felt the beginnings of a blush staining my neck.

He smirked. _He fucking smirked._ Fenris did not smile, he did not smirk, at anyone, except Hawke and even then, the way his lips were curled now, that was a smirk only a romanced Hawke saw.

“I… have never allowed anyone too close. When my markings were created, the pain was extraordinary. And the memory lingers.” He stopped there, leaned back in the chair, but his eyes, oh his eyes, they almost glowed with intensity.

He didn’t need to keep going. I knew what he might say next by rote. When he didn’t continue though, I had a feeling it was because he wasn’t ready to address what he might have been thinking with a woman he’d barely met. Not that it mattered, I was hot and shivery and utterly aroused anyway. 

“I’ve stayed nowhere for long. Who would I trust? I didn’t think I needed anyone, or wanted anyone.” He paused again, and I supplied the words he said in the game, just to feel the potency of them in person. 

_Until you._ Oh, man, yeah, my body clenched and I felt my nipples tighten. If he had wanted to, right then, I would have gladly spread my legs and let him do whatever he desired.

“But Kirkwall is different. There are people here I trust, people I call friends. Perhaps, someday, I’ll find someone.” His gaze finally shifted, though not far from my face. 

I knew he could see the faint outline of my nipples, and had to curl my hands into fists to stop myself from trying to cover them like some untried virgin. For a guy who said he had no memory of romance, intimacy, or relationships, he was very good at saying the most erotic things without using words. I cleared my throat, hoping to engage his interest elsewhere.

Taking a steadying breath, I made a decision. I wasn’t sure what the ripple effect would be, but if giving him his name meant he might not tear out someone’s heart, figuratively, when he finally gave himself, then part of me felt like that was a good thing. “Then I hope you will find someone… Leto.”

It was like he grabbed a live wire. His entire body clenched, his markings flaring to life. He was out of the chair and in front of me before I could blink. With instincts I didn’t know I possessed, I grabbed both of his gauntleted wrists tight in my hands, holding him away from my body.

“Oh no, Broody, you are not going to ghost your fist into my chest cavity!” I yelled the words at him, even as his power and momentum propelled me hard into the head board. He was pressed against me, his smaller stature and lither figure meaning little. 

Fenris was unbelievably strong, and he fought to wrest his body from my control, but I held on for dear life, literally, as he surged against me, throwing our bodies to the side, until he lay prone on top of me. I realized then how tough my new body was, as I pushed his arms close to his chest, pressing them against the black of the chest armor, holding his upper body off of mine. My muscles worked hard, but I could have held him there for as long as it took, something my old body couldn’t have accomplished for more than a few minutes.

“Tell me what you know, woman!”

“No, I’ve obviously told you more than I should. Take what I’ve given you and be satisfied!” Jesus, I’d been conscious a few hours and I was starting to talk with the same rhythm of the rest of them. “Now back off, damn it! And turn off the glow, for fuck’s sake.” Much better.

His breath was ragged and he growled low, pushing his face close to mine. “I will make you tell me.”

His breath fanned over my cheeks and I don’t know why I did what I did. Okay, that’s not completely true, I had an inkling, which boiled down to if this whole thing was a dream or hallucination, if this was the closest I’d ever get to a ‘real’ Fenris, I wanted a taste of him. Something to remember when I was back in the shitty conclave, spending my days teaching kids to read, write, and do math, waiting for the other shoe to drop when the next roving band of survivors tried to take what my small community had built.

So I did it. I didn’t think about consequences, I just went with my gut.

“I doubt it.” Lifting my head, I darted my tongue out and swiped it over his lips. 

He went rigid and jerked away from me so fast I almost didn’t let go of his wrists in time to free both of us. As he stumbled from the bed, his brands went dark, and I fell back, letting the adrenaline roll over me as I struggled to bring my own breathing under control. I was vulnerable, laying on my back, staring up at the Kirkwall sky through Fenris’ unconventional sky light. I lurched upright, and retook my position at the head of the bed, smoothing the blankets as I settled before turning to look at the elf.

His eyes spoke of wariness, his body tense, but he made no move to invade my personal space again. Slowly, he moved back to the chair, walking backward. When the seat bumped the back of his legs, he dropped onto it, his gaze never leaving me.

Sighing softly, I closed my eyes just to gain some respite from his intensity. “I’ve given you your true name. Leto. My intention was to help, not to cause you any more pain. I’m sorry if I failed in that.” Without opening my eyes, I slid down the bed, turning on my side so I faced him even if I wouldn’t look at him. “I’m going to bed now, Fenris. Please don’t kill me in my sleep. I’d much rather die fighting.”


	5. Chapter 5

“Piper, Piper, it’s time to wake up.”

I shifted under the blankets. I didn’t want to wake up. I was so tired. But a small hand shook my shoulder and with a grumpy sigh, I opened my eyes. 

And found Merrill leaning over me.

“Aah!” I rocketed off the bed. Oh, no, no, no. It wasn’t a dream, or a hallucination, or whatever. The previous night came back in a rush, and I stumbled into the nearest wall. Fuck me.

“I’m sorry, lethallin; I didn’t mean to startle you.” Her voice held genuine concern and I slowly turned toward her. She was just so damned sweet, blood mage or not, I couldn’t let her think she’d done me harm.

“It’s alright, Merrill. I just… I hoped maybe when I woke up all of this would have been a very strange, very vivid, dream.”

She gave me a soft smile. “I understand. Would you like some food? Hawke brought a basket.”

“Actually, um, is there a bathroom or bathing room. I really need to pee.”

A faint blush stained her cheeks, but she chuckled. “I’m not certain. I’ll ask Fenris.”

I nodded as she left the room and flexed my pelvic floor muscles to stop from wetting my pants. She returned quickly, thank god.

“I’ll show you the way.”

I walked carefully, pausing to grab the bottle of elfroot potion from the stand next to the bed. I’d been through this mansion fully once, but I’d never seen a bathroom then. In fact, the only home I’d seen a bathroom in was Merrill’s, but I assumed there had to be something, a chamber pot, whatever, somewhere. I won’t lie, it grossed me out, the idea that Thedas lacked indoor plumbing, but I tried not to think about it.

We didn’t travel far, just down the stairs actually. She paused in front of a door I knew I’d never seen in the game. “Fenris says Danarius had the bathing chamber magicked to draw hot water. Hawke says most of the nobility in Kirkwall have the same thing. Oh, and there’s a deep well with a seat above it that empties into the sewers.”

“I’ll need a towel to dry off with. Did someone bring me clothes?”

She nodded. “Hawke brought you some things from the chest at the estate and weapons too. I’ll bring the clothes for you.”

Uncorking the potion bottle, I emptied its contents and shook off the horrible flavor. “God, that tastes like shit.” I handed her the bottle and opened the door. “I’ll be out shortly.”

The bathroom actually looked like a normal one, well if one overlooked the stone and wood toilet, as it were, and the massive marble tub. Okay, so it wasn’t my bathroom at home, there was no shower, but I didn’t really care. I emptied my bladder with great relief before stepping to the tub. Above the faucet there were two runes embedded in the wall. One was a rune of flame, the other of frost.

Fairly self-explanatory, I thought. I pressed the rune of flame and sure enough, water poured from the tap, the heat of it immediate. I guess there were luxuries magic and technology could both create. Instant hot water was something a lot of people had on earth, though not everyone. I pressed the rune of frost and the water stopped a moment before beginning again. So I couldn’t draw a warm bath directly, I’d have to go hot then cold and repeat until I had it just right.

My thoughts brought to mind another tale from earth and in that moment I was actually glad I’d ended up in Thedas and not say Hansel and Gretel’s forest or facing down three pissed off bears because I was asleep in their thrashed house. I stripped my clothes off, turned the ‘hot’ water on again, and stepped into the tub. The water was very hot, and I suppressed a yelp before I turned the ‘cold’ back on.

It took a few minutes, but when I finally had the temperature right, I stopped the water and got in, sighing as I slid beneath the surface. I wanted to stay in there for hours, just relaxing away all the tension, but I knew that wasn’t going to happen. So I looked around for soap and began to bathe.

I had just finished rinsing my hair, having left that for last, when I heard knuckles against wood.

“Yes?” I pushed my hair back from my face, smoothing my hands over the length and squeezing out what water I could.

“Pipe – Piper? I’d like to look at your injuries. Make sure everything is healing as it should.” Anders' voice came through the wood and I bit back a groan. I didn’t know if being naked with Anders while I was conscious was a good idea, but I also didn’t know if refusing him was a good idea either. In the game, I gave someone an injury kit and bam, they were all better. 

In a real Thedas, folks might have to go to a healer to follow up after a complicated injury. Since this was an area of the world I wasn’t a hundred percent certain about, I decided to err on the side of caution.

“Come in.” 

The door opened and he stepped inside, his back turned away from me as he shut the door. He spun to face me, then spun back around just as fast. “Maker, you’re naked!”

I stood, water sluicing over my skin, and laughed. “No shit, Sherlock. I was taking a bath. Besides, what does it matter, you’ve seen me naked already.”

“Yes, but you were hurt and unconscious. It’s not the same.”

I rolled my eyes. “Fine, but really Anders, considering your rather colorful past, I can’t imagine you’ll be overwhelmed by my nudity. Turn around and make your assessment so I can get dressed and find some food. I’m starving.”

His spine straightened, as if I’d insulted him and I choked back a sigh of irritation. But he did as I asked, facing me once more, though I couldn’t help but smile as he struggled to keep his gaze on my face. The clothes in his arms were thrust at me, and I took them gratefully, my smile growing when I recognized the outfit. The _Arms of the River Dane_ was probably my favorite rogue armor in the game, DLC or not. It just looked kick ass. I glanced at the gloves and boots, recognizing them as the _Queen’s Guard_ and the _River Trudgers_ respectively.

I set the clothes on the table that held a towel, swapping the items, and beginning to dry the moisture from my skin. I kept my movement quick and efficient, ignoring Anders as I bent over to wrap my hair, turban-style, atop my head. Then I spread my arms and motioned for him to get a move on.

But he was staring, his mouth slightly open, the black pupils of his eyes having expanded until only a faint ring of golden-brown limned them. I twisted my lips into a frown and ignored the surge of feminine pride surging through my blood. Fuck, maybe I really wasn’t myself. I’d been blatantly sexual with two men in probably less than twelve hours. I had no idea what had gotten into me.

“Anders, Anders! Snap to, man. I want to eat!”

“You’re beautiful. Utterly, maddeningly, gorgeous.”

It was my turn to look agape at the mage. Clearing my throat, I dropped my hands to my sides, before folding my arms over my stomach. “Uh, thanks. But could you pretend for a second I’m not and get on with it. It’s getting a bit cold, here.”

He blinked and a flush crept up his neck, washing over his cheeks in a lovely shade of pink. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-“

“Look, Anders, it’s, it’s fine. I’m flattered you think I’m attractive.” Fucking surreal, the whole damn thing, that’s what I thought. Then again, it’d been awhile for Anders, and men tended to go for the gold, as it were, whenever opportunity struck, apparently regardless of the world, dimension, whatever they lived in.

He ducked his head, but I saw the grin on his lips. “I’ll need to use magic. It won’t hurt, I’m just sending out healing energy to make sure you’re fit.”

“Okay.” He stepped closer to me, blue light – not Justice-blue – shining from his palms. He held his hands above my flesh and started at my head, working his way downward. I closed my eyes when his magic settled over me, danced through me, the sensation delightfully pleasant and soothing. Soon though, I felt that tickle, the tingle deep inside, wriggling around, wanting to reach out to Anders power.

I tried to keep it bottled up, but the magic was stronger than my will, and both of us gasped when our energy met and tangled. Suddenly what had been pleasant and soothing was hot and dangerous, sexually stimulating and quickly escalating beyond even that. The sensations scared me, and I opened my eyes and physically stepped away from him.

“What in, you’re a ma-“

I jumped at him, slamming my palm over his mouth, crushing the words behind his teeth and my skin. “Don’t say it, Anders. Do not say that out loud. Fuck, score one for secrets that aren’t in the codex. You can’t tell anyone, do you understand? I will fuck you up if you do.”

His eyes widened, but he nodded against my skin. And the feel of his lips on my palm shot straight to my core, bypassing logical function altogether. 

“Great. Um, right, so…” 

When I’d thrown myself at him, he’d been unbalanced, and his hands tightened on my waist right as I realized I was naked, plastered to the mage, his body strong and hard against mine. I didn’t think it was a good idea to stay that way, so I released him and hopped, actually hopped the two steps, to my clothes, yanking on the butter soft leather pants and foregoing smalls. 

Trying to ignore the new tension in the room, I rifled through the pile, looking for something to support my breasts, finally finding an odd looking, sort of semi-corset thing. I thrust my arms through it, and pulled it down to my chest, but I couldn’t figure out how to tighten the damn thing. 

With a growl, I looked over my shoulder at Anders. “Give a girl a hand here? This isn’t what I’m used to. I thought the women here either wore a full on corset or bound their tits with tape of some kind.”

He stepped to me and the feel of his fingers coasting over the flesh of my back made me bite back a moan of pleasure. Thankfully, he didn’t take it any further, but I still gasped as the first tug of his fingers tightened the fabric around me.

“Most women do, but Isabela got a look at your smalls and she thought something like this might be more to your comfort.”

I snorted. “Sure. Comfort. Because being laced into this thing is the epitome of comfort. Hey, not too tight. I want to breathe. Wait a minute.” 

His movement stilled and I bent at the waist, hurriedly shaking the girls into a more comfortable position and doing it as quickly as I could, considering the position it put me in.

I heard Anders groan, all sex and sin and desire. I jerked upright, muscles taut. “Okay, finish up.”

He did, but I felt the trembling in his fingers, then the loss of heat as he stepped away. God, I was going to be a mess if I kept getting myself into one-on-one situations with the male cast of the game. Aveline thought Isabela was a whore? Shit, the guard-captain had no idea the things I wanted to do to Fenris, Hawke, Anders and maybe even Varric. After all, I’d spent several years with the Thedosians, had plenty of fantasies. Being here in person just seemed to be bringing all those old imaginings to the forefront. Yeah, that was it.

I pulled on the coat, glad the fastenings there I could figure out on my own. Turning round, I leaned against the table to pull on the boots, then slid my hands into the gloves. Tearing the towel from my hair, I did my best to dry the thick mass, before standing up and tossing the sheet onto the table once more.

“I wish I had a comb.”

“May I?” Anders voice was low, desire plain in his tone and on his face. I wasn’t sure what he was asking, but really, I don’t think I cared much.

“Sure.”

Back into my personal space he came, his hands lifted to my head. I felt warmth, the shiver of magic, but kept mine shoved deep down as his fingers speared through the strands, fingers massaging my scalp as he touched every inch of my skull. I couldn’t stop myself, I leaned into him, a small moan escaping my lips. It felt so good.

“There. Dry, untangled, and combed.” His lips were against mine, every word a whisper of a caress. 

I blinked my eyes open, and looked up at him. This man had suffered as much, or nearly so, as Fenris. In trying to do what he thought was right, he’d also bound a Fade spirit inside himself and that choice was going to cause a lot of people a lot of pain. Or it might, if I did nothing. But looking into those lovely eyes, I felt something click inside me. If this was as real as I was beginning to think it was, then I had knowledge no one in Kirkwall had. I could use my unique insight to change things and I knew one of the things I was going to change was the man in front of me. I would separate Justice from Anders. 

Not that I was going to try, but I was going to actually do it. I wasn’t sure how, exactly, but I did know I’d spent hours in my old life reading through all the codex entries, all the official Dragon Age lore, even the books and comics. I knew this world, its past and its present, and somehow I also knew I was going to shape its future.

I would take the story into the AU, no doubt, but I had real power. And I’d use it to ‘fix’ the things I thought had been wrong in the game and make Kirkwall, and Thedas, better before I left, one way or another.

“Thanks, Anders.” My voice was husky as I pulled away from him.

“Anytime, Piper.” Oh, his voice was almost as good as Fenris’, sending frissons of awareness skating over my skin and down my spine.

We had to leave the bathroom before I did something ill-conceived. Not that fucking Anders was a bad idea, but it wasn’t the best idea right now. With a smile, I strode past him and opened the door, stepping out into the great room. Merrill sat on the bottom step, and she jumped up as I came toward her, a warm smile brightening the soft sadness in her eyes.

“I’m so glad everything fit. Hawke wasn’t sure it would.”

“Me too. This is probably my favorite armor set. So, where is everyone? Where’s the food?”

The _elvhen_ woman grinned. “Everyone’s in the garden. Hawke wanted to see if you could use any weapons. He thought it would be safer to test them out there.”

I nodded in agreement. “I don’t know if I’m adept at using any weapons at all. I think I am, though. It’s very weird, like I can feel the knowledge but I can’t quite access it. Maybe a little spar will shake everything loose.”

I glanced at Anders, reading the skepticism on his face clearly. He knew I was a mage, or at least had magical talent, and so he assumed I likely had little martial prowess. But I could feel the strength in this body; it wasn’t built to stay idly back and let others fight. More than that, I was a creature that I doubted even existed in Thedas, and I had an inkling whatever my abilities were, they were likely as unique as the form I inhabited.

We followed Merrill as she moved through the mansion. My lips curled as I noted the many, many non-decaying corpses, the copious amounts of blood splatter, spray, and staining on the walls, floors, and in some cases ceilings. Fuck, Fenris really needed to clean this shit up. It wasn’t like he’d be moving in with Hawke, even if the two did pair off. Fuck Danarius, Fenris should clean the place up because it was his now, and stop leaving the filth and macabre gore just because he didn’t want the magister to think Fenris was taking care of something Danarius once owned.

She stopped in front of the ‘back’ door. I called it the back door because it was the door Hawke and company initially used to get into the mansion. Of course, it was only used that one time, and also of course it actually opened onto the same stretch of Hightown street that the main door, near the ‘collect your party’ stand had stood after Fenris was recruited. 

Once more, a small gasp of surprise echoed from me when Merrill opened the door. Apparently, actual Kirkwall wasn’t so boringly, repetitively the same as the games' designers made it seem. The aperture opened onto a large, enclosed garden. There was a small shade tree that reminded me of a cherry tree, in a corner, and a well-kept flagstone path wound through the space. Flowers bloomed, their smell rich in the air, and the sound of laughter drew my gaze to a table, near the blooming tree, hastily set and laden with food. The entirety of Hawke’s ‘family’ sat, eating and chatting. Well, almost everyone, except Bethany and Leandra, and the Feddic’s.

I stood frozen in place, as a kind of exuberant happiness tore through me. I wanted to clap my hands and laugh with pure joy, I was just so delighted to see all of these faces, these people I’d grown to care about almost as much as any real-live person. And seeing them all relaxed, happy even, I didn’t care if I was bat-shit crazy, because it was so worth it in that moment.

“Piper, are you alright?” Merrill gave me a worried look, her bottom lip caught between white teeth.

I knew emotions chased each other over my features. I couldn’t stop them. “Oh, Merrill, I don’t know about that, but I’m just… I don’t know if you can understand how fucking amazing this is for me. I know all of you so well, maybe better than you know yourselves, but you’ve always been fantasy. To see everyone, as real as me, I don’t –I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling.”

She chuckled and took one of my hands in hers. “Come along, lethallin, and I’ll introduce you.”

I pulled back. “No, no, I don’t want to ruin everyone’s good mood. If I go over there, they’ll all clam up, tight as Elthina’s thighs. I want to watch, just for a bit longer.”

Anders snorted, choking on his laughter behind me, and I tossed him an ornery grin. “Liked that one, did you?”

“I have a feeling, Piper, you’re going to fit right in.”

He had no idea, but I swallowed around the strange tightness in my throat when he told me that. I’d never really fit in anywhere, and though I denied it vigorously anytime someone brought it up, I longed to find someplace where I was part of a group, just like this.

Something must have shown on my face, because Anders' smile wilted and he reached for me. I stepped away, just a little, and forced a bright grin. “I’m alright, Anders. No worries.”

He and Merrill exchanged a glance. It held a wealth of knowledge and I finally realized, as well as I knew these people, they did not know me. But they were uniquely qualified to get to know me better than anyone else I’d met. This group of rag-tag outsiders hadn’t managed to stay alive without having some very powerful skills at reading people and ferreting out information. 

And it would be a good fucking idea if I remembered that.


	6. Chapter 6

Sebastian’s warm laughter drew my attention and I turned to watch the gathering once more. I didn’t necessarily like Vael’s character. There were a lot of reasons for that, not the least of which was the way he kept trying to get Fenris to believe in the Maker. I had little patience for those who didn’t know when to keep their religious beliefs to themselves. 

Personally, I didn’t believe in any god, or gods, from earth. I certainly wasn’t likely to be a follower of Andraste here, now. Equally as disagreeable, in my opinion, was the fact that Vael was so easily swayed. He was an honorable man, a good man, but he let the opinion of others too heavily influence his decisions. Whether that person was Hawke, or the Grand Cleric, I didn’t have much respect for a man who couldn’t make up his own mind.

Still, Sebastian was a good guy, so I swore to at least be cordial. And just as I made my decision, Aveline looked up and saw me. She murmured to Hawke, who turned in his seat and beckoned us toward him. Swallowing, I squared my soldiers. Here went nothing, I supposed.

The group reacted as I’d predicted, smiles fading, eyes shuttering, chatter stopping, as I approached the table. I looked into each face, vacillating between wanting to grin unabashedly and running away. Ever the gentleman, though, the man I’d just been contemplating moved to stand in front of me, bowing at the waist, taking my hand, and pressing a light kiss atop my knuckles.

“My lady, I am Prince Sebastian Vael.” He released me and righted himself. “A pleasure to meet you.”

I am a shit, a true and real shit, because despite being ridiculously flattered by his very courtly introduction, I started to giggle. Shocked, I slapped my hands over my mouth, but the humor had a mind of its own, and soon the sound of loud, gasping chortles echoed in the garden.

“I’m so sorry, Sebastian! I’m not laughing at you, I swear, I’m not!” I stumbled, grabbed for an anchor and found it with the back of Hawke’s seat, and bent double laughing so hard I felt a tear leak from my eye.

“Oh, Christ, just give me a minute. This is so fucking surreal, I think I’m having a bit of a psychotic break.”

Hawke chuckled. “Well, when crazy looks as good as you do, I’m willing to give it a chance.”

His flirty comment did exactly as I supposed he hoped it would. It calmed me down, brought me back to myself. “I know, right? Ask Anders, he just got a full on eye-full, and then some. It’s nice to know some things don’t change, no matter where, when, or in what dimension a girl finds herself. A nice set of tits and a fine body just ruins higher brain function in males.” I flashed a saucy grin at Isabela. “And even some females.”

Isabela took the bait and ran with it. Laughing bawdily, she leaned forward against the table, voluptuous breasts pressed together in a delicious display. “Ooh, you’re naughty. We should play sometime.”

I laughed and looked around the table, expecting to see eyes rolling or at least some grins, instead, I found everyone else staring at Fenris and Hawke, who were both leveling dark glares at Anders. The mage, well, he never did seem to know when it was a good idea not to goad Fenris. And it seemed he couldn’t help himself. The satisfied, almost gloating look on his face, shit, he was saying all sorts of things without moving his lips.

Fenris growled, and I shot a look at Isabela, but the pirate only lifted a brow and gave me a smug look of her own. Fuck, no help there. “Thanks.”

“Oh, sweetie, there is no way I’m helping you out of that, if that is what I think it is. Too delicious to waste.”

I scowled then cleared my throat. “Uh, boys, settle down. I didn’t fuck Anders in your bathroom Fenris, so chill.”

That didn’t really help, since Fenris’ heated gaze swiveled to root me to the ground. My stomach rolled where desire and fear, not in equal measure but still, swirled. I couldn’t look away from him, and he refused to look away from me. The longer the staring contest lasted, the hotter, more light-headed, more excited I became until I felt my nipples chafing against the demi-corset and fought the urge to press my thighs together.

“Well, interesting as this is, how about we get some food into you?”

Thank all the gods for Hawke. Fenris’ blinked and turned his gaze past me, toward some distant thing and I almost sagged. Really, I would have if Hawke hadn’t stood then, and helped me into his chair, covering the weakness in my legs with smooth, practiced talent. I put my hand in his and gave him a slight squeeze, not enough for anyone other than us to know it.

I looked up at him, the desire Fenris stirred still in my eyes, and licked my lips. He quirked a brow and I gave him a little grin, which in turn drew a laugh from him. “Isabela is right, you are naughty.”

“If you knew the half of it, you’d probably run screaming.” I whispered beneath my breath, but Bela’s choked giggle and the way Nevarr’s fingers tightened against mine, I hadn’t been quiet enough.

“We weren’t sure what you’d like, you know, since this isn’t exactly your home. So Aveline, Daisy and I brought a bit of everything. Here, dig in.” Varric handed me a plate, his face filled with good humor and ease, his eyes ever vigilant, watching, calculating, and assessing. I loved the dwarf.

“Thanks, Varric. As long as nothing is laced with deathroot, I figure I’ll be able to find something I like. Plus, we have some of the same food. Like apples and pears.” I lifted a slice of each in my fingers and took a bite, savoring the flavor of something so familiar amidst so much that wasn’t. Well, at least that shouldn’t have been.

While I ate, slowly, the group fell back into their chatter. I didn’t speak, just chewed, swallowed, refilled my plate or cup, and listened. Merrill had moved to sit next to Isabela, well between the two of us, while Anders had shouldered in between Varric and Fenris. Hawke and Sebastian leaned against the nearby wall, though I couldn’t hear what they discussed. 

When I’d finished my third plate and drank enough water I thought I might float away, I pushed the plate back and leaned into the chair, a sigh of contentment and a swallowed belch sure signs I was sated.

“Are you sure you aren’t a Warden? I don’t think I’ve ever seen a woman eat like that, well, except for Remia Cousland.”

I laughed. “I’m sure, Anders. Damn, I would love to see Ferelden. Remia was one of my favorite characters.”

And just like that, all the humor was sucked from the garden. Damn me and my mouth. But really, they were going to have to get used to it. There was no way I’d be able to stop myself from saying things that only reinforced just how fucked up my being in Kirkwall was.

Deciding it was better to get it out now, instead of letting it be a dirty little secret everyone tried to avoid mentioning, I sat forward and leveled my gaze at everyone. “Alright, let’s get this on with. There’s no way I can stop myself from saying things that make you guys nervous. It’s just the way it is. So, how about anyone address their concerns now, and actually any time I say something that chafes. I’ll be as open as I can. There are some things I won’t tell you, if I believe doing so would cause more harm than good when you ask.”

“Do you remember what happened before you woke up here?” Aveline, ever the protector, as well as a hell of a good cop, spoke first.

“No. I don’t. Well, not immediately before, at any rate. I can tell you that my world, it's called Earth, was in chaos.” Fuck, all the shit I hadn’t wanted to think about last night came rushing back.

I was a wife in that life, a mother. The world had gone to shit, the apocalypse had happened, or damn near. World War III, nuclear bombs set off in America, China, Europe. Not the city killers of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, no, tactical devices that ended almost every major metropolitan area on the globe, but left large areas undamaged by the fallout.

Technology, the thing we’d relied on to the point of it being our greatest weakness as well as strength, had been crippled when the fighting began. Anarchy reigned there, people clumping together in paranoid, secluded clusters, fighting to stay alive, to survive, to get to the other side of hell and hopefully find peace again.

Once the bombs had stopped falling, the sickness began to spread, like wildfire throughout what remained of humanity. Last I’d heard, it was a super flu, a biological weapon designed by man, it had a ninety percent mortality rate and there was no cure coming, no vaccine, with all governments, all institutes of higher learning gone. The only way to survive the deadly bug was to catch it and live.

I’d lost my middle daughter to it, and I slammed my eyes closed as the memory of holding her frail body, still and silent, pounded through my brain. My breath jammed in my lungs, and the hot burn of tears welled behind my tightly closed lids. _God, would the pain never end?_

I struggled to compose myself and with unbelievable will, managed to shove back all the memories, all the pain, and face the table again. “Um, so, yeah, my world is at war, or was, I’m not sure anymore. But after the bombs, there was a deadly illness that spread through those of us who survived the beginning. Last I knew, there was less than a third of the human population left alive on earth.

“So being here, well, I imagine I’m dead, and this is some really strange version of the afterlife, or… well, I’d really rather not think about the ‘or’, if you want the truth. Because Anders is right,” I glanced at him, “there are worse things than death.”

When I looked at Aveline, I knew my eyes were red-rimmed and glistening. The woman gave me a nod, but her gaze spoke volumes. I saw a kinship in them, the knowing look on another’s face, one who knew at least some of the pain, had felt it as well, and respected a person for facing it and living.

She shifted, her armor rattling. “Fair enough. Merrill says your name is Piper?”

“It is. My close friends, the two I have, or had, and my family called me Pip. Wonder if I’ll get a new nickname?” I tried for a grin and Varric dipped his head.

“M’lady, I can only say I hope so.”

“Thanks, Dwarf.” Shaking off the last of my grief, I shrugged my shoulders. “Any other questions?”

I watched them all shift and almost laughed at myself. It was a rhetorical question, of course they all wanted information, but it seemed none of them wanted to voice their queries. I understood, but I didn’t relish the idea of them all cornering me at some point and trying to dig those answers from my brain.

Thinking back on last night, and earlier with Anders, I realized now was as good a time as any to get my own answers. So I plunged in, heedless of the consequences.

“Hawke, have you spoken to Emeric yet?”

He was surprised, but it quickly fled. “Yes, but I haven’t gone to DuPuis’ home yet.”

“Okay. But you have dealt with the Arishok, and killed the elven lunatic who poisoned all those people?”

“Yes.”

“Have you spoken to Arianni? Actually, tell me how many years have you been in Kirkwall now?”

“I haven’t seen Arianni, but Merrill just told me when she arrived this morning the woman wants to speak with me. I’ve been in Kirkwall for just over four years.”

“That’s actually very helpful. I think I know where I am in the scheme of things. Have you talked to the Viscount yet, about the elf that stole the poison gas from the Qunari?”

“No, I was going to do that last week, but then you fell through the roof. In fact, I haven’t even spoken to the Arishok yet.” He smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling.

“Good. If you had, certain things might have already been started and I wouldn’t be able to change some things that need changed. I am going to tell you something, and you aren’t going to like it. In fact, I know you won’t because I wouldn’t, but it has to be done. I will stop him.”

“Stop who? What are you talking about?” 

I looked at Hawke and tried to find the right words. Then I looked around and realized this really wasn’t something I wanted to divulge in front of everyone. “Hawke, can I talk to you and Aveline privately? Please, I… just the two of you. I promise, I’ll explain.”

The man looked at the Guard-Captain. “Let’s go over there, it will give us privacy.” She rose from her seat and made her way to the far side of the garden from where we were.

Hawke and I followed, I twisting my hands nervously. How did one tell another their mother was like to be the victim of a vile serial killer? I wasn’t sure, but the walk wasn’t far, and I didn’t have much time to formulate a plan.

“What do you want to tell me that you think I won’t want the others knowing?”

“Emeric is right, there is a mad killer loose in Kirkwall. DuPuis was his assistant and if we don’t stop him, now, Leandra will be his last victim.” The words came out on a rush of air, spewed forth without pausing. I tried to rein myself in, but I couldn’t. My body tensed as I waited for Nevarr to react.

He stumbled, palms slapping against the stone wall as to keep himself on his feet. Aveline, however, jumped to his protection. “There is no way you can possibly-“

“Aveline Vallen, I am telling the truth. So help me, if you try to pass this off again, I will lock you in a room with Donnic until you tell him what you should have already. Are we clear?” I whispered the words so only she could hear and she most definitely did.

I’d never seen the strong, stoic woman at a loss for words before, and it gave me a tiny thrill to witness it now. She closed her mouth, looked back at Hawke, who was still facing away from us, then back to me. “Alright, I believe you. What do we do?”

“First off, we kill DuPuis. He’s a blood mage and he’ll be no help, since I know Hawke is more a smart ass than a prick. Second, we’re going to go back to that foundry where Nevarr found those body parts years ago. There’s a secret entrance and I know where it is. We’re going to find Quentin and kill him before he ever gets his hands on Leandra. Just you, me, Hawke and whoever Hawke trusts the most in the group. Some of the things we will see are going to be hard to stomach.”

Hawke had finally turned round to face us and he gave me a small nod. “Are you sure? He’s going to kill Mother?”

“Yes, and once we find his lair; there will be no doubt in your mind either. But we must move quickly. I can feel it in my gut, telling you just moved up the timetable.”

“I’m not sure if you can handle yourself in a fight, maybe you should just tell me how to find this Quentin.”

I shook my head. “Merrill said you brought weapons? Did you bring the Bard’s Honor? I’ll take Jarvia’s Shank from Bela. You can give her its partner later. Let’s see if I am what I think I might be, in your world.”

He nodded and we moved into the center of the garden, clear of the others and any large flora. Nevarr spoke with Isabela, who grumbled but gave up the blade, before he moved to a pack I hadn’t seen and withdrew the other weapon I’d asked for from within.

My mouth grew dry as he came to my side. The world I was from was at war, and I knew how to handle a gun, as did anyone who’d survived long. But this was different, strange, and as I reached for the weapons, I prayed to a god I didn’t believe in that I could handle what I was about to attempt.

As the hilts slid against my palms, a shiver rippled up my arms. They felt like home, these blades, as if they’d been waiting for me and I them. I shifted my grips, letting the weight of the daggers register, feeling their balance. Stepping away from Hawke, I flipped first one then the other, hesitantly, then with more skill, more deftness that I’d ever had in my life. Soon, they were dancing, the Kirkwall sun glinting off their razor sharp edges as I whipped them through the air, whistling as they twirled, spinning with deadly grace.

I stopped, and looked up to see I’d stunned everyone yet again. Cocking a hip, I quirked a brow. “Looks like I have some skills after all.”

A flicker of motion to my left made me pivot on my toes, the edge of the shank clanging against the heavy metal of Aveline’s axe. And that was all the warning I got before everyone, and I do mean everyone, piled on to test my mettle. 

Fuck, greatswords are ridiculously big and heavy. Every time I parried a blow from Hawke or Fenris, the shock of the power of the weapons made my bones rattle and my muscles strain. But I feinted and shifted between them, pulling off a couple of pretty kick ass moves if I say so myself, to avoid feeling one of those men land a blow. And if I’d just been sparring with those two, I’d have been hard pressed to keep up.

But Aveline joined in again, then Isabela, and suddenly it was four on one, and I started to sweat. I may have loved this armor, but it was stifling hot. As I whipped around to avoid a shield bash from Aveline, slamming the hilt of one of my blades into the back of her armor, and taking her to her knees, I wished for a pair of yoga pants and a tank top.

Isabela’s laughter sounded close to my ear and I flipped, really truly did a back flip, away, barely avoiding her lethal backstabs. “She’s good.”

I gave her a feral grin as Fenris came at me again. Damn, the elf was relentless. I caught a glimpse of Hawke as he gave a signal to someone while he tried to flank me. A sharp jab tore a yelp from me and I looked down to see a blunted arrow at my feet. Fuck me, now I was going to have to face Varric and Sebastian too? A fireball zipped near my shoulder and I growled.

“Come on? Really, seven to one? Are you fucking kidding me?” I ran past Aveline and Hawke, trying to find a position in the garden that didn’t leave me open to attack from behind. Not that it mattered, when Fenris charged, blade lowered, his shoulder slamming into my belly, forcibly evicting the air from my lungs.

“Bastard.” I gasped before tightening my fingers around the hilt of my blade, flipping the dagger so as not to accidentally cut the elf, before landing a solid blow to his right cheek. He stumbled back, the smug grin gone, and raised a hand to his face. This close, I saw anger and a decidedly more carnal, but no less potent emotion, darken his eyes. Not waiting to see what he’d do in retaliation, I dashed to the left, away from him and the rest of the group. 

Only to skid to a stop as the earth in front of me erupted with long, snaking tendrils of roots. Shit, I’d forgotten about Merrill’s little talent, and that had been my mistake. I was ensnared, and the more I struggled, the tighter I was caught. The group closed in, and I decided what the hell, I may as well show my hand.

Delving deep, I reached into that tingly mass I’d felt last night and again in the bath, let the energy unfurl through my body. I wasn’t exactly sure what kind of magic I could do, but I was hoping the spell I was about to try was part of the repetoire. Raising my fist, I watched with no small amount of glee as the rest of the bodies in the courtyard flew into the air. I didn’t want to hurt anyone, not badly, so I pulled the magic back, letting the weight of their bodies be all the force they felt.

As one, they hit the ground, groaning or moaning, but definitely not trying to attack me. I chuckled as the roots fell away, gave a little spin, and twirled the blades in my hands. Anders was the first to rise, and I made my way to him, sheathing the daggers before I offered him a steadying hand.

“You okay? I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone.”

He shot me a look, one whose meaning I wasn’t sure of. “I thought you didn’t want anyone to know?”

Ah, was the mage a little bit jealous we wouldn’t be keeping a secret? I sighed and shrugged my shoulders. “I figured it would even the playing field, well, not exactly, but now all of you know something about me that could be very dangerous. Besides, all seven of you ganged up on me.”

He snorted. “You held your own, though I don’t think any of us was intent on injuring you either.”

“You know, I wasn’t even sure I could do that. I think it’d be a good idea if you and I took a trip to the Wounded Coast, soon. It’s fairly secluded and we can test out this magic of mine, find out exactly what I can and can’t do.”

Anders nodded in agreement. “Smart and beautiful, and apparently, excellent in a fight. Yes, Piper, I think you’re just our kind of people.”

Behind me, I heard a curse, followed by low, angry words. “Bah, yet another mage. That’s just what we need. Another viper.”

I narrowed my eyes and rolled my shoulders. In the game, there was nothing I could do to shut Fenris up, or to try and make him open his eyes and look past his poisonous hatred. But this wasn’t a game, and there was no fourth wall to stop me, or rather to stop him from finally hearing me.

I spun on heel and charged right up to him, grabbing his feathered pauldrons and curling my fingers deep into the thick material at his shoulders. I jerked his body close to mine, leaning forward so my face was near enough I could see the tiny flecks of gold in his dark green eyes.

“I am no magister, Fenris. Do not think for a minute that I’ll stand idly by while you talk shit about me because you can’t look past your own hatred for two seconds.”

Oh, dear god, I felt the moment his hand plunged into my chest. The tips of his gauntlets pressed against my beating heart, but it didn’t hurt, exactly. There was an uncomfortable pressure, but no pain. And instead of trying to pull away from him, I let my anger lead, pulling him tighter to me, crushing his arm between our bodies as my gaze bore into his.

“I am not one of those simpering, supplicating fools of Tevinter, so intent on power, and only power, that I would bargain with a dark god for a gift anyone with two bits of grey matter would know was never going to be mine. I’m not a slovenly, glutinous bastard who would sacrifice everything of worth in my person simply to get a leg up on someone else.”

His fingers tightened, but I refused to flinch or back down.

“No, Fenris, I am no magister. What happened to you, and others like you, is a travesty. It’s a heinous, horrific crime against life itself, what Danarius did, what magisters have done for ages. He will suffer, he’ll be punished for the pain he caused you, I promise, but I refuse,” I took a breath as emotions built inside me. I was getting too worked up. “I refuse to allow you to paint me with the same god damned brush. I’m not a fucking magister, but I guess I’m a mage. And a rogue, a damn fine one by the looks of it.”

I shook him a little, took in the tight muscles of his jaw, the way his white hair drifted over his forehead. “Another thing, you might want to remember. Right now, I am not the one with a serious lack of control. The one who seems ready to snap and lean on their _unholy_ ,” I spat the word at him, “powers, to call on abilities no mortal should have, in order to protect myself. You are.”

His eyes widened, and his body jerked, and I finally felt a sharp jolt of pain. Still I pressed, unwilling to let him go until I finished. “Have you stuffed enough of your body into mine, Fenris? Are you as deep as you can get? Or should I pull you closer, harder?” I tugged again, lowering my mouth until I spoke against his soft lips. “Can you feel my heat, my warmth around you? Is the beat of my pulse loud enough yet, my breath harsh enough?”

His pupils bloomed, his mouth softening. I fought off the shudder I felt building in my arms, the strain of holding him close, the pressure of his fist in my chest, the fast rising tide of hunger my words were creating all pushed my new body to the brink. “If you don’t pull out now, Leto,” I said his name so softly no one else would hear it, but the flash of hunger in his eyes made me triumphant, “we’re both going to be covered in a hot, sticky, wet mess of fluid. And I’m sure neither of us wants that, do we?”

He shoved me away from him and removed his hand from my chest in the blink of an eye. I stumbled, but didn’t fall, and never looked away from him. Our breathing was harsh, loud, and time ticked away endlessly before Fenris spun from me and toward the house.

“ _Festis_ –“

“ _Bei umo canavarum,_ ” I bellowed at his retreating back. “No shit, fucker. By the way, that was me hitting on you! The last bit, anyway!” I yelled the words at his back. I didn’t want to take the chance he might miss them.

He didn’t. His spine snapped straight, his entire body stiffening even as his feet tripped in the grass. But he didn’t turn around or reply. When the door to the mansion slammed closed hard enough to shake loose tiles from the roof, I finally fell to my knees, one palm holding me upright, while my other hand pressed hard to my chest. I was pretty sure he’d fucked something up in there, and I needed to fix it fast.

“I might need to reassess my former opinion. You are absolutely, blighted insane.” Anders dropped down next to me and I could have cried as his healing magic filled my body, putting things to rights and taking away the pain.

“That was the hottest fucking thing I have ever seen.” I glanced up at Isabela, and the look on her face clearly stated she wasn’t fucking with me. 

Carefully, I looked at the rest of the group, saw Varric gaping and Sebastian trying to shift his codpiece surreptitiously. Aveline looked completely astounded and when my eyes met Hawke’s I saw a fiery, wicked desire burning in those clear, emerald depths.

“I agree with Bela. And Anders. That was incredibly dangerous, but sexy as hell. Maker, I think I’m going to need a cold dip in order to get through the rest of the day.”

“Even I don’t need Isabela to explain. I can’t believe you asked him if was deep enough!” Merrill’s soft, lilting voice managed to do what no one else’s reaction did: I blushed.

I groaned and sat back on my knees. Dropping my head into hands and rubbing my forehead, I tried to force away the flush staining my cheeks. “I can’t believe I did that. I can’t believe I said that shit loud enough for you to hear. Christ on a crutch, this just gets better and better.”

Anders looked like he was going to say something, but Nevarr cut him off. “Fenris needed to hear that, Piper, at least most of it. None of us press him too hard, but maybe that’s where we’ve been wrong. But hey, on the bright side, I just got to see Fenris completely out of his element, his broody façade broken, even if it was only for a couple of moments. So a good day, all around.”

I laughed at Hawke as I stood up. “Pondering ideas for your next book, Varric? If so, I’d better get a good name.”

“Piper, I can safely say I think you just rewrote the whole story. Would you like to join us for Wicked Grace tomorrow?”

“Abso-fucking-lutely, dwarf. Even though I’m not exactly sure how to play. And I have no money.”

“If I can see action anything like the show you just put on, m’lady, I’ll give you the sovereigns to play.”

I gave him a brief bow, before gathering my strength and running as fast as I could toward the wall nearest me. When I was within reach of it, I planted my right foot against the stone and used my momentum to scale it between one heart beat and the next. I looked down on the group in the garden, a wide smile on my lips as I balanced on the narrow stone ledge.

“I’ll meet you and Aveline at your estate at nightfall, Nevarr. We won’t be able to access the entrance until then. Now, I think I’m going to catch a boat to the Wounded Coast and see if there’s someone out there that needs killed. I find I have a need to expend some energy. And who knows, maybe I’ll even make some money.”

“Piper!” I heard Anders and Hawke both call my name, but I ignored them as I skipped down the top of the wall, scurrying onto a nearby roof, before breaking out into a run. I raced over the rooftops of Kirkwall, the smell of the sea rich in my nose. Holy shit, I was really here, really going to save Leandra, really living this life.

It was unbelievable. I still didn’t really trust what I saw with my eyes or touched with my hands, but if all I had was the rest of this day, I swore to myself I was going to make the most of it.


	7. Chapter 7

I dropped to the cold stone next to the Nexus Golem and thought maybe clearing out the Wounded Coast, and then this place, alone might not have been the best idea. I was still alive, and I’d discovered I was an excellent healer, but I was completely exhausted and covered in every manner of shit, blood, guts, and bits of flesh.

My breath heaved as I gasp-chuckled. I couldn’t help but wonder if my clothes would get an instant cleaning the moment I went to Hawke’s estate. I doubted it, but it was certainly a lovely thought. I groaned as I shoved to my feet and began searching the corpses littering the room, hoping to find some potions and some cash.

Amazingly, potions and money were all I found on the bodies. Unlike in the game, where every manner of bullshit junk seemed to be the majority of lootables, in this Kirkwall I had yet to come across any of it. Or if I had, I didn’t realize it. I did manage to pick up a couple of enchanted bits of jewelry, though most of it I considered cash so stashed it in the pouch at my hip.

The golem spoke, saying something about not always being as it was. I huffed a little at that. “Join the club. Still, if there was a way for me to give you your freedom, golem, I would. But I think that’s beyond my playbook.”

Sighing as I pilfered the last of the bodies, I moved toward the door that would take me back to Sundermount. I’d come here for a reason and it was past time I did what I’d planned.

Keeper Marethari was much more warm and inviting in the flesh. As I drew close to her, I could smell elfroot and power on the wind, reminders that I’d be an idiot to underestimate her supremacy. I entered the camp from its unguarded side, so no Dalish archers were in my way as I walked toward their leader.

“Keeper Marethari? Would it be alright if I talked to you for a bit?”

The _elvhen_ near her tensed, some of them jumped up at the sight of a _shem_ suddenly in their midst. I ignored them, but didn’t make any sudden movements either, as I waited for her reply, but she gave me an open smile and motioned for me to sit next to her by the fire. “Please, join me.”

I settled beside her and tried to think of the best way to broach the subject I wanted to speak with her about. I’m not very good with tact, I knew this, but I really didn’t want to offend the woman. “I don’t know if you have any idea who, or what I am, but I need to ask you something and I’m hoping you’ll answer me.”

The elder turned her head, those eyes so sharp, so intelligent, looked over my face. Satisfied, she reached out and took my hand into her grasp. “You are not of this place, yet here is where you belong. I know the answer you seek and I’m truly sorry I cannot give you the one you want. In this thing, there is nothing you can do, child.”

I bit my lip. No, no, it wasn’t fair. “There must be something – there has to be a way.”

“You cannot stop this. The path is already laid.”

I wanted to shake her, demand she not take that damn demon into herself, command her not to try and protect Merrill, but part of me knew she was right. It was her choice to make, and unlike Merrill, I had no way to stop her from doing what she would, short of killing her then, which defeated the entire purpose of coming to her in the first place.

“Don’t fret. There are many things you can change. But not this.”

I sighed and looked into the fire. “I’m sorry.”

I choked on a sob. I wasn’t going to be able to hold it together this time. Tears welled, spilled over, then poured down my face. Marethari was good, she was love and hope and strength and she didn’t deserve what was going to happen to her. I wanted so badly to hate Merrill then, but I couldn’t, because I knew how much this one, tragic experience was going to shape her, change her. 

I knew the guilt she would carry and maybe that was punishment enough. I cried and cried, until I was a snotty, swollen eyed, exhausted mess, my head buried in the Keeper’s lap, her soft hands soothing my brow, her low voice whispering calming words. 

I wept for the children I would never touch again, all three of them. I cried for the husband who had loved me beyond measure, even though I couldn’t love him the same. I prayed I was dead to them and not simply gone, because the crushing pain of those precious lives believing I’d abandoned them was more than I could bear.

“If you’ll allow it, I’d like to return your kindness. Regardless that you cannot change what must occur, that you tried means much to me.”

I didn’t feel like I deserved her thanks, but her tone brooked no argument. “Okay.”

“I have seen this place you come from, da’len. It is strange to my eyes, but I know it was your home. How you came to be with us is a wonder, but I tell you, this is not your afterlife. Thedas is real, as real as your earth.”

I started to thank her, but she shushed me.

“I am not finished. Your soul found its way here and created for it a body that is well adapted to this place, strange though it is even to my eyes. But your body, the one in your world, is gone. Your family grieves your loss, but they do not believe you left them. You are dead there, so you must live here. We need you, Hawke needs you.”

I buried my face against her stomach, hands gripping her back and wailed my pain. Her words would bring me peace, someday, but then, I couldn’t find it. I would never see earth again, never watch my children grow up and hopefully have children of their own. Oh, fuck, I’m not sure anyone can truly understand the kind of pain a mother feels when she loses a child, for there is nothing even remotely close to it, there’s no other agony it could be compared to that might help another understand.

“I know the pain you feel, I have lost children as well. Though it is little balm now, I see your son and daughter strong, healthy, and proud. They will be leaders among your people, they will show others the way to peace.”

My throat was raw and I could barely breathe, but I heard her words as if she’s spoken them directly into my mind. The awful, crushing pressure in my chest didn’t ease, but the mindless grief did and I slowly came back to myself.

The sun dipped low in the sky by the time I felt like I could move again. With great reluctance, I pulled from Marethari’s embrace and rose. “I have to go. Tonight, I will change something for the better. Thank you, Keeper.”

“You are most welcome, da’len. Come visit me soon.” She gave me a smile, bright and warm and I felt myself return it.

“I will.”

I held my head up as I left the Dalish camp. Marethari’s words allowed me to embrace the person I was becoming in a way I probably couldn’t have before I’d come to see her. Though I had a great weight on pressing on me, it was a burden I would bear gladly because it allowed me to accept the situation as it was, instead of expending energy on a possibility that didn’t exist.

Thedas was my home now, Kirkwall my city, and I’d be damned if I let it crumble around me. No fucking way. This time, I wasn’t just playing the game, I was the game, and I would win. Period.

* * *

“Maker, Piper, don’t you know how to clean yourself up?”

Hawke’s voice startled me from my thoughts. Aveline and I were waiting in the library and I was staring out a window I didn’t remember being there, my thoughts on the night ahead and on the Keeper’s words too.

“Huh? What do you mean? I figured I’d have to wash the armor, or find someone to pay to do it.”

He sighed heavily before turning around and calling for Bodahn. “Would you be so kind as to bring me three or four cleaning charms?”

“Certainly, messere. Just a moment.” Sure enough, Bodahn was back in a few seconds, a stack of small, well, things in his hands.

Hawke came to me and held up what looked like a piece of tile, though thinner. He held it up, and broke it open, releasing a cloud of white, smoky vapor. The fog had a light, floral smell, and I stood still as it enveloped me. In less than five minutes, the spell dissipated and I looked down to find my body and my armor spotlessly clean.

“Well, I’ll be damned. I always wondered how you guys cleaned your clothes. Fancy that.”

“You didn’t have these in your game?”

I laughed. “No, why the hell would those be in the games? Dragon Age isn’t a fucking sim. It’s all about the fighting and the questing and the characters. It’s not about the banalities of everyday life.”

“I don’t have a clue what half of what you just said means, so I’ll just nod and tell you to buy some of these the next time you’re in the market. Actually, well, perhaps what I was going to say could wait until later.”

“No, go ahead. What is it?” I was still looking over my clothes, absolutely thrilled to be clean again.

“I spoke with Aveline and Varric this afternoon and well, I think you should stay here, with me.”

I dropped my arm and looked at him with wide eyes. “You – what? Why the hell would you discuss my living arrangements with Aveline and Varric?”

“Because the three of us are the only ones with decent homes, for Maker’s sake.” Aveline sounded offended and I was instantly chagrined.

“I didn’t mean to snap, Aveline. I apologize. But, well, I mean I actually hadn’t thought that far ahead. I suppose I will need somewhere to stay, although I did make about fifteen sovereigns today. Okay, so more like fifty, but only if you count the thirty plus gold I collected from cutpurses in Hightown this afternoon. Talk about easy money, and much less work than killing bandits, demons, and shades.”

“Fifty? Fifty – it took me almost a year to save that kind of coin and you’re telling me you did it in an afternoon?” Hawke looked ready to pop a vessel.

“Uh, well, yeah? Fuck, why are you so pissed off? I didn’t rob you.”

He growled something and I looked at Aveline, but the Guard-Captain seemed just as confused as I was.

“Listen, it’s no big deal. If your offer still stands, I accept. I wasn’t exactly thrilled with the idea of renting a room anyway.”

“Fine. I’ll have Bodahn make a room ready.”

“Just out of curiosity, Hawke, what room would that be? To my knowledge, there are only the two upstairs.”

“There are four upstairs.” He spoke absently, his thoughts elsewhere.

“Four? Damn, the devs really did a shitty job representing this place. I gotta say I love that bit of this craziness. It thrills me to no end, so far at least, when I find out something isn’t exactly as I thought it would be.”

Hawke turned away and moved to the door. Aveline followed, so I fell in behind her. It seemed we were going to move the evening along. As we stepped into the, well, I didn’t really know what to call the room at the bottom of the stairs in the Amell-cum-Hawke estate. It wasn’t exactly a foyer, but it wasn’t exactly a room either.

I looked at the fireplace and saw Leandra Amell resting in a chair near it, a book in her lap, and the dog – Nim, Nevarr called him – resting at her feet. 

“Mother, this is Piper.”

 _What the fuck?_ Shit, of course Hawke would choose to introduce me now. 

The older woman, her beauty still vibrant and stunning, closed the book and set it on the table next to the chair. “Oh, yes, the young woman you’ve been talking about all day. Hello, dear, I’m Leandra.”

I bowed deeply, ‘cause I sure as hell wasn’t going to curtsy. “Lady Amell, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you.”

“My, so well-mannered. Nevarr tells me you’ll be staying with us while you’re in Kirkwall.”

I shot a narrowed glance at Nevarr. He looked immensely pleased with himself. To his mother, I gave a warm smile, wiping any trace of antagonism from my features. “Yes, m’lady. I’m eternally grateful for your generosity.”

Leandra Hawke laughed softly. “Nonsense. We couldn’t leave Old Barlin’s niece at the not so tender mercies of those thugs in Lowtown.”

Old Barlin? Nevarr told his mother I was related to the guy from the inn in Lothering? The one who wanted me, alright not me but the Warden, to collect toxin extracts in Origins? Unbelievable. “Uncle would have come with me, but his health isn’t what it used to be.” The lie slid off my tongue as though gilded.

“I understand, my dear. After the Blight, I’m sure there are many in Ferelden that aren’t yet recovered, even these many years later. But let’s not speak of those troubled times. Our home is your home, for as long as you need.” Leandra reached out and took my hand.

“I’m honored.” I clasped her palm between mine, pressing firmly but not hard, hoping to convey how genuinely happy I was to be in her presence.

“Aveline and I are going to take Piper to the Hanged Man for the evening, Mother. Nim, stay with my mother at all times while we’re gone. Understood?”

“Nevarr, is that really necessary?” His mother gave him a chastising look.

“Yes, Mother. There is a dangerous man loose in the city. He’s been breaking into Hightown homes and attacking and robbing the nobles inside. I don’t want you going anywhere in this house without Nim.”

The Mabari had lifted his head from his paws, listening intently to Hawke’s words. He gave a sharp bark of agreement and Hawke grinned at him.

“Thanks, boy. We won’t be too late.” Nevarr stepped close to his mother and brushed a kiss against her cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you, dear. Have fun.”

She gave us a little wave before retaking her seat at the fire and pulling her book back into her lap. I felt my throat get tight as Hawke, Aveline and I left the estate. My own mother had never been so free with her affections, and seeing the genuine love and warmth between Leandra and Nevarr made me both a little jealous and reminded me of three beloved people with whom I’d shared a similar closeness.

“Piper, are you alright?” Aveline curled her fingers around my forearm, not trying to grab me, but out of concern.

“Yeah, it’s alright. Don’t worry; I’m focused on what we need to do, just feeling a bit maudlin. So, Nevarr, who’s our fourth for the evening?”

“That would be me.” Anders strode up the stairs from the market. 

“Anders! Good choice, we’ll need a mage.”

“You mean another mage?”

I grinned. “Yeah, I guess. Hey, I found out this afternoon I’ve got a knack for healing.”

He shook his head. “I’m not going to ask.”

The glower on Hawke’s face had me agreeing with Anders. “Yeah, probably a good idea. Nevarr here was a bit perturbed with me over my adventures this afternoon.” I shifted on the balls of my feet, turning to fully face the Warden. “Anyway, I thought, if you wouldn’t mind, I’d like to spend a few afternoons with you at the clinic. I want to help where I can and healing the poor and lost in Darktown feels like the right thing to do.”

Anders gaze shot to Hawke, but I didn’t bother to look. If Anders needed Hawke’s okay, that was his issue. Regardless of what Nevarr decided, I was going to help those who needed it, even if that meant I had to open up my own clinic in the sewers of Kirkwall.

Apparently, whatever Hawke indicated pleased Anders. “That would be lovely, Piper.”

“Great, then I’ll see you tomorrow afternoon.”

“Right, if you two are done setting up a work schedule, I’d like to get this endeavor moving. After all, it is my mother we’re trying to protect, right?”

I pursed my lips and slowly turned back to Hawke. “You know what, if you want to be a shit, you can just stay here. What we’re going to see tonight? Yeah, it’s fucking ugly, so forgive me for wanting something good fresh in my mind before we go. Did you do what I told you to do?”

Aveline looked to be trying to smother either a smirk or a frown, I wasn’t sure. “Yes. You were right, DuPuis was a blood mage. Hawke, Fenris, Varric and I freed a woman named Alessa from his home before we killed him.”

“Good, then he won’t be getting in the way or getting free to cause more trouble later. Let’s go. I want to get this over with as quickly as possible.”

Without another word, we made our way to Lowtown and the foundry. Sure enough, just like in the game, we had to fight our way through a shit ton of demons, shades, and skeletal combatants, but finally managed to make our way to the secret door.

“This wasn’t here last time.”

“Mmm, actually it probably was, you just didn’t notice it. Come on, if I’m right, Alessa didn’t get far after she ran from Gascard. If we’re lucky, we might be able to save two lives tonight.”

Fighting evil in vivid Kirkwall was significantly more difficult than it was in my world. First of all, yeah, Fire demons actually set people on fire. Thanks to magical armor and whatever else, I didn’t actually go up like a human candlestick, but being burned still hurts like a motherfucker. So too did getting pierced by five or six arrows. I’d always thought it was hilarious when my Hawke would be running around like nothing was up, arrows sticking out at all angles.

That shit was not even close to funny when it was my physical body looking like a walking, fighting, pin-cushion. Still, I quickly adapted, putting my rogue skills to excellent use to stay away from arrows and demons, and after the third or fourth fight, I stopped getting hit at all. Thank god, because lyrium potions were not tasty and I didn’t want to have to keep swigging them because I was constantly healing my boo-boos.

When we’d cleared out the last room, the one just before I knew we’d encounter Quentin, I hung back as Nevarr, Aveline, and Anders took in all the books, the notes and letters, strewn around the place. I waited until Aveline noticed the portrait and I didn’t interrupt as the rest of the group processed all they’d seen.

“Maker, that woman could be Mother.” Nevarr’s hand covered his mouth and I heard him muffle a cry of despair. The reality of the situation seemed to hit him full force, which I’d expected. What I wasn’t prepared for was the man spinning around and stalking toward me, sweeping me into a hard, tight hug, his faced pressed into the crook of my neck.

I brought my arms up around him, not really sure exactly what I was supposed to do. “Are you okay?” I whispered to him.

“Not even close. But thank you, Piper, thank you. I couldn’t have handled losing the last of my family.” He released me and stepped back, swiping hastily at his eyes. “Damn it, woman, if you tell anyone you saw me cry, I’ll run you through. Slowly.”

I gave him a playful punch in the shoulder. “No worries, Hawke. I wouldn’t do that. Unless of course, running me through is a euphemism for something else, in which case, I’ll be spilling my guts to Varric within ten minutes of entering the Hanged Man.” I grinned at him, knew the look on my face was pure wickedness.

Hawke reacted exactly as I hoped. He laughed hard and shook his head. “Thanks.”

“Don’t. You have no need to thank me. Now, let’s go finish this fucker off.”

“Right.” He lifted his sword and the four of us took position as we charged down the stairs. 

We found Quentin bent over a lifeless Alessa and I felt regret we hadn’t been fast enough to save the woman, but it didn’t last long. We didn’t give the sick fuck the chance to dodge or escape or call up demons, which is kind of what happened in the game. No, Quentin had been so focused on whatever he was doing; he didn’t even hear us until it was too late. 

Nevarr separated the man’s head from his neck with one powerful swing. It was actually kind of anti-climactic after all the trouble we’d gone through getting to the mage. I went to Alessa, confirming she was indeed dead, and then it was Anders turn to shine. He cleansed the place with fire, burning everything we’d found, everything we’d seen, erasing Quentin’s very existence.

When we left the foundry, the moons were sitting fat in the sky. It was late, probably near midnight, and despite being covered in goo and other less than appealing gunk, I wanted a drink. Really, really badly.

“You know, I think I’ll go get a drink. Anyone want to join me?”

Aveline begged off, but both Anders and Hawke agreed. Feeling light despite the heaviness of what I’d just been through, I fairly bounced the rest of the way to the Hanged Man. Anders stopped us before we went inside.

“Let me clean us up. I’d hate to have Varric bitching about it later.”

Hawke chuckled but I said nothing. Another tidbit I hadn’t known. I stood still as Anders worked his magic and in short order, all three of us were in presentable condition. Hawke held the door for me and we stepped into the best fucking bar in all the Free Marches.

My gaze took in the whole room, filled with bodies, the noise of voices raised from inebriation, and I just stared. I took a deep breath and laughed to myself. It wasn’t exactly stale piss and vomit, but the Hanged Man definitely had a unique aroma. I was about to turn and tell Hawke I thought his assessment of the tavern’s ambiance a bit unfair when a flash of gold drew my attention.

I felt every muscle in my body lock up tight, and a growl rumble from my chest at what I saw. Isabela, her dark hands buried in the stark white strands of Fenris’ hair, his face inches from her generous cleavage. She was in his lap, one of his gauntleted hands on her beautiful hip, the other encircling one of her wrists.

I spun around and fought to keep my temper in check. I felt both Anders and Hawke’s eyes on me, but I couldn’t speak. I had to calm down before I did something I knew I’d regret. Counting slowly, I focused on finding the empty, walled off center of my being, and finally I had control once more.

I rolled my shoulders and opened my eyes, looking first at Anders then at Hawke. Sure enough, both men’s eyes held slivers of jealousy, but also worry. They knew what I’d seen, why I was upset. The words were out of my mouth before I consciously registered I’d even been thinking them.

“If she were in either or your laps, I’d still be pissed.”

Two sets of eyebrows lifted and I wished I had the ability to teleport. I hadn’t said it because I wanted to assuage their egos, or because I didn’t want them to be upset because it was obvious I wanted Fenris. No, the words slipped out because they were true and I didn’t have quite the control I thought I did.

“Right, well, now that I’ve gone and made this whole thing beyond fucking tense and awkward, I’m just going to go.” Both men moved to stop me, but I held up my hand. “No. I’m going and you two are staying. Really, I need some time.” I looked at each of them, my brows drawn together, my lips pursed. “I mean it. I’ll be fine. Hawke, I’ll see you in the morning. Anders, tomorrow afternoon.”

I pushed through the door before either of them could reply and nearly ran from the tavern. I needed distance and I wouldn’t put it past either Nevarr or Anders to ignore my warning and follow me, probably hoping to take advantage. Hell, I might even have been inclined to let them, if I hadn’t spoken to Marethari earlier in the day and wasn’t already dealing with a lot of churned up emotions and guilt.

I wandered for a while, past the silent Qunari compound at the Docks, through the dank undercity; I even stopped at the Black Emporium and chatted up Xenon for a bit. Eventually, I knew I had to go back to the estate. I needed sleep and hopefully with the morning would come a better mood.

The mansion was silent when I entered. As I made my way into the house, I stayed silent, not wanting to disturb the sleeping. The fire was banked, the house still. Hawke said there were four rooms upstairs, and since I was sure which two were occupied, I decided to go up and find one of the unoccupied rooms.

I didn’t have to try very hard. The door to my room stood ajar, a fire burning, the covers on the bed turned back. I closed the door behind me and quickly undressed. There was another door in the room, which opened to reveal a bathroom similar to Fenris’. I did what needed to be done and promised myself a long, luxurious soak in the morning, before padding to the bed clad only in the corset thing holding my boobs in place. I had to admit, I wasn’t keen on it when I’d been tied into it that morning, but the damn thing was pretty comfortable, and surprisingly, it stayed in place too.

Slipping between the sheets, I rolled onto my side, facing the door. One thing war had taught me, it was to never leave myself in a position for someone to sneak up on me from the back. My mind and emotions might have been a jumble, but my instinct to survive didn’t waver. I fell asleep, reminding myself I’d managed to accomplish my goal. Leandra Hawke was alive and would remain so. And maybe, just maybe, I might be able to live again too.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Graphic sexual content! Reader discretion advised.

The smell of coffee brewing drew me from sleep. God, I hadn’t had real coffee in such a long time. I rolled over in the bed and stretched, easing the aches from my muscles as I shook off the last vestiges of sleep. I blinked my eyes open and took a minute or two to acclimate. 

I was indeed still in Kirkwall. I’d been here for a full week and it had been crazy and wonderful and I still thought every morning it would be gone. I wondered for a moment how long it would take for me not to wake up and think I’d be back on earth. Marethari’s words came to me, but I wouldn’t lie to myself. I trusted the Dalish leader, but part of me reserved the right to believe all of this was a dream.

There was a knock at the door. I sat up, tugging the covers over my chest before I called for whoever it was to come in.

“Good morning.” Hawke strode in, a tray filled with food in one hand. “I thought I’d bring you breakfast. I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about dining with Fenris.”

I groaned and dropped my head back onto my shoulders. “Jesus, he’s here? What the hell is he doing here at this time of morning?” Of all Hawke’s friends, I’d managed to avoid the elf the whole week. 

Hawke laughed. “Actually, Piper dear, he’s been here since last night.”

“What?” I snapped to attention at that comment.

“Piper, Piper. The elf practically threw Bela from his lap last week when he saw you storm out. He couldn’t have been but five minutes behind you.”

“Nevarr, I think, even though you’ve really only known me for a week or so, you should call me Pip. If you want.”

“I’d like that, but if you think I’m going to drop the subject of Fenris, you must be crazy.”

I rolled my eyes and shifted as he laid the tray across my lap. “If he followed me, I didn’t notice him. I didn’t come straight here, after all. Besides, it’s been a week.”

“This is Fenris we’re talking about. He… well, he spends an inordinate amount of time mulling. Anyway, when I returned from taking Mother to the theatre last night, I found him leaning against the front of the house. Waiting. I invited him in and he waited some more while I looked to see if you were home. When I told him you weren’t, he demanded I let him stay, so I put him in the other guest room.”

I shoveled a forkful of eggs into my mouth, took a drink of what looked like orange juice but tasted more like a cross between cranberry and grape juice, and carefully chose my next words. “Listen, I know this whole thing is really fucking awkward. I’m sorry about that. I’ll try not to let things get to me.”

“Oh, no. It’s not just Fenris. What did you mean, telling me – and Anders – that if it’d been either of us you would have still been livid? At least, I assume that’s what you meant by ‘pissed’ and not drunk.”

“Fuck, man, why are you bringing it up now? Is there any way we could, I don’t know, put this conversation off until my Questioning Beliefs quest or something?” All I got was a frown and a slightly blank stare. Too bad, I actually thought the joke was pretty funny.

“No.”

“Fine. I’ll give you some of the answer you want, but I just can’t tell you everything. Not yet. I… I’m not ready. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready.”

Hawke pulled a chair close to the bed and sat, patiently waiting. It irked the shit out of me, just then.

“In my world, with my Hawke’s, my characters, I sort of thought of Anders and Fenris as ‘my’ boys. Even though the two of them can’t get along for thirty seconds, I took them everywhere with me. Usually, them and Varric. Sometimes Isabela. Sometimes Aveline. But almost always, unless I couldn’t for some reason, Anders and Fenris were my go to backups.”

“They do work very well, despite their antagonism. I generally choose them too.”

I nodded. “Yeah, well, I’d be really surprised if that wasn’t the case. Anyway, in the games, well, Anders is totally fucking besotted with Hawke, regardless of whether or not I ever initiated anything with him. But Fenris, too, can be wooed. However, if I chose to friend-zone the elf, at a later stage of the game, there’d be some chatter between the group about Fenris and Bela engaging in a physical-only arrangement.”

“A what?”

I gave a frustrated _grr_. Because, really, I had to spell it out? _Fine._ “They started fucking. It never turned into anything more than that, just two people getting together to relieve some tension. When we walked in there last night, I thought they’d already begun and I was fit to be tied. I adore Isabela, but the idea of her getting her mitts on my Fenris… Do you get it now?”

“You were jealous?”

“I was practically glowing green, Nevarr.”

“So what does that have to do with Anders and me?”

I took another couple of bites of food before the conversation chased away the last of my appetite. “Were you listening? I’m possessive of what I call my own, and that means you and Anders too, which is kind of funny, in an ironic way. Honestly, I thought I’d kind of see you as a brother, until I actually set eyes on you. Not so much after that. It’s completely illogical, but that’s just how it is.”

“I see.”

“No, I doubt you do. How I feel is completely unfair to the three of you. First of all, while I know you, you don’t know me. Sure, I’ve no doubt you three think I’m sexy, and fucking me is probably at the top of your to-do lists. And I won’t lie, it’s on my list too. Just not at the top of it, and maybe not with any of you. And that’s the part I won’t talk about.

“Besides that, I mean really, I can’t expect you to share – I’m not sure Fenris even could, once he finally had something he considered to be his. I’m not ready to delve into that kind of shit. Not yet and maybe not ever. I wouldn’t expect, hell, I wouldn’t allow the three of you to wait around for me to make up my mind. I want you to be happy, whatever that means. I won’t die from jealousy, and hopefully, I’ll get over it.”

“What if I told you I don’t think any of us want you to get over it?” His eyes were dark, so many things swirling in those depths.

“I would probably try to deflect and say something like ‘well, I’m fucked’, to which you would say-“

“You could be. Well and truly.”

I laughed and didn’t bother trying to hide the huskiness in my voice or the desire in my gaze as I looked at him. “Yeah, that’s what I thought. And it’s a tempting offer, but I can’t. Maybe sometime, once this whole thing has stopped feeling like an elaborate fantasy, I’ll change my mind. Until then, well, you are a shameless flirt, Nevarr Hawke. Just don’t hold yourself back if someone else catches your fancy. Promise me?”

“If you knew me half as well as you’ve said you do, you already know what I’m going to say.” He stood and took the tray from my lap.

I swallowed hard, but didn’t look away from his eyes. “You’d say I won’t make a promise on a lie. I know what I want and I won’t stop until it’s mine.”

He lifted a brow, a sinful grin tugging at his mouth. “In this, at least, you do know me. Don’t take too long getting dressed, Pip. I’d hate to have to bring Fenris up here.”

“Nevarr, I swear to god, if you tell him one word of what I just said, I’ll climb out the window and never come back.”

“Ooh, the thrill of the chase.” He laughed darkly as he left the room.

I grabbed the pillow next to me and launched it toward him, satisfied when it connected with the back of his head. “Ass!”

His shoulders shook as he closed the door and I knew he was terribly pleased with himself. The rat bastard. With speed, I redressed myself. Taking a deep breath, I opened the bedroom door and headed down the stairs, facing the tiger indeed.

I followed the sound of voices to yet another door I wasn’t familiar with and stepped into a large dining room. Leandra and both Feddics sat at one end, while Hawke, Fenris, Anders and Aveline sat at the other. Holy hell, I wanted to throttle Nevarr to within an inch of his life. Trying my best to look unaffected, I strode toward them and pulled out the chair next to Aveline. At least I knew the Guard-Captain had no desire to bed me.

“Morning, Piper.” The woman turned her head and gave me a smile. 

Not that I really noticed, since the second I sat down there were three sets of blatantly hungry eyes turned toward me. I felt like I’d melt into an embarrassing puddle of gibbering need. Reaching out for anything to keep me from doing something horrifically taboo, like throwing myself across the table and begging the three males to ‘fucking take me’, I physically moved my body to face Aveline.

“Good morning, Guard-Captain. What brings you by?”

“I stopped by to tell Hawke I spoke with Emeric this morning. I thanked him for his dogged persistence and told him we’d found and, unfortunately, killed the killer he’d been searching for.”

“Oh, yes. I’d forgotten. We did manage to save someone else. Emeric would have been lost too, if we hadn’t stopped Quentin.” I smiled.

“Then I’d say we do good work.”

“I agree, Aveline. Thank you for reminding me of Emeric. Maybe now he’ll build that damn boat, huh?”

A flash of wariness danced over her face, but it was quickly gone. “I’m still getting used to the fact you know things you shouldn’t. But yes,” she chuckled, “I pray he decides to spend his waning years doing something a little less, well, dangerous at least.”

“I’m thinking of going out to the Wounded Coast with Fenris and Anders, Pip. Care to join us?”

 _Are you fucking insane?!_ “What? No, you can’t go there. Not today.” Oh, that was lovely. 

“Why not?” Hawke leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table, a troubled frown marring his handsome features.

I had better think fast if I wanted to stall the whole Hadriana encounter. “Because you need to see Arianni first. Please, Hawke, Fenyriel needs your help.”

Yes, brilliant. Fenyriel actually did need Hawke’s help. It was perfect, helping the half-elf boy would keep us in Kirkwall and it might give me an opportunity to meet Justice, have a little chat with him, without Anders knowing.

“Alright. Are you coming?”

“Not yet.” Fuck, open mouth, insert foot. 

Aveline choked on her coffee, her fair skin flushing warmly. “Maker, you’re as bad as the whore.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Shit, I can’t help it, seriously, I can’t. I’m not a flirt, but I am a terrible smart mouth.” To the boys I said, “yes, I’ll go. Okay? Satisfied?”

As one, no shit, the three of them chimed. “Not yet.”

I groaned and dropped my forehead to the table with a loud clank as dishes jumped with the impact.

“Oh, ho, ho. I think that’s my cue to leave.” Aveline stood and laughing placed a hand on my shoulder. “You know where I am if you need me.”

I raised my head and grinned, her words lifting my mood by leaps and bounds. “Thanks, Aveline. It means a lot.”

“You’ve proven yourself at least worthy of my respect. I hope we can build a friendship on that foundation.”

“That’s my hope too. I’ll see you soon, Aveline.”

“Hawke, Fenris, Anders, give the girl a break, won’t you? After all, she only woke up a few days ago and it’s been a busy week.”

I almost burst out laughing at the looks on those arrogant bastards faces. All of them dropped their eyes to their plates as they quietly, but clearly, gave Aveline their word they would behave. I wanted to hug her, I was so thankful, but instead I stood as well. “We’re burning daylight, fellas. Let’s get this show on the road. I’ll be outside.”

And I took my leave with Aveline, gleeful for the few moments alone that gained me. I needed it.

* * *

“He cannot be allowed to become an abomination, Hawke.”

I stood a bit back from Nevarr while Marethari explained just how rare and powerful a mage Fenyriel was. Of course, I already knew all of this, but he didn’t, so I stood quietly while the Keeper explained the task ahead.

“I understand. I’ll do what must be done.”

“Thank you, Hawke. I’ll leave you to prepare. Choose your companions wisely as all will face temptation.”

Nevarr gave the woman a slight bow before turning toward me. “Have any idea?”

I quirked a brow. “About?”

“Who to bring. Or not to bring, in any case.”

“I’m a bit of a wild card here, so I can’t say whether you should take me or not. That said, I want to go. If you want me along, then you should bring Anders. I need a meet and greet with Justice that doesn’t involve Templars. Fenris too, for that matter, since he will be tempted by the demons.”

“Do you have a death wish?” He chuckled and shook his head.

“No. What I have is a fiery need to show the blighted elf what I couldn’t before: that of all your companions, he’s the one with the biggest control issue. All mages aren’t magisters, all mages aren’t just biding their time for the perfect opportunity to sell themselves to a demon. He won’t like this lesson – oh no, he won’t. But he needs it.”

“What about Anders?”

I gave Hawke a small grin. “Oh, him you don’t have to worry about at all. Despite the fact that Justice is barely this side of demon, he doesn’t believe that to be the case. Hence Anders being able to use healing magic. Justice would never make a deal with a demon. They are his kind’s mortal enemies. But hey, if you really want to piss Justice off, pretend like you’re going to make a deal with the Sloth demon we’ll meet straight away. He’ll go apeshit.”

Nevarr gave me a curious look. “I’d rather not.”

“Fair enough. So, are you ready?”

He nodded. “Keeper, I’m ready.”

“Then come to me and bring your companions.”

Materializing in the Fade was totally fucking awesome. There’s no other way to explain it. Marethari gave all of us a potion that sent us straight to sleep and next thing I knew, Fade time. I looked at my companions, and saw Justice overtake Anders. He started to say something to Hawke, but I cut him off.

“Justice. Good, we need to have a chat.”

“You, you should not be here.”

I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, haven’t heard you bitching while I’ve been helping out in the clinic.” I waited, but the spirit didn’t say anything else. “So, anyway, I want a minute of your time and you’re going to give it.”

Hawke and Fenris exchanged glances and I jerked my head at them. “See that ghostly book floating around that column, Hawke? Go catch it and it’ll cough up a useful secret.” I wasn’t actually sure what would happen if Hawke managed to grab that book, in the game I’d gain an attribute point. Still, I didn’t want either of the other men to hear what I had to say to the Fade spirit.

Mumbling under their breaths, both men did as I bade. Knowing time was short, I whirled on Justice and cut to the chase. “You are not the Spirit of Justice anymore and we both know it. Anders hatred for the Circle and her Templars has twisted you. And while you’re still more spirit than demon, that isn’t going to last.”

“You know not of what you speak.”

“Justice, I think we both know that’s not entirely true. And if you can lie, then you’re farther gone than even you want to believe.”

The spirit staggered back a half step, the truth of my words hitting him like a physical blow. But he recovered quickly. “It matters little, Anders and I will bring justice to the mages of Thedas. It must be done.”

“Oh, the mages will get their justice, but it won’t be you and Anders doling it out. I’m telling you, right now, I will separate you from him. I will bring you back to the Fade and we should both pray that doing so will restore you to your former state. I wanted you to know.”

I looked up into eyes awash in lyrium blue and waited. It took a few moments, but he finally blinked down at me. “Your honesty is honorable. Do not think what you propose will be easy.”

“Nothing worth doing is, for the most part. We’d better get going.”

“Yes, I can feel Fenyriel’s mind straining.”

The pair of us collected Hawke and Fenris from the book, which Hawke had managed to snag. It seemed they’d also wandered down the side passage and Hawke had found the other two puzzles. I grinned, and asked him what he got out of it and he laughed and told me he felt stronger. I nodded, figuring a boost to his strength or constitution was the likely result of his meanderings. Of course, hearing him say that got me thinking about the other tomes I could pick up throughout Kirkwall during the game. I decided to look into those once we were done with Fenyriel.

Nevarr didn’t even bother chatting with the demon of sloth. He took one look at the thing and next I knew, we were cutting our way through it and its minions. 

Blowing out a flame on the sleeve of my armor, I frowned at Hawke. “A little warning next time?”

He just shrugged. “Which door?”

I thought about it and decided on desire first. “That one. The desire demon is in there. And Hawke? I know it isn’t your normal style, but I need you to be diplomatic. If you push him too hard here, he’ll break and we’ll have to make him Tranquil.”

“I understand.”

We headed up the stairs and went down the hall to face Fenyriel’s desires. As expected, Fenris, Anders, and I faded away while Hawke’s form changed into Arianni. A young Fenyriel sat at a table, with the demon in the shape of his father standing over him, praising his good work. A little part of my heart broke for the boy. I knew his particular brand of pain, the kind that can only come from knowing the rejection of one of the people responsible for one’s life.

“Does that mean I can come to Antiva, Father? Mother said maybe this summer – isn’t that right, Mother?”

Hawke/Arianni strode closer to the boy. “Your father never wanted anything to do with you. Don’t trust him.”

Fenyriel looked up at the demon. “Why are you lying to me?”

“Don’t listen, Son. She’s always been ashamed of you. She wanted you gone so she could go back to the Dalish. I’m the one who loves you.”

“But…why can’t I remember you?”

Hawke/Arianni spoke again. “This is a trick, Fenyriel. He wants something from you.”

The boy looked from the image of his mother to the one of his father. “I- I, no this isn’t right. My mother loves me. She’s the one who taught me to write, not you. She showed me all the letters she sent to you, the ones you never replying to. No, I don’t know you. Get away from me!”

Fenyriel leapt up from the table and fled the room, the Fade parting as he disappeared. With a snarl of pure hatred, the demon transformed her nearly naked body on display as she shifted her focus to Hawke. The rest of us came back into being, and we all moved to take position beside Nevarr.

“You. You turned him against me.” 

“Complete accident. I was trying to help.” Nevarr, ever the smart ass. 

I chuckled, which in hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have done. I can’t say for certain that the demon wouldn’t have tried to tempt me anyway, but I rather like to think she was extra cruel with her lure, that she pumped a little more power into her spell, because I’d laughed at her.

“Take away my pets and I’ll take away yours. How loyal are these friends you drag into the Fade? Oh, this one is most interesting.” She glided to a stop in front of me, but I held my ground. “You are both foreign and familiar, filled with so much power and passion. I cannot return you to your world, but what if I gave you that which you want nearly as much? Let me show you all that can be yours, if only you acquiesce.”

“Not interested, sister. Hawke, can we just get to the killing bit?” There was no response. “Hawke?” I turned my gaze away from the demon and almost died from mortification. Looked like tempting me was a bit more like tempting Aveline - a visual representation, instead of a sensually delivered monologue.

While my attention had been utterly focused on the demon, she’d begun playing out my number two desire in vivid, graphic detail. Four bodies moved with carnal grace, mine leaning back against Hawke’s naked chest, his hands cupping my breasts. My own hands gripped Anders' hips, his cock buried to the hilt down my throat. Anders, for his part, was enthusiastically, and thoroughly, kissing Hawke, the mage’s fingers buried in Nevarr’s hair, holding the man still as Anders took his fill of full, masculine lips.

It didn’t stop there, either, I watched as my spirit image writhed, a fantasy construct of Fenris buried between my thighs, tongue obviously busy licking and teasing my sex. A lyrium-traced hand pressed against my lower stomach, holding me in place as he devoured me. It was sensory overload, I could actually feel a shadow of all the things the fake me seemed to be experiencing. I shuddered, my body gone liquid with heat, my breath stuttering, my lips tingling as though stretched around the breadth of another’s body.

“Damn, bitch, you're good. Okay, bad. Fuck, this is going to cause me so much trouble.” My voice shook, and the demon presumed that to mean she had me on the ropes, and so pressed her believed advantage.

“I can give them to you, all of them. They would be enthralled to you, never to turn from you, never to betray you. Yours forever.”

The image shifted, this time it was just me and Hawke. We were in a chair and I rode him. My head thrown back, his mouth at my breast, and I felt the pull of his hot lips, the sharp edge of his teeth on my nipple and I couldn’t hold back a whimper. Humiliation and a hunger like nothing I’d ever experienced churned in my gut, and I fought back a wave of nausea. 

The men were enraptured, so at least I didn’t have to look at their faces, but this was something none of them could unsee. I had regret, then, so deep and biting it took me to my knees. This was only going to make things worse, for me, for them, and I wished I’d never come to the Fade. 

The demon didn’t seem to notice my distress, because the image shimmered, and now it was Anders with me. We were in his clinic, the soft glow of firelight highlighting my golden skin. He held me tight to him, his front to my back, the back of my head pressed to his shoulder, mouth open in ecstasy. His mouth at my neck, one hand wrapped around my waist, the other between my legs, and I watched as magic sparked, electricity coursing over my clit. The phantom Piper’s body seized, her orgasm obvious in her screams.

I pressed my hands to my ears. No more. I couldn’t see any more. 

“And now, the last, the one you want the most.” 

Anders and I disappeared, and there was Fenris. We were arguing, or something, and I turned to leave. He grabbed my arm and I tried to shove him away from me, we grappled, and he managed to slam me into a wall. This image was the most surreal, because it was so similar to one of the romance scenes a player could have with the elf in the game.

His mouth took mine, then, harsh and demanding, and I moaned, loudly. Both ‘mes’ actually, because though the sensation was faint, I could feel the hard press of his mouth, the tips of his gauntlets burying themselves in my hair. The fake me lifted her arms, wrapping herself around Fenris a moment before the picture changed. We were in my bed, at least it looked like my bed, Fenris’ powerful body over mine, his lyrium brands glowing in the dim light. 

Our eyes were locked together as he pounded into my body. My legs were spread wide, knees over his elbows, and I knew he was slamming into me with controlled power, wanting me to feel every inch, every stroke, from the mouth of my sex to my womb. The phantom Piper’s hands dug into the bedding and arched her back, and gave a keening cry that set the hair on my body on end. She screamed her pleasure, the sound tearing from her throat. 

“Fenris!”

That was it, my will surged, and I stood. “Enough! Enough.” I tried to make it sound like I was giving in, and finally, the images disappeared. The demon almost purred as she brought her body close to mine.

I looked up at her, stepped closer until the tiny metal caps on her nipples pressed into my chest. Lifting my left arm, I reached up to cup her neck.

“Oh, yes, my dear. All of them and more. They will be yours, so long as you agree to my terms. Isn’t that what you want?”

I put a little pressure on her neck, bringing her mouth close to mine. Maybe I was better at seduction that I thought, because the bitch didn’t even notice my right hand going to the small, deadly stiletto I kept at my back.

“I would have them freely or not at all. And you fucked with the wrong woman, you bitch.”

I cannot tell you the satisfaction I felt as I jammed my blade deep between the demon’s ribs. How good it was to feel the way its black heart quivered when I plunged deep, the dark pleasure that poured through my body as she went slack in my hold, eyes wide with shock. I withdrew my blade and the demon’s corpse floated to the ground. Unlike in the game, I killed her before she could call reinforcements.

I didn’t look at my companions. I couldn’t. I was beyond humiliated, beyond mortified. I was furious and a little panicked, but I couldn’t let those things blind me now. We had to save Fenyriel and get out of here. I strode out of the room and threw myself against the rage demons that showed up to try and bar us from getting to the pride demon on the other side of the Gallows courtyard.

I don’t think the boys got in a single shot or blow. I tore through those things as if I were possessed. It wasn’t enough, but it helped calm my agitation. As we approached the other door, I spoke over my shoulder. “This is a demon of pride. And it won’t be me that’s tempted this time.”

I threw open the door and marched down the corridor, stopping before the door at the end. Nevarr glanced at me, but I looked away. I caught a glimpse of his frown, but he said nothing, opening the door and stepping inside. I let the other two go first and as I fell in behind Justice, I realized it wasn’t Justice, but Anders.

“Anders?”

Fenris, Anders, and I became invisible to Fenyriel, while Hawke took on the form of the First Enchanter. I couldn’t see the other two, but I heard Anders reply.

“It’s me. Justice, well, he removed himself from the situation.” The mage sounded like he was trying for levity, but he didn’t quite manage it.

“How long?” I whispered the question. I don’t know why I thought it had been Justice held rapt by the vivid sexual display put on by the desire demon. I should have known better, since none of them tried to stop it and Justice surely would have, if he’d had the ability to do so.

“I don’t know. Long enough, I suppose.”

I didn’t say anything else as we rematerialized. Hawke had done it, he’d convinced Fenyriel the image of the Keeper was a demon and the boy fled. In its frustration, the demon turned on Fenris. Even knowing what was going to happen, I couldn’t help but wish the elf would resist. 

He didn’t.

“You help Hawke, Anders. I’ll take Fenris.”

Warriors were powerful, but there was a reason I played a rogue more often than not and it had nothing to do with pickling locks or opening doors. I flew around Fenris, drew him away from the others, and took him down with rapid fire strikes and swift blows. I looked into his eyes a moment before he disappeared in a swirl of lyrium smoke, saw anger there, rage really, but so much pain, and passion too.

Finally, the demon was defeated and Hawke, Anders and I made out way back out to the courtyard.

“Listen, Nevarr. You must tell Fenyriel to master himself and his power. It’s the only way for him to survive and not become the thing Marethari fears.”

Hawke nodded as we approached the boy and told him exactly what I’d said. Fenyriel straightened, squared his shoulders, and I knew we’d done it. We’d saved him. Whether or not that was a good thing, I didn’t know, but it was a good thing then and that was all that mattered. The boy took possession of his gifts and walked out of the Fade, determined to go to Tevinter, and in a flash, I was back in Arianni’s house.

I got up from the floor and a sound drew my attention. Fenris sat in a chair nearby, his eyes burning through me. Of course, he’d come back before we had. I said nothing as I looked down at the stirring forms of Anders and Hawke. I needed to leave before they awoke. Without looking at the elf, I turned on heel and headed for the door.

A gauntleted hand gripped my wrist, hard. I couldn’t look at him, not and save what was left of my dignity or pride.

“Let me go. Please, Fenris, let me go.”

He made a growling noise and I couldn’t stop the tiny whimper of sound that escaped my throat. It was enough, though, because he released me. Gathering the tattered shreds of my will around me, I left Arianni’s home aimlessly. I had no idea where to go or how, exactly, I was going to fix the mess I’d made. God help me, I really hoped I could fix it; otherwise the next few years in Kirkwall were going to be painfully lonely.


	9. Chapter 9

I found myself, oddly enough, in the Hanged Man. More specifically, I found myself in Varric’s room, spilling my guts to the dwarf, who kindly kept the shitty ale flowing while I spoke, but didn’t interrupt or ask questions.

I knew I was a little buzzed, maybe more than a little, but not yet truly drunk. That probably explained why I was a bit too forthcoming with what happened in the Fade. Still, other than a lift of his brows and a slow shake of his head, Varric simply listened.

“This is a clusterfuck of epic proportions, Dwarf. I suppose I could go beg a bed from Aveline. At least at the Keep I probably wouldn’t have to worry too much about the boys trying to visit. There’s never any privacy there. Hell, maybe I’ll just join the guard. That could do it.”

“Piper, I’ve only known you for days, but even I can tell you’d be a shitty guard.”

“No, I wouldn’t.” I glared at him over my eighth? or ninth? cup of ale.

“Yes, you would. You’re definitely the type to kill first, ask questions later.”

I grumbled. “Okay, you’re right. But I can’t stay here. Fuck, they aren’t stupid. I imagine they’ll be here any time now. And I’m really not comfortable going back to Hawke’s. Kind of hard to avoid the man if he’s sleeping two doors away.”

“True. But you know it’s possible they’re just as unsettled by what happened as you are. Maybe you could go with the flow? Unless you’re really not as bad ass as I thought. In which case, you’re more than welcome to continue to hide here.” His words stung, the truth in them, but the fucking smirk on his face pissed me off.

“Fuck you, Varric. Just fuck you.”

“I’m sure we’d be dynamite between the sheets, Oleander, but I’m a one crossbow dwarf.”

“Oleander?”

“Yep. It came to me yesterday, you know after you threw that Tal-Vashoth guy off the cliff. Beautiful, deceptively alluring, and totally lethal.”

I laughed. I mean, I really laughed. There was a reason I loved Varric and this was it – he was the ultimate charmer. He knew just what to say and when, but he was fiercely loyal and protective of those he considered his.

“Ah, Varric. I adore you. Really. Thanks for helping me get my head out of my ass.”

“Anytime. So, I take it you’re heading to the estate?”

“Yes. I’ve never been a coward; I don’t intend to take it up now. We’re all grown-ups, right? I’ll figure out some way to get through this with as little trouble as possible.”

“Good luck, then. Still coming for Wicked Grace tomorrow?”

“I’ll be there, with bells on, my dear dwarf.”

“Only bells? I mean, I’ve heard, but sadly I wasn’t present when you fell through Broody’s roof.”

I gave him a flirty wink. “I suppose it depends on how you play your cards.”

He laughed and waved me out. “Go before I find myself tempted to join your fan club.”

I feigned a pout. “Spoil sport. I’ve always wondered about dwarves. But alas, it seems never meant to be.”

His laughter followed me down the stairs. I glanced around the bar and saw no one I recognized. Isabela was not at her typical perch, not that I was surprised. She was probably out trying to nail down Wall-Eyed Sam’s whereabouts. 

The sun rode the horizon when I finally made it to Hightown. _You can do this. Hawke’s a good guy, he'll probably try to blow it off with some inappropriate ribbing_. I tried to shake off the nervous jitters making my muscles jump and when I finally felt like I was mostly in control, and not too buzzed, I opened the door and went inside.

Bodahn greeted me with a smile. “Good evening, messere. Sirrah Hawke is out for the evening, but he asked me to remind you you’re most welcome in his home. He didn’t seem to think you’d be returning.”

I swallowed against the lump in my throat. “Thank you, Bodahn. And please, call me Piper, or Pip. I’m not a lord or lady that you need to address formally.”

“As you like, Piper. Did something happen this afternoon? Messere Hawke seemed quite agitated when he returned to the estate.”

“Ah, well, sort of. We had a bit of a misunderstanding and I’m afraid I was too upset to speak with Nevarr afterward. Don’t worry, Bodahn, I promise it’s nothing awful.”

“Good, good. Mistress Amell left food warming for you in the kitchen, if you’d like.”

My stomach grumbled in reply, drawing a chuckle from us both. “I’m famished.”

“Follow me.”

The elder Feddic sat with me in the kitchen as I ate three platefuls of meat, potatoes, and vegetables. The food here wasn’t the same as earth, but it was very close. When I’d swiped the last morsel of bread through the tiny bit of meat broth on my plate, I sat back and sighed deeply.

“That was delicious, Bodahn. Truly.”

The older dwarf blushed sweetly. “Thank you, Piper.” He then laughed and glanced at me. “You know, if you stay long, I’ll need to start doubling up on our food orders. You eat like no lady I’ve known.”

I grinned. “Yeah, Anders asked me if I was a Grey Warden. Said he hadn’t seen a woman eat as much as I did since the Queen.”

“Ah, yes, Lady Remia and King Alistair both had very hearty appetites.”

“You traveled with them, during the Blight.” I didn’t make it a question. 

“My son and I did, yes. I like to think we helped the Hero and her King in our own little way.”

I patted his hand. “You did, Bodahn. I promise, you did.”

We fell into a companionable silence as I cleared my plate and set it in the wash tub. “I suppose I’ll head upstairs. Thank you for sharing your time with me, Bodahn.”

“It was my pleasure, Piper. Good night.”

“Night.”

I made my way up the stairs, peeling layers before I even cleared the doorway. Once inside my room, I piled all my armor and the demi-corset on the floor and broke open one of the cleaning charms Nevarr gave me. While the spell spilled free, I went into the bathroom and drew a bath.

This time, I didn’t need to hurry. I moaned as I slid into the hot water, leaning back against the curved edge and closing my eyes. It felt so good, just to relax, to stop thinking and float. Before I knew it, I was asleep.

A palm curved against my cheek, a warm thumb passed over my lips. I hummed and turned my face into the caress, the feel of firm flesh and the gentle rasp of callouses against my soft skin. I breathed in against the hand, the smell of sword polish and musk stirring my body and my mind.

“Nevarr.” 

“Damn you, you’re enough to tempt the Maker and I’m no god.”

I startled to full wakefulness. “Nevarr! Why are you in my bathroom?” I wanted to hide my nakedness, which was ridiculous. The few candles I’d lit had long since melted away, the pale sliver of the moon barely lightening the shadows through the window. Besides, he’d already seen me naked.

“Bodahn said you’d returned, but when I didn’t see you in the bed, I was afraid you’d drowned yourself in the tub.”

I pushed his hand from my face. “I’m not the kind to kill myself. As you can see, I’m perfectly fine. So how about you get out of the bathroom so I can finish bathing?” It was then I noticed the water was still the same temperature it had been when I’d gotten in. The wonders of magic.

“Do you have any idea how hard I am right now? I thought I had it under control, but then you called my name, you knew my touch, even in your sleep. I’m not sure you have any idea just how erotic that is.”

He moved away from the tub, but only far enough to take a seat on the small stool beneath the window.

“I’m sorry, Hawke. I told you, I didn’t want to create chaos for you or your companions. If I could change it, I would. But I can’t.”

“The demon said she couldn’t give you your greatest desire.”

“Nevarr, please, don’t.”

“Piper, I’m barely hanging on by a thread here. You have to give me something because I won’t lie – we both know if I were to pull you from that water and into my arms, it wouldn’t be non-consensual.”

“I don’t know, fuck, I don’t know if I can tell you.”

“Please try. After what I saw today, it's nigh on impossible for me to understand what's holding you back. You aren't a nervous maiden and apparently you want... well you want.” His voice was low, throaty, ragged, emotions bleeding out of him despite the effort he put into hiding them.

“This goes no farther, Nevarr. If I can even make it through the telling, you have to swear you won’t tell anyone else.”

“You have my word.”

I slipped down further into the tub, letting the hot water envelope me. “I suppose I should start at the beginning, so you’ll understand. My childhood – well, it was probably worse than even Fenris’. No, I wasn’t a slave, but there are worse things than slavery. I know Fenris’ history, I remember the things he can’t, not yet. And what I know is that he was loved, he was protected, and whatever abuses he suffered at his master’s hands were few. At least when he was a child.

“Not so much for me. I was abused, physically and not, as far back as I can remember. Every day, it was reinforced with fists and words, how very useless I was, how worthless, what a burden I was. My mother blamed me for my father leaving, and when she found another man to lose herself in, she allowed him to treat me like a piece of shit, so long as he stayed with her.

“I’m not going to say more than that. I don’t want or need your pity. Needless to say, as far as I was concerned love was dangerous, and being in love meant horrific things. When I was old enough that I could take care of myself, I left my mother and her new family and struggled to make my own way in the world. I was little more than a child, though, barely seventeen. In my world, it’s not like it is here. Seventeen is very young to be alone in the world.”

“Maker, Piper –“

“No, don’t interrupt. I’ll never give you your answer if you do.”

He said nothing, but I saw his fingers curl around the edge of the stool, as if he were physically holding himself in place. Satisfied he’d be quiet; I took a deep breath and went on.

“I took lovers. No one I cared about, not deeply at any rate. I found pleasure and I embraced it, shared it openly and freely with those of my choosing, but I kept my heart my own. I would not fall prey to love. I’d never known it, never felt it, and believed I was better for it.

“I don’t know if I am better for never having fallen in love, but I don’t know any different. Still, eventually even I tired of affairs of little worth and finally chose to get involved with a man I knew was deeply, irrevocably in love with me. I cared for him, I did, I do, and somewhere along the line, I realized I loved him, but not romantic love, not passionate love. I loved him as you do your sister, and yes sometimes that made intimacy between us difficult for me, but he was, is, a good man. He is an honorable man, a loving man, and a fantastic father.”

I heard Nevarr’s gasp and swallowed past the massive lump in my throat.

“My greatest desire wasn’t to go home, Hawke. It was to hold my children close once more. But I already knew she couldn’t give me that. I went to see the Dalish that first day I was here. Marethari, in her kindness, gave me answers to questions I couldn’t have asked. I am dead in my world. There is no going back.” A sob slipped from my lips, but I gritted my teeth and fought to keep my voice steady even as tears slid down my face. “But there’s peace in that, since the thought of my son and daughter believing I abandoned them probably would have been enough to push me to seek out my own destruction.”

“Piper, I – I’m so, shit, sorry just isn’t good enough.” I heard the tears in Hawke’s voice, though I couldn’t see them on his face.

I forged onward, suddenly wanting to tell him all of it, though I knew I could have stopped there and he’d have let me. “So the demon picked the only thing I want almost as much. The problem was, even in that she failed because while the carnality of her offer was tempting, what I want is so much more than that.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve never been in love, Nevarr. I’ve never felt that passion, the soul-deep connection to another living person. I would have gladly died for my husband, but not because the thought of living without him made me want to die. I’d have done it because he was a worthy man, and I believed he deserved to live more than I did. He would have protected our children as fiercely as I, and he was able to love them with a freedom I could not.

“I’ve always been an outsider. Distant from other people. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I have a brilliant mind, I learned how to read people, how to decipher their desires and be whatever they needed. But no one has ever gotten past that shallow façade. No one alive. However, in fantasy, in books and games, I didn’t suffer the same emotional handicap. The characters in stories were never disappointed with me, they never turned their backs on me for someone prettier or younger. In my imagination, I could finally fall in love with someone who loved me back just as passionately, who wanted me as desperately, and I never had to worry those fictional characters would suddenly tear my heart apart and leave me devastated, wishing to die.”

“So, you, you’ve been –“ His voice was terribly soft.

“Yes. I’ve had more than passing fancies with fictional characters - they're safe to fantasize about, it's safe to experience things like love vicariously through them. But Anders, Fenris, you – you aren’t fictional characters any longer. My brain, however, doesn’t care. If anything, what I feel is even more potent now than it was in my fantasies. And Fenris, by far, is the hardest for me to deal with. I know him, I know his suffering, I know his pain. If I could, I would raze the Imperium to the ground if I thought it would help him heal.

“Do you understand, now? Do you see? The three of you want me, yes, but you can’t possibly feel what I do. Not yet and maybe not ever. I… I cannot open myself up like that. I don’t know that I will ever be able to. I’ve never let someone inside, not my body or my soul that I truly loved. And I am terrified, no petrified, of what will happen if I do.”

“I think I understand, Piper.” He stood and I turned my face away. I couldn’t watch him walk out, not after bearing so much of myself. I tensed when I felt him pause next to me. “I’m nothing if not a patient man. I will wait, but you should know, I won’t wait forever. Eventually, I’m going to find out if you taste as good as I imagine. I’ll know if your body fits mine as perfectly as I know you will.”

I held my breath as he left the bathroom, the door closing softly behind him. My heart pounded in my chest and I slid below the surface of the water. I didn’t surface until I felt my lungs would burst, the sound of my gasped breath harsh in the darkened room.

Shit, that hadn’t exactly gone as I’d expected, and with the heat Nevarr’s words evoked, I didn’t think I’d be going to sleep anytime soon either. Oh well, at least the water stayed hot. I washed languidly and it was only after I slid into the bed, clad only in my skin, that I realized the tight knot of worry in my gut was gone. Telling Hawke all I had wasn’t easy, but I’d needed to do it, to tell someone. 

Things might be awkward between us, yes, but it wasn’t insurmountable. And with that thought, a tiny bloom of hope flickered to life. As my lids slipped closed, and I relaxed into sleep, I wondered what tomorrow would bring and found myself excited to discover it.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I took a bit of creative license with Qunari mating habits here - not much, really, beyond the Arishok, Arigena, and Ariqun having a singular partner for breeding. To be honest, in this particular area the game(and comics) information is really thin; about the Qunari in general. With as much emphasis as the Qun puts on everything being in its proper place, having a strict position in the hierarchy that is immutable, it doesn't make any sense for a male/female chosen to mate with one of the Three Pillars to then be tossed back into the random pool for some lesser Qunari to breed later. Otherwise, the information is canon-correct, to my knowledge.
> 
> Also, considering Piper's origins (or at least her Thedas body's origin) this particular confrontation would have to happen. There's no way the Qunari wouldn't notice a female Kossith.

_A month later_

“Come on, kitten. Wake her up so we can get moving.”

“But she looks so peaceful, Isabela. I don’t know what happened, but the four of them have been so tense around each other for weeks."

"She and Anders have been getting along just fine."

"I suppose you're right. But, she's been very frowny lately. I want to leave her peaceful just a bit longer. She's very pretty when she's not growling. Oh, she's pretty when she is, just scarier too.”

Bela sighed. “Kitten, you are just too sweet.”

“I appreciate your kindness, Merrill.” I rolled onto my back, realizing too late my breasts were bared to the room. 

“Oh, my!” Merrill’s face flushed and she covered her eyes quickly.

Isabela, of course, laughed and took in the view.

“Like what you see, Bela?”

“Mmm, most definitely. Too bad you aren’t on my side of the blankets.”

I chuckled. “I have been. Delightfully sensual. But I think my plate is pretty fucking crowded and I haven’t even decided if I’m hungry yet. Still, your offer is tempting.”

She grinned salaciously. “Aw, you say the sweetest things. Fine, but I reserve the right to at least try to bed you.”

“I'd be offended if you didn't! Now, do you mind handing me that pile on the floor? It seems we have something to do and I should probably be dressed for it.”

In the last month, nearly every morning I’d awoke to find one or another of Hawke’s companions in my room. It warmed me, made me feel like they’d accepted me into their strange family. It also irritated me, I mean, for the love of god, didn’t any of them know how to knock? Save for Nevarr, the morning after we killed Quentin - and only that morning - these people just walked right into the room, bold as they pleased.

The pirate queen strode to my clothes, gathering them up and dumping them on the bed in an even less tidy clump. I shoved the covers away and climbed out of bed, beginning the process of suiting up.

“You know, it would be great if I could get a change of clothes. And you guys too. Why the hell do you always wear the same shit?”

Isabela gestured to the white dress she always had on. “This is my ‘I’m going adventuring with Hawke’ outfit. I’ve had it magically enchanted to repel just about any kind of gore or goo I could think of.” The dusky skinned woman looked at Merrill, who was nodding against her palms in agreement. She still wasn’t looking at me.

“I call these my ‘I'm going to be very messy’ robes. I learned years ago that being in Hawke’s company was just awful on my clothes.”

I quirked a brow as I stuffed a foot into a boot. “Yeah, but you both had those clothes when you met Hawke.”

“Exactly. It’s what I was wearing the first time I got in a fight with Hawke. I decided when I joined up it would be the outfit I stuck with. It took me days to get this clean again and there was no way I was going to be doing that to all my clothes.”

One strange anomaly explained. I turned my back to Isabela. “Will you tighten this up? Fuck, what I wouldn’t give for a proper bra.”

“I liked the look of your lacy underthings too, but I haven’t been able to find anyone who can replicate it. Yet.”

“Yet?” I looked at her over my shoulder while her deft fingers tightened the lacing on the corset thing.

“Yes. Varric and I agreed if we could find someone who could make your, bra you called it? If we could find someone to create one of those, we’ll be rich.”

I giggled and shook my head. “I better get a cut.”

“Ha! According to Hawke, you made fifty gold the first day you were awake.”

“Yeah, I've tripled that since." The women gave small gasps. "What? Varric is very good with investments. That and I can't seem to stop cutting purses. I still want a piece of the bra profits, if you manage to make one. Maybe I'll just take my cut in actual bras.” 

Bela snorted. “Fine." A couple more tugs and a flash of fingers and I was in like Flynn. "There you are. All in place.” 

I bent at the waist and adjusted. Satisfied my bits weren’t going anywhere, I pulled on the jacket. “I’m covered Merrill, you can stop hiding your face. So, where are we off to?”

The _elvhen_ smiled softly. “Oh, you aren’t going with Bela and I. Hawke just sent us to wake you. He and the others are waiting for you downstairs.”

The absolutely evil look on Isabela’s face told me exactly who the ‘others’ were. “Great. Do I at least get something to eat?”

Merrill held up a small package. “Bodahn wrapped you some fruit and cheese. Hawke says you can eat on the way.”

I took the wrapped bundle from her, peeling back the paper and snagging a thick chunk of cheese from inside. I bit off a large piece, chewing slowly and shrugged my shoulders. “Fine.”

Bela lifted a water skin to me. “And you’re all set. Well, except for your blades. Sandal has them. You left them in the hall, but Hawke cleaned them up and had the boy sharpen them.”

“Damn,” I said around a slice of apple. “I’ll have to apologize. I don’t think it’s a good idea to leave enchantable items where Sandal could fiddle with them.”

The three of us left the bedroom and headed down the stairs. Isabela didn’t even bother to cover her snigger as three sets of eyes tracked our decent. The males were leaning nonchalantly about the room, but as I neared, all three of them stood straight. I lifted a brow at Hawke and he looked away. Something about the way he wouldn't meet my gaze made me nervous.

“Nevarr.” The tone I used was curious, questioning. The night in my bathroom came back in a flash and I felt a spurt of fear twinged with anger.

Over the last four weeks, I’d spent most of my afternoons in the clinic with Anders and though the mage flirted, he hadn’t pressed me. He'd been warm, funny, he listened when I spoke. We'd worked on refining my talents, strengthening both my control and focus, in between curing everything from coughs and sinusitis to pneumonia and gangrene. I could honestly say I counted Anders as a very close friend, I really liked him, cared about him and he seemed to feel the same. But he never tried to get me to give anything I wasn't willing to, which earned him my respect and trust above all else.

Hawke and Fenris, well, I saw Nevarr every day, but the low-grade lust that was always in his eyes strained our interactions. And the elf, shit, just being across the table from him at the weekly Wicked Grace game was almost too much. When Isabela said he 'smoldered' so good, she wasn't kidding. I had been careful to make sure Hawke didn’t take the Fenris with him if he left the city, for the most part I'd kept my distance from the two of them. I kept busy, if I wasn’t at the clinic, I spent my time cutting purses, bullshitting with Varric, or helping Aveline out with jobs a bit too shady for her guards. I’d even agreed to lessons with Sebastian twice a week, teaching me archery. All in all, I’d been goal oriented, trying to find my place in Kirkwall, getting to know these characters, and doing my dead-level best not to end up in anyone's bed.

“Come on, we’re going to see the Arishok. Then the Viscount.” He refused to look at me, but his words drew me from my thoughts.

“Nevarr.” My voice rose, but he ignored me.

I planted my feet, but two hands at the base of my spine propelled me forward. Flanked on one side by Fenris and on the other by Anders, I didn’t really have a choice but to walk. Sure, I could have dug in, but that would have caused a huge scene. As it was, Isabela was practically doubled over with laughter. At least Merrill looked a bit worried.

“Stop pushing me, damn it. I’m going.”

Both men stepped away. Not far, but a little. I stalked through the foyer and out the door, storming up behind Hawke. When he made to turn toward me, I put a hand between his shoulders and growled the words I wanted to scream.

“If you broke your promise, Nevarr Hawke, I will throttle you. Make no mistake.” The sharp pain in my chest took my breath, but I clenched my jaw and shoved it away. This small thing, this tiny maybe-breach of trust, and my not-even-fully-in-love heart ached. 

I pulled my palm away and moved around him, but his hand caught my arm. Returning his earlier avoidance, I didn’t face him. 

“I told them about your children and your past. I explained you needed time and nothing more. They needed some truth too, Piper.”

God, I understood why he did it, but I was still angry. Jerking from his hold, I spun to face the trio. “If even one of you mentions a word, to me or anyone, I will never speak to you again. I don’t want pity and I don’t need coddling. Are we clear?”

Their heads bobbed. I looked away, my gaze wandering over the nobles and merchants shuffling through Hightown.

“Let’s get this show on the road.” I whirled and headed toward the market, three sets of feet echoing softly behind me. And if I wasn’t mistaken, three pairs of eyes glued to my ass. “Men.” 

We’d just entered Lowtown when I couldn’t take any more. How the hell would any of them see an attack coming if they kept ogling me? I jerked the tails of the coat up, exposing the skintight leather cupping my ass. I looked over my shoulder and shook my head. “Hey, boys, you want we should find a street artist? They could paint a picture and then you could spend all night staring at it, instead of doing so while we’re wandering through the city.”

“Fuck, that is just about the finest ass I have ever seen.” Hawke shifted his stance, clearly trying to ease a growing pressure between his legs.

“Agreed.” Fenris’ voice made me twitch, my buttocks clenching. The movement did not go unnoticed.

“Say something else, elf. I want to see that again.” Anders nudged Fenris in the arm and the elf actually smirked.

“Alright, you three. I’ll play. I. Am. Not. Wearing. Anything. Under. These. Pants.” I flexed the muscles of my ass in time with my words, first one cheek, then the other. Their eyes glazed, all of them making some kind of grunting noise.

I laughed and dropped the coattails, my earlier anger fading. Nevarr was right, to a degree. Whether or not I ever got involved with anyone, I should at least try to open up to the group. I knew so much about them, but they hardly knew anything about me, and I couldn't expect to forge any kind of strong relationships if I didn't start reaching out. It wouldn't be easy, but considering how much I knew about them, if I truly considered them friends - or maybe more - I should have the balls to offer them some _quid pro quo_ in return.

With a smile, I tromped down the steps. I didn't even bothering to see if the boys followed as I headed deeper into Lowtown and onward to the stairs that led to the docks. I had no idea where this thing would end up, but for once, the only unknown in my life was whatever was happening between myself and the three men behind me. Perhaps it was time to stop avoiding two-thirds of them and try to take Varric’s advice. Just go with the flow.

As we neared the docks, a thought struck me and I put a hand out to Hawke, stopping him. “Have you thought this through?”

“That’s a bit of a loaded question, don’t you think?” He grinned, all charm and white teeth and I fought the urge to roll my eyes.

“I mean me. I’m part Kossith. While no one else seems to notice, I guarantee the Qunari will. Are you sure it’s a good idea to take me with you?”

“Actually, that’s precisely why you’re along. I, we, want to know if you’re, uh, makeup will be a problem.”

“Better to know now if the Qunari are possessive over females of their kind, than to find out in some dark alley later.” Anders gave me a wink and I did roll my eyes.

“So the three of you thought it would be just brilliant to drag me down into the hold where the bulk of the Qunari are hanging around, doing nothing? Instead of taking the chance of running into a few of them on the Wounded Coast? I'm sorry, is 'stupid' stamped on my forehead?”

“They refused to listen to me. I have already told them what will happen.” The metal tips of Fenris’ gauntlets clinked like tiny bells as he curled his fingers into his palms.

“What will happen?” I had no idea. After all, there’d never been any Kossith or Qunari females in the games.

“The Arishok will try to take you.”

“Just because I look like this?”

Fenris frowned at me, as if he thought I was playing at being simple. “No. He will try and take you because you are a superior female. Despite you slightly smaller size and odd skin tone, you are the epitome of Qunari beauty. I have seen their women and even those I was told were the most desired are less compared to you.”

“Then this is a really bad idea.”

Again it was Fenris who responded. “It is, but there is nothing to be done. Either we do this now, or later, but it will happen.”

“I really don’t get it. I mean, the Qunari don’t pair bond, or mate, or marry or whatever. It’s my understanding that they are assigned a partner with whom they are to breed, but that once conception is done, the male returns to his role in the Qun. And once the babe is birthed, the same goes for the female.”

“That is so, for most of the Qun.”

“Most?”

“The Arishok, the Arigena, and the Ariqun are bonded, in a way, with the partner best suited to them. The Qunari believe it ensures only the strongest and smartest breed with their leaders. The males and females are chosen to fulfill this role could not, afterword, be bred to another less worthy of their position.”

“Males and females? You lost me.”

“The Arishok is always a male. The Ariqun may be either sex. The Arigena is always female.”

“Right, sorry, I forgot. Okay, but don’t the _Tamrassran_ raise the children? And the Qun wastes nothing, so what the hell would the Arishok’s, uh, companion do all the time?”

All three men speared me with looks in varying degrees of annoyance.

“Oh. Oh! Oh, what the fuck? Who the hell would want to live as a broodmother their whole life?”

“She is well taken care of and revered. She is also usually a artisan or merchant, and continues her Qun assigned role when not otherwise... occupied. It is…a good role.” Fenris gave me a strange look. I didn’t like it.

“I’m not interested in their role. I’m more than a womb and I'm certainly no artisan, unless one considers my tricksy moves on the battlefield something that can be bottled and sold."

"You would not remain a warrior."

"Fenris, I know that. Hawke, we should just go back to Hightown and ignore the Arishok.” I held up my hand to stall the man, my gaze glued to the ex-slave. Those eyes, sometimes they were the only thing that gave away his thoughts. This was one of those moments. “He knows I’m here, doesn’t he. The Arishok demanded you bring me to him.” When Hawke closed his eyes and nodded, I fought the urge to choke all of them.

“Really, guys, how about next time you just tell me what the fuck is going on instead of trying to, I don’t know, what the hell is this? Are you going to defend my honor or something? Listen, FYI, do not ever lie to me, even if you think it’s in my best interest.”

“FYI?” Anders cocked his head to the side.

“For your information. Shit, Thedas really needs some acronyms. You know, like BAMF and OSWF.” All three of them shook their heads in confusion and I smiled. “Bad ass motherfucker and ‘oh, shit, we’re fucked.’”

Hawke grinned. “I like those.”

The elf scowled. “If we might return to the problem at hand, we are going with you to show the Arishok you are not without allies here. He will not take you from us.” Fenris’ eyes flared with heat and determination.

“That’s great, except from what I know about the Qun, which likely rivals your knowledge, elf, if things get confrontational, you three wouldn’t be allowed to help me. Which reminds me; would the Arishok take me back to Par Vollen, give me to the _Ben-hassrath_ for reeducation? I mean, it’s up to them to decide mating, right?”

His eyes widened a bit, surprised by my words. “In Kirkwall, Arishok is the Qun. You would not go back to Par Vollen. He would claim you here.” 

I shrugged. “You know how I said sometimes you’d just have to deal with me saying shit you don’t think I should know? Yeah, one of those moments right here. Are you sure about this, Fenris? I guess I’m attractive, but I’d imagine one of the three pillars of the Qun would choose a breeder for more than good looks.”

“ _Venhedis_ , woman! You are bold, strong, and exceptionally smart. A _karatom_ of his men saw you ‘dancing like light’ over the rooftops of Hightown! Your beauty is simply icing on the cake!”

I pulled back, brows up, taken aback by his vehemence. “Chill your shit, Fenris. Fuck. Dancing like light? I didn’t know you were such a romantic, you cranky bastard.”

Anders laughed softly. “No, those aren’t Fenris’ words. It’s how the Sten who came to the Estate last night described you. Apparently, it took the Qunari a month to track you down.”

“Oh, well, sorry for calling you a romantic then, Broody.” I took a deep breath and turned away from them. “Let’s go. Best to get this over with.”

“She is insane, Hawke.”

“Noted, Fenris.”

“Hey, just out of curiosity. Uh, the whole _saarabas_ thing, wouldn’t that exempt me from breeding?”

“Fuck, she is smart.” Pride sounded good in Anders sweet voice.

“If he finds out, he would collar you, likely have your mouth sewn shut, and breed you anyway. The Qun wastes nothing, especially not a female specimen of your caliber.”

“Better and better. Forget I said anything about romanticism, elf, you’re a right proper twat.”

Both Hawke and Anders found that terribly funny, but Fenris not so much, if his grumbled curses were anything to go by. Soon enough, though, all joviality fled as we neared the Qunari compound. Squaring my shoulders, I walked up to the Karasten at the gate, without pausing, without even taking a moment to collect my companions.


	11. Chapter 11

“Open it.”

There was something, I don’t recall exactly what, but I reacted subconsciously. The large, grey-skinned, red-painted male did something and I growled, striking out with my fisted hand faster than even I realized. His head snapped back, blood trickling from him mouth, and he staggered to the side, his back to the large gate.

His gaze met mine and again, I didn’t hesitate. I jumped up and planted both my feet square in the middle of his chest. Holy shit, I think I’d been holding back on my strength before, because if what happened next was any indication, I was a better tank than Aveline.

The Karasten flew backwards, the mass of his body blowing the gate apart, wood and metal exploding as he burst through the barrier, coming to land just short of the stairs I knew led to the Arishok’s ‘throne’.

“Am I the only one terrified and turned on at the same time?” Anders words were soft, but I heard him anyway. Both Hawke and Fenris murmured some kind of agreeable response and I whipped around to hiss at them. 

I mean actually hissed, too. Yeah, it didn’t exactly help, if the hungry looks they gave me were anything to go by. Growling, I grabbed the blades off my back and spun to enter the compound. Men.

* * *

I walked past the Karasten, who looked like he had ideas of getting up, and I growled, loudly, baring teeth. It was enough to deter him, his eyes on the ground, his body still. I took the stairs two at a time, gaze flicking over the men lining the way to the Arishok. I counted more than twenty, though at least half of them refused to even look at me, so I hoped that meant they wouldn’t be an issue.

When I stood at the base of the platform below the Arishok, I looked up and locked eyes with the biggest motherfucker I had ever seen. Period. The game did not do the male justice; he was magnificent, grey skin and gold bangles, violet hued horns and black, black eyes. His fucking muscles had muscles and I had to stop myself from gawking. I mean, really, attractive as he was, Arishok was also super fucking scary and I was not inclined to be his brood mare.

He sat forward on his chair, eyes traveling from the top of my head all the way to my toes. He glanced to the side, I wasn’t sure who or what he was looking at, but when he opened his mouth, the words that came out weren’t in English, or common, or whatever it was people in Thedas spoke so they could understand each other.

“What are you?”

“Holy shit, I can understand you! I’ll be damned.” I didn’t respond in the same language, though I felt the words on my tongue. Instead, I glanced over my shoulder and nodded at Fenris. “Can you translate for Hawke and Anders?”

He gave me a slight bow.

I shifted on my feet, once more giving the Arishok my attention. “I am not of yours, and that should be enough.” The language, new to my ears, was not, apparently, new to my tongue. The Qunlat words rolled from me as if I’d spoken it my whole life.

“You will answer me, female.”

“I am not of the Qun, Arishok, so you might reword your question if you want me to answer.”

He motioned at the Karasten. “I see you put the male in his place. He is not worthy of one such as you.”

“I’m pretty sure there aren’t many that are, but that’s a bit of pride talking. I understand you demanded my presence, so give a girl a break and tell me what you want, so I can tell you no, and go home.”

“You still have not answered my question and my patience wears.”

I narrowed my gaze as Aarvarad shifted his stance beside the Arishok. “If you know what’s good for you, Leash Holder, you’ll stand very still.” A ripple of shock rolled through the helmed male’s body, but he stopped moving. To his leader I said, “I am Kossith, those who came before, and human. I’m not Tal-Vashoth. I’ve never even been to Seheron, let alone Par Vollen. More than that, I cannot say.” The Qunari language was beautiful. It felt like the words floated from my mouth and onto the air.

In truth, there were things I respected about the Qun itself. The idea of unity of the people, of making everyone’s lot better instead of only a few, the belief that everyone had a place, that each man, woman, and child were important to the health and survival of their people – these were ideals I agreed with and could have embraced.

If it weren’t for all the other bullshit that went along with it, I might have started my own Qunari cult on earth. But the way the Qun loathed individuality, the way no one was allowed to be unique, to make their own choices, to love or be loved, plus the horrific manner with which they treated their mages, those were things I couldn’t abide.

“Your creation was an abomination, female, yet here you stand before me, a most magnificent creature. You defeated the Karasten without effort. I wonder how you would compare against someone stronger and smarter.”

“Before I agree, Arishok will answer a question of mine. Is there no female in Par Vollen already assigned to you? Because I must say, the only reason I can possibly fathom that you’d be even remotely interested in pressing this suit otherwise would be because you don’t intend to leave Kirkwall.”

“Your intellect is superior as well. Good.”

His non-answer was answer enough. Of course, I knew the Qunari weren’t going to be leaving, but I had entertained the idea of finding Sam before Isabela, retrieving the Tome of Koslun, and happily packing the Arishok and his men off to Par Vollen. Honestly, I hated the fact that in the game, I had to kill him. He was a good male, not necessarily by human standards, but in the eyes of his people he upheld their tenets with grace and dignity. I respected his character.

But what he said, it made me a bit sad. It seemed that avoiding the Qunari uprising was yet another plot point I wasn’t going to be able to circumvent. Sighing, I made ready and nodded at the Arishok. “I would prefer not to kill your men. But this is your dance.” 

“Your companions will not interfere. To do so would be to forfeit their lives.”

I didn’t acknowledge his comment. I didn’t even look back at the men behind me. I couldn’t afford to be distracted by anything. The Arishok lifted his hand and three big fucking males stepped out of the formed lines. I glared at their leader.

“Three on one? What the fuck? Basaslit-an get a duel, but not one with whom you’d breed?” I switched back to English and shook my head. “Figures.”

I gave the males their due. They weren’t fucking around. With almost no sound, they descended as one, but they weren’t nearly as quick or lithe as I was. I parried their blows, what few got close enough I needed to, but mostly I focused on dismantling them one at a time. I shifted between their bodies, landing kicks and punches, slipping my daggers over their skin, until they fell, blooded and broken.

I was sweating like a whore in church, covered in blood, but not even remotely strained or tired. It was like this fight worked a feedback loop through my body, leaving my mind sharp, my reflexes keener, and my muscles loose, ready for anything. Arishok motioned the next group, four this time, and I hissed as they came at me.

The second group was smarter, having spent the last battle assessing my tactics. They tried to encircle me, and might have managed it if I hadn’t been one step ahead. Lashing out at the one closest to me, I planted my foot in his chest and launched myself over him, grabbing his shortened horns as I dove over him, using every bit of my strength as I came to the rough ground behind him. I pulled down, as hard as I could, and heard the sickening crunch as his neck snapped.

Such a waste, but the Arishok had made his decision. I rolled forward away from the body, coming back to my feet and spinning to face the other three. But the men were still, their mouths slightly agape as they took in the scene before them. I took advantage, throwing Jarvia’s Shank like it was a pocket dagger and not the massive blade she was in truth, and cleaved the forehead of the middle Qunari dead on, the razor sharp edge burying itself so deep in the male’s skull I knew I’d have to really work to get it free, if I survived.

While the two left standing turned to see what had happened, I ran at the one on the left, and ripped through his belly with Bard’s Honor. His entrails spilled to the ground a moment before he joined them, the stench of waste and bile pungent in the air. Finally, it was a proper duel. The last Qunari was weaponless, so I hooked my blade on my back. I bared my teeth, demanding he make his move, and he didn’t disappoint. 

His gaze narrowed and he charged. I stepped to the side at the last moment, catching his ankle with my foot. He stumbled but didn’t fall, instead whirling around and coming at me once more, like a bull charging a red cape. His claw-tipped fingers grabbed for me and I barely evaded their sting as I shuffled around his body, flanking him. I looked up at the dais as I leapt at the male, landing hard on his back, my knees drawn up so that when he went down, which he did, I ended up kneeling on his broad, powerful back.

With my gaze locked to the Arishok’s, I took the male’s head in my hands and growling loudly, tore it from his body. Something popped in my shoulder, I felt it go, but I ignored it. The adrenaline pumping through me anesthetized the pain, but more than that, I couldn’t afford to look weak. I rose off the dead body, my hands clutching the head of his man, and waited.

Seven of his men had been defeated, all dead. I thought it would be prudent for the Arishok to stop while he was ahead. The Qunari leader, for his part, seemed to be considering exactly that. But he was taking too long, in my opinion, so I made his decision for him.

I dropped the body-less head to the ground and ran, full bore, toward the dais. It was insane, my plan, but I needed this to be over. As I expected, his men had not expected me to charge at the Arishok, and I was on top of their leader before the Aarvarad could lift his control rod.

Straddling the powerful male’s chest, I pressed the small stiletto I always carried, the one I called a murder-knife in the game, to the Arishok’s throat with one hand, burying the other deep into his long, white hair, jerking his head back.

“Enough. I will not take more lives, unless it is yours. In this thing, you will not win. I will not submit. I would die first and that would defeat your purpose.”

One of his massive hands encircled my throat, the other curled around the forearm of the hand at his throat, as he tried to remove me. I held tight and pressed harder, the thin trickle of blood beneath my blade growing as his skin split along its edge. He roared into my face and I hissed in response, blackness beginning to crowd my vision. With all my being, I prayed the stalemate would end before I blacked out.

“Enough!” Fenris’ voice sounded low, and very close. I couldn’t turn my head, but the space between the Arishok and I began to glow blue and I knew the elf had his hand buried in the chest beneath me.

“You will release the female or I will tear your heart from your chest. What will your antaam do then, Arishok? She has proven herself against your most elite, killed them by herself. Perhaps you have been in Kirkwall so long you have forgotten the Qun?”

The hand at my throat eased, the one around my wrist releasing its hold, and I drew ragged breaths trying to recoup the oxygen I’d been denied for almost too long. The Arishok’s black eyes met mine and though I saw respect there, I also saw a desire to possess. I slashed with the blade at the same time as I shoved myself free of him. Not deep enough to kill the man, but enough to distract him as I pulled Fenris away.

He lifted his hand to his throat, felt the blood before lifting his fingers to see the red fluid. “You are worthy, but perhaps the elf is right. You may go. For now.”

“If your men come near me, I will kill them. Do you understand me? The Qun isn’t careless with its people. You’d do well to remember that.”

I walked backward off the dais, Fenris’ hands guiding me as we traveled down first one set of stairs, then another. Hawke and Anders took position in front of us as we left the compound, then fell behind us as Fenris and I raced up the stairs to Lowtown. It wasn’t until we passed the foundry and the armorer that adrenaline stopped pounding through my veins more ferociously than blood. I stumbled and would have fallen if Hawke hadn’t caught me and then swung me into his arms.

My head lolled against his shoulder and I cursed softly.

“What?”

“I left my other dagger buried in that Qunari’s skull.”

I felt Nevarr’s arms tense around me. “Anders has it. I figured you’d be pretty pissed if we had to leave quickly and left it behind.”

“You know me so well.”

He chuckled softly as he walked. We didn’t go far, Anders holding the door to the Hanged Man wide so Hawke could enter without putting me down. 

“I can walk, Hawke. My shoulder is fucked up, not my legs.”

“No.” His arms tightened around me, but he said nothing else.

It was mid-afternoon, but the tavern was busy. Chatter fell to a low rumble as Nevarr carried me through the room and up the stairs to Varric’s suite. I can’t imagine what the patrons thought, seeing Messere Hawke carrying a blood-soaked woman in his arms, flanked by the eerily-marked elf with a greatsword nearly twice his height and the Darktown healer.

“Well, at least she’s still with you.” 

I turned my head toward the sound of Varric’s voice and found him standing next to a steaming tub of water. Norah, the barmaid, stood nearby, her arms full of toiletries and a towel.

“Anders, take a look at her shoulder.” Hawke slowly released me, but didn’t pull away completely, his hands gripping my waist firmly.

I heard the mage move behind us, his tall, golden visage stepping close. His fingers moved quickly over the fastenings of my chest piece. Between he and Hawke, the managed to get the thing off without causing excessive pain, but it still hurt like hell.

“Maker, Piper, you’ve shredded the muscle and tendons.” Anders shook his head, but I only sighed with relief as his magic worked its way beneath my skin.

I couldn’t stop the small moan as I felt flesh knitting, pain washing away. Tired as I was, I called on my own magic as well, letting our power mingle, taking some of the weight of fixing the damage from Anders. Over the last month, I’d learned how to control the flow of power so there’d been no repeat of the day in Fenris’ bathroom. Besides, it was only fair I help, it was my fault the shoulder was so messed up in the first place.

“Note to self, don’t rip the head off ox-men in the future.”

Varric’s eyes fairly bugged out of his skull. “Rip the head off – is she serious?”

Hawke nodded, though there was no humor in his face. “Tore it straight from his shoulders.”

“Holy shit. This story I have to hear.”

“This isn’t a joke, dwarf!” Fenris’ voice was the closest I’d ever heard to a yell and I started beneath Anders magic.

“Calm down, Fenris. It’s over.” Anders pulled his magic back and I let my own settle. “I wouldn’t suggest doing anything excessively strenuous for the next several days, but your shoulder should heal good as new.”

I looked up at him and smiled. “Thanks. Now, how about everyone with a swinging dick get the fuck out so I can bathe?”

“Oh, goody, that means I can stay then, right?” Isabela’s voice came from behind me and I turned to see her leaning in the doorway.

“Actually, yeah. I need you to do something for me.”

“Ooh, better yet.”

I laughed. “Not that, dear Bela.” Stepping away from Hawke and Anders, I moved to sit on the edge of the tub to remove my boots. Feet shuffled, male voices dropped to low tones, but they did as I asked without too much muttering.

“Lovely.” Isabela eyed my nude form as I slipped into the tub.

I ignored her, instead looking up at the tavern maid. “Norah, do you mind to give me a hand washing? Just my back and hair.”

The woman nodded. “Varric paid me three gold sovereigns to help. For that kind of money, I’ll do about anything you want.” She grinned, a teasing upturn of her mouth, and I chuckled.

“Bela, I need you to get me something else to wear. Armor is great, but that shit is hot as hell and I want something a little less bulky. The breeches need to be tight and the blouse fitted. I assume you have my measurements since you’re the one who picked that up,” I pointed to the demi-corset atop the pile of laundry next to the tub.

“Do you want a band?”

“What do you wear?” I looked over her chest. I’d always been curious, since her tits were always so perfectly full and perky.

“I don’t. This top is tight enough to do the job.”

Well, that explained it. “Fine, then find me something like what you’re wearing. In violet, if possible, and short-sleeved or sleeve-less. Cotton or muslin is good.”

“You want shoes?”

“Yes, black. Pants too in black. Take whatever you need from the pouch on those pants.”

“You’re just going to let me rifle through your coin purse?”

“I trust you, Isabela. Besides, if you take it all, I’ll just go find some more.” I shot her a devilish grin before sitting up in the tub, pulling my legs up and pressing my chest against my knees. Norah took the hint and began scrubbing my back.

“I like you, Piper. I really do.” She laughed as she reached for the bag of sovereigns amidst my clothes.

“The feeling is mutual.”


	12. Chapter 12

I looked at myself in the mirror in Varric’s bedroom. “Damn, Isabela, I want to fuck me.”

The woman cocked her hip and slid me a heavy-lidded look. “I bought the top in every color they had, though I think I’ll keep a couple of them myself. I don’t think the pink will look nearly as good on you.”

“You do that. I hate pink.” I turned to the side. Damn, the breeches must have been kid leather, they were so soft. 

They looked painted on, though I’d had no difficulty slipping into them. The top, though, was absolutely beautiful. It was corseted around my breasts, and as Isabela had said, it was tight enough to keep them firmly supported without using something beneath the blouse. Below my breasts though, the fabric floated free. It wasn’t excessively billowy, just looser than the top. Two thin straps traced over my shoulders, leaving much of my lovely skin exposed to the light and air.

“This shade matches my eyes perfectly. Isabela, you are a goddess.”

The pirate queen gave me a small bow. “Ready to rejoin the boys? I can’t wait to see how they respond to this.”

I shook my head. “You’re so bad, Isabela, I’m beginning to think you’re good.”

“You bitch, I don't want to ever hear anything so slanderous again.” She laughed heartily and I winked, linking my arm through hers and we strode from Varric’s suite and down into the tavern.

We found the group sitting around the largest table in the Hanged Man, a massive circular thing in the far corner. Sure enough, as Bela and I approached, the men just stopped talking and stared. I’d pulled my bangs back into a braid, but left a few strands to frame my face, with thick, unbound waves falling over my shoulders. Bela had chosen some make up, as well, but I’d opted to forgo most of it but for an uncolored lip balm.

Releasing Rivaini, I took the seat between Aveline and Varric, putting myself on the opposite curve of the table from Anders, Fenris, and Hawke. I warmed under their gazes, but instead of saying anything to them, I nudged Aveline with my elbow.

“So, how was your day, Aveline?”

The woman chuckled. “Not so eventful as yours, but good regardless.”

“I’m glad you’re here. I think you should know what’s going on in your city. Plus, I like chatting with you. You're as blunt as I am, no double entendre.”

My comment made Aveline laugh out loud. "That's one of the things I like best about you, as well.”

Smiling broadly, I turned my face toward Hawke. “Nevarr, you have to go back to the Qunari compound.”

“What? Why?”

“Listen, what happened today, it doesn’t really have anything to do with you. The Arishok has some respect for you or he wouldn’t have asked for you in the first place, you know with the poison gas. And you’re going to need his respect.”

“You think he won’t try to kill me the minute I step into his space?”

“He won’t. Piper is right. He knows you’re her ally, but that doesn’t mean you are his enemy. His request has been denied and for now, he will let it lie.” Fenris took a drink from his mug, his gaze never leaving my face.

“Like I said, go to him. Tell him what happened with the elf and the saar-qamek, and be honest. Seriously, it’s been more than a month. I don’t know why you haven’t gone already.”

“I do have other things to do besides playing Qunari message boy.”

I inclined my head. He was right. Something the game didn’t bother to cover was just how much of Hawke’s time was constantly demanded because of his new noble status.

“Fair enough. When you talk to him, don’t pull any bullshit, no sarcasm. Once you’ve done that, we’re going to the Keep. There are too many variables in play, so despite how much I wish I could change it, what’s going to happen next it probably inevitable.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Reminder that I’m not actually from here, incoming. After you talk to the Arishok, he’s going to send an envoy to the Viscount. Remember Patrice and her Templar lackey?”

Hawke, Anders, Fenris, and Aveline nodded, all of them wearing frowns of varying intensity. 

“Right, well, Varnel, the Templar, he’s going to kidnap the envoy, with a little help from some city guards.”

Aveline went rigid beside me. “Who? Who of my men would dare?”

“I don’t remember his name, Aveline, but don’t worry. You’ll get your turn at the man. Anyway, once you agree to find the envoy and his men, you’re going to go back to the Arishok and tell him what has happened. While you’re doing that, I’m going to do something none of you are going to like. But it has to be done.”

“What are you going to do?” Anders narrowed his eyes at me.

“I can’t tell you. I won’t. Chalk it up to one of those things I won’t share for fear of how it might negatively affect this world.”

“I do not like it.” 

“I don’t care.” I glanced at Fenris, my look daring him to push me.

He wanted to, oh yes, my broody elf looked like he wanted nothing more than to tie me up and lock me in a closet. Alright, so maybe just the tying up part, but I was trying not to think about it.

Hawke cleared his throat and nudged Fenris. “So, while I’m off trying to find the envoy, you’ll be doing something else?”

“Yes. And make sure you take Fenris with you when you go. He understands the Qun, better than most of you, and he’ll be able to help you make the right decisions. This is of paramount importance – return the blades of any fallen Qunari to the Arishok.”

Yet another thing I found terribly odd in the game. Never did anyone bother to return the blades of the delegate and his men to the Arishok after they were killed by Varnel, but in Act 3, I was tasked with recovering lost swords for the Qunari who hung around outside the mansion. Seemed a bit like someone dropped the ball there, so since I was actually here, I would make sure Nevarr earned that extra bump of respect.

Nevarr looked at Fenris and the elf nodded. “The body has no importance, but their blades do. Returning them to the Arishok is a sign of respect.”

“Alright.”

“Great. When you take the blades back, the Arishok is going to ask you a couple of questions, and you are going to be honest again. No matter if you’d rather not. He won’t attack you, but your actions will earn his respect.”

“You want Hawke declared basalit-an.” 

Two points to Fenris. “Yes.”

“Then you believe-“

I cut him off. “Do not say another word. I’ve mulled this left and right, up and down, and though I wish otherwise, there is nothing I can do to change this outcome. What I can do is try to lessen some of the damage.”

His jaw tightened. “This feels unwise, but I will do as you ask.”

I felt my body relax. “Sometime down the road, Fenris, you’re going to say something to Hawke or me about your intelligence, and I’m going to remind you of this moment. You’re brilliant and I won’t hear you say otherwise.”

His gaze dropped from mine and I watched the tips of his ears darken slightly. Varric slid a mug of ale in front of me then, and I clutched it gratefully, hiding my smile behind its rim.

“Nice timing, dwarf.” 

“No problem, Oleander.”

I drank the horrible tasting ale and listened as the people around me fell into conversation. Merrill, hands moving excitedly, told Varric about yet another mugging she’d seen, this time right outside the Hanged Man. The dwarf chuckled, obviously delighted with her telling of the tale.

Sebastian joined us a few minutes later and Isabela immediately set herself the task of sexually harassing the maybe-brother-maybe-prince with a kind of single minded determination I could appreciate. Vael, for his part, seemed content to let her, though he did nod and give me a warm smile in greeting, which drew a snarl from Fenris.

I had to hide my chuckle at that.

Aveline and Anders were softly bickering about the guard and the Templars that had been sniffing around the clinic. Aveline, for her part, didn’t take any shit from the mage, and told him pointedly that she wasn’t going to lessen the guards in Darktown just because it made him nervous. She told him the guards were there to protect the people, and if any group in Kirkwall needed to be protected from predation, it was the poor and destitute in the sewers.

Anders wasn’t exactly happy, but he let it go, at least part of him seeing the truth of her words. Moreover, Aveline had no control over the Templars.

“Anders, just move into the estate,” Hawke reached into the pouch at his waist and withdrew a key. “Here, this goes to the lock at the basement entrance to the mansion, the one right outside the clinic.”

I watched the pair closely. Well, this was interesting. In the game, Hawke only offered the key after a successful romance. But once again, I was reminded that this wasn’t a game. In this Kirkwall, Hawke didn’t need a sexual motivation for offering his home to Anders. He did so because Anders was his friend, because he cared about the man’s safety, and because that’s what Hawke would do.

My heart skipped a beat and I felt Nevarr burrow just a little deeper into my soft spot. Damn it, I’d barely been in Thedas for forty days, awake at least, and I was already letting myself get foolishly attached. I knew better, but like I’d told Hawke so many night ago, I was on a slippery slope before I’d ever found myself lying in Fenris’ bed.

“Are you sure, Hawke?”

Nevarr’s green eyes crinkled at their corners. “Absolutely, Anders. I don’t want have to worry about the Templars finding you. It would really put a crimp in my plans, organizing a break out from the Gallows.”

Anders laughed and wrapped his fingers around the key and Hawke’s hand. “Thanks.”

I watched as something shifted between the men, neither of them pulling away. Fascinated, I stared as Anders and Hawke seemed to fall into each other, the muscles of their faces relaxing, jaws loosening a bit, eyelids dipping. The pair had been spending a great deal of time together and it seemed they were finally sensing there could be more than friendship between them.

Well hell, maybe sex was part of the whole key exchange. Although, as I watched, I understood that in this moment, Anders and Hawke were actually discovering their attraction, not furthering it.

“Piper.” Fenris’ voice was low, throaty. It startled me and the men across from me, who quickly pulled apart and shifted in their seats.

I slowly moved my gaze to the elf, only to find his eyes ablaze with need. Fuck me. _Yes, please!_ My inner self yelled and I had to stifle my lips from following.

“Fenris?” How I managed not to sound aroused, I’d never know.

“I don’t believe I could ever be deep enough.”

My mouth dropped open and everyone, I mean everyone, at the table shut up instantaneously. I couldn’t look away from him, even though I registered in my periphery the other seven people at the table were busy ping-ponging their glances between the elf and I.

I couldn’t have said a word, even if enough of my higher brain function had been working. Amazingly, it was Varric that saved me from throwing myself across the table and taking Fenris’ mouth with the wild, almost violent hunger that rode me.

“Daisy, how about you let Rivaini, Oleander, and I escort you home?”

Merrill squeaked, startled from her intense perusal of the situation, but recovered quickly. “I think that’s a fantastic idea, Varric. Piper hasn’t seen my house yet.”

Fenris’ brands lit; their glow low but steady. Aveline’s hand on my arm finally jerked me free of his gaze. “If you intend to go, might want to get to it.”

“Thank you.” I glanced at the rest of the table as I stood. Hawke and Anders looked torn between letting me go and keeping me there, but thankfully they both gave me matching grins as Varric led me away.

Fenris made to rise, but Hawke and Sebastian pressed their palms to his shoulders. As Isabela took my arm in hers, I finally turned away.

“You owe me, sister, because I think letting him fuck you against the wall might be the best thing to ever happen to that elf.”

I shook my head, trying to clear away the lust and desire induced cobwebs. I knew what happened when Fenris finally succumbed to his wants and while I was absolutely positive the pleasure would be unimaginable, it was the whole ripping out of the heart, metaphorically, afterwards that tied my stomach in knots, dried my mouth, and turned me dizzy with nausea.

“You might be right, Isabela, I’m just not sure I’m woman enough to handle it.”

The pirate snorted. “If you aren’t, no one is.” 

As we stepped into the Lowtown night, I took a deep breath and rolled my shoulders. Walking Merrill home was a great idea. Killing bandits was always worth a few coins and there was a book in the Alienage I needed Fenris to have. After what had just happened, though, it would probably have been a better idea for Hawke to give it to him.

It really was too bad I was better at giving advice than taking my own.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Graphic sexual depictions ahead of m/m acts as well as female solo delights. Reader discretion advised.

I returned to the mansion late, the _Book of Shartan_ beneath one arm, a small, leather bound journal, quill, and ink under the other. The notebook and writing utensils had been a gift from Varric, one he’d given me before returning to his suite for the night. 

“I have the feeling you’ll appreciate this. Whether to tell tales of your own, or to remind yourself of all the things you want to remember.”

I’d been genuinely moved by his gesture and had knelt to give the dwarf a proper hug, hard and tight, as well as a bus on the cheek. “Thank you, Varric.”

He’d looked ready to blush as he’d given me a gentle squeeze before pushing me back. “Be safe getting home, Oleander.”

I’d stood and smiled. “See you soon.”

As I climbed the stairs to my room, I noticed the door to Hawke’s was ajar. Thinking it would be a good idea to find out if he’d gone back to the docks, I stepped to the wooden barrier, hand lifted to knock.

And stopped mid motion at the vision before me. Hawke had Anders on top of the small table in the room, the one where the Hawke kept his journal. Both men were stripped to the waist, their arms wrapped tightly around one another, mouths coming together again and again.

I held my breath, not only because I didn’t want them to know I was there, but also because I couldn’t bear to break the spell passion wove around them. They pulled apart for a moment, eyes only for each other, before Anders tilted his head back and Hawke took advantage, teeth, lips, and tongue tasting every inch.

The mage moaned and Hawke’s hands slid from the top of Anders shoulders, down his sides, to his hips, and he pulled the other man tight to him, Nevarr’s taut ass flexing as he ground their lower bodies together.

“Yes, Maker, yes.” Anders hands buried themselves in Hawke’s hair, guiding the warrior’s mouth down, past his collarbone.

Hawke grunted as he took one tight, pale nipple between his teeth and Anders jerked, the soft ‘uh’ that tumbled out so erotic, I had to bite my lip to keep the whimper inside.

I knew I couldn’t stand there and watch, no matter how much I wanted to. Lost as the two men were in each other, I also knew neither had thought about the door. It took almost more strength than I had to step back, pulling the door closed, sealing the lovers away from prying eyes.

My breath came in short bursts as I went into my room. Clothes dropped to the floor haphazardly, my limbs shaky with need. I climbed on the bed, not bothering with the blankets, and laid back, trying to banish the images of Hawke and Anders from my head.

It wasn’t meant to be, especially not when the sounds of their mating filtered through the wall. If they’d been in the bed, the case might have been different, but when the first, low thump of wood against wood echoed beside my ear, I knew they were still at the desk.

And someone was getting fucked.

Soon, it wasn’t just the rhythmic beat I heard, but deep grunts and throaty moans. I didn’t need to know what they were saying to understand. What was happening between the mage and the warrior was powerful, demanding, hard, hot, deep. My body turned liquid and I gave into the demand for release.

The pounding grew louder as I slid my hands over my unbound breasts, teasing the tips at first, then pinching them just enough to sting as a particularly loud, ‘fuck yes, please’ sounded clearly through the wall.

Neither I, nor the boys it seemed, had much patience this night. Without further build up, I slipped my fingers between my legs, long digits gliding through the slick, soft folds, dipping just inside the mouth of my sex, careful of the sharp point that crowned each fingertip, before pulling back to circle my clit.

I spread my legs wider and canted my hips, jamming my free hand into my hair, pulling tight as I pleased this foreign but familiar body with abandon. Firm, corkscrew motions against the swollen, stiffened clitoris shot fiery shards of need through every pleasure center in my body. I rolled the flesh firmly, pinching it between thumb and forefinger, biting my lips to keep the sounds inside.

I rode the desire to the brink before abandoning the sensitive bundle of nerves in order to slip first one, then two, fingers deep into the hot, tight channel between my legs. I turned my head into my bicep, teeth biting down as the sounds of every wet plunge filled my ears, harmonized with the pounding on the wall and the grunts of two men fucking hard.

In my mind, I could see them. Hawke’s hands on Anders tight ass, spreading the mage’s cheeks apart so he could watch his thick cock, shiny with slick, plunge in and out. I imagined Anders’ cock caught between his pelvis and the edge of the desk, flushed red with arousal, but pinned in such a way that he received no stimulation beyond each stroke of Hawke’s cock in his ass.

I heard a whimper and didn’t know if it was mine or someone else’s and I didn’t care. I added a third finger and lifted my hips until the hard bone at the base of my palm made contact with my clit. My body clenched, belly and thighs undulating, orgasm so close I could see its glittering brightness against the back of my lids.

The fantasy in my mind continued as I pumped feverishly in and out of the wet, gripping walls of my pussy.

“You’re so fucking tight, Anders. Maker, I’m going to come so hard.” My fantasy Nevarr’s body shone with sweat

“Hawke… I want… Yes, come… Please.” The imagined Anders face would be scrunched with ecstasy, so close, so ready to tumble over the edge.

“Ah, yesss, fuck, fuck!” I pictured Hawke’s body curved over Anders back as he exploded. His fingers dug deep into the mage’s gluts, leaving bruises neither cared about, and he rode the other man’s ass to a completion so powerful, Nevarr’s mighty body shook when it was over, his breath ragged, close to a sob.

Hawke held still for several moments, before slowly easing back from Anders.

“Turn around and spread your legs.” His voice was so low, like gravel beneath the heavy tread of a truck.

Anders would do as he asked; sinking his hands into Nevarr’s hair as the warrior slipped to his knees and swallowed the mage’s cock in one go. Anders body would bow, but Nevarr followed, spearing two fingers into the other man’s body, slicker now with Hawke’s cream.

I imagined his fingers moving, searching until they found that one spot inside a man’s body that could bring pleasure unlike anything else. Anders fingers would tighten in the hair around them, his hips thrusting upward, a violent cry of ‘more’ breaking past his control.

Hawke would hum low in his throat, telling the mage without words he didn’t need to be careful as his long, thick fingers continued to press, rub, and determined to make Anders scream. And the mage would let go, fucking Nevarr’s throat, grunting and cursing until he could take no more.

“Nevarr!” 

In my mind, I could see Hawke’s hand pounding into Anders, his broad shoulders holding the mage spread wide, spittle slicking over balls pulled close to a body, as Anders came. I knew Hawke would swallow, greedy for every bit of spill, nose buried in the soft hair at the base of Anders’ cock. Nevarr would release the other man slowly, dragging out every sensation until Anders’ big body shook, overwhelmed by everything that happened.

Imagining Hawke’s mouth, red and swollen, a tiny drop of semen painting the lower lip, threw me into the abyss. I was sure I screamed into my skin as I orgasmed, body heaving, fingers pressed as deeply as I could get them. My body rippled in chaotic waves, over and over, and I stopped breathing, struggling to keep myself from flying apart.

When the last shudders, the last shivery waves crested, I relaxed into the bed, muscles quivering, too spent to pull the blankets over myself. I rolled to my side, gasping when my thighs pressed together, setting off a sharp jolt of pleasure from my clit. Despite a fantastic orgasm, a tiny blossom of pain crept into my satisfaction and I was immediately angry with myself. I had no right to be upset, no right to be possessive. Neither Hawke, nor Anders, or any one for that matter, were mine to begin with. It wasn’t that I felt slighted because the two men had finally found each other, no, I wanted them both happy and whole.

I was jealous because I hadn’t been with them, not just sexually, but emotionally. I hadn’t seen the hunger on their faces as they’d revealed themselves to each other, hadn’t been able to touch their bodies as they’d moved toward release. I had missed seeing their souls laid bare in their eyes when they came together for the first time. I wanted things in this place I’d never even thought about before, and if I were honest with myself, I was more frightened by those feelings than anything else.

Tormented and irritated because of it, I fell into a fitful, ragged sleep, and woke only a few hours later, violently ill and shaking, covered in sweat. Images, flashes of memory rolled over me, I saw the petrified body of my son, the monstrous grizzly bearing down on him. I heard its roar, felt the adrenaline tear through me as I ran full tilt toward him. I shoved him from me, watched him escape, and turned to confront the starving ursine attacker.

I remembered what happened right before I woke up in Thedas.

* * *

“Maker, what the hell happened to your arm? Is that a bite?” 

Anders’ voice slammed me into wakefulness. I whipped my head toward the sound fast enough to become temporarily dizzy and gave a loud, relieved gasp when I realized I’d drawn the fitted sheet over my nudity at some point in the night.

“For fuck’s sake! Does no one in this blighted place know how to knock!?” The words came on a snarled, ragged sound as I blinked to adjust my eyes to the light of day.

“Apologies for interrupting your beauty sleep, but Hawke and I were about to go round up the elf and Aveline and head to the Qunari compound to tell him about the poison gas. Nevarr thought you’d like to know.”

I groaned. “What the fuck time is it, Anders?”

“Ninth bell just chimed.”

Ninth bell? Ninth bell? Fuck, nine in the morning. I was not awake enough for serious discussion and I was grumpy too.

“What did that to you?” Anders pointed to my arm and I turned my head. There, in dark purple and red, was the perfect outline of teeth on the golden skin of my inner arm.

I swallowed a moan of pain. Shit, I’d really done a number on myself. As if seeing made it real, the bruise began to throb.

“I got bit.”

“I can see that. By what?”

This time I couldn’t hide the groan. “Anders, I am not awake enough to filter myself. Forget about it.”

“Piper, what the hell bit you? Did you run into a fucking hurlock or something? That thing looks vicious.” He strode around the bed and laid his hand over the mark, magic soothing and gentle.

“I did it. Now, will you please forget about it?” No filter, none at all, not first thing into wakefulness. And with the remnants of my memory still freshly reinstated, I was in no mood to socialize with anyone. “Fuck, Anders, just go!”

“By Andraste, why would you bite yourself?” Anders sounded genuinely worried.

“Anders…” I looked into his eyes, scowling, lips pursed. I wasn’t going to warn him again.

“Just tell me!” He shouted at me and that was it.

“You. Hawke. Fucking. I had to muffle the screaming when I came, imagining what you two were doing on top of that table!” I yelled right back at him before jerking my arm from beneath his fingers and rolling out of the bed. It was bad enough I told him that, if he didn’t stop haranguing me… No, I couldn’t talk about the other. Hopefully, he’d act like a man and focus on the sex part, so I could as well.

I was embarrassed, yes, and angry, and grumpy, which is the only reason I didn’t give a fuck that I was naked as the day I was born with a very silent Anders standing somewhere behind me. I stomped to the wardrobe and jerked the doors open, satisfied when I saw not only my armor, but the new clothes Isabela had purchased for me, hanging neatly inside.

With rough movements, I pulled out a pale green top and shrugged into it, before snatching up a clean pair of black leather pants. I jammed my legs into the breeches, fastening them angrily before turning my attention back to the blouse, cinching up the laces and adjusting my breasts. Fully clothed, I turned around, intent on locating my boots, only to find Anders tall, lean body right behind me.

I bounced off his chest, a little stumble, and his hands came up to encircle my upper arms. I turned my head, just enough so I couldn’t see his amber eyes.

“Piper, look at me.”

“I told you to stop asking. I said I had no filter. But you never know when to leave well enough alone, Anders. It’s one of the things I like best, and least, about you.”

“Look at me.” His voice, his heat, his closeness compelled me.

I tried to fight it, but in the end cowardice simply grated too much. I did as he bade.

We stood there, gazing into each other’s eyes, and I knew he saw too much when he spoke. 

“You’re angry, jealous, but something else...” His voice was husky, soft.

“Damn you, mage.” I felt the flush darken my throat, cheeks, and I shoved him from me. “Let it go.”

“No. I want to know what you’re thinking and apparently you’re only painfully honest for a short period of time.”

I narrowed my eyes and curled my lip. “I am always honest. I do not lie. I simply try to be less blunt when all my faculties are fully engaged.”

“I want the blunt.”

I spotted my boots from the corner of my eye and moved to gather them, striding to the chair and dropping into it before answering. “I’m not jealous you’re with Hawke – not like that. I don’t really think I can explain it in a way you would understand. In truth, I am very happy for the both of you. But I tend to be irrationally possessive of things I think of as mine. Since coming here, it’s become obvious I think of you, Fenris, and Hawke as mine. The others too, but not in the same way.”

“Then you aren’t upset he and I –we… You’re angry because you weren’t with us.” And the mage finally figured out the problem.

“Yes. Now, are you satisfied? Have you rooted out the truth you needed so badly?” I stuffed my feet into the boots, then stood and stomped some more.

I looked at him and his expression was – I didn’t know how to read it, but I felt immediately contrite. Sighing, I went to him, lifted my hand to cup his face. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been such a bitch. Listen, don’t worry about it. This is my thing to deal with, it’s my problem. I will not allow you to let it lessen your happiness. Okay?”

Emotion swirled in his gaze and I had a moment, just a flash, to process what was going to happen next. It was Anders after all, the guy who, in my first playthrough kissed me like he was dying and I was the first food he’d seen in weeks, when I’d told him he should get out more.

His hands were buried in my hair, his mouth on mine between breaths. I was shocked, yes, but that was quickly swept away with the first taste of his tongue against mine. The hand I’d placed on his cheek slid along his jaw and into his hair, fingers curling tightly against the soft strands. My other arm wound its way beneath his until I could grab hold of his shoulder with that hand, digging my claws into his coat, hanging on for dear life as Ander talented lips and tongue devoured me.

I moaned and he swallowed the sound. He pulled back and I caught his full lower lip between my teeth, tugging softly, smiling when he groaned. I suckled Anders’ tongue, my lower body pressing closer to his, seeking friction, connection. His hands slid from my hair to my ass and he jerked me hard to him, the prominent length of his erection nudging my belly.

That was my real wake up call. I didn’t want to, but I had to, stop kissing the man before I went too far. My body was ready for more, hell my mind was ready, but the stupid organ pounding a frenetic pace in my chest wasn’t. Slowly, I eased my hold, gently pushing against him until his hands released me and I could step away from him.

“Maker.” Anders scrubbed his palms over his face before pulling them away to look at his hands, at the shaking tremors moving through them.

I was no steadier. My knees were like jelly, wobbling and barely keeping me upright. If someone had walked in then, there would have been no doubt as to what we’d been doing, nor what we both still wanted to do. “Yeah, shit, you’re good at that.”

Anders gave a strangled laugh and I looked at him from the corner of my eye. “You’re not bad yourself.”

Clearing my throat, I turned away from him and walked slowly to the door, pausing with each step to get my bearings and bring my overly-sensitive body under control. I stopped in the doorway and spoke over my shoulder. “Don’t try to hide this. Tell Hawke. Tell him exactly what I said. He’ll understand, though I’m pretty fucking sure when he comes to discuss it with me, I’m going to wish I hadn’t just said that.”

I didn’t look back at Anders, simply left the room and headed downstairs. The door to the library was open, but there was no sign of Nevarr, so I went straight to the kitchen. The smell of coffee teased my nose and I gratefully poured a cup, downing it in three large swallows. Refilling my drink, I moved to the small table and took an apple from the bowl at its center. I looked through the window and out onto the empty garden and decided to sit outside, alone, before I tried to formulate a more thorough plan for the day.

Hawke’s garden was larger than Fenris’, though a bit wilder. Flowers grew in untidy bunches; the grass was a bit longer, not that I cared. I settled myself at a small table not far from the door, and listened to birds calls I didn’t recognize while the Kirkwall sun warmed my skin.

How to go about saving Seamus from Patrice? I’d puzzled this last night while walking Merrill home and then again while I’d made my way to Hightown. I was pretty sure talking the boy out of conversion was unlikely; Seamus had found something with Aashad and the Qun life as a Viscount didn’t offer him. He was a grown man and I believed it was his choice to make.

Still, letting that viperous bitch kill the boy – if I could stop it, I would. The attack on the envoy, then Aveline trying to get the elves back, those were the breaking points. Seamus’ death added to the kindling, but I never felt like the death of the Viscount’s son was a critical detail in the Qunari uprising. No, it had been important in leaving Dumar at a loss and weak, unable to do what he should have to try and protect the city. 

Truthfully, I didn’t think Dumar would be any more effective. In fact, I was pretty sure I’d still see his head rolling across the floor at some point. However, if I lined up the chips just right, I might be able to prevent the vacuum of power Meredith would try to turn to her advantage after Dumar’s death. If not, saving one more life was still a worthy goal.

“May I join you?”

I jumped a bit, startled by the soft, feminine voice. Leandra motioned to the seat across from me.

“Please, do! I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you.”

The older woman smiled. “You seemed quite lost in your thoughts.”

I ducked my head. “Yeah, that happens. My mind tends to run away with me.”

“Malcolm, Nevarr’s father, was like that too. He had such a vivid imagination and a voracious appetite for knowledge.” Her eyes turned wistful and I felt a lurch of empathy in my chest.

“I know it’s been years, but I am sorry for your loss. I know what it feels like to lose a husband,” I swallowed hard and looked away from her, “and children. Words are little balm.”

“Oh, my dear, I didn’t know you’d been married.” Leandra leaned across the table and took my hand. “You look so young.”

I managed a tiny grin. “You’re very kind.”

“How long has it been?”

I opened my mouth to say little more than a month, but realized that would only bring more questions. “I lost them during-“ I paused and Leandra filled in the blank for me.

“The damned Blight. I lost my Carver then too. It seems like it will never be over, with him gone. When it began, there were four of us. I suppose I can’t believe it’s finished when now there are only three.”

I squeezed her hand gently. “Time doesn’t really heal our wounds, but it does make the pain bearable.”

There was a shimmer of tears in her soft grey eyes as we looked at each other, two women who knew each other’s pain. After a few moments, she pulled back and sniffed delicately, brushing at her eyes with quick swipes.

“So, dear girl, what are your plans for the day?”

I tilted my head, pondering. I wasn’t really sure. I hoped Nevarr would return to the estate once he’d spoken to the Arishok, but I wasn’t certain he would. I couldn’t make my move until after Hawke found the Qunari delegate and killed Varnel, so it seemed I had nothing to do, at least not immediately.

“I’ve an errand to run this afternoon, but until then, I’m free as a lark.”

“Then please, accompany me to Lady Milicent’s for brunch?”

I had no idea who this Milicent was, but seeing more of Kirkwall’s elite and getting a feel for new aspects of the world couldn’t be a bad thing. “I’d love to, Lady Amell.” I never understood why it was everyone called Leandra by her maiden name in the game, but I assumed it was the correct way to address her.

“Please, Piper, call me Leandra.”

“Leandra, it would be a delight to be your escort.”

She laughed, a soft, merry sound and I smiled brightly. In that instant, I was awash with gladness, beyond happy I’d saved this woman from what could have been. 

“There you are, Mother.”

The smile slipped as I shifted in my seat to watch Hawke stride toward us. Careful not to let anything show on my face, I took in every detail. He really was breathtaking, tall, broad, powerful. When my gaze met his, I saw in those pure, green depths honesty, intelligence, and genuine affection.

And more. Oh, it was clear he’d spoken with Anders, I saw it in the lift of his brow, the slight tightening of his hands at his sides, the way his lids dropped, just so. I inclined my head, a miniscule movement, but the motion drew the corners of his mouth up in a sexy grin.

“Nevarr. I’ve just gotten Piper to agree to go with me to Milicent’s this morning.”

“I’m sure you two will have a delightful time.” Hawke bent at the waist and kissed his mother on the cheek. 

“Fancy sandwiches and gossip galore, what more could a girl ask for?” I kept my tone very light, but the smirk on Nevarr’s face said he heard the sarcasm.

Leandra chuckled. “I’ll have Bodahn fetch the dressmaker, Piper. Not that your clothes are inappropriate,” she stammered quickly, her face showing her embarrassment.

“I’m not offended, Leandra. I’m sure a woman running around in breeches is not the most respectable way to meet the ton.”

Relief swept her features. “Thank you for understanding. I’m sure I have something we can have sized with little fuss.” She stood and placed her palm against her son’s chest. “Do be careful.”

One of his large hands came up to cup hers. “Always. I’ll see you later this evening.”

She nodded to me before pulling from Hawke and moving back into the house, leaving us alone in the garden.

He didn’t waste time, a trait I usually appreciated.

“You kissed Anders.” 

I swiveled in the chair, shifting away from him before I got up, consciously and effectively putting the table between us.

“Actually, Anders kissed me, but I was a willing partner.”

“How much did you see?”

Memories danced through my mind and I replied honestly. “Too much and not enough. You left the door open, Nevarr. I was coming to ask if you’d gone to see the Arishok.”

He looked away and cursed softly. “I’m sorry, Piper.”

“I’m not. Damn it, it’s fine, no, it’s wonderful that you and Anders have finally found each other. I won’t let either of you fuck it up feeling guilty about something you’ve no control over. And I won’t let you use me as an excuse. I’m a big girl, I’ll be fine.” My heart tightened painfully, which only served to irritate me.

But Nevarr, apparently, found my words funny, because he chuckled. I gave him an angry glance and crossed my arms over my chest. He shook his head.

“What do you find so amusing?”

“You. I can’t begin to understand the world you come from, but here, in my world, I’ve learned a few lessons. One of the most important is that a person has to seize his or her happiness with both hands whenever it presents itself. Over the years, I’ve realized the people I hold most dear share that belief.”

“What does that have to do with anything, Hawke?”

He stepped around the table and I admit it, I retreated. He paused, but quirked his brow, all masculine arrogance and satisfaction.

“It means that I understand you better than you think. It means nothing is going to stop me from having you, all of you. And knowing Anders will be there, sharing in the experience, only makes me happier, and all the more determined to see it happen sooner rather than later.”

“I’m pretty sure polyandry is frowned on in Thedas.”

“Fuck Thedas. Like I said, grab onto happiness with both hands and don’t let go.” He stepped closer again, and once more I shifted back, keeping the table between us.

His dark laugh shivered down my spine and weakened my will. I reached out and took ahold of the back of the chair Leandra had occupied. “You should get going, Nevarr. I have goals to accomplish this afternoon, which I won’t be able to tend if you don’t do your part.”

The look he shot me was positively scandalous, but he bowed slightly and said, “As my lady commands.”

I snorted, I couldn’t help it. If this man ever did as he was told, by anyone other than his mother, it likely involved tying him to a bed. “Right.”

He winked and I laughed, shooing him with one hand. “Jesus, go already.”

“Who in Andraste’s name is Jesus?”

I barked a chortling sound. “Exactly, sort of. Ask me later and I’ll try to explain.”

Nevarr shrugged but finally took his leave of me. I watched him go, appreciating the view, but when I was alone again I let his words swirl in my head. I had suspected, hell secretly hoped, Hawke would react the way he did, but imagining it and having it actually happen were two different things.

Relationships were complicated enough between two people on earth. Though many tried threesomes and foursomes, open relationships and even more variations, it seemed that serial monogamy was what worked the best. Thedas wasn’t earth, but still, fantasizing about being with two men (or three, because as attached I was to Hawke and Anders, the pull I felt toward Fenris was magnetic) was great. Actually making a thing like that work? I couldn’t handle what I felt just being in Kirkwall and seeing the three of them all the time.

Being surrounded by them, laid bare to them, more than physically? I shivered, need and fear making my heart pound and my body tense. What the hell was I thinking? I grumbled under my breath as the truth revealed itself. Despite a lifetime of avoiding love, of refusing to be vulnerable to another human being, my heart had chosen to stop playing along with my mind. The traitorous thing was subtly undermining my will and I realized it was winning the battle.

There was an old earth saying that love would find a way. Apparently, for me that meant dying and being thrust into a world that shouldn’t exist. With shaking legs, I made my way back into the house, unsettled and confused. I knew Kirkwall like the back of my hand, but apparently I didn’t know my own secrets nearly so well.


	14. Chapter 14

True to her word, Hawke’s mother found a pale-lavender, sheath dress in her closet and I’d been sewn into it to within an inch of my life. I had managed to get out of wearing a full corset, but that was as far as I’d gotten my way. Leandra had me primped, combed, and enhanced with careful application of cosmetics to within an inch of my life. And if the look on her face, when she’d introduced me to Lady LeGrande was anything to go by, she’d been deliciously satisfied with her efforts.

According to Leandra, I was an exotic beauty and would take the nobility by storm. It took me less than thirty seconds at the soiree to realize even Hawke’s mother hadn’t expected the attention I received. I won’t lie, it agitated me, made me extremely uncomfortable, and so I decided to stay close to Leandra as we mingled among the guests before the meal was served. I smiled when appropriate, but kept my mouth closed for the most part, watching, categorizing, and sizing up the nobles surrounding me.

Truthfully, I should have paid better attention to the conversations going on around me, especially the ones where Leandra would introduce me to so-and-so or such-and-such. But I was too busy avoiding the subtle grope of hands and the drinks. I didn’t like the barely veiled looks of greed and desire, not in equal parts, on the faces of the men who repeatedly offered me wine and spirits.

The daggers from the women weren’t much better.

How to describe lunch with the Kirkwallian nobility? It wasn’t nearly as cutthroat as I imagined a similar event would be in, say, Orlais, but there was enough scheming and subtle backstabbery I was sure some of the players had practice in The Game – as Leliana had called it in _Origins._

Milicent LeGrande was a contemporary of Leandra’s and the women had been childhood friends. She’s was a gracious host, with a sharp intelligence that lit her brown eyes. She was well aware of all the bullshit freely flowing from lips and kept a sharp eye on who spoke with whom, who avoided who, and generally led the dance of characters at her get together.

A gentle hand at my wrist brought my thoughts to the chatter around me and I turned a questioning look on Leandra. “I’m sorry?” We’d been seated in the garden at a collection of smallish tables, Hawke’s mother and I having garnered seats at the hostess’ side.

“Mili asked how you like Kirkwall?”

“The city is so different that what I’m used to. It’s very exciting. I couldn’t be happier I decided to come here.” There was a quick flash of real anger in LeGrande’s eyes. I looked at the woman’s two young, but lovely daughters, and saw they too had hateful gazes trained on me. 

“Leandra, you must talk that son of yours into attending the Delauncet’s ball next week. Annalee and Aislinn are dying to meet him.” 

The women, barely, in question blushed prettily as their mother voiced her request. I didn’t know whether to chuckle or glare. Pretty though they were, well, they were as far from Nevarr’s type as a Mabari.

Leandra tapped her forefinger, surreptitiously, against the back of my hand. When my gaze met hers, I saw humor there, and warmth. She turned, looking at Milicent, and said, “I shall endeavor to gain his acceptance, but Nevarr is his own man. Besides, at this late date, I don’t know if Fifi would be able to accommodate another guest and I know Nevarr wouldn’t want to leave Piper alone, when she could be enjoying a lovely party. Sadly, Lothering doesn’t offer much in the way of entertainment, certainly nothing as grand as Kirkwall.”

“My dear, the careful application of maternal influence would no doubt garner the boy’s acquiescence. And what’s one more guest? Fifi would be delighted, I’m sure.” The other woman smiled, and maybe it was just me, but she didn’t seem to hide the calculating gleam near as well as she thought.

Leandra laughed softly, but made no further reply. 

When the ass hat next to me tried, for the fourth time, to fondle my upper thigh beneath the table, I leaned close to Leandra’s cheek, while taking his fingers with the hand opposite her, and bending back two of them until I heard, and felt, a soft snick. The prick jerked away with a muffled shout as I whispered, “Can we leave yet? Too much more and I might have to kill someone. Blood would simply ruin this gown.”

Lady Amell scored massive respect from me then. Her body didn’t betray a single flicker of response, though when she looked at me, I saw merriment fairly shining from her grey gaze. With practiced poise and grace, Leandra stood and beckoned me to follow, before excusing us from our seats in the garden. 

We made our way toward the hostess, where Leandra said our goodbyes, the women kissing cheeks. Then, at last, we were free of the place and back, once more, in Kirkwall’s lovely streets.

At which point, Hawke’s mother burst into peels of bright, shining giggles. “Oh, my dear, I think that was the most fun I’ve had at one of these since Nevarr acquired the estate and bought our way into the nobility.”

I tried to frown at her, but I couldn’t. Instead, I crossed my arms over my chest and waited for her to collect herself. “So glad I was entertaining.” I spoke sarcastically, but without heat.

“Did you break Lord Gerald’s hand? Or did I imagine the snap a moment before you suggested we take our leave?”

A vicious smile lifted the corners of my mouth. “Ooh, yes. The slimy bastard kept trying to feel me up!”

Leandra came to me, linking our arms, and hooted her delight. “Milicent, well just about all the noble mothers in Kirkwall, have been trying to snare Nevarr. No doubt they still entertain the thoughts. But these well-bred girls cannot hold a candle to you. I hoped, perhaps, to give my boy a bit of breathing space. He hates the parties, the hob-knobbing, the back stabbing and intrigues, but he needs to participate. The information and insight are invaluable if one expects to succeed in the nobility.”

“Yeah, can’t say I blame him. So, just to make sure I’m assuming right, you asked me to join you so that you could imply Hawke and I were-“

“Oh, I didn’t imply, Piper. I could only have been clearer if you’d been wearing an engagement ring.”

I stumbled at the base of the stairs to the Viscount’s Keep. “Leandra!”

The shock on my face only delighted her more. “My dear, the look on your face is priceless.”

“You can’t do that! Nevarr will be furious that you’ve practically announced he’s on the verge of marriage. And to a low-born Ferelden at that.” Thank god I had the presence of mind to stick with my cover story.

The woman blatantly ignored my comment on how her son would take the news. “It would be scandalous, but then again how we got into Hightown is already. Besides, after seeing you, your origins and social status don’t mean quite so much. Don’t worry, Piper, I only did it to protect Nevarr. My son will understand. And I’ve also afforded you protection as well, my girl. While you’re in Kirkwall, at least, a man would have to be mad to try and accost Nevarr Hawke’s beloved.”

I held the door to the estate open as she shifted past me. I wasn’t so sure I agreed with her assessment, but in this world, I saw the wisdom of her actions. Not that I expected to get hit on, or accosted (beyond what I’d just suffered), or kidnapped, or whatever, but making it known I was with Hawke would grant me a certain amount of power I hadn’t had before. Power I realized I could use to the benefit of myself as well as my goals.

“Okay, Leandra, I see your point. It would have been nice if you’d let me in on the plan, but I can’t argue with the results, I don’t suppose.”

The other woman gave me a fond grin and patted my arm. “There, you see. Now, I believe I’ll go rest before supper. Enjoy the rest of your day.”

On impulse, I bent forward and kissed her cheek. “Thank you.”

She cupped my face. “Such a lovely girl.”

I watched her ascend the stairs, and as soon as she closed the door, I whirled to Bodahn. “Find someone to get me out of this dress.”

He grinned and nodded. “Right away, Piper. Messere Hawke is in the library with the others.”

“The others?”

“Yes, the captain, the elf, and the healer from Darktown. He asked you join them when you returned.”

I gritted my teeth. At least I wouldn’t be alone with the three of them. “Thanks. Come get me when you’ve returned.”

I tugged at the hem of the dress, lifting it to kick my feet free of the low-heeled slippers I’d been forced to wear. The cool stone of the floor felt good against the soles of my feet as I made my way to the library and entered.

“You spoke with the Arishok, then? And the Viscount?”

“Hello to you as well, Piper. Damn, you look magnificent.”

I moved away from the door, walking to the writing desk and unceremoniously hopping onto its surface. “Thanks, Hawke. Oh, by the way, you’re mother pretty much told everyone who matters in this town that we’re engaged. Well, except for Varric, but I doubt he’s too far behind the ball on this.”

“What?!” Surprisingly, the shocked response came from Anders and Aveline, not Hawke himself.

Nevarr just laughed. “I suspected she might.”

I swung my feet gently. “Yeah, I might have figured that out when I suggested you wouldn’t be thrilled and your mother didn’t even comment on it.”

It was Anders turn to chuckle. “I doubt there’s a man alive that would complain about having you for a bride.”

“Fuck you.” I jabbed good-naturedly.

“Anytime.” His golden eyes shone with mirth and desire and I warmed.

Hawke grinned as he nudged Anders with his elbow. “So, what was your comment? To my mother.”

“To our implied upcoming nuptials? I thought you’d be angry. Guess I was wrong. Still, it’d have been nice to get a head’s up, though I can see the advantages.”

“You are so pragmatic, Piper. It’s refreshing.” Hawke waggled his brows.

I snorted and glanced at Aveline. “Yeah, ‘cause the Guard-Captain here is so prone to fits of histrionics and temper.” Shaking my head, I glanced at Fenris for the first time and found the man’s gaze eating me alive, deep green nearly black with hunger and a flash of anger, his body practically vibrating with tension.

Swallowing hard, I quickly looked back at Hawke. “Moving on, how did things go at the docks?”

“As you and Fenris predicted. The Arishok didn’t make mention of our other visit, though it seemed telling him I was the one looking into what happened was the only thing that kept him from simply razing Kirkwall to the ground immediately.”

I nodded. “Good. And Dumar, have you spoken to him yet?”

“No, I suggested we collect you first.” Aveline leaned against the post at the bottom of the stairs. “I need to return to the barracks.”

I understood what she hadn’t said. Having her in-party when Hawke went to see the Viscount could cause all sorts of political issues, which I knew Bran would mention, if Aveline was with Hawke when Nevarr spoke with the asshole in order to get information on how the Qunari delegates disappeared. Aveline Vallen might not have liked playing politics, but she knew the game.

“Agreed. I’ve sent Bodahn to find someone to get me free from this dress. Once I manage that, I’ll be ready.”

“Piper, several packages came from Isabela for you. I had Bodahn put them in your room.” Hawke shrugged, as if to say his guess was as good as mine as to what the pirate queen had sent.

I frowned. I had no idea, but I silently hoped it was more clothing and not something else. Okay, I only sort of hoped the bitch didn’t send me dildos. I grinned at my inner thoughts, earning me curious looks from the rest of the people in the room. “I don’t know what it is. I was just pondering what it could be.”

“ _Venhedis_.” 

“Finally decide to join the conversation, Fenris?”

“Do you enjoy tormenting me, woman?” He made to move toward me, but Hawke and Anders both stepped between us. Not enough to block his view of me, or mine of him, but enough to forestall his forward momentum.

I threw back my head and laughed. “Are you fucking serious? With relish.” I drew the words out, feeling my features fall into a feral look. “As much as you seem to? Like it isn’t written all over your face that you’d like nothing more than to throw me to the floor and bury yourself in me?”

He growled at the same moment Bodahn opened the library door. The dwarf took one look at the situation, his face going from warm and relaxed to tense in a flash.

“Ah, Bodahn, you’re back.”

I slipped from the table and strode to the smaller man. 

“They won’t always be here.” Fenris’ words weren’t just a growl, they were something deeper, darker, and I felt like each one stroked over every tightly wound erogenous zone I had.

Without replying, I hurried the senior Feddic out, trying to ignore the flush I felt staining my neck.

There was a small elf woman waiting outside my bedroom. Seeing her reminded me of Orana. Shit, I was really in a fucking mess here. Though my presence changed the story, it was obvious Fenris was reaching his breaking point and I didn’t know what to do. In the game, the attraction between Hawke and the elf had slowly built, along with respect, for four or five years before Fenris had finally acted on his feelings.

I’d been here five weeks. And despite the fact that I cared for him, I would at least admit that much, he merely wanted me, desired me. I didn’t know how that might change things and I found anger growing in my belly. 

I opened the door to my room with a sigh and tried to shove aside my disturbing thoughts. “If you’ll kindly release the stitches, I’d be grateful.” I motioned to the woman, who gave me a smile and took a tiny pair of scissors from the bag she carried.

In less than five minutes the gown was loose. I went to the bedside table and withdrew a few silvers. The seamstress, Ranna, tried to only take one, but I insisted she take them all, for coming so quickly. I also made an appointment with her to return in two days and take my measurements for some sleepwear. I preferred to sleep naked, but with everyone’s penchant for barging into my room without forewarning, I figured having the option to sleep in clothes might be a good idea.

When I was alone, I dropped the dress and hurried to the bed, tearing open brown paper and twine with glee. My mouth dropped open. The pirate queen had outdone herself this time.

I didn’t know how she’d done it, but I owed the woman big time. As I pulled the modified chest plate free from its wrapping, I stroked over the gleaming, black leather with reverence. The supple flexibility wasn’t lost on me, nor was the soft hum of magic flowing from the armor and into my fingers.

The set was an adapted version of Fenris’ own armor, complete with clawed gauntlets, sleekly feathered pauldrons, and lovely, lethal-tipped spikes along the arms. I didn’t know what it was made from, exactly, but I sensed it would be much more breathable than the _Arms of the Mac Tir_ , without compromising protection.

The second package held pants and the third a pair of boots, toes sharply pointed and plated with armor from the top of foot to the bindings I knew would end just below my knees. When I opened the fourth package, I didn’t know whether to laugh or groan. It was filled with demi-corsets in various colors, but these cinched at the front. Not a bra, but much more to my taste as well as something I could get into on my own. There was also a few pair of rather bland looking underwear, which made me frown in confusion.

But of course, that wasn’t all, there was also a note attached to a lovely, and intricately carved, smooth stone likeness of a cock.

_Piper –_

_Got to thinking you should have your own ‘Hawke’s going a-killing’ armor. I could say I hope you like it, but we both know you’re creaming yourself over it. Well, that and my last little gift. I’m a giver, you know._

_You owe me._

_Isabela_

_P.S. I noticed you aren’t fond of smalls, but you’ll need something for, well, you know when. Unless you’ve already figured out how women with money deal with our unwelcome monthly visitor._

I really didn’t know what to think. Looking at all the parcel’s contents, I was moved by Isabela’s generosity, but at the same time it was a nasty shock, reinforcing this Thedas wasn’t identical to the one I knew. Of course, no female characters had to deal with, well real-life, in the game. Hell, I hadn’t had to deal with it yet, though I chalked it up to either stress or the possibility that this half-human, half-Kossith body didn’t cycle the way I was used to.

Of course, if I wasn’t going to have a menses, my next thought brought on a flash of panic as the idea of going into heat flashed in my mind.

“Oh, holy fuck, I hope to god that isn’t the case. I don’t even want to imagine how the elf would react to that.” I spoke to myself and the words brought my mind full circle, back to Fenris.

Sinking onto the bed, I pressed my forehead into my palm. Fuck, what was I going to do? I didn’t think I could hold off taking Fenris away from Kirkwall much longer. Thinking about the game story, I also knew after Hadriana’s attack, if Hawke didn’t have enough approval, Fenris would come to the estate to talk, but leave before anything happened.

Remembering the small detail gave me pause and eased some of my tension. After five weeks, most of which I spent keeping busy and away from Fenris, there was no way I could have earned enough of his trust for him to want to be intimate. Especially not after how vulnerable I knew he’d be in the aftermath of confronting Danarius’ apprentice.

I prayed my instincts were right because there was no way I’d be able to refuse him if he came to me. I didn’t have the will to resist Fenris, not in that. He was right, it was easy with Hawke or Anders or someone else between us. Alone, I didn’t stand a chance. Thinking of the mage and the warrior, though, only managed to complicate my thoughts even more.

In the game, if Hawke turned to someone else after Fenris left, reuniting with the elf later was impossible. I was weak, maybe, but since both Nevarr and Anders made it clear they would be patient, but ‘we’ were going to happen, I was worried. If I was with them first, I might still be able to have Fenris, but after he left, when I’d probably want and need comfort and connection, would that have the same effect in this world as it had in mine?

I didn’t know. I was so out of my depth in this and I couldn’t determine what the ‘right’ course of action was. Hell, I still thought getting involved with any of them was a piss poor idea, a good way to find myself suffering the kind of pain I’d carefully avoided my whole life. And knowing what would happen, well to a degree, only made things worse. Talk about walking into situation where one knew they would lose, but they did it anyway. Stupidity, insanity!

“Pip?” Aveline’s voice came through the door.

“Just a minute, Aveline. I’m almost finished.”

I jumped from the bed and made quick work of dressing in my new armor. It fit like a second skin, literally, moving with my body, flowing against my skin, not a hitch, nor hindrance did I find. Grabbing my twin blades from the large table near the bathroom, I slid them into the latches on my back, satisfied when I heard a soft _snick_.

I opened the door, revealing a smirking Aveline, whose grin dropped, then bloomed, bigger and wider than I’d ever seen.

“He is going to shit himself.”

I barked a laugh. “A gift from Isabela. I think she might delight it goading him more than I.”

“For the same reason, no doubt, but I believe she's outdone herself this time. Still, you look good in Fenris’ armor.”

I slid my hands down my sides and over my hips. “I didn’t get a look, but it fits beautifully.”

“It does and, I think, distractingly too.” She glanced at my breasts, which Isabela had so graciously made certain were held up and pressed close, giving me cleavage to rival the pirate’s own.

“Yeah, well I suppose I’ll just deal with this,” I motioned to my chest, “because the rest is so worth it. I have to find out where she got this from and order a couple more sets.”

Aveline turned from me and I sidestepped her massive shield. “Did she have it enchanted?”

We took the steps together, her pace a stair ahead of mine. “Yeah, don’t know what with.”

Aveline pointed at Sandal. “Ask him while I gather the others.”

“Sandal, can you tell me what enchantments are on this armor?”

“Ooh, shiny. Enchantment!” He clapped his hands and I smiled.

“Yep, what kind?”

“Protection and lightning and spirit.” He clapped some more and danced from foot to foot.

Excellent choices, all three, and I knew I really did own Bela. Big time. “Thanks, Sandal!”

I heard the sound of movement a moment before the strangled noise of Hawke choking on boundless guffaws of laughter echoed through the house.

“Andraste’s great, flaming ass!” Anders stumbled past Nevarr, mouth agape before he too started laughing, full-bellied and rife with good humor.

Fenris said nothing, merely stood frozen in place, eyes wide. I couldn’t help it. I spun with a flourish before cocking a hip and shooting him my best shit-eating grin. “Looks better on me, no?”

Aveline joined Hawke and Nevarr in laughing as I twirled around again and headed for the exit, giggling to myself as I led the way to the Keep. God, but it had been a long time since I’d felt so good, been relaxed enough to just enjoy a moment with people I cared about. The wars back home, the sickness, losing a child, scrabbling to survive, those things had worn away mirth, and glee, and happiness, until there hadn’t been much left to lighten the dark days.

Hard as it was to accept, (especially since being in Kirkwall with Hawke probably meant an even shorter life, and more painful death, than I’d believed I would suffer on earth) dying to live in Thedas might have been the best thing to ever happen to me.


	15. Chapter 15

While the boys chatted with the Viscount, I walked with Aveline to the barracks, and tried to ignore the stares and whispers that accompanied our journey.

“Fuck, please tell me I didn’t hear what I thought I heard.”

Aveline opened the door to her office, motioning for me to enter before her. “Sorry, Piper, you did.”

“Jesus, word travels faster than light here.”

“Who is Jesus?” The captain removed her sword and shield, carefully placing them a weapons rack I’d never noticed before.

“Ah, kind of a long story. The short of it, Jesus was, er is, fuck, anyway, he’s the half-human, half-god son of the one True God a lot of the people on earth worship. Well, that’s not even exactly right, only one group of people believe Jesus the Son of God. There are two other major religions that share the same one God, but not the same beliefs or practices. They call Jesus a prophet.”

The look of confusion clouding Aveline’s eyes almost made me grin. “Sorry?”

“Yeah, me too. Jesus is kind of like my world’s version of Andraste. Except he was male, and the son of our Maker, but a lot of the rest is pretty much the same.”

“You don’t believe in the Maker?”

I lifted a brow. “You don’t either.”

She laughed softly. “Fair point.”

I gave her a quick grin. “No, I don’t believe in the Maker, or God, or Jesus, or any of that. I do believe organized religion was a big part of the downfall of my planet. There’s nothing wrong with faith, or believing in a higher power if it gives a person succor. The problems come when folks decide everyone else should think the same way, feel the same way, which usually leads to the thought that it’s a good idea to kill each other because they don’t agree on who the god or gods are or on how they should be worshipped.”

Aveline nodded. “You have the right of it there.”

“Anyway, I followed you here for a reason. I’m about to tell you one of those things that’s going to make you nervous, but it’s of the utmost importance.”

She slowly sank into her chair and sighed. “I’m not going to like this.”

“No, you aren’t. Listen, remember when I mentioned Patrice?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, well, soon, Seamus Dumar is going to finally make a decision to join the Qun.”

“I believe you mentioned that. Maker, what a mess.”

“Exactly. However, we can try to mitigate the damage. I hope.”

“Go on.” She put her arms on the top of the desk, leaning forward against them.

“Patrice is going to use the fucking crazies she has following her to lure Seamus from the Qunari compound and to the chantry, where she’s going to have him killed, and left as a sacrifice for Hawke to find. At which point, she’s going to try and frame Nevarr for the death and etc. etc.”

“Shit. Shit, shit, shit.”

I nodded in agreement. “Of course, the Qunari will follow Hawke to the Chantry and they’ll get their vengeance. The Qun do not abandon their own. But that’s just about the last straw, if you understand what I’m saying. And with Dumar beside himself in his grief…”

“The city would be ripe for conquering.”

“That’s one way to put it.” I didn’t lie to Aveline, but I didn’t give her all the information either. Still, I told her as much as I thought was safe, enough to know she’d agree to do what I asked next.

“What do you need of me?” She lifted her eyes to me, and they were hard and determined. The Captain of the City Guard would defend Kirkwall to the death.

“Don’t let the boy out of your sight. They won’t take him today, but I need to know he’s protected until I can manage to get him alone and talk to him.”

She looked at me, hopefully, and I knew she wasn’t going to agree with my decision in this, but it couldn’t be helped. “Not to get him to change his mind. He’s a grown man, it’s his life. I want to accompany him to the compound so I can tell the Arishok he cannot allow the boy to leave for any reason. I’m not sure how honest I’ll be, but what I know is that once Seamus is _viddethari_ , he’s bound to follow the Qun and if the Arishok is half as smart as I believe him to be, he’ll agree keeping Seamus safe is a better plan than letting him die simply to incite the fervent.” 

“Will that be enough to ease the tensions?”

Damn it. I refused to lie. “Temporarily, at best. There are greater issues at work, ones I can’t share with you.” 

Aveline cursed and gave me an angry glare. “Piper, so help me –“

“Look, I won’t lie to you, which is why I won’t say any more. Truthfully, even if I told you everything, you wouldn’t be able to see a way out of this either. Some things are just meant to happen, and for Kirkwall to survive, certain things must happen. I know you don’t have much reason to, but please, Aveline, trust me.”

She grumbled and shook her head, then caught my gaze again. “You’re right, I probably shouldn’t trust you, but I do. Alright, I’ll make sure the boy doesn’t go missing before you get a chance to speak with him.”

I almost sagged with relief. “Thank you, Aveline. Thank you.”

“On the condition that you tell me everything you know about the Qunari problem as soon as you return from delivering Seamus into their hands.”

Fuck. I didn’t know if I could do that, I didn’t think I should, but she had me over a barrel. I needed her eyes on Seamus. “You can be a real bitch, Aveline. But fine, you have my word.”

“You’d best be off then. I’m sure Hawke is finished with the Viscount by now.”

“He is at that, Aveline.” Hawke strode in, Anders and Fenris trailing in his wake. “So, Bran tells me there’s no way the delegate and his envoy could have been taken from the Keep without some inside help. Namely with the aid of the city guard.”

“Who?”

“He didn’t have a name, and of course couldn’t imagine where a man with such low character might be found, but –“

“Hanged Man.” Aveline and I chimed together and threw each other a grin.

Anders laughed. “That’s what we said.”

Hawke smirked. “I think we should drop by the tavern after sundown. Would you care to join us, Guard-Captain?”

“There’s no way you’re going without me, Hawke.”

I winked at the woman. “Told you you’d get your chance at the man.”

I’m not sure if reminding Aveline of my prediction from the previous day was a good idea, for building trust, but it went a long way to driving home the fact that I did, indeed, have more information than she did.

“In the meantime, I’m headed back to the estate. Pip, you with me?”

“Yep. I’m starving.” I fell into step between Hawke and Anders, Fenris a silent weight at my back. 

“Didn’t get enough at brunch?”

I looked at him from the corner of my eye. “You’re trippin’, right? The way most of those leeches were looking at me? Hell no. I didn’t eat a thing. Or drink anything either. I did, however, break some fucker’s hand. Lord Gerald, I think your mother called him.”

“What? Why?”

“He wouldn’t keep his hand to himself, kept trying to grab my crotch under the table.”

Fenris let go a low, but no less loud, roar and I damn near did a face plant right in front of the stone statue in front of Hawke’s home. Thankfully, we’d exited the Keep, because I was pretty sure if he’d done that inside, the guards would have been on us in a heartbeat.

My body was jerked roughly backward, our similar armor crushed so tightly together I could feel the buzz of his brands against my back, despite the layers of material between us. “He violated you?”

Oh my god, his mouth was right next to my ear, lips caressing the sensitive skin. Despite the difference in our heights, the elf managed to feel bigger than I was. The breath stuttered from my lungs and I felt a bit light-headed. “N-n-no. He touched my thigh, and, and, and then I broke his fingers.”

Fenris’ hands left my shoulders, and I felt a flash of relief, but it was short lived. Suddenly, his arms came round my middle, on arm pressed tight just below my breasts, the other slung low at my waist, the palm of his hand spread wide and hard just above the apex of my thighs. My knees gave a little and I fell against him before I could get my feet replanted, knees bent a bit, which put us at the same level.

“Fenris.” It was a warning and appeal, his name on my lips.

“It’s good you stopped him. I doubt the nobility would appreciate a lyrium warrior tearing through Hightown, ripping hearts from chests.” He pulled me tighter to him, pressing harder on my lower belly, and I bit my lip to stifle a whimper. 

I lifted my own arms, but instead of trying to get free of him, one hand curled around the wrist beneath my chest, while the other slid lower, gauntlets chiming as metal settled over metal. I looked at Hawke and Anders, realized the men had moved very close, blocking Fenris and I from outside view. Their eyes were dark with need and offered me no help. Whatever was happening here, neither of them were going to interfere.

I watched their eyes shift to Fenris a moment before I felt the elf’s lips at the nape of my neck. His breath was hot and I shivered, struggling to keep my eyes open as waves of desire tore through me. I was lost in his hold, all will gone, my body on the razor’s edge of something terrifying and exhilarating.

Anders and Nevarr moved as one, a step closer, and I felt the press of a palm over my lips a moment before my world exploded. Fenris bit the spot where neck met shoulder at the same time he ignited his brands and pressed the palm riding low on my abdomen more firmly against my body.

Clothes, armor, made no difference. His lyrium pounded into me more effectively than a high-speed vibrator, ripping me from intense arousal and hurling me into a violent tempest of orgasm almost instantly. I screamed I know I screamed, as my whole body went first rigid as stone, then liquid as a stream, every muscle responding, my thighs locking together around Fenris’ hand, writhing in his arms.

Another cry of pleasure was trapped by the calloused palm when Fenris bit down harder and my legs gave way. A lean chest pressed to my side, lyrium and elfroot tickling my nose, as I struggled to right myself. I couldn’t get my shaking limbs to cooperate, but it didn’t really matter because the tight press of three male bodies held me pinned between them.

I felt the lyrium’s song recede a moment before Nevarr spoke. “Maker, Fenris, I don’t know whether to kill you or thank you. You crazy bastard.” Hawke’s voice was hoarse against my forehead, where his lips rested, breath softly stirring my hair.

Anders gave a rattled chuckle, his breath ragged. “All I can say is I’ve never been more thankful for robes than I am right this minute. Though, it would have been nice if we’d had more than a moment’s notice.”

Fenris shook behind me, hands tightening against my body, one last rush of response I supposed. His guttural groan slid against my skin, drawing small mewls from me in response. “I-I think that was poorly planned.”

Hawke lifted his face from my brow. “Agreed. And I think we’ve drawn more than enough attention. Come on, let’s get inside. By Andraste, I haven’t embarrassed myself like this since I was an adolescent.”

I tried to protest when I felt Fenris pull away from me, his arms replaced by Anders, who swept me up. I didn’t want him to hold me; I didn’t want any of them near me. I felt anger try to get a foothold inside me, but I was too spent by whatever magic the elf had unleashed through my body. But there was going to be hell to pay when I did come back to my senses.

* * *

I struggled free of the bedclothes when I woke. The room was dark, the fire lit. I noticed my new armor laid out beside the bed in a chair. Everything came back in a rush and I shook as pure, undiluted fury surged through me with the strength of a tsunami.

“That. Son of a bitch! I will kill him!” I was not the kind of woman prone to fits of rage or even screaming. I lost control like that very, very rarely and the people who knew me learned quickly to take cover and wait it out, for their own safety, when I did.

I tripped from the bed, righting myself with another scream when I realized I was completely nude. “Fuckers!” Yet again, one or more of those god damn swinging dicks had seen me naked. 

I plunged my hands into my hair and roared, the sound actually scaring me a little. It felt like the edges of me were fraying and I was rapidly losing the ability to stop the unraveling. I tried to remember how I’d ended up in the bedroom, but my last conscious thoughts were that I needed to stay awake so I could rip Fenris a new asshole as Anders had carried me up the stairs. That was it; I didn’t even recall entering the chamber.

I stormed toward the dressing stand and with more power than I thought, heaved the vase at its corner, large and filled with calla lilies and water, across the room. It exploded against the wall with a resounding crash, but other than that, did little to ease my roiling, violent emotions.

I tore the bathroom door from its mooring, shoving the heavy wood aside with another loud boom before slamming my palm against the fire rune above the tub hard enough to crack the tile around it. Water poured fourth, and while I waited for the basin to fill, I curled my hands into tight fists, knowing the claws at the end of my fingers were tearing into my skin, and tried to get my shit together.

I shook with the effort, and only managed to ratchet myself back by a small degree. I didn’t feel quite as frenzied, but only by the barest measure. When the tub was filled enough, I stopped the hot water and began the cold, turning from the rising water to call my own fire.

The magic was as unpredictable as I, and it took me four tries to get most of the candles lit so I could look at myself in the polished glass above the vanity. I set the curtains on fire as well as the little bathing stool, snarling and snapping as I’d struggled to get a cone of cold to cast properly before I burnt myself alive.

Obviously, fire and ice weren’t my thing, regardless of the situation. It was good information to know, but thinking about magic turned my thoughts to Anders and the rage bubbled over again.

I fought myself as I bathed, hands trembling, heart pounding, breath wheezing as I scrubbed my skin and hair as quickly as possible. As I sluiced water from my hair and left the tub, reaching for a thick towel, I was finally able to think clearly enough to sort out what, exactly, had churned my emotions and shredded my control, so effectively.

Yes, I was angry at Fenris’ unbelievable gall. Yes, I was embarrassed he’d brought me screaming, _screaming_ , to orgasm in the middle of Hightown. Yes, I was furious with Hawke and Anders for aiding and abetting the elf.

But what was really fucking me up was how I, me, Piper, had completely sublimated my will to theirs, to his. I was in so far over my head, I knew there was no way I could possibly survive this mess intact. The moment I’d felt Fenris mouth against my skin, the heat of Nevarr and Anders pressed so close, holding me, protecting me, I wanted to do and to be anything, everything they wanted or needed if only they’d never let go.

I’d been lying to myself. I covered my mouth in horror and stared at my reflection as my violet eyes filled with moisture. I was in so much deeper than I wanted to believe, because as angry as I was, at being out of control, of being vulnerable, I felt a low, soothing, glow filling me up. In that moment, out in the Hightown commons, I’d been truly, fully open in my response to a partner and it felt _good_. Not physically, but, I don’t know, I guess spiritually. And it was that feeling churning me up, whipping my emotions into a maelstrom of fury, panic, and _other things_ I refused to look at too closely. 

My heart beat painfully in my chest. This was not supposed to happen. If I were to live out the rest of my time in Thedas, if this was my reality, then treating it like a fantasy was not an option. And the reality of letting people close had always served to hurt me more than heal. I loved my children unconditionally, as a mother there was no other choice for me. But losing a child is a pain that no amount of time can ever fix, ever fully take away. 

And my husband… the wave of guilt the crashed over me twisted my stomach, and I flung myself to my knees, scrabbling for a small bucket nearby. I wretched until I had nothing left to give, choking back tears, refusing to cry. I loved him, but felt more pain because I couldn’t be what he wanted me to be than I had genuine caring for him. Loving him hurt me because, though he never said it by word or deed, I knew it hurt him.

I’d never been able to give all of myself to anyone, to the people I should have. Not even my children, so damaged was I by my past, that though I had truly loved them more than my own life, I always reserved a tiny part of myself, just in case they rejected me at some point, like everyone else had. I put no conditions on my love, but I was prepared for the possibility that they would not always do the same. I was a bent thing, the twists and turns made me strong, resilient, adaptive, but those benefits came at a cost.

But there I was, struggling to deal with emotions I had no experience with, and I was lost. It was like whatever tore me from earth, supplanting me in Thedas, had ripped away my protection, the defenses that kept me isolated, but served as my strength as well. I couldn’t seem to stop, or control, what was happening, and the wild, unbridled emotions I couldn’t control threatened everything I’d taken for granted about myself.

“Piper?” Nevarr’s voice was soft behind me, cautious.

“Get out, Hawke.”

“Piper, I’m-“

“Get,” a low growl rumbled from my throat. “Out!” Another terrifying roar, and I turned my head to see him, baring my teeth as the sound issued from my throat.

“Fuck.” He didn’t hurry away, no, I saw the reluctance in his body as he slowly withdrew from my suite.

Knowing I couldn’t sit and wallow, naked and damp, on the bathroom floor, I struggled to my feet. I looked at the bed, contemplated burrowing inside its downy covers and immediately rejected the idea. Already, this shit made me weak, had me wanting to cower and hide instead of do, act.

Cursing myself, I viciously dressed in Isabela’s armor, pulling gauntlets on hard enough to abrade skin, jerking breeches on, relishing the not-so-gentle pinch and pull of leather against wet skin. When I was fully dressed, I seethed in silence as I made my way to the door, slipping from the room soundlessly.

“I thought it would be you we’d have to worry about, losing your sense if and or when you finally let someone in.” Hawke’s voice was hushed, but not enough. The house was abnormally still, and I crouched low and moved closer to the edge of the balcony.

“I’ve apologized a thousand different ways, Hawke. What would you have of me?! It was not my intention, I did not realize she, I, we… that has never happened before. I only meant to ascertain the truth of her words. That Ser Gerald had not hurt her.” Fenris’ retort was sharp and biting, but it didn’t conceal his pain. My heart squeezed and I hated myself in that moment, hated that his pain was my pain.

“She doesn’t lie, Fenris.” Anders voice was angry and no one spoke for a few moments. 

“Nevarr, you know more than you’re saying. Please, love, tell us what’s going on.” Anders voice shifted from wrath to concern and I could imagine the mage moving closer to Hawke, a hand soothing over Nevarr’s back.

“Maker, I would if I could. But I gave her my word, Anders. I can’t.”

In this, at least, Nevarr proved himself yet again the kind of man I hoped him to be and my body flushed with warmth. _It's called love_. I screamed silently for my inner voice to shut the fuck up. 

“I cannot bear this. I am going up there.” 

I skittered back from my position, body tensed, ready to fight or flee.

“No! Fenris, she is, she is not ready to see any of us. Fuck, did either of you know she has pointed teeth?”

“What?”

“Like a great cat, well not that big, but her canines and the teeth just inside of them, top and bottom. Sharp, wicked.”

Fenris cursed. “Can you not be serious, for a moment?!”

I swept my tongue over said teeth and realized Hawke was right. How the hell I’d missed that, I didn’t know, but it did explain something, namely why biting at my lower lip seemed to be more painful than I remembered.

“You know what, Fenris? Suck a hurlock’s cock.” Nevarr shot back and the silence stretched below me.

A loud sigh broke the tension. “Listen, we’re supposed to meet Aveline in an hour. I suggest we eat something. After that, I’ll try to talk to her. She may throw me out, but at least I can heal myself if she breaks something.”

“Unless she rips your arm off and beats you to death with it.” I shook my head and felt a laugh tickle my throat. Nevarr, Nevarr, ever quick with a jest.

“Then I’ll just have to hope she doesn’t.” I heard the smile in Anders warm baritone.

I crept back to the balcony’s terminus, peering through the rails only when I was fairly sure none of the men would see me. There was no one in sight. Taking the opportunity, I slid down the railing to the bottom of the stairs, careful to keep my footsteps as close to silent as possible. 

The moment I emerged into the Hightown night, I decided I was going to change my plan. I’d beat the boys to the Hanged Man, collect Bela, Varric, and Merrill and deal with Varnel myself. If killing a shit load of crazy zealots couldn’t get me back to my calm, controlled self, then fuck this place. I’d be on the first ship to Ferelden in the morning.


	16. Chapter 16

As it happened, I was able to go one better in my adapted plan. Aveline was already at the Hanged Man when I slipped inside. I moved around the guy at the bar buying up drinks for him and all his ‘blessed’ friends. A quick nod caught Isabela’s attention, and I pointed to Varric and Merrill, motioning for the pirate to gather the others and move to my position.

I tapped the guard-captain, and shifted around her, crowding the fellow.

“Hey, step back. I know powerful people. We’re going to show-“ 

Really, I did everyone a favor by cutting him off. “Guard-Captain, would you like to have a word with your man.”

In real life, watching the color drain from the bastard’s face simply delighted me.

Aveline stood next to me, tall, powerful… very unhappy. “Who?”

“What?”

She grabbed the cur by the collar and demanded, “Who?”

The man lost his footing a bit, arms flailing at his sides. “Who, what?”

“Who bought you? Who bought the honor of a proud guard of Kirkwall and made him a drunken Mabari bitch?”

“I don- I don’t know.” The man looked away from the disappointment and disgust in Aveline’s face. “He was a Templar, I swear. He had the Seal of the Grand Cleric and everythin’.”

Aveline shoved the man away and continued to speak to him in low tones. Of course, I knew she was telling him he had ten days on the wall for deserting his post. Our next step was a stop at the Chantry and a ‘careful chat’ about seals and crazies. I decided it was a better idea if Aveline went back to the Keep. I needed her to make sure Seamus stayed put, while I went to see Patrice.

Personally, this quest, ‘Offered and Lost’, chapped my ass almost as much as ‘All That Remains’ because it was bullshit. A group of chicken shits kidnap Qunari, bind their blades so they have no weapons to fight with, then tie them up in a dank, nasty ass sewer hideout, and slit their throats as some kind of fucked up ‘proof’ of their devotion to the Chantry and their Maker.

Completely fucking senseless, and it infuriated me that I didn’t think I’d be able to save even one of the envoys. I was hoping I could, because I certainly wasn’t going to play by Varnel, or Patrice’s, rules. I was going in there and attacking without notice. No chatter, just go in and do it. If I was lucky, I’d be able to save at least one of the Qunari.

Of course, that only made me seethe more over how stupid this whole thing was. Because really, the Arishok loved Kirkwall so much at this point, the game’s writers just had to throw in some gratuitous and unnecessary violence to sway the giant lord of the ox-men into deciding to try and take the city by force (notice the sarcasm)? 

I’d been here for a little while. I saw how the city rolled. The Qunari did nothing, yet they were tormented constantly. People stood outside their encampment screaming vile things, as well as physically attacking the Kirkwallers who sought out the Arishok, hoping the Qun might offer them a purpose, a life, worth living. I didn’t necessarily agree that the Qun was ‘right’, but it wasn’t my decision to make for every, or any, one else. 

Arishok knew Isabela had the book, or at least had the book at one time, so he had men looking for her and the one thing he needed to go home. Both eluded him, and so this pillar of the Qun had been forced to sit and wait for five long-ass years… What I’d seen since arriving had made the potency of his words, from the game, so much more powerful. Arishok was trapped in a place so much the antithesis of all he believed in and worked hard to be, with no way to leave and no way to further his goals, and he’d chosen this path because, well, because all paths didn’t need to lead to the same end. He’d waited instead, probably trying to avoid the very confrontation I knew would explode in the near future.

Maybe he wasn’t prepared to invade when he’d landed, maybe he wasn’t in the mindset to convert Kirkwall, but the idea that he couldn’t have done so – at any point prior to this – was wrong. I felt like Arishok didn’t want the fight. All he’d ever wanted was his damn book and to go home. But the longer he’d waited, the worse the city got, until now, he simply couldn’t turn a blind eye.

And the fucking Chantry – really, that entire institution grated me to the point of hatred. The place was neck deep in causing most of the destruction I knew would befall Kirkwall in both the near, and not too distant, future. It was populated by zealots, and power hungry bastards, and an equal number of pathetic, scripture spouting pacifists. Useless.

Aveline pressed a hand to my arm and I shot her a glare. She looked at me, confused, and I sighed. “Sorry, Aveline. It’s not you that has me irritated.”

She nodded. “A Templar, with the seal of the Grand Cleric.” 

“Yeah, looks like we need to have a chat with Elthina.”

“Elthina?”

“Don’t worry, we won’t actually get that far. Patrice will be the welcoming committee. She’ll give up Varnel to try and save her own ass. Well, that and he’s become uncontrollable so it’s better to sacrifice him before he can point the finger at her.”

“Piper, this could be-“

I gave her a grin. “Yes, yes, cluster fuck. You won’t be there, though. I need you at the Keep.”

I watched her argue with herself silently. As Guard-Captain, she really didn’t want to be there when Patrice, or Elthina, was confronted, but being Aveline, she didn’t feel right sending people off into danger, either. Finally, though, she nodded.

“Alright. I’ll go.”

“Go where?”

Fuck. I shot a glare at the body that voice belonged to. Didn’t it just figure? I slowly looked past the captain, and I didn’t have to be a tactical genius to realize Hawke, Anders, and Fenris were situated in such a way that I wouldn’t be able to slip past them. I wanted to throttle Nevarr, all of them really, but the look on Hawke’s face said they’d figured out sooner than I expected that I’d left, and where I’d been heading. Served me right, I supposed, for building the guy so much like myself.

“I’m going to the Keep. You should go to the Chantry. It seems a Templar with Elthina’s seal bribed my guards to look the other way.” Aveline filled in the details. I refused to look at any of them.

“Well, the plot thickens. Piper, you should come with us.”

“No.”

This time it was Aveline who glared at me. “You know more about what’s going on than they do. Go with them.”

“I’m not going anywhere with the three of them.”

“I won’t claim I have a clue what’s going on, Piper, but there are lives at stake. I thought you wanted to do some good. Or were you lying?”

My glare crumpled. Oh, she was good. “Fuck you, Aveline. That’s low.” My voice was hoarse.

She gave me a humorless smile. “The honorable ones are the easiest to push.”

“Fine.” I looked over her shoulder at Hawke. “Let’s fucking go.”

I moved toward Fenris, expecting the elf to get out of my way. He didn’t. “Move.” I hissed, he frowned.

Behind me, I heard Merrill’s soft voice. “Varric, did something happen. Piper looks very angry right now.”

“I don’t know, Daisy. Maybe.”

Whether Fenris heard them or not, I don’t know. When he remained in my path, I leaned down, bringing our faces close. “Get the fuck out of my way before I _put_ you out of my way.”

I started to reach for him, but Aveline’s protected hand took hold of my arm. “Outside.” Then the guard captain stepped to Fenris’ side and not-so-gently maneuvered him to the side.

“I take that back, Daisy. Something definitely happened.”

I stormed from the building, struggling the entire way to keep the lid on my body and my thoughts. Aveline was right. I didn’t have time to deal with this shit right now. We needed to get to the Chantry, get Varnel’s location, and retrieve the Qunari.

The night air was warm and heavy with the smell of liquid metal and heat, accented faintly by the smell of salted water and fish. I stood, back toward the Hanged Man, face upturned to the sky and silently cursed myself. I’d forgotten it was night. So stupid, but it looked like I’d have to wait a bit longer to ease my personal tensions through the copious distribution of gratuitous violence. We wouldn’t be able to get Patrice’s attention until daylight. The Chantry was closed this time of day, or rather night.

I growled to myself and tried to ignore the energy radiating from the men I knew had exited the tavern. I felt them at my back, knew where each stood: Fenris to my left, Hawke to the right, Anders behind me. I looked at Nevarr over my shoulder. 

“Keep him away from me and we’ll all get through this in one piece. I’m going home. We won’t be able to talk to Elthina ‘til morning.”

I’m sure he wanted to say something, but I wasn’t waiting around to hear it. Instead, I took off at a steady clip, moving toward the stairs to Hightown. I wanted my bed and sleep, the faster to pass the time until day broke. The quicker we dealt with Patrice, the sooner I could start hacking people to pieces. As fucked up as that was, the anticipation I had for upcoming murder, it kept me focused and functioning.

* * *

The Chantry was quiet the next morning as we made our way inside. I’d managed to finagle a position at the very rear of our group, though it had taken careful jockeying and several angry snarls. As the boys approached a sister, maybe mother I never could tell the difference, and asked to speak to Elthina, I leaned back against a nearby wall to wait.

Soon enough, Patrice showed herself. I only half listened to her bullshit, her careful words and refusal to speak without double meanings. 

“Fucking coward.” I kept my voice low, but Anders shot me a look over his shoulder.

I shrugged and bared my teeth, then whipped my hand up and gave him the middle finger. I wasn’t sure he’d understand, but he did, his eyes narrowing before he turned back toward Hawke and Patrice.

“The Templar you seek has grown… unreliable. Confronting him may do us all a favor.”

 _And here we go,_ I thought. I looked around the Chantry and fought to suppress a shiver of repulsion. Fuck, I hated churches.

“Meet me at this location. I invite you, Sirrah Hawke, come see the unrest these Qunari have inspired.” Patrice handed a small piece of paper to Nevarr before taking her leave. 

Pushing off the wall, I headed to the exit. Now that Hawke had the location, we’d be able to access the undercity nest where the Qunari were being held. Outside the Chantry, I took a deep breath and had the sardonic idea to blow the fucking place up anyway. Struggling to push away the dark, angry thoughts in my head, I took the stairs two at a time, turning right at the bottom. The four of us might as well take the stairs at hand to Darktown, instead of trekking all the way through the market.

“You know where we’re going?”

I didn’t want to talk to Nevarr, but I couldn’t ignore him – if only because acting that way smacked of petulance, an attitude just as revolting as cowardice. I did not, however, need to look at him to reply.

“Not the same way you do. In the game, Hawke has to have that little chat with Patrice for the area to unlock. This isn’t a game, so I figured there was a way to get there before, I just don’t know it. Once we get to Darktown, you or Anders, I’d guess, will lead. You know, since you’re more familiar with this version of Kirkwall. I assume Patrice’s note has directions?”

“It does.” Nevarr replied, his voice tight. 

I knew he wanted to snap at me to look at him, but after a few moments of silence, I determined he’d decided to err on the side of caution. Smart guy.

We ended up in a long, empty walkway below Hightown. I stopped and looked around, committing to memory this new scene. I put my palm against the wall as we moved deeper, letting the feel of cool stone soothe my heated flesh and my churning mind.

“Piper.”

I tripped but kept walking. “What do you want now, Hawke?”

“Piper!” Hawke’s hand grabbed my right arm, jerking me round to face him. “Damn it, I don’t know what we’re walking into here. I need to know you’re with us because if you’re plan is to go out in some blaze of glory, I’ll knock you the fuck out and leave you here.”

I pulled away from him before slamming my palms into his chest, shoving his muscular body several feet from me. He didn’t fall, merely slid on his booted soles.

“Blaze of glory? What glory? These fucking zealots, what they’ve done here, won’t ever be something the people know about. The Viscount, the Chantry, they’ll sweep it under the rug and pretend it never happened. There’s no glory in dying that way.”

I turned back around, then reversed my position as indignation pulsed through me. “And fuck you, anyway! Who the hell do you think you are, talking to me like that? You obviously don’t fucking know me, and apparently you don’t listen either. Yeah, I’m all kinds of fucked up, but I don’t think public orgasm is quite on par with losing my children, you bastard. And what kind of arrogance you,” I shot violently enraged glares at the other men, “three must have to even entertain the idea.”

Hands shaking, I turned away from them. No one spoke, but I sensed the battles going on regardless. Finally, Anders moved alongside me. I didn’t acknowledge him, but I didn’t shove him away or try to move elsewhere either. He sighed softly.

“Come on. I’ll get us to Varnel. I’m suddenly in the mood to kill something.”

“Me too.” I fell into step beside him.

The journey didn’t take long, and soon I heard the voice of Patrice’s ex-bodyguard inciting a crowd. I stopped and held my hand up to signal the men halt as well.

“Listen, this is a tough fight. There are a lot of people in there, and they’re fueled by crazy religious fervor. Varnel is hard to kill, but it’s the waves of his followers that will be our downfall if we don’t watch our backs and work as one.”

“What is your plan?” Fenris’ voice was soft. I flinched when I heard it anyway.

Gritting my teeth, I focused on the task at hand. “He’s going to keep ranting for a few minutes. I’m going to try and move around the edge of the crowd, position myself near the Qunari. Once you go in there, Patrice won’t be far behind, and when she shows herself, there’ll be a small window where I might be able to ascertain if any of the Qunari are still breathing.”

“Piper, that’s insane.”

“Look, at best one or two of them may still be alive. I have to at least try, even if none of them live. Once Patrice is through talking shit, she’ll have that Templar practically frothing to kill you, and Varnel will order his people to attack. At that point, I want us in pairs, one mage and one warrior. Anders and I will cast spells with wide area of effect, as well as try to keep each of you alive until the last of the mad hatters are down.”

“Mad hatters?”

“And earth saying. Crazy fucks.”

Anders gave me a small grin. “I like it, it’s stylish.”

“That’s a sound strategy. You’re with me.”

Hawke’s suggestion was exactly what I’d expected, but a sick feeling in my gut told me it wasn’t the best plan. Fuck, fuck, fuck. “No. I’ll take Fenris.”

All three of them were surprised, to say the least, by my statement. I ground my teeth, but explained even though I didn’t want to. “Look, Fenris and Anders barely tolerate each other on the best day. Moreover, if something happens and Justice shows his lovely face, pairing the lyrium ghost here with the Fade Spirit is not the best idea.”

“She’s right. Justice would use Fenris’ brands as I’m sure Danarius did to increase his power.” Anders shifted, looking guilty, when the elf shot him a hateful glare.

Hawke looked like he might argue. 

“I appreciate what you’re trying to do, Nevarr. But I don’t need you to protect me from Fenris.” I shot the elf a glance. “Or him from me. Alright?”

“If you say so.” He didn’t sound convinced, but at least he let it go.

“Good. Once the fighting begins, we need to do our best to separate the room. Each pair takes a side.”

“Let’s do this thing.” Hawke rolled his shoulders.

“Right, Fenris, stay along the back wall while I try to get into position.”

“Yes.”

We moved into the room and I quickly split off. My clothes didn’t blend, but I hoped I hadn’t been seen with Hawke and his people enough to be easily recognized in the crowd. A tiny part of me also hoped none of these freaks knew what a female Kossith might look like, ‘cause that would really fuck up the plan. 

I moved slowly, shifting to the left around the edge of the circle, but keeping my eyes on Varnel and the Qunari. I made humming noises of agreement as I crept closer, and did my best to ignore the glances I received. Still, I must have looked properly ready to slaughter a bunch of warriors who were tied up and helpless, because no one stopped me.

“Sir Varnel!” Patrice’s voice rose loud above the throng and did exactly as I’d predicted. En masse, everyone turned to look at the woman that strode from behind Hawke and Anders. Opportunity presented, I carefully made my way to the Qunari.

Two of them were already dead, but the helmed one – maybe an Aarvarad – their leader, plus one more bare-chested male, struggled against their bindings. I approached the one with a helmet, and placed my hand on his abdomen.

“Do not make a sound. Do not move until I give you the signal.” I slipped the stiletto from my back and made quick work both of the ropes holding his hands and feet, as well as those tying his weapon in its sheath.

“The Qunari have friends, Templar. How will you answer their allegations?” 

_Fuck, stall Hawke, just another minute._ I looked up at the last surviving Qunari and he nodded at me, which I interpreted to mean he’d heard what I said to the first. Without hesitation, I freed him as well, not a moment before I heard Hawke’s reply to Varnel.

“You want to fight? Face someone whose weapons are not bound.”

When Varnel turned around, I drew my blades. “Now you die.”

I leapt at him, crossing the daggers in front of me and slicing at his neck with a scissoring motion. Sadly, the attack didn’t cleave his head from his body, but it did stagger him back with a near-mortal wound. While I was uniquely suited to one-on-one fights, I flipped away from the Templar, running instead to Fenris’ position, and calling on my magic.

I pulled Tempest from my bag of tricks, unleashing a lightning storm on the group nearest the elf and I, dark satisfaction making me grin as ten or more of them fell lifeless to the ground. The shouted words of the Qunari drew my gaze, as Fenris powered through several fanatics that rushed us from his side. Blood spewed around me as he cleaved their bodies apart, but I ignored it, and shot a branch of chain lightning at two archers and a warrior who had the helmed Qunari pinned against a wall. 

They fell, and the Qunari looked at me for a moment before swinging his massive battle ax at Varnel’s unprotected flank.

Fireballs rained down, and I looked past Fenris to see how the others faired. As well as we did, it seemed, they worked together, beautifully partnered, each the perfect match for the other. Hawke kept the fanatics back while Anders ripped through them with fire, ice, and stone.

“Piper!” 

I’d been distracted, moved too late to completely avoid the hacking, downward slice of a fanatics dagger. I staggered a bit, but threw a miasmic flask at my feet, the cloud providing time to return the favor, ramming my blades all the way through the back of the bastard that cut me. Hot, coppery blood sprayed my face and I closed my eyes. Hemoglobin in the eyes stung like hell.

I felt Fenris behind me, back to mine, and we too fell into an instinctive rhythm. I used magic to disorient and stun the combatants, which the elf used to spectacular advantage. I was tired, rooting for yet another lyrium potion from my pack, when Fenris’ war cry rent the air. I turned to see his sword slash, a flash of light ricocheting off its lethal edge a moment before Varnel’s head was sent arcing from his shoulders.

He was the last to fall.

“Fucking beautiful!” Giddiness took my breath and I clapped Fenris on the shoulder. “Absolutely fucking beautiful.” 

His body trembled, the length of our exertions expressed in the uncontrolled reactions of his muscles, but he turned an open, and equally giddy grin on me. “I agree.”

I laughed and stepped back, taking in the destruction, seeking out one of the Qunari I’d released. The one with the helmet was leaning heavily against a nearby column, hand clutching a large, deep gash in his belly.

I moved to his side, lifting my hand and calling magic.

“You… are… mage.” His words were broken and the breath that carried them sounded wet.

“Speak in your tongue, Qunari.” I spoke in his language. I knew most of them couldn’t speak common to save their ass. As I looked at the wound, and realized he might not live, I knew I didn’t want him feeling ashamed at the end, not because of a language barrier.

“Saarabas.” I noticed he didn’t put the ‘bas’ before the word, which meant either he recognized me as part Kossith, or more likely, he’d been there when the Arishok had tried to… court me.

“Yes. I will try to heal you, but you’re injuries are great.”

“Arishok was right to try and take you. You should be leashed, but you are powerful. I thank you, for returning my blade to me and allowing me to die with honor.”

His large body began to slide, but Fenris and Hawke were there, easing him to the ground. I felt Anders magic join mine, both of us fighting to repair the damage, struggling to keep the Qunari with us, but he’d lost too much blood, the damage from the blade having torn through everything on his lower left side, nearly to his spine.

I sat back on my heels, sweat pouring from my body, and pulled back the magic. “Fuck.”

Anders put his hand on my shoulder, magic flowing over me, his power and his words soothing. “We tried, Piper. What did he say, besides calling you a mage?”

“He thanked her for giving him back his honor and allowing him to die by the Qun.” Fenris answered because I couldn’t, my throat too thick with anger and disappointment.

“It’s time to bring this to the Viscount’s attention. Anders and I will go. Stay here.” 

I nodded but didn’t look away from the dark red stains on my hands. I don’t know how long I stayed that way, but long enough for the itching to begin on my skin where blood had dried. 

I stood up and looked around the room. The stench of death was strong and I choked on a gag. “Let’s collect what loot we can and round up the Qunari swords.”

Fenris rose as well. We worked in silence, first looting the bodies of the fanatics, then gathering up the large swords. I used the sash from the delegate’s waist to bind them together and had just finished knotting the cloth when Hawke returned.

“Madness. Madness! Chantry involvement even if they are fringe elements –“

“Yes, Excellency.”

“And you killed them? All of them?”

I watched Hawke’s eyes narrow. “A mother serving the Grand Cleric allowed this to happen. She didn’t tell these fanatics to attack, she didn’t hold a blade, but it was her machinations that led us all down this road.”

“Do you have any idea what these kind of allegations will do to the city? The storm it will cause will erode what little support I still have!”

Hawke’s face became carefully neutral before he replied. “This will not go away.”

Dumar sighed, the crown at his brow dipping beneath the weight of his worries. “What do I do about this?” He motioned to the dead Qunari. “We have the delegate, but I can’t return the bodies to the Arishok in this state.”

Hawke looked at me and I inclined my head. His gaze shifted back to the Viscount. “Do not hide this from him. He would only find out and that would make things a hundred-fold worse.”

“You’re right, of course. I am quickly losing my ability to negotiate this thing.”

Hawke said nothing and I shook my head. Part of me sympathized with the position the Viscount was in, but some of it was of his own making. If he’d been firmer in keeping the Templars and Chantry in check, had been a true leader instead of a mediator, he might have had the power to control the situation.

But he wasn’t, he hadn’t, and he didn’t.

“Thank you, Sirrah Hawke. Kirkwall owes you. I owe you.”

Yes, Dumar, you do, and I’ve got an idea on how Hawke can best collect on that favor. My plan was completely nuts, and might not even work, but I had to try. Now wasn’t the time, though, at least not for that.

“We will accompany the bodies to the compound. Make ready.” I spoke to Hawke as I stood and pulled the blades onto my back using the crude sling I’d bound them in.

As if seeing me for the first time, the Viscount turned to look at me, then back at Nevarr. “Is this-“

Hawke nodded. “Yes. Viscount Dumar, please meet my fiancé, Piper.”

I gave myself props for not reacting at all to Nevarr’s words. The man made to take my hand, but I resisted, looking at the filth covered appendages and hoping I managed a chagrined smile.

Dumar smiled, but it was a pained expression. “Yes, well, it is lovely to meet you, young lady. Hopefully, the next time it will be under better circumstances.”

“Of course, Viscount.”

“I must return to the Keep.”

“Good bye, Excellency.” Hawke bowed slightly as the city’s leader and his entourage left the sewers. A small contingent of the city guard remained with us, the men and women charged with carting the bodies to the Qunari compound.

When we emerged at the docks, I took a deep breath of sea, fish, and desolation and for once, was glad. After several hours surrounded by shit, bile, and blood even desolation smelled better. I pulled the swords from my back and cradled them across my forearms as we approached the gate. I didn’t have to say anything this time, the gate keeper opened it without meeting my gaze.

Hawke, Anders, and Fenris took position around me, their bodies close and tense. None of us were sure what might happen with me returning here, but I refused to be left behind. I needed to know how the Arishok would react, it would inform me whether or not I should be the one to tell him about Seamus, when the time came, or if the task would be better left to Hawke.

As we approached the Arishok, I told the guards to leave the bodies and go. There was the sound of shifting armor, and retreating feet, and then we were left alone.

“I have brought their swords, so they will be recognized by the Qun and returned to it in death.” 

The Arishok leaned forward in his seat and motioned for a male to relieve me of my burden. I turned toward the figure, waited for his forearms to press against mine, before releasing my package into the Qunari’s care.

“You say you are not Qunari, yet you speak as only one who knows the Qun can.” He spoke in his native tongue.

My reply was in kind. “I know many things, Arishok, including what has kept you trapped in this city. Those facts do not change things. I am not of yours. I am not of Thedas. More, I will not say.”

The massive male didn’t like my reply, but he moved on. “My delegate was taken from the Viscount’s doorstep and the man had no inclination. I did not think it was possible for me to respect him less.” His black eyes shifted, moving over the bodies of his men. “How do you explain the state of their husks, Hawke?”

Nevarr took position next to me, our shoulders touching. “A zealot used them to incite others to his cause.”

Arishok sat back. “I accept that.”

Hawke’s brows lifted, evidence of his surprise. “That’s it?”

“I have seen every vice and weakness of your kind, and how few of you take responsibility. Your Viscount is a fool, but you are not. _Panahedan_ , Hawke. I will keep one good thought of your kind.”

And with that, we were dismissed. 

“That went well and I’m pretty sure you just earned his respect.” I waited until we were back in Lowtown before speaking. 

“I’m not sure I want it.”

A quick grin teased my mouth, gone almost before it appeared. “I suppose I can understand that, but having the respect of a powerful being, rival or friend, is usually a good thing.”

As we walked, I let my thoughts wander. In the game, Leandra’s death and the end of Varnel’s life usually triggered the beginning of the end game. Since I’d already dealt with all of that, I wasn’t sure how things would play out from here, but I didn’t sense imminent warfare. With Aveline watching Seamus and Varnel dealt with, I felt safe in taking a breath. There were still so many things to do, not the least of which was dealing with Merrill and the damn mirror. And Fenris.

“Nevarr, have you spoken with Merrill recently?”

“A few days ago. She needs me to accompany her to Sundermount. I don’t agree with her reasons, but I won’t let her go alone, either.”

“Yeah, I know. When are you planning to leave?”

“Week’s end. Barring any unforeseen uprisings, that is.” He was joking, but I didn’t laugh. He had no idea how close to the truth he was.

“I think Fenris and I should go with you.” The elf’s gaze flew to my face, but I ignored him.

“Alright. You know, Piper, I’m starting to get this feeling in my gut when you make suggestions. A little twist, a dash of churning. This is one of those stints where you know what’s going to happen, isn’t it?”

There were times when lying might come in handy. Since I didn’t do it, however, I could only quirk a brow. “That’s rhetorical, but if it will make you feel better, I’ll tell you yes. This is one of those times.”

His sighed, but didn’t press for more information. “I’m headed to the estate. I need a bath.”

I looked up at early afternoon sun. Time had gone wonky and I tried to think what day it was. When the boys and I’d left the Hanged Man with the information from Aveline’s guard, it had been night time, but we hadn’t been able to go to the Chantry until the next morning. I’d gone back to the estate to sleep, and none of the males who caused me such trouble had followed. 

We’d left early in the morning, confronted Patrice, and headed straight to Darktown. But the sun was too high, too bright, for it to still be that day. “Is it tomorrow?”

Hawke looked puzzled, but Anders chuckled. “I believe it is. We were in that refuge for a long time. I’d guess it’s around thirteenth bell, tomorrow.”

“Well fuck, guess that explains why I’m so hungry. Are you gonna work in the clinic this afternoon?”

The mage nodded. “I’ll probably see patients as long as I can, until I’m ready to pass out.”

I nodded. “I’ll go to the estate and get cleaned up and fed. I’ll meet you there.”


	17. Chapter 17

I pulled a brush through the thick strands of my hair, glad to finally feel clean. Putting on fresh clothes helped too, and once more I felt a grin as I looked down at myself. The tops Isabela had picked up for me we still my favorites, the soft colors and softer material were simply fabulous. 

I didn’t need armor to heal the sick, but I did need to tie my hair back. Thankfully, I’d figured out a way to create make-shift ponytail holders, using catgut wrapped in colored yarn. I pulled a green one from the pile on the dressing table to match my top and quickly whipped my hair into shape.

“Damn it, Anders, you have to stop poking the man. One of these days, he’s going to snap.”

The mage sounded a little contrite when he replied, but not very. “I’m sorry, Nevarr. I can’t help myself. He’s been vicious to me since we met –“

“Yes, well, in this he isn’t the only one you’re pissing off.” 

I set the brush down softly and rose from my seat. The two men were just outside my door, but they either didn’t realize the door was ajar, or they figured I was still in the bath.

“Hawke?”

“You’ve already tasted her, Anders, so of course the fact that she barely acknowledges me, and right properly avoids Fenris, but seems more than happy to be with you whenever she can, doesn’t exactly sit well. What do you expect, man? She’s driving me, and Fenris, fucking mad.”

“It’s no better for me, love. You know that.”

“Then why doesn’t she push you away?” Nevarr’s voice rose a bit, at first, but he quickly got himself under control.

I could have ignored them, just let it alone. I probably should have, but I hated to think my choices might lead to tension between the two. Hawke and Anders had become very close, as I knew only too well, and it was plain to see the love deepening between them with every moment they were together. Shaking my head at the stupid noble streak I seemed to have acquired in Kirkwall, I strode to the door and pulled it wide.

“Because he doesn’t push, he keeps his flirting to a minimum, and despite whatever physical discomfort it might cause him, he is satisfied to simply be with me. To work beside me, to listen when I speak, to open himself up to me even though he knows I might not be able to reciprocate.”

“Piper.” Anders smiled at me, a gentle look that warmed me. 

All the tension in my body melted away. This whole crazy thing was no easier for me to deal with, but in that moment I paused to hear what I’d actually said, and the truth dawned brighter than any sun. Anders loved me – he didn’t just want to bed me any longer. While he’d helped me hone my skills, while we’d cured sickness and set bones, the Warden had slowly been learning who I was. Not by digging for information, but by watching me, paying attention, letting me relax, letting me be myself.

I stepped into Anders and laid my head against his chest as my arms went around his waist. He didn’t hesitate, his arms encircling me, his lips pressed to my temple. I sighed and tightened my hold, heart beating hard, fear trying to rise up, but the joy inside me refused to let it. Refused to let me pretend the truth about Anders’ feelings was the only truth I learned in those few seconds. Fuck me, I’d gone and done it. Over the last, nearly six weeks now, I’d fallen in love with the ex-Warden mage that harbored a Fade Spirit bent on turning all of Thedas on its ass. And really, I wasn’t even surprised, of the three of them, Anders was the easiest to love.

I felt a moment of panic, but he must have sensed it, because his large palm smoothed over my back. “Shh, it’s alright. There’s nothing to be afraid of, Piper.” His words helped, they settled my stomach at least a few inches further south than it had been a moment before, when it threatened to choke me to death.

To think, just a couple of days ago, I was furious with all of them and swearing to myself this specific thing couldn’t happen, that I had to be vigilant. I’d blamed being transported to Kirkwall for my problems, that somehow whatever happened to send me here had weakened me. The truth was I was already weak, so to speak, when it came to Anders, Hawke, and especially Fenris long before I’d ended up in the Free Marches. That much, at least, had always been true.

With a snort of derision and a silent castigation of myself, I tried to explain the crazy fucking epiphany I’d just had to the men standing with me. “Anders loves me, softly, with gentleness and openness and no expectation of more.” I eased back and he let me go until our hands rested on each other’s waists. I took a deep breath and looked up at him, saw the love spilling out of his eyes and smiled so hard, I thought my cheeks would split. “And I love him. I’m in love with him, but it doesn’t hurt me, it doesn’t make me frail. Anders tells me every day, with small smiles and steady support, that loving him is a good thing.”

_He’ll hurt you, use you just like everyone else._ My smile fell as the ugliness inside spoke a truth I didn’t want to hear. But it wasn’t the whole truth. _No, he won’t. Justice will not have him._

My words, the ones I’d uttered aloud, shocked the shit out of both men, and I used their stunned states to my advantage, releasing Anders completely and turning to Nevarr. I took a minute to steady myself, but feeling Anders behind me gave me the courage to speak.

“Nevarr, I’ve realized something. A truth I’m pretty sure Anders understood long before me, but one you should know too. Love isn’t just safety and security; it isn’t just steadfastness and loyalty. I’m pretty sure it’s supposed to be crazy and intense, scary and powerful, but fun and lighthearted, spontaneous and dizzying too. 

“What I feel for Anders is like the first – it’s safe and comfortable, warm and arousing, like the press of a body against your back. I need it, need to know love can be that way, but it isn’t all I need.” I took a deep breath and looked over to Anders, who smiled again and nodded. “I think that’s part of the reason why I’m so drawn to you and, especially, Fenris. If I’m ever going to love, it has to be all of it, if only because I never do things half-way. It’s all or nothing.”

Nevarr’s face morphed from downcast and hurt to delight right before he jerked me into his arms, lifting me from my feet and spinning the both of us around, his joyful laughter drawing a happy giggle from me. 

“Dizzy enough yet?” His voice tickled my ear and I shivered. 

“Maybe.” I leaned back to look at his face, and slowly drew the tips of my right hand down his cheek to his jaw, before sliding both hands into his golden hair. 

I watched him as I lowered my mouth to his, emerald green eyes darkening when I brushed my lips over his once, twice.

“Piper.” He groaned my name then took my mouth.

I opened to him, wrapping my body closer to his. Hawke shifted his arms, one dropping to curve beneath my ass, pulling me upward and tighter to him, the other straying up my back, fingers cupping my neck.

He tasted so good, my Hawke. I twined my tongue with his, moaning into his mouth as the flavor of him broke over me. The potent tang of coffee and mint, the subtle hints of elfroot and citrus came first, but it was Nevarr’s own essence that made my head really spin, and turned my body hot and hungry. His hands tightened on me and I tilted my head, sending my tongue past his lips, seeking to be deeper inside him. 

He pulled back and I opened my eyes and we stayed that way, breaths panting, gazes locked for many heart beats, before the desire became too much and with a soft growl, I turned aggressive. Shifting my fingers in his hair, I tilted his head back at the same time I used my tongue to tease the full lower lip of Hawke’s mouth. 

The palm at my nape dropped to my ass and I whimpered when he dug his fingers into the flesh, squeezing and pulling, before shifting me down to the thick jut of his cock pressed hard to my core. I attacked his mouth, teeth nipping, tongue plunging inside, mimicking what I wanted his body doing to mine.

The heat of another body tugged at my conscience and with a ragged groan, I loosened my fingers and withdrew my lips from Hawke’s. It took effort, but I opened my eyes and looked down at Nevarr’s face. His lips were red and swollen, eyes all but gone black with need, cheeks flushed. I smiled and dropped a fairly chaste peck to those soft, silken lips one last time. 

“I think I should go and eat.”

He groaned and dropped his head forward to my chest, his forehead resting at the dip in my clavicle. “Yeah, fucking in the hall is sure to get Mother in a fit state.” He hugged me close before slowly releasing me, both of our bodies shivering as excited flesh slid over excited flesh.

“Nevarr?”

His voice was husky and low when he replied. “Piper?”

“You introduced me to the Viscount as your fiancé. Might want to tell your mom about that.”

All lust fled from his features and his body surged from relaxed to tense. “Maker, she will kill me.”

I laughed and walked toward the stairs. “Not if you tell her quick.”

“Are you just going to leave me alone?”

I laughed harder as Anders followed me down the stairs. “Absolutely.”

“Brat.” But Hawke grinned mischievously as he rapped his knuckles on his mother’s door. “Paybacks are a bitch.”

Anders snorted at that. “Thank you, I’ve had mine.”

I jabbed him in the side, shaking my head. “I don’t like diamonds, Nevarr.” I giggled at his curse as Anders and I walked into the kitchen.

If only dealing with Fenris could go this easy, well, then there’d be almost nothing left for me to worry about. But putting the elf and easy in the same sentence only worked if one were speaking of how easy it was for Fenris to rip a heart out.

Which was exactly what scared me the most.

* * *

Anders extinguished the lantern outside the clinic before taking a seat beside me on an empty cot. I shifted, turning my body until I could lay my head in his lap and look up at his face. He gave me a smile and stroked his hand over my head. “How are you?”

I squirmed a bit, but didn’t look away. “I’m okay. Scared, worried, pretty much out of my element. So, a hot mess.”

He chuckled. “I have no idea what hot mess is, but I think I know what you mean.” His face turned serious, palm curling around my cheek. His thumb caressed my lower lip and I instinctively darted my tongue out to taste his skin.

Anders breath stuttered, his eyes heating, the reaction of his body immediate and apparent, laying as I was in his lap. His thumb pressed against my teeth and I relaxed my jaw, my whole body going hot when the digit slid inside, against my tongue. I brought my teeth together, not too hard, but tight enough to capture him, and slowly learned the contours of this small piece of Anders.

He groaned, his hips lifting beneath me, but he did nothing more. When I closed my lips around the invader and began to suckle, his head fell back, and I pressed my thighs together as the stark lines of his body, displayed with such open sensuality aroused me as surely as a hand or mouth on my skin.

Finally, it seemed I pushed him to the brink, because he tugged against my hold. I grazed his thumb with my teeth, but let him go, watching him, his gaze trapped by the withdrawal. He laughed, shakily, and stared at my mouth. “You should probably stop.”

I felt bad and quickly tried to shutter my face. “I’m sorry, Anders, I didn’t –“

“No, you have nothing to be sorry for.” His eyes searched mine. “I do, you know.”

“What? No you don’t.” Irritation furrowed my brow, but he shook his head.

“No, I love you. It’s very easy, probably realized it a few days after you woke up. You’re absolutely selfless, you give without asking why. You’re smart and beautiful, yes, but you’ve got so much life and joy bottled up inside you. I get to see it spill out, whenever you’re here, helping these people, helping me. 

“Maybe more than that, though, you understand me. I’ll admit, there’ve been moments when it’s unnerving, when it’s clear to me just how much you do know about me, and my past, which makes you all the more remarkable because you don’t pity me, or judge me. You simply accept me. No one has ever seen all the ugly and wanted to stay. Even Karl didn't know everything, but I think, maybe you do.”

His words moved me, and for maybe the first time in forever, letting him see it, letting anyone see me vulnerable didn’t lead to cloying, choking panic. “Be careful, Anders. I might start thinking I’m perfect or something.”

“Not perfect, no.” He chuckled. “But perfect for Hawke, the elf, and I, probably." He glanced away and gave a short laugh. "You’ve no idea how hard that is for me to admit. I should hate the idea of sharing anything with Fenris, but it seems I don’t mind so much, as long as it’s your happiness at stake.”

“And Justice?”

Anders sighed and tried to pull away, but I took his hand in mind, kept him with me. He looked at me for a long moment, and I watched him battle with himself. He didn’t want to talk about Justice; he didn’t want to involve me in the sordid affair. I understood that, but vulnerable as I was in that moment, I couldn’t handle the idea of him turning away from me. Panic rushed over me then and I tried desperately to control my voice when I spoke. “Please, Anders.”

He sighed and gave in. “With Hawke, Justice disapproves. But for some reason, he tucks himself away when we’re together. I think he respects you, but something bothers me about the way he recedes in your presence.”

“Yeah, well, he probably didn’t like a couple of things I said to him in the Fade.”

“What did you say?”

I brought Anders hand to my mouth and kissed his knuckles. “I told him if he was capable of lying, he might want to reassess the situation.”

“Justice can’t lie.”

“Justice shouldn’t be able to lie, Anders. But we both know who and what can.” 

He tried to pull away from me then, really tried, but I held on to him, freeing one hand to catch him around the back of his neck.

“Piper, let me go. Fenris is right. I’m a fucking abomination.”

“Anders, Anders, listen to me. I will not let you go. Look at me, breathe. I love you.” The words spilled out and though my heart stumbled, I pushed forward. I meant them, and I needed him to know I wouldn’t be taking them back.

The mage curled over me, his arms wrapping around me. I moved to sit upright, turning to face him, spreading my legs and settling my knees on either side of his hips. I pulled his face to my chest and pressed my cheek to the crown of his head. “I will fix this, Anders. I promise you. Please, please, don’t pull away from me now. It’ll kill me. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here. I need you.”

I felt the hot wetness of tears as he cried, and I struggled not to do the same. Slowly, I rocked, kissing his head, rubbing my hands over his back, hoping and praying I was doing enough, that new as this love-thing was I had the instincts for it, and that they guided me true. Eventually, his sobs eased, and he pulled me closer, turning his face to the side.

“See. It’s very easy to love you.”

I squeezed him as hard as I dared, muscles flexing as I let go of the unbearable tightness in them. My voice wasn’t steady; it was husky and thick when I replied. “I swear to god, Anders, I don’t think I’m built for this shit. I… I-”

It was his turn to ease me, his hands rising against my back until his fingers curled over my shoulders and pulled me back, just enough for our faces to be level. “I’m sorry. If it’s any consolation, I’ve never had someone fight to keep me before, unless they were a Templar determined to lock me up again. There’s no right or wrong here, love.”

I gave a shaky laugh and kissed him. It wasn’t as passionate as it could have been, didn’t last as long as either of us probably wanted, but I had to do it. I had to have at least a bit of his skin pressed to mine, needed to feel his body inside of me, to know he was still there, he wasn’t leaving, and he wasn’t rejecting me.

Anders needed it to, if the way his fingers dug into my shoulders, the harsh sounds of his breath, were anything to go by. The mage needed me as much, maybe more, and in those brief moments, we told each other in the clearest way that neither of us was going anywhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to tell everyone thanks for reading and giving kudos! Told you it's a total pear, but I love how this story turned out!! Is there such a thing as as OT4? Well, maybe not four, what about TTP - two true pairing? LOL, anyway, thanks again!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains references to the death of a child. While non-graphic, it may be difficult for some readers. Reader discretion advised.

The day we left for Sundermount was the beginning of my seventh week in Kirkwall. And despite seven having always been my very favorite number, the Free Marches climate wasn’t inclined to share my fondness, it seemed. The weather was overcast, rain threatening, the air heavy with moisture and intent, the smell of ozone strong. I smiled at Merrill as we waited for Hawke and Fenris to join us at the docks.

“I’m so glad you agreed to come, Piper.”

I bumped my shoulder against hers. “I’m your friend, Merrill. I think this is crazy, but I wouldn’t want you to go alone.”

She frowned a little. “I’m not crazy. I know what I’m doing.”

I sighed. “Ah, Merrill, I wish you’d stop saying that. We both know exactly how dangerous blood magic is. And there’s always a price, most of the time one we aren’t prepared to pay.”

“Not you too.” She stepped away from me, angry and hurt. Damn it, if she were just more crazy, more power-hungry, and less sweet, less genuinely kind and good, it would be so much easier to kill her.

“I know why you’re doing what you’re doing. The way you’re going about it is all wrong, but the intent is noble, Merrill. But we have a saying on earth, ‘the road to hell is paved with good intentions’. Anyway, I don’t know why you’re upset with me. Nothing I, or anyone else says can dissuade you. Just know, when the cards have fallen, I’ll be here.”

I moved closer to her and put my hand on her shoulder. She tensed but didn’t pull away. “I don’t know whether to thank you for understanding why I’m doing this, or be cross with you for telling me I’m making a mistake.”

“Look, here come the boys. Tell me I’ll make it through this, Merrill.”

The woman looked up at me, worry on her face. “Of course you will, Piper. Whatever task the Keeper sets for us can’t be that dangerous.”

I gave her a humorless smile. “Yeah, it’s not your adventure I’m worried about.”

“Oh, I see. Well, I still think you’ll survive.”

We didn’t say anything more as Hawke and Fenris came in hearing range. Instead, I motioned to the boat captain I’d hired for the trip to the island. “We’re all here.”

“Yes, messere.”

“You rented a boat?” Hawke looked at the medium sized vessel I’d procured. Her captain was a fit, middle-aged man, and the ship was in excellent condition.

“Yep. What good is all the coin I keep collecting, if not for spending?” I grinned mischievously. 

As I thought, Nevarr grumbled. “You’ve more fucking money than me.”

“I know!” I leaned close, keeping my voice low so the others wouldn’t overhear. “Don’t react, but I did something naughty. I used some of my gold to buy the mansion in Fenris’ name. And while we’re gone at Sundermount, I’ve hired an entire cleaning staff to put Fenris’ mansion to rights, all discretion bought and paid for. Oh, and I have a team of builders coming to fix shit that needs to be repaired. Varric, Sebastian, and Aveline are overseeing the work. I figure we’ll be gone at least three days, maybe more. Plenty of time.”

Hawke tripped over himself. “What?!” 

The word was very loud, a shout really, and I shot him an irritated glare. “Fuck, Nevarr, does ‘don’t react’ mean something else in Kirkwall?” 

His mouth opened and closed, opened and closed, at a loss for words. I was caught between laughing and snarling, but really, his reaction was priceless. I couldn’t wait to see what the elf did.

He righted himself, and leaned closer than I had, putting his lips to my ear. “He will kill you.”

At that I did laugh, loud and uncaring that I drew plenty of curious glances, including a very pointed one from Fenris. “He might try. I don’t care. Like I said, what’s money for if not to spend. I’m thinking of buying Bela a boat too, but that depends on what she does in future.”

“You’re a menace, Piper.”

I shrugged and stepped onto our temporary conveyance, putting a hand out to help Merrill aboard. Once everyone was in, Hawke and I did a quick once-over of the supplies I’d also picked up. When he was satisfied we were as prepared as possible, I nodded to the captain.

“Let’s go.”

“Yes, messere.”

The trip to the island was mostly uneventful, though it started raining making the water a bit choppy. Still we landed safely.

“Be back in three days. And once again every morning if we aren’t here then.”

The man nodded. “For the gold you paid, I’d sit here the whole time if you liked.”

I smiled. “Not necessary.” The smile dropped and I showed him my teeth. “If you fail to show, though, the last thing you’ll need to worry about is giving me a refund. Are we clear?”

He swallowed hard. “Crystal, messere. You don’t need to be worryin’ I won’t be here. You have me word.”

“Good man.” I motioned to Hawke and Fenris and with our combined strength we managed to get the boat back into deeper water.

The four of us had barely gone a half mile from the beach when it happened.

A group of well-armed men stepped into the path ahead and Fenris instantly tensed.

“Hunters.”

“Stop right there!” A masculine voice called down at our group. I looked up and thought the guy was actually better looking in the game. “You are in possession of stolen property. Back away now and you’ll be spared.”

I knew this was the part where Hawke was supposed to, or could choose to, say Fenris was a free man. I jumped the gun and added my own flair.

“Hey, dickface! The slave’s name is Fenris – oh, and he isn’t a slave. I’d suggest you fuck off before you catch a terminal case of mortality!”

Alright, so it was a bit overkill, but totally worth it for the look on the elf’s face, have surprise, half twisted humor. He looked like he was on the verge of a full-on belly laugh.

“Dick face?” He spoke the words beneath his breath.

I smiled at him and shrugged. “Too much?”

“I will not repeat myself. Back away from the slave now!”

“I am not your slave!” Fenris’ brands lit up like a neon sign. 

I pulled my weapons free. “Kill them!”

The fight was brutal, but quick. Between Merrill and her vines – and blood magic (which had me shaking my head as I stabbed and slashed at enemies), and me switching between lightning attacks and flat out cutting down anything that came within reach, we didn’t leave much for Fenris and Hawke to do except gut or behead the ones we left clinging to life.

When all but a single mage was dead, I jammed my daggers (or mini-swords, really, I had a hard time thinking of them as daggers) into their mounts on my armor and began looting corpses. I didn’t bother to follow the rest as they watched Fenris beat the answers he wanted out of the mage. 

I’d just rolled the last corpse, harvesting a couple of injury kits and a few silver, when Fenris’ voice reached my ears.

“We must go quickly, before they have time to prepare… or flee.”

I stood and brushed sand from my hands and trousers. Not much I could do about the blood and bits, but water would clean those up later. Sand was a pain in the ass to get rid of, as anyone who has ever rolled in it should know.

“I agree.”

Hawke gave me an odd look. “The thing?”

“Yep, the very same.” I turned to Merrill, but I didn’t need to ask the question on my lips.

“Of course, Piper. We have to stop the people after Fenris first.”

“Thanks, Merrill.”

Fenris grumbled something and I shot him a glare. “Stuff it, Broody. Unlike some I know, there are people who give two shits even though they’ve no reason to, and plenty not to. Now let’s go. The holding caves aren’t far.”

And they weren’t. I’d discovered when I’d come to Sundermount the first time that unlike the game, there were only three destinations outside Kirkwall. The Wounded Coast, the Bone Pit, and Sundermount, and of those three, all those mysterious little islands that popped up on the world map were part of Mount Elvhen-Last-Stand. Even the entrance to the Deep Roads was on the far side of the big island.

Of course, more magister-wannabes and slave hunters seemed excited to die as we approached the caverns. They were unrestrained, practically throwing themselves right into the edges of my daggers, leaping with real fervor onto the massive greatswords being whipped around by Hawke and Fenris. Hell, they even pooled at Merrill’s feet, glad to give up their blood to keep their _elvhen_ goddess happy.

Okay, I jest, but one gets the point. By the time we dealt with the folks milling around outside Hadriana’s hidey-hole, I knew it would take two baths to get all the muck out of my hair. Breathing hard, I kicked a couple of bodies out of the way and wandered toward the entrance, where everyone else waited.

“So nice of you to join us, Piper.” Hawke smirked and I flipped him off.

“Fuck you, Nevarr. How come, do you think, is it that I always seem to attract the most attention? I’m a fucking rogue – that should lessen my threat generation.”

Hawke shrugged. “Haven’t a clue, dear. Not going to complain, though.”

I gave him a smart assed smirk/nod. “Yeah, thanks.”

“Do you two think we might focus on Hadriana?! Or should I just sit back and wait for you to decide I’m worth helping, when you’re done with the verbal foreplay. _Venhedis!_ ”

Hawke and I shared a curious look, before as one switching our positions to stare at the elf. Irritation rose and I stood up straight and took the three steps needed to put me directly before Fenris. The top of his head only barely met my chin, and my nearness forced him to tilt his head back to meet my gaze.

“One of these days, Fenris, I’m going to give you what you must want, as often as you throw these tantrums.”

“What exactly would that be?” He was very angry, yes, but frightened too. 

I had to do something to get him either fully pissed, or at least not scared. Smirking, I leaned a bit closer. “I’m going to take you over my knee and get your sweet ass nice and pink.”

_Well, that did it._ All fear left his eyes, as the rage tripled, followed by not a little challenge. “You’re welcome to try.”

“Try not. Do or do not. I’ll do, thanks.” With a wiggle of my brows I stepped back and walked into the mouth of the cave. “Come on, we don’t have all day.”

The stream of curses flowing from the ex-slave’s mouth, in every language of Thedas, had me choking on laughter. Damn, he was creative, if I understood the words right.

All humor fled, though, as we entered a familiar corridor. I knew the layout, hell anyone who played the game twice, knew every nook and cranny of this particular dungeon. I figured once we’d dealt with Hadriana, and Fenris split the group, we’d circle back and clear the entire place. Heading straight for the bitch was the primary plan.

We passed through the room with the blood sacrifices and I clenched my teeth to keep from reminding Fenris that yes, Hadriana needed to die, but that Merrill had yet to decide slaughtering innocents was a good way to augment power.

The closer we got to our destination, the angrier I became, though I tried to focus it into something productive. It was effective, making my movements sharper, my cuts faster and deeper, and magic poured from me, nailing targets with blasts of electricity so hot some of them disintegrated on contact.

When we found Orana, my heart went out to her. She looked so lost, so fucking shattered by what she’d seen, what she’d suffered. Again, the game paled in comparison to the stark, vivid scene before me. 

“They’ve been killing everyone! They cut Papa, bled him.”

Her words hit Fenris like blows. “Why? Why would they do this?”

“The Magister, she said she needed power, that someone was coming to kill her. But I don’t understand; she loved Papa’s soup.”

Hawke looked at Fenris, but the other man’s eyes were downcast. “Is the magister still here?”

“I-I think so. She said they were to prepare for battle.”

“I can’t imagine what you’ve gone through. I’m sorry.” Hawke shifted on his feet and I knew what he was thinking. It was the same thing I thought every time I met Orana.

“Everything was fine until today!” She was angry, scared and my heart went out to her.

“It wasn’t, you just didn’t know any better.” Fenris’ voice was soft, as if he were speaking more to himself than the slave before him.

“Are you my new master?”

“What? No!” Fenris physically recoiled from the woman’s question. In person, his reaction was much more visceral, I could feel his disgust at the suggestion, he repulsion.

“If you go to Kirkwall, I will help you.”

“You will? Praise the Maker! Thank you.” Orana hesitated for a moment before racing past us, back the way we’d come. 

I saw Fenris’ sneer and tried to wait him out, but I was wound too tight, too agitated.

“No, he isn’t interested in slavery, you jack ass.”

Both men whirled to face me and I took a slow, deep breath.

“Really?” Fenris, his tone hateful, his mind surely hate-filled, glared daggers at me.

“Yes, really. He gave her a fucking job. I know, I know, you’d have been happier if he just gave her a handful of gold and sent her on her way. But exactly how long do you think that girl, the one who has spent a life-time as a fucking slave, will last with ten gold in her pocket in fucking Kirkwall? The Free Marches? Anywhere? Jesus, he’s offered her a home, a safe place, and an income, plus time for her to learn what it means to be free!”

Well, I felt much better. Fenris looked at Hawke, who nodded. “She’s right. I’m offering her a job and a chance at a life. Nothing more.”

“Then, that’s good. My apologies.”

I didn’t do a very good job smothering my snort, but no one commented. Merrill did move closer to me, however, her hand brushing mine.

“Are you alright, lethallin? You seem very… passionate.”

I bumped her arm with mine. “You mean mouthy and ill-tempered, right? Yeah, I don’t really like this next bit. Hopefully, I can keep my mouth shut this time.”

We pushed deeper, killing our way to the last door, the last barrier between us and Hadriana. As Hawke pushed the door open, I was more than ready, in fact, I was in fine form. I practically danced around the small room, ignoring the burns inflicted by rage demons, deflecting the spirit attacks of the shades. And when all that was left was the woman, I took position away from the group, watching the hallway we’d entered by, trying to keep my distance. 

But when I heard Fenris give Hadriana his word, it was like a magnet caught hold of me and pulled me back. I had to see with my own eyes the look on that bitch’s face when he crushed her heart. It was worth it, and I gave a dark smile as the light fled from her eyes. Fenris whirled, his brands going dark, stopping close enough I could have reached out and touched him.

“We’re done here.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Hawke asked the question on my lips.

Fenris turned to snap at Nevarr. “No, I don’t want to talk about it! This could be a trap; Danarius could have sent her here to lure me with this supposed sister. Even if he didn’t, if I tried to find her it would be suicide. My ex-Master is a conniving, deceitful man who will do anything, kill anyone, in order to grow his power and prestige. He will stop at nothing to get me back, for the markings or for myself as a trophy. He has to know about her, this sister, and he has to know Hadriana knew. The only thing I care about is that I finally got to crush this bitch’s heart. May she rot, and all the other mages with her.”

Hawke lifted a hand to the elf’s shoulder. “Maybe we should leave.”

Fenris jerked away. “Don’t comfort me.” He paced away, but instead of looking at Hawke, it was me he pinned in place with his pained, furious, expression.

“You saw what they did here. There’s always some excuse, some lie mages concoct to defend these atrocities. Even if I found this… Varania, who’s to say what the magisters have done to her? What has magic touched that it doesn’t spoil?” He spat, a large glob of saliva, which hit the ground just in front of my boot.

I lunged at him, grabbing him by the pauldrons and lifting him clear of the floor. “Me! It hasn’t spoiled me! Or you, you blighted pain in the ass. Your hatred might have spoiled you, but magic sure as hell didn’t.” I bellowed the words in his face, shook him hard, watched fury overtake his features. “All mages are not magisters, but you refuse to see that. You’d lock us up, torture us, take us out only to use our power for your own needs and desires, before throwing us away like so much trash. The only one in this room that sounds like a magister, Fenris, is you!”

He brands lit, but I didn’t give him a chance to grab for me. I threw him against the wall several feet away and spun around. “Merrill, Hawke, I’ll meet you at the clan’s camp in the morning.”

I didn’t wait around to hear their replies or to see Fenris rise from the floor. Apparently, it wasn’t the elf that needed air after dealing with Hadriana. I should have known better, that little tirade of his always did set my teeth on edge. But hearing it, the reality of the situation, all the shit that had happened over my time in Kirkwall magnified my reaction exponentially. His words hurt me, cut me, and I lashed out.

Fenris and I were very much alike in that. He’d been upset, angry with himself, confused at the spark of hope Hadriana’s confession lit in him. I knew this, I shouldn’t have reacted. But when he’d looked at me, chosen me to spew his vitriol at me, logic went right out the window and my compassion became a fiery thing, a weapon to be used to cut through chains, instead of a warm blanket and soothing balm to heal a broken body.

“Fuck!” I shouted the word as I left the holding caves. Anger propelled me as I cut the purses from the bodies outside and used brute force to tear open the locked boxes. Once done, I started walking. No destination in mind, only space and quiet.

My legs kept moving long into the day. I stopped only long enough to pull out a cleaning charm from inside my armor, which I used on my coverings while I tool a much needed bath in a very cold stream. When only a sliver of the sun remained above the horizon, I finally took a moment to get my bearings. I closed my eyes and breathed of the sea, and caught the faintest hint of fire on the air. My instincts said to follow the smell, and I did, and made my way into the Dalish camp not long after nightfall.

“Creators, Piper, thank goodness you’re finally here.” Merrill’s sweet voice called to me and I searched around fire rings until I spotted her. And Hawke. And Fenris.

“Fuck.” I spoke very softly and promised myself I’d keep my temper in check. Another confrontation with the elf was in no one’s best interest.

Shrugging my shoulders, shaking out the tension in my body, I made my way to my companions. With an ease I didn’t completely feel, I smiled at Merrill when she handed me a bowl of stew, by the smell, and a large hunk of warm bread.

“You didn’t need to worry, Daisy. I know my way around. So, did you talk to Marethari?”

Hawke hummed and I glanced at him. “We’re to kill a Vartarrel that’s been attacking the Dalish. The Keeper suggested we rest and eat before we do so.”

“Smart woman. Did you get our supplies?” The question was rhetorical since I assumed they had indeed gathered our gear.

“Fenris and I managed to collect everything and cart it here. I set your pack and bedroll over there,” he pointed to a pallet laid out about fifty feet behind me, “thought you’d approve.”

I assessed his choice. There was a tall, craggy rock face directly behind the bedroll, and the perimeter was surrounded by thick, dry bushes and vines. No one would be able to flank me, the rock or the brittle flora prevented that. The only way I could be approached was from the front, which would give me ample time to eye-ball the danger and attack accordingly. I was impressed and pleased. It wasn’t just Anders who’d been paying attention, learning me.

“You noticed.”

He grinned. “What? You mean the way you always seat yourself with the room open before you, a wall at your back? How you make damn sure no one can sneak up on you, and that you always have the advantage of seeing what’s coming as well as the space to make the most of it? No, hadn’t noticed a thing.”

I laughed softly and inclined my head, choosing to dig into the food instead of continuing to talk. Merrill refilled my bowl twice and when I thought I’d burst I set the empty dish down.

“First light?”

“That’s the plan.” 

“Good night, then.” I didn’t look at Fenris, but I didn’t need to. I felt his eyes on me while I made my way to the niche Hawke had selected.

It took quite a while for the feel of his gaze to fade enough I could fall asleep.

* * *

The softest crunch of a thin piece of wood beneath a foot woke me. I kept my reaction controlled, didn’t tense or bolt up, eyes wide to confront the presence I felt move close to me. I didn’t need to; the low hum of energy buzzing through my body told me clearly enough who approached.

I shouldn’t have been surprised, I suppose, that Fenris would be the one to seek me out after the camp was quiet and the rest were sleeping. Since the day we’d attempted to rescue the Qunari delegate and his envoy, I’d avoided the ex-slave as if he had the plague. And despite our one shared grin after the battle, I was still quite tied up, emotionally, about Fenris. 

Not the least of my reasons being that he still hadn’t bothered to apologize to _me_ for his actions in Hightown. Both Hawke and Anders had done so, explaining they’d had no idea what the elf had been up to, and then afterward, it seemed that whatever happened when Fenris’ lyrium brands reacted with my magic had been a, well, a shared experience. Hawke had barely had the time to silence my rather enthusiastic, and loud, reaction.

Not that I really expected Fenris to apologize or hell, to even try to explain what had happened. Part of me understood he was likely just as twisted up by the whole thing as I was. Still, he should have at least tried, fuck his pride and/or his shame at his ignorance. I fumed silently as I waited for him to draw closer, and from behind my closed lids, I registered the softest blue light. I curled my hands into fists, hidden beneath the blanket, to keep still and maintain a soft, even pattern of breathing.

He stepped close and if I hadn’t been awake and aware, I might not have heard the nearly silent friction of his bare feet on hard earth. But for that twig, he could have killed me in my sleep, which considering how I’d asked him not to do that once before, pushed me into action.

Well, not exactly action, but I spoke. “Didn’t I ask you not to kill me in my sleep, Fenris? I’m pretty sure I did.”

“I wasn’t going to kill you.” He was silent for several seconds. “What gave me away?” His voice was pitched low, as was mine. No reason to wake everyone up.

“Twig about twenty paces back. Clever though, strolling right up. If you hadn’t stepped on it, I might not have heard those bare feet of yours on the ground. Now that you’re this close, though, it’d be the glow of your brands. I can see it through my eyelids.” Giving up the pretense of sleeping, I rolled onto my back and opened my eyes, but kept my head facing him.

“I didn’t think that was loud enough to wake you. The brands, I have little control over.”

“I know, to both. Anyway, I sleep very lightly. Had to, never knew when the next attack might come.”

He moved closer, his hair shining like a beacon in the moonlight. Fuck, he was beautiful. I stayed still, unwilling to give against his unspoken push when he finally settled on his rump maybe the length of an arm in front of me.

“I’m… unsettled. I can’t sleep. Will you tell me of your home?”

I looked at his face, while he settled next to me. The lyrium lines on his body faded back to normal, and in the dark I could barely make out the black, slashing brows over his eyes. I was far enough from the camp that the fires there cast no light, low as they’d grown. I suspected, though, my own face was clearer in the soft wash of the moon. I pondered him for some time, trying to figure out why he asked about earth, what he could possibly want to know. When I decided I couldn’t puzzle the answers out on my own, I decided to simply ask.

“What would you like to know, Fenris?”

“The war and sickness, how did it begin?”

Well, I hadn’t expected him to start there. “I don’t know, not really. In my world, we have weapons you can’t imagine. They harness the power of matter itself, but in doing so it twists the energy, makes it malignant and tainted. The leaders of my country, and others, started to use these bombs against each other. That was the beginning, but I can’t say who took the first shot.”

“It sounds like magic.”

I sighed, loudly. “There is no magic on earth. Only science, which sometimes can seem like magic, I guess. You know the _gaat-lok_ the Qunari have? In my world, it’s called gunpowder. And yes, it’s the same thing. That’s what our weapons of destruction spring from and we both know the Qunari powder is not magic.”

He bobbed his head. “I think I understand. Go on.”

“Anyway, information traveled all over my world at almost the speed of light. So the entire globe new the shit had hit the fan pretty quick, but no one, civilians I mean, had much time to prepare before our power grid started failing. See, our enemies attacked the major population centers and seats of power first. My country, America, is very vast, her citizens spread across wildly different terrains and climates. Imagine if all of Thedas were one nation, that’s pretty close to America. All kinds of different humans, all different religions, all different lifestyles and jobs and, well everything, really.”

“How could a place like that be one nation? Even when the Imperium ruled Thedas, all were not united.”

I laughed quietly. “We weren’t always, but when the chips were down, America found strength in its diversity and rose as one to defend itself from all comers. We’re scrappy like that. The problem was, after those first attacks, my country men and I were even more isolated, pockets of survivors spread over thousands of miles, and our communication had been cut off.”

“Chaos, then.”

I rolled to my side and propped my head up on a palm. “Yeah, pretty much. At first, we just tried to survive. Make sure we had enough food and clean water. My family and I left the town where we lived and traveled further west, toward a large mountain chain, not unlike the Frostbacks in Ferelden. It took us a long time to get there. I killed my first man on that trip. I had nightmares for weeks.”

Fenris said nothing, but I watched his fingers curl into fists, as if he wanted to reach out for me but… couldn’t, wouldn’t, was terrified I’d pull away? I wasn’t sure, but talking about earth was hard enough so I didn’t press. Still, I understood he empathized with what I felt and it had eased some of the pressure telling the story built in my chest.

“It became clear, pretty quickly that there weren’t going to be a lot of survivors. I also realized that while my husband could use a bow or gun to bring down animals, he didn’t have the ability to end another human’s life. Not in the beginning. But someone had to protect our children, to defend us, so I taught myself how to use a gun- that’s like a canon you can hold-until I was proficient with all of them we found along the way. And over time, I trained my husband how to kill too, in case something happened and I died or was lost.”

“You do not have to continue. I – I… that is enough.”

“It’s alright, Fenris. Now that I started, I might as well finish. Every act has consequences, be they good, bad, or indifferent. In my world, the word consequence has a negative connotation, but I’ve never thought of it that way. It’s physics, science. For every action there is a reaction. If you have to sit through some uncomfortable emotions while I tell my tale, well, you were the one who came to me. This is part of who I am.”

“Then I will accept your gift, and any pain I suffer, gladly.”

Damn, he had such a way with words. The strength of them, the way he phrased himself just so, to convey the most information with the least effort. His statement moved me, more than I let on. And I wasn’t stupid. I finally understood why Fenris had asked what he’d asked. The fucker couldn’t just apologize for what happened between us, both in Hightown and today in the caves, with blithely given words. No, that wasn’t Fenris’ style.

He would prove contrition with actions, which for an ex-slave held much deeper, more profound meaning. He chose to show his regret, of his own will, as opposed to offering syllables that could easily be spewed, and just as simply mean nothing. His inquiries were designed to allow me a way to share my pain, pain the elf was proving he would willingly shoulder for, or with, me. This was penance for the offenses he believed he committed. I wanted to punch him in the face and bury my head against his neck and sob. Instead, I sighed and continued.

“Eventually we found a small community of survivors. They had need of a metal worker and a teacher. My husband had been a welder, and I was highly educated, so they offered us a home in exchange for our skills. The conclave was defensible, its members had put up fortified walls and they had electricity, provided by solar cells they’d harvested from other places. Solar panels convert the sun’s light into power.”

“Are you sure that wasn’t magic?”

A tiny smile tugged at my lips. “I’m sure. Anyway, by the time we settled in New Fort Samuel my instincts had been retrained, I was different. Always wary, guarded, and even more jaded than I’d been before everything went to shit. We fell into a routine, and though I didn’t like teaching, it was necessary and I was the best equipped to do it. We’d been there about six months when word of the sickness reached us. 

“I don’t know for certain if it was a side effect of the nuclear fall-out or if it was another weapon, but it killed seven or eight out of every ten people it infected and it was highly contagious. About a week later, the first person in town died. Within four days, twenty were dead. In two weeks, there were less than a hundred and fifty of us left, but those that survived were immune – either because we’d survived being sick or because we hadn’t caught it in the first place.”

The sob caught me by surprise and I jammed my knuckles against my mouth to stop the sound. The tears I only barely held back, for the most part, though a few slipped down my cheeks.

“Piper, please. Stop.” His voice was ragged, but it came from so far away.

“My middle daughter, Emily, she died. We were both sick, but I lived and she didn’t. Why? Why, Fenris? Why did I live and she didn’t? Fuck, it doesn’t matter,” I’d been through this already, the pain, so I pushed the tears away and forged on. “We burned her; there was no room in the conclave to bury the dead. Not that I would have, but her father was devastated. His baby was gone and he didn’t even have a grave to visit, a place to feel close to her once she left us.

“That was three years ago. New Fort Samuel was quiet for a while, after the illness, but it didn’t take long for outsiders to start showing up, but instead of trying to join our community, they wanted to take it over. Apparently, what humans survived consisted of significantly more men than women. The conclave, we were pretty even, about sixty men and sixty women. The outside world, it was more like 6,000 men for every 1 woman. Hard to keep a species alive without females.

“Plus, we had electricity and between me and a couple of the men in town, all of us with education in my world’s technology, we’d managed to reconnect to the global communication system. It was fragmented and unreliable most of the time, but we’d begun getting good information on what was happening, where other survivors were, stuff like that. So New Fort Samuel was a prize, and it didn’t take long for people who wanted only power and control to start attacking us pretty regularly.”

“ _Venhedis_.” His voice was raw with pain and anger, but he said nothing more.

I chuckled humorlessly. “Pretty much. Anyway, the very last thing I remember before waking up in your bed was leaving. I told my husband we had to – we had a daughter. She was young, only sixteen, but of breeding age. Hell, I was still of breeding age. We’d been under heavy attack for more than a week and I knew, in my gut, the barricades and barriers wouldn’t hold much longer. I refused to sit in our little house and wait for those motherfuckers to come in and drag my daughter and me off to be gang-raped until we got pregnant.

“So my husband and I loaded up only what we absolutely needed, packed our son and daughter into our solar powered vehicle, and left under the cover of darkness. We drove for a couple of days, moved high into the mountains. We’d just stopped to allow the kids to go to the bathroom when I heard a roar from behind me. 

“A massive bear, all claws and teeth and emaciated had spotted my son and was racing toward his small body. He was terrified, couldn’t move, and I took off at a dead run. I remember grabbing him around the waist and throwing him away from me, telling him to run back to his father, seeing his little face wet with tears as he scrambled to do what I said. And that’s it. That’s the last thing I remember.”

“How long?” A soft whisper of sound, as if he were afraid of the answer.

“Since the night Hawke gave Anders his key. Something happened, later on, and I don’t know, it left me very unsettled. I tossed and turned most of the night, and at some point woke covered in sweat, shaking, sick, everything had just come storming back. It was… unpleasant doesn’t even come close, but it’ll do.”

“I see.”

_Not yet, you don’t, but you will._ ”And that’s it. Most of my story, in a nutshell. You should probably try to get some rest, Fenris. Tomorrow will be here soon.”

“I think I will sit here a while longer.”

I wasn’t sure if that was a good idea, but I was spent in every way after spilling the entire story. With a deep sigh, I tugged the blanket tighter and closed my eyes. “Night, Fenris.”

“Be at peace, Piper.”

I smiled a bit and quickly fell back to sleep.


	19. Chapter 19

I pulled the body spooned in front of me closer and buried my nose in the soft hair at its nape. The copper scent of blood, the salt of sweat, and the sweet tang of honeysuckle tickled my nose. _Smells wonderful!_ Whoever it was smelled unbelievably good, and I tucked myself tighter against their back, shifting my face toward a spot where the aroma was much stronger.

“Piper, wake up. _Fasta vass,_ woman.” The voice was low, throaty, strained. _Fenris_

I bolted into wakefulness, shoving him away from me and scrambling back from him before my eyes had fully opened. “What the hell are you doing in my bedroll?” I asked the question before my mind was fully engaged. As the previous night’s events came to me, I groaned. “Never mind. I’m sorry. I don’t wake up very well. Rather, I’m not good when I don’t have time to properly come awake.”

“It’s alright.” I watched him stand and dust himself off, though really he was simply trying to avoid looking at me.

“No, I should apologize. I didn’t know it was you… um, but, well, you just smelled so good.” I couldn’t help the hungry sound of my voice and I cursed silently.

“I, uh, yes, well…”

“Yeah, I know, not helping. How about we see if someone’s awake and we can get something to eat.”

He sighed loudly and I smothered a giggle. “Yes, please.”

I packed my gear with practiced efficiency, slinging my pack over my shoulders. Thedas didn’t have backpacks (I know, in the game that’s what they’re called, but I promise, they were not backpacks) before I showed up, but I’d quickly changed that. What can I say, two bands that could be tightened was genius, or at least that’s what Varric told me every month when he brought me my cut from the sales. Cinching the straps tight, to keep the thing in place, I moved abreast of Fenris. 

“I forgive you, you bastard. Next time, though, maybe you could try, ‘I’m deeply sorry, Piper, for being an asshat.’ Less flagellation, of the self-inflicted kind, and definitely less angst.”

He looked up at me. “I… it seems you know me better than I thought. Thank you, for allowing me to offer repentance in my own way. For what it’s worth, I would gladly rend the fabric of time itself to give you back all that you’ve lost.”

“Damn it, Fenris.” I looked into those green eyes and I finally ( _finally_ ) did it.

I didn’t give him a chance to react, just shoved my hands into his glorious hair and covered his mouth with my own. I closed my eyes, too frightened I’d see anger or rejection in those leafy-green orbs of his, and threw all my passion, all the frenzied, wild, untamable things being anywhere near Fenris stirred up in me, into the kiss. If it were the only one I’d ever have, I wanted it to be so fucking spectacular that no other press of lips would compare. I wanted his taste, the feel of him, burned into my memory with a white-hot brand.

He hesitated for all of about a nanosecond before I felt his gauntlets wind into my own hair, his arms crossed behind my neck. He pulled me down with such power and suddenly, it wasn’t enough, my hands sifting through the silken strands on his head. I stepped into him, slid my palms down his back, and (later I would be mortified) took his hard, taut ass in my hands, lifting him against my body.

Fenris wasn’t really that much smaller than me. Yes, a few inches shorter and maybe a bit less broad, but me holding him in my arms wasn’t like Hawke or Anders doing the same. I pulled him up because I had to have him closer, nearer, I wanted as much of our bodies to touch as was possible, fully clothed in the bright light of day. Hell, if I’d waited a few minutes, the embrace might have been the other way, with me in his arms, clutching with frantic hands and soft moans, but I never had much patience.

I changed the angle of my lips, pressed harder, and when he opened to me, thrust my tongue inside. I shifted my hold, one arm around his perfect ass, the other banding across his back, crushing him to me, the feel of his cock, pulsing against my belly, made me moan, loudly against his lips.

“Fenris, fufffk-“ His tongue stopped my words, his fists pulling my hair as he held tighter, dove deeper. 

If I thought he smelled good, his taste was ambrosia. I was drowning, so many sensations, my body burned, I couldn’t get enough air, but the thought of parting my mouth from his made me want to cry. When his legs wrapped around my hips, I was lost. I pulled my mouth away from his, only enough to slide my lips along his chin, tongue dancing over lyrium brands, their power hitting my taste buds like pop rocks, fizzing, zinging, sparking through my mouth and down my throat. 

I brought my teeth to the edge of his ear, and whimpered like a trained courtesan when he hissed in mine and thrust his engorged cock hard against my abdomen, while his own wicked tongue traced the helix of my elf-like appendage. Apparently, it wasn’t just them that had extremely sensitive ears.

“Umm, shit, I hate to interrupt, but… Fuck, did she just make that sound… Merrill, help me out here?”

My entire body trembled, my knees barely able to keep me upright, let alone Fenris as well. I was horrifically embarrassed and I buried my face in the side of the elf’s neck, which only served to fill my lungs with the scent of him, which made me groan and clench my thighs together. 

I felt Fenris tense in my arms and felt a sharp stab of fear. Holy fuck, I was pretty sure I had totally crossed that unspoken line the elf kept firmly three feet in front of him, the one that screamed ‘do not touch me’. Slowly, I released him, trying unsuccessfully to swallow the moans the feel of him against me created. When he was on his feet, I tried to step away, but his hands in my hair held me close. 

I didn’t open my eyes as I whispered, “Fenris, I am- shit, no, that’s a lie. I’m not sorry I kissed you, but I am sorry if I… if you feel like I forced you to do something you didn’t want to. Fuck, please let me go so I can die of embarrassment alone.”

“Woman, shut up.”

His words gave me the courage to open my eyes. He hadn’t sounded pissed, exactly. I searched his gaze, felt my body clench at the dark, maelstrom of hunger, need, possessive all-consuming desire swirling in the depths. I bit my lip and felt my knees shake. Fenris was the only thing that existed, his breath was my breath, his pulse directed my heart to beat. I licked my lower lip, mouth so dry, and tried not to wriggle. 

My nipples throbbed, so did my clit, and I knew I should move away, but as long as his gaze held mine captive, I was at his mercy. 

“Piper.” My name, soft on his lips. 

God, I was so close to yanking him back into my hold and finding the nearest semi-horizontal surface. Or vertical. Or I didn’t care. All I wanted was him buried inside me, his mouth all over me, my nails scoring new marks, the tattoos of passion and not greed, on his caramel skin.

“By the Maker, Fenris, let her go, man!” Hawke’s voice was right beside us and it was enough, finally, to bring the elf back to the present.

He let me go and I stumbled back, noting he was no steadier on his feet. Though we weren’t touching anymore, both of our bodies heaved for breath, and our eyes remained on each other, seeing nothing else.

Finally, Hawke stepped between us and carefully pushed Fenris back. Free of his scorching gaze, I was able to make my way toward the camp proper, falling heavily to the ground beside Merrill. The tiny woman laughed happily as she handed me some kind of biscuit and several pieces of fruit.

“I think Fenris has finally met his match. That was very passionate, Piper. Even the Keeper said so. She shooed some of the young ones back into their tents.”

I groaned as I took the first bite of fruit. “Shit, I’m going to have to apologize. Oh my god, I am mortified.”

“Oh, don’t be embarrassed. Passion like that is rare. But next time, maybe, wait until you’re at least inside. Possibly at his mansion, or in your bedroom, or even Varric’s suite at the Hanged Man.”

“Merrill, you aren’t helping.”

I felt the soft shake of her body and knew she was laughing. The sound of feet moving toward me drew every sinew taut.

“Be at ease, child. It is me.” Marethari’s wise voice fairly brimmed with humor.

I looked at her and fought the blush ready to turn my face crimson. “I don’t even know what to say. I, uh, didn’t exactly expect that to, well, go the way it did.”

“Truly? Any with eyes to see knew you and your branded elf were walking the fine edge of a powerful attraction.”

“Yeah, well, that fine line you’re talking about is love and hate, I think. So, I might have hoped it would go that way, but I don’t put a lot of stock in hope. Nothing worse, not even death, than dashed hopes.”

The Keeper gave me a wistful smile. “You certainly have a way of choosing difficult paths, child.”

I snorted. “Tell me about it. But he-heck, maybe things will go differently this time.”

She inclined her head. “It will be different because you are here, other than that, I cannot say.”

I lifted my brows, something in her tone made me think she knew more than she revealed. “There’s truth there, but I bet you aren’t giving me the whole of it.”

“You’re very good at listening to what is not said, child. It will serve you well.”

“Do you need to wash, Piper?” Merrill rose to her feet and I followed, giving Marethari a warm smile as I followed her former First away from the camp.

“No, I found a stream not far from the caverns yesterday. And I learned weeks ago to never leave Kirkwall without at least one of those cleaning spell-things. But I’ll keep watch if you want to take a quick bath.”

“Oh, thank you. That would be wonderful.” She hitched her pack –not a backpack- higher on her shoulder. We didn’t go far before we found a pool Merrill was obviously familiar with. 

She turned to say something, but I caught movement beyond the veil of flora that hid the water from view. And what I saw made my jaw drop. Very carefully, I forced her face around and thanked god I had her mouth covered when she made a squeaking sound.

“Shh! Look, here’s what we’re going to do…“ I put my mouth close to her ear and pulled her into a crouch. I was taller, which made it easy for me to keep my eye on the boys, from the lower position. “Very slowly, you and I are going to back track-“

“By the Maker, it isn’t working!” Hawke’s curse cut me off and my eyes widened as he stood from the water. 

Even from my hiding place, I could clearly see his impressive erection. My mouth fell open and Merrill tore my hand from her mouth, turning to look for herself.

“Oh, my.” Her voice was barely more than a breath.

“Yeah, oh my god. He’s, fuck, he’s-”

“Impressive.” Her whisper held more than a little appreciation.

“Fuck yes.” I wasn’t even jealous, I mean, _wow_.

Fenris cursed and surged out of the water a few feet from Nevarr, his body also magnificently aroused. I bit my lip, hard enough to bleed. _I am going to spontaneously combust, right now._

“Holy shit, he’s – Jesus he’s beautiful.” The brands covered most of Fenris’ body that I could see and I couldn’t find another word to describe the perfection of his form.

Merrill turned to look at me. “I can’t believe you kissed him.”

I started to whisper a response when the ex-slave’s voice overrode me. “This water is like ice! I cannot go traipsing up Sundermount like this!” Fenris indicated his very large cock. 

In fact, looking at the two of them, I thought Hawke’s looked a bit longer, and it curved slightly toward his navel. But Fenris had the human beat on girth, and he couldn’t have been much shorter. Turnabout was fair play, wasn’t it? After all, they’d seen me naked at least a couple of times. _Stop looking, right now! Are you seriously comparing their dicks! For fuck’s sake!_

Okay, so my conscience didn’t think peeping on the boys was a good idea, but conscience wasn’t making the decisions at that point. Libido was.

“Alright, Fenris, I suggest we both just take things in hand. You go over there, I’ll go over here. And let’s do it quickly before someone wanders in to bathe.”

“ _Festi bei umo canavarum!_ ” 

“What does that mean?” Hawke began to stroke his prick as he moved away from the elf.

“She will be the death of me.” Fenris went his own way.

“That makes two of us.” Hawke shot back.

When both men disappeared from view, I grabbed Merrill’s arm and tugged her not completely cooperative ass behind me, back the way we came.

“Piper, that wasn’t very nice.” She pouted at me and I wanted to strangle her.

“Merrill, we are not going to watch two grown men masturbate while we hide in the shrubs.”

“Spoil sport.” She gave me a mischievous grin.

I shook my finger at her, but my voice held no real malice. “You’ve been spending too much time with Bela. She’s corrupting you.”

“Not too much. Well, not yet at least.” A lovely blush stained the other woman’s cheeks and the tips of her ears and I chuckled warmly.

“Give her time. You and Isabela, huh? I think you’re a good pair, for what it’s worth.”

“Oh, Piper, thank you! You won’t tell, though, will you? I don’t think she wants anyone to know.”

“Your secret’s safe with me. Mum’s the word.”

“What’s mum?”

I laughed. “Never mind. So, do you think they’ve had enough time yet?”

It was the _elvhen’s_ turn to laugh. “I don’t know, but they did look like they were ready –“

“Don’t say anything else. I’m trying not to think about it. I say we head back, but make as much noise as possible.”

“Yes, stomping and talking loudly. That’s good. I really do want to clean up. Well, it’s probably a waste, we’ll only be filthy when we’re finished, but you know what I mean.”

I nodded. “Sure do. Let’s go, I’m ready to be back in Kirkwall. I need a fucking drink. Or twelve.”

* * *

The whole _erulin’holm_ thing was pretty much the giant clusterfuck I expected it would be. Pol died, I got poisoned, fucking _poisoned_ by the Vartarrel, and Hawke – thank god, because I was in no shape to council him, vomiting uncontrollably, muscles violently seizing, and only semi-upright because Fenris’ wiry strength was plastered to my side – refused to give Merrill the ‘precious heirloom’ of her people.

Marethari did use some healing magic on me as soon as Fenris dragged me down the mountain, and then dosed me with an antidote, _tsking_ me for getting so close to the dangerous creature. Considering the amount of poison I’d been exposed to when I’d killed the thing – me stabbing it with my double blades in an assassination move, it spewing copious amounts of poison all over my upturned face – the Keeper was surprised I lived long enough to receive her aid.

If the unmitigated pain I suffered was anything to go by, I was pretty damn surprised myself. Marethari had several potions mixed for me and gave Hawke strict instructions on giving them to me at four hour intervals for the next two days, and not to leave me alone, since the venom was a natural neurotoxin and I’d likely have uncontrolled muscle spasms, cramps, and vomiting for most of that time.

So, lots of fun.

Merrill refused to even look at Hawke or Fenris as we’d left Sundermount. I don’t remember a whole lot of the trip back, because, well, _poisoned_ but I remembered hearing her voice, trying to calm me, her cool hands wiping my brow, and doing her best to rub out some of the worst cramps. Of course, if she’d known I agreed with Hawke, she might not have been so kind. When the captain finally put in at the docks, apparently Fenris was picked to procure a litter so that he and Hawke could drag my useless ass back to the estate.

Anders met us there and that’s about where my memory stopped being quite so patchy. I mean, Marethari was a Keeper, but apparently her strength wasn’t healing magic. The Warden? He was a fucking god among healers. The minute his magic washed over me, the unrelenting binding, tearing pain in my arms, back, and legs eased and my nerves stopped firing like they had ADD and were four days off Ritalin.

“Sweet Jesus, thank fucking Buddha, Allah, fucking Odin, Andraste, Zeus, every god that was, is, or ever shall be.” That’s what I said in my head, but I’m fairly sure what came out of my mouth didn’t make any sense to the bodies hovering around my bed. But really, as I rolled to the side and heaved my guts up onto the floor, I was so thankful that at least one of my symptoms had been dealt with, because everything else was enough.

When I stopped gaking, I felt warm hands shift me toward the middle of the bed. I couldn’t open my eyes, couldn’t even speak again, so exhausted and flat out sick I couldn’t do more than moan. A cool cloth gently cleaned my face, and I was shifted again, felt my armor coming off, layers peeled away until the only thing covering me was my front-laced demi-corset. Yet again, the three managed to get me mostly-naked. I was really going to have to have a talk with them about that… later, when I could actually speak.

“I can’t – shit. It’s been in her too long. The poison is bound to her blood. It will take hours to cull all of it. Plus, I can’t deal with the muscle cramps and vomiting at the same time.” Anders hands moved further down my body, I guessed, closed as my eyes were. His magic shifted downward, assessing injuries and trying to ferret out the poison as well. “What happened?”

“The idiot rushed a Vartarrel –“

“Protecting you, Fenris. It had him pinned to the ground with a very sharp, spiky leg and she ran in to protect him.” Hawke didn’t sound accusing, but he also sounded as if he felt like that point needed to be made.

Fenris growled but continued as if he hadn’t been interrupted. “And took a full dose of its poison in the face. By the way she was hacking and gagging, I’d guess she ingested some of it, not to mention she was utterly soaked. I am certain she also got it into a number of lesser injuries.” Fenris’ voice was growlier than usual, not that I could appreciate it in my state.

“The Keeper gave us these,” I heard the clink of potion bottles, “and told us to dose her every four hours for the next two days. It’s an anti-venin, or antidote, or maybe both.” Hawke’s gentle tone held worry.

“Why didn’t she try to heal herself?”

“Because none of us realized she’d been poisoned until we were halfway back to the Dalish camp, when she crumpled to the ground and her entire body started to convulse!” Fenris again, and he sounded pissed.

“Alright, elf, back off!” Anders magic stuttered and I cried out as my body started to tighten up again.

“Ahh!”

“Fenris, you’re not helping.” Hawke snapped at the ex-slave.

The elf responded with several colorful curses.

“Here’s what we’re going to do. Hawke, you’re going to go the clinic and bring me back all the lyrium potions you can find. You know where I keep them. And food, I’m going to need food. Oh, and a couple of those sleeping draughts I keep in my room. I want to see if they might make the pain easier, when I have to rest. We’ll give her this potion of the Keeper’s, and I’ll do my best to handle the other symptoms while it does its job. She’s burning up. Fenris, I need you to get cool water and a cloth and keep her skin bathed, we have to try to keep her temperature down.”

“Will the sleeping potions interfere with the Keeper’s antidote?” Hawke again, more worried than before.

“No. But when I have to sleep, one of you is going to have to hold her together. Because though she won’t be awake, her body is going to seize up again, and thrashing around won’t be good. As strong as she is, it might actually take both of you to hold her still. Two days, you said?”

“Yes.” Fenris’ voice was close to my ear, and I stuttered a breath when the cool press of a cloth soothed over my brow.

“Fuck.”

“I’ll be back as quickly as possible.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little note - Fenris says 'festi bei umo canavarum' instead of 'festiS' because in game, he uses the 's' conjugate when he speaks directly to Hawke. In this case, he's speaking to Hawke about Piper, so the conjugated form (based off spanish/italian) of the 'her' version doesn't have the 's'. LOL, in short, no 's' means 'she', 's' means 'you'.


	20. Chapter 20

Natural childbirth? A twenty on a scale of ten for pain. Coming out the other side of Vartarrel poisoning? An easy seventeen. My entire body hurt, from the hair on my head down to my toe nails. I rolled onto my side, and slowly, very, very slowly blinked open my eyes.

Yeah, that hurt like hell too.

“Piper?” Anders leaned over me, his voice a soft whisper.

I tried to talk, but my throat decided it was a bit early for cooperation. I gave him a small nod instead.

“Thank the Maker.”

I swallowed and moved my arms and legs. Difficult, but not insurmountable, and gritting my teeth, I shifted up in the bed and took in the scene around me.

Fenris was _not_ in his armor. He wore this pale silver, oh what was it called, lawn-shirt? The sort of blousy type of top men wore in _Pride and Prejudice_ or something like that, complete with the string tied at the throat. The shirt was paired with a soft-looking, grey pair of breeches, just as form-fitting as his typical black leggings, though they looked more comfortable. He was barefoot, so changing clothes didn’t necessitate footwear. Not that I was surprised. 

He was also asleep, slumped in a chair that he, or someone else, had pulled right next to the bed. And he had several scratches on his face, like something had clawed at him. The marks were a pale pink, and it looked like they’d heal without marring his lovely, olive skin, but I was curious as to how he’d gotten them.

My eyes traveled from the elf toward the foot of the bed, where a shirtless Nevarr Hawke dozed soundly, one strong, tanned arm slung over his eyes. He too had a series of fresh marks on his chest and what I could see of the arm not covering his face. His bottom half was covered in a pair of loose fitting pants, kind of like men’s pajama bottoms, only silkier. I averted my eyes after noticing he had a partial case of morning wood.

Anders pressed the back of his hand to my forehead and must have been satisfied because he drew back with a small grin. “I bet you’d like a bath.”

I nodded and tried to say _god, yes_ but all that came out was a harsh, raspy sound. I clutched my throat and asked with my eyes what I couldn’t with my voice.

“It’s been a little over a day since you returned here. Those hours haven’t been easy, you probably screamed yourself hoarse. Here, let me…” He reached over and gently caressed my throat, his magic cool, mine rising up with his touch and in a few moments, I swallowed without pain, healed.

“Thanks. I thought I needed two days?”

“It took several hours, but eventually your body adapted to the poison, which stopped further damage. Plus, your magic rose and joined with mine. It was quite amazing. I’ve never known that to happen before, not when the mage is unconscious. Another plus, you’re immune to just about any and all nature poisons now.” 

I shrugged. “Great. The next time a giant fucking stick bug spits on me, I’ll be able to shake it off. You know, Anders, I’d rather just throw a few points in magic to gain resistance, you know, for future reference.” His completely stupefied expression made me chuckle, very softly and very briefly, since the movement of muscle over ribs was painful enough to make me nauseous. “Shit, I hurt everywhere.”

“Sorry about that, but as it’s the residual effects of the poison, there really isn’t much any of us can do about that. No healing spell can fix it, though I do have willow bark tea, which should ease the pain. In this case, we can only treat the symptoms, not the source. So how about that bath?”

“Yes, please.” I was too weak to do more than cling limply to Ander’s chest as he lifted me from the bed. I had on a demi-corset, though the absurdity of having my breasts covered while my ass was out for the world to see didn’t escape me.

I noticed the bathroom door was properly rehung as we passed through it. Ander set me on a small stool, a new one, and turned to start the bath. By the time he had it filled to his satisfaction, I was shaking and exhausted, just from trying to stay upright.

He turned to me, face unsure. “Do you… I’m not exactly certain how we’re going to do this.”

I managed a rather self-deprecating grin. “There’s no way I can get off this stool and into the tub by myself, Anders.”

“Well, I suppose that settles it, then.” His hands came up to the clasps holding his robes in place, fingers quickly working the catches. The material slid off him easily, leaving the tall man in only a pair of cream colored breeches.

Banged up and weak as I was, I ogled. Oh, yes, I absolutely ogled the hell out of Anders fucking _gorgeous_ body. His skin was as pale as I’d imagined, just the faintest hit of peach tinting it. His shoulders were broad, too, and thin though he was, every single muscle was cut and defined. A swimmer’s build, sleek and strong without the need for extra bulk, that’s how Anders looked out of clothes. 

His chest was bare of hair, but low on his taut abdomen, just below his belly button, a trail of strawberry blond strands grew, thickening as it they disappeared beneath his pants. God damn, he was sexy, with his happy trail, and beautifully sculpted physique, the smattering of freckles over his shoulders. And the scars.

I felt a twinge of sadness as I took them in, most old, faded, the skin puckered shimmers of past injustice, past battles, of the past period, I supposed. They covered his chest, belly, sides, arms, there really wasn’t much of Anders that didn’t have a memory carved in flesh. As I continued to catalog, I realized the man was shifting uncomfortably under my scrutiny, a thick ridge developing between his legs.

I ducked my head, pulled my gaze from its travels. “Sorry. I’m a shit. But,” I looked into his face, those amber eyes and my mouth kept moving. “You’re beautiful. No, that’s not good enough. Anders, you are magnificent.”

It was his turn to duck, the faintest warmth coloring his chest and neck. He chuckled self-consciously as he moved closer to me. With shaky hands, I managed to fumble the demi-corset loose, lifting quivering arms so he could pull the scrap of material over my head. He bent to lift me and I laid a palm over a particularly nasty scar, probably from a burn. The mark splashed over part of his left pectoral toward his sternum.

“I mean it, Anders. If I wasn’t in such bad shape, I’d show you.”

Finally, his eyes shifted, honey-gold looking at me. “I know. You don’t lie.”

I smiled and smoothed my hand up, over his shoulder, to curl around the back of his neck, the silk of his hair caressing my fingers. “I don’t flatter either.”

He smiled. A real smile that crinkled the corners of his eyes and spread his soft lips wide, edges turned up. “Let’s get you in the bath.”

I hissed as he lowered me into the water, the heat of it so good and so bad at the same time. Anders knelt beside the basin, one arm behind my shoulders, keeping me steady. I relaxed against him and closed my eyes, hoping the water and my will would ease the pain away.

“Anders?” We’d kept our voices low so far, but I really didn’t want the others to hear my question so I whispered.

“Yes?”

“Did I give Nevarr and Fenris those marks?”

His arm slid against my back. “Yes.”

“I didn’t hurt them too bad, did I? I mean, they’re okay right?”

“No serious damage, no. Though I suppose that might change when Fenris sees his mansion.”

“Shit. I forgot all about that. I take it the work is all done then?”

Anders snickered. “Yeah. Hawke fetched him clothes yesterday. He didn't say much beyond 'Fenris is going to have a fit'.”

“Fenris hasn’t left?”

“Not for a moment. Did you think he would?”

I was quiet for a minute. “I don’t know. Maybe. He doesn’t exactly deal with emotional stress well, in case you failed to notice.”

A low grunt. “I haven’t. Hawke told me about your little tiff after he dealt with his ex-master’s apprentice. Calling him a magister, huh? You must be a masochist.”

I gave a humorless chuckle. “What can I say; he knows exactly how to push my buttons. I knew better, hell I knew exactly what to expect, but…”

“Trust me, I can understand. So, are you going to tell him you bought his house and had it set to rights before, or after, he sees it for himself?”

I opened my eyes and looked at the other mage. “Honestly? I planned to take a vacation to the Deep Roads for a week or so. That way I can spend the time killing things that need killing, while he goes apeshit. Win, win, as far as I can tell.”

“Only you could possibly think courting blight poisoning is better than a pissed off Fenris.”

“C’mon, Anders. Any time either of our tempers flare, things tend to get out of control PDQ. I’m- I can’t deal with that right now.” I looked down my body, settling deeper in the tub. “That said I’m in no state for anything but sleep and lots of it. In which case, someone should send him home before I’m fully recovered. I doubt he’d assault me when I’m already so weak. His honor would never allow it.”

“PDQ?”

“Pretty damn quick.”

Anders smirked. “True enough. Are you ready to wash?”

I nodded. “Do you mind if we do my hair first?”

“Not at all. Keep yourself upright while I get the soap.”

The rest of the bath went pretty well, though both of us were definitely breathing harder after everything was said and done. I managed to wash my private bits, but having Anders holding me up while I did it made the act much more erotic than even I expected.

He pulled the stopper and grabbed a towel from the cupboard, wrapping the thick, fluffy fabric tight around me when I stepped, wobbly, from the tub. I held tight to his shoulders as he rubbed another, smaller cloth over my long hair. When it was as dry as he could manage, he sat on the stool and pulled me onto his knee, threading his fingers through my hair as he’d done once before, drying and combing the thick mass. Like the last time, I hummed with pleasure as Anders hands worked over my scalp. _Bliss, pure bliss._

“I think it’s time to get you back abed and maybe get some food in you.”

“Okay.” I snuggled against him, tucking my head beneath his chin while he carried me to the bed. 

Fenris and Nevarr were still sleeping, so Anders and I got me under the covers and propped up as carefully as possible. I guessed none of the men had much rest and I didn’t want to wake them if I could help it.

Anders motioned toward the door and I nodded, tucking the covers tight over my chest and relaxing into the pillows at my back. I drifted off, rousing when I heard the clatter of porcelain on metal.

“You have willow bark tea, for the pain, a cool glass of water, and toast with jam, gooseberry if I’m not mistaken.” He settled a glossy silver tray over my lap before reclining close beside me on the massive bed. Even with his long legs fully stretched out, there were still several inches between his toes and Nevarr’s shoulder.

It took both my hands, and one of Anders’, to steady the cup and bring the warm, aspirin-water (that’s what willow bark tea was, really) to my mouth. I drank slowly, letting the heat soothe as much as the medicinal elements, but finished my tea before moving on to the toast. I couldn’t remember every having a gooseberry in my life, but the jam was delicious. Anders hadn’t gone overboard, just a thin layer, not wanting to overdo things after more than a day without food. Still, I finished both pieces and felt markedly better. Once more, with aid, I managed to drink about half the water, before pushing the tray away.

“I don’t think I can eat any more, now. I want to sleep.”

The mage took the tray, slipping from the bed to set the remnants of my meal outside the bedroom door. When he returned, he made to sit in the empty chair beside me, but I motioned him closer.

“Will you lie next to me?” I glanced at his face, then away. I wasn’t sure why I was worried, but I couldn’t ignore the frisson of nerves that passed through me.

“If you like.”

Sighing with relief, I shoved pillows out of the way, as best I could manage, until I had a single fluffed mound beneath my head, covers pulled to my chin. Anders stayed atop the sheets, but settled himself next to me, one arm curved over the top of my head, the other draped carefully across my abdomen. I sighed, comforted by his warmth, as sleep came to take me. I rolled to my side, spooning my back to his front, linking the fingers of the hand over my stomach with my own.

* * *

A soft groan stirred me from sleep and I wiggled against the warm flesh in front of me. The soft brush of hair tickled my nose and I shifted, scooting up until only smooth skin touched my face, by the feel of the curvature of muscle I figured my cheek lay in the sweet spot just above a clavicle and just inside the shoulder. The body was very warm, and big, and firm and it smelled like molasses and sandalwood. A lovely combination, really, and as I reached toward sleep again, I buried my face against the skin and breathed deep, humming my approval of the scent.

“She really does have a thing for smells, doesn’t she?”

“So it seems. Fenris said as much when I asked exactly what caused their, um, heated embrace on Sundermount the other morning.”

I hovered in that place between real sleep and the hazy awareness of nearly awake, Anders’ and Hawke’s voices lulling me, keeping me from drifting away, but only by the barest tether.

“Heated embrace?” Anders voice held a hint of jealousy, but also humor.

Hawke chuckled before pulling me closer to his large, heavily muscled body. “Trust me, words cannot do justice to what I saw. Maker, I thought I was going to embarrass myself again.”

“Speaking of the angry fuck, he’s been gone an awfully long time. Think the mansion survived?”

“It would be an honest to Maker shame if it doesn’t. Aveline said Piper here drew the plans up, ordered all the furniture, everything. The place screams Fenris, corner to corner, floor to ceiling.”

“So it’s all black and shadowy, with little lighting and thick drapes covering every window?” I heard the sneer in Anders’ voice and felt Hawke tense against me.

“No, Anders. It isn’t airy and light, by any means, but it’s warm, welcoming, in an extremely understated fashion. One doesn’t realize how much, though, until they’ve been inside for a while. She had it sparsely furnished, and the furniture is all heavy, dark woods, with sleek angles and unforgiving lines. Intimidating, at first look, but then… I noticed small touches of softness, of pastel blues and greens, a thick fur rug, a bronzed candelabra casting warmth.”

“It sounds… beautiful.”

“It is, but she outdid herself in the garden. I can’t imagine the cost, but it’s amazing. A maze, filled with Ferelden wildflowers, as well as Tevinter orchids and roses and the most magnificent blue-green plumeria I’ve ever seen, from Seheron. As well as strong, hardy flowering shrubs, juniper and something else, winter plants from the Anderfels. Varric had to name most of them for me. I’ve never been anywhere but Ferelden and here, never seen their like before.”

“She filled his garden with-“

“Plants from each of our homelands. Yes.”

“I don’t know what to think.”

Hawke snorted. “You aren’t the only one. I don’t even know if she did it on purpose. Either way, it makes a strong statement without being grotesque. I’ve never seen a garden more beautiful, the way all those different floras blend together, complimenting each other exquisitely.”

“You think that’s how she sees us?”

“I don’t know. Like I said, I don’t know if she even realized. Anyway, the paths she had laid wind around and around. It really is a maze. I was out there for almost an hour and never found the same spot twice. She left much of the high grass, as well. A man could get lost in there, unless he knew it like the back of his hand. The icing, though, is the tunnel she had built between his mansion and the docks.”

“What?”

“Well, not exactly built. According to Varric, it was already there, accessed through a door in the scullery. Piper here just paid to have it properly excavated and repaired.”

“How much money does the woman _have_?”

This question eased Nevarr’s tension, and I breathed deep of him as he settled back into the bed. “According to Varric, her little renovation project barely put a dent in her coffers. Seems she’s not only quite the thief, but very clever with investments. With the dwarf’s guidance, of course.”

Anders chuckled and I heard the chair he sat in creak as he shifted. “I don’t know why I’m surprised. She spent a fortune buying supplies, food, new beds, and Maker knows what else for the clinic. And clothes,” he snorted, “said she was tired of seeing me in my ‘raggedy-ass’ robes, whatever that means. But she was clever, the clinic has never been better stocked or more medicinally clean, but from the outside, it looks just as run down and shitty as ever.”

“Did you know she’s planning to buy Isabella a boat?”

Anders didn’t get a chance to reply. The bedroom door flew open, although the arriving visitor did manage to stop the heavy wood from slamming into the wall. I burrowed closer to Hawke, who responded by holding me tightly, lips pressing against the crown of my head.

“Did you know?” Fenris’ snarl shook with rage, for certain, but something more than that. I heard a quiver in his whispered words.

“I did.”

“It was her, wasn’t it? Aveline and Varric wouldn’t tell me directly, but who else would dare-“

An angry rumble from Hawke shivered against my cheek. “Dare what, Fenris? Dare to ignore your petulance and put your home to rights? Or dare to know you better than even you do?”

I tensed in Nevarr’s arms, and he soothed one large palm over my back, hushing me. I still wasn’t quite awake, but the tension flooding from Fenris was almost enough to tumble me into full consciousness.

“I want no one’s pity or charity. I should burn the place to the ground.”

“Do what you will. It is, after all, yours now.”

“ _What!?_ ”

“Title and deed.”

The elf barely choked back a roar of pure fury and I whimpered against Hawke, trying to get my sleep heavy limbs deeper in the protective circle of his arms.

“You will control yourself, Fenris. She hasn’t recovered and I, for one, will not let you do anything to jeopardize her while she’s mending.” Anders voice was cold, but calm. He wasn’t goading the elf, but warning him point blank. 

The bed behind me dipped and I relaxed a bit as elfroot, lyrium, and Anders sweetly herbal scent drifted to my nose. His long-fingered hand pressed gently against my head, palm coasting over my hair, reassuring and protective.

Another low-timbered growl and the sound of feet pounding the floor.

“Where are you going?” Hawke shifted beside me, lifting his head I assumed.

“I have little choice but to return to the home _she_ had made for me.”

“Exactly. For _you_ , you ungrateful git. Not out of pity or charity, if that had been all she could simply have patched the roof and disposed of the bodies. She wanted it to be a _home_. Not a shelter.”

“I didn’t ask for her… generosity.”

“That’s generally when a gift is most deeply appreciated, Elf.” There was silence, for a very long time. Long enough I thought Fenris had left and the last of my tension slipped away. Relaxed again, the heat of two bodies making what little lingering pain dissipate, I dipped toward sleep again.

“I- I don’t deserve a gift from her.”

Anders sighed and moved his body to snuggle close to my back, Hawke’s hand trapped between our bodies, his own between Nevarr and me as he settled his forearm around my waist. “That’s not your choice to make, Fenris. It’s hers.”

The door closed quietly and I sighed. We laid there, the three of us, drifting in and out of sleep for some time before I shifted uncomfortably. Not because two large males had me pinned between them, which I actually found exceptionally comforting and not a little arousing, but because nature called.

“Anders?” My voice was scratchy, from thirst and not pain.

“Hmm?” His response tickled the tip of my ear and I shivered. Fuck, I was really going to have to remember these new ears of mine were ridiculously sensitive.

“I need to use the bathroom.”

“Do you need help?”

“I don’t think so, other than you and Nevarr moving so I can get up.”

Hawke stirred and stretched. “I suppose. Anders and I will go fetch some food.”

My stomach rumbled and I smiled. “Good idea.”

Both men gave me a quick squeeze before rolling from the mattress, neither concerned about the lack of attire. I hummed dreamily as I watched them leave, two very different body types, but both just exquisitely masculine.

Once alone, I moved as quickly as possible from the bed to the bathroom to relieve myself. Although I was still a bit shaky, I felt a thousand fold more recovered than I had even after the bath. I looked around the robe for something to cover up with, in the end settling for the T-shirt I’d been wearing when I arrived in Thedas. It covered me to mid-thigh. As I climbed back into the bed, I frowned, wondering if I’d missed the seamstress’ appointment.

Anders returned with a tray and I wasn’t shy about digging in. The food was fantastic – Bodahn was a good cook, so was Leandra, but I could tell the light dishes before me were the work of one terrified, orphaned, young ex-slave girl. I was unbelievably relieved Orana had found her way to Hawke’s estate.

There were softly crusted pastries filled with chicken and squash, nothing heavy or thick, very simple in fact, but divine. Fresh fruit in the barest simple syrup spilled over another layered bit of fluff, and the clear juice of some weird named fruit native to Ferelden that tasted similar to a peach filled an icy glass.

I hummed with pleasure as I finished the meal, sipping the juice. “Tell Orana it was amazing. I’m very thankful.”

Anders quirked a brow. “How d’you know Orana made this?”

I shrugged. “It certainly didn’t taste of fear and sorrow. No, the lightness of the dishes, the simplicity, maybe. I guess the food just didn’t taste like Bodahn’s.”

Anders shook his head, a strange grin on his lips. “You’re very odd, Piper.”

“Not the first time I’ve heard that, Anders. Where’s Hawke?”

“Speaking with Leandra. She’s been very worried about you, especially considering the bellows of pain that you were belting out yesterday.”

“Next time I get the bright idea to charge in and save the day, trip me, will you?”

“If I’m there, count on it.”

“Speaking of being places, so Fenris finally went home?”

Anders lifted a brow. “How awake were you?”

I lifted one shoulder. “Not awake enough. It’s fairly blurry, but I gather he doesn’t accept gifts graciously. Not that I’m surprised. It would have been nice, though, if I could’ve been moving around enough to at least sneer at him. Though as I recall, you did some of that.”

“Piper, what possessed you to do that without his consent?” Anders voice was soft, and surprisingly held concern for _Fenris_ of all people.

“He’d never give it. And while yes, I realize making the choice for him smacks of his slavery, I don’t really give a fuck. There’s enough shit for him to wallow in, filth and the remnants of blood magic are unnecessary additions to the list.”

The Warden sighed. “I don’t disagree, but he’s very upset and confused. You might want to avoid him, for a few days at least.”

I laughed. “In case you hadn’t noticed, Anders, I’m damn good at avoiding anyone, if I want to. But yeah, I’ll definitely give him some space. Not that it matters much, eventually it’s all going to come to a head and he’ll destroy me. But what the fuck, right, in for a penny, in for a pound, no?”

“Penny? Pound?” He lifted a red-gold brow.

“I suppose you’re equivalent would be copper and sovereign.”

His face cleared of confusion. “Right, actually, that is how it goes. ‘In for a copper, in for a sovereign’.”

I made a non-committal noise and tugged the sheets around until I was warmly ensconced. “I’m going back to bed now. In the morning, I’ll be right as rain, I think. And I’ve shit to do, not the least of which is breaking in to Fenris’ house to deliver the deed and see how everything turned out.”

“Piper.” Anders warned, but I ignored him.

“Yeah, yeah. It’ll be fine. Even Bela can’t claim to be a better sneak than me.”

The mage huffed, loudly. “I’ll let Nevarr know. He’ll think of something to get the elf out of his house.”

I rolled to my stomach, tucking a feather pillow close and let my lids droop. “Okay. Sleeping now, Anders.”

I heard him move, felt his breath stir my hair, and then the press of his mouth. “Good night, Piper. Sleep well.”


	21. Chapter 21

Nevarr not only failed to get Fenris out of his house the following afternoon, but he forbade me from breaking in. I flipped him off.

“I don’t need your permission, Hawke.”

“Piper, damn it, you’re barely out of the sick bed! Listen, just give it a few days. I’m sure he’ll cool off, come around, and I’ll find a way to slip the deed into his possession before I drag him off on some adventure or another.”

That was how, two weeks later, I found myself skulking through Hightown in the wee hours of the morning. Fenris had been avoiding everyone and despite my rather blasé comments to Anders that last night I’d been recovering, I actually didn’t want to commit B&E on the elf, talk about compounding mistakes. I did try other tactics, after Nevarr failed to come through. I begged both Aveline _and_ Varric to deliver the damned piece of paper. They both laughed themselves near to tears. 

After that, my options were nil. Merrill could barely make it from the alienage to the Hanged Man and that was, what, a couple of blocks? And I loved Isabela, but as far as I was concerned she spent enough time at Fenris’ house alone, there was zero chance I would actually _send_ her there. There was absolutely no chance Sebastian would hunt the elf down and put the parchment in his hand, never mind breaking in and leaving it on the entry table.

So, I finally dug my balls from my purse and set about doing it myself. Nevarr would no doubt be pissed, but as I strode past the stairs to the Chantry I figured a pissed off Hawke was something I could handle. Sure, I could have held onto the damn thing, or burned it, since a copy of the deed was in the Viscount’s Keep with all the other property stuff. But I didn’t want to keep it. And yeah, part of me seethed because the elf couldn’t just man up and bitch to my face about the _injustice_ of it all. Ungrateful git, indeed.

Grumbling under my breath, I ducked around the corner of the stairs near the elf’s door. With care, quieter than even a mouse, I scaled the stone archway, pulling myself up and onto the roof line of Kirkwall. As I walked across Fenris’ roof, I found myself wishing I’d left the damn hole in the ceiling, even though it would likely have dropped me right onto the man.

Of course, that made me smother a snicker, since that was pretty much how I’d found myself in Kirkwall in the first place, crashing through Fenris’ roof. With delicate motions, I flipped myself from the roof and onto the small balcony off the bedroom, keeping my body very close to the façade and out of eyesight, should the mansion’s occupant be sitting near the double doors.

I stayed outside the balustrade, shifting carefully at the platform’s edge and paused to look down at the garden I’d designed. It was breathtaking. Truly, I was beyond pleased with the final product. Lush and thick, with plants from the Anderfels and Ferelden, Seheron, Tevinter and Kirkwall, Fenris’ garden was a slice of Thedas. I smiled softly, recalling bits and pieces of the conversation between Hawke and Anders.

Initially, I hadn’t chosen the plants with the boys in mind, was in fact about half through planning the layout when Varric pointed out what I’d done. The subconscious could be pretty damn sneaky. Either way, intentional or not, I loved the final product, the way all the plants, despite their differences, blended together, growing healthy and strong.

Turning from the garden, I pressed a finger to my chin as I pondered my next move. Going through his bedroom was not an option. If Fenris were home, he’d likely be there, and I was trying to avoid a confrontation. I lowered myself against the stone railing, letting my feet dangle off the balcony until I was fully stretched then let go, tucking and rolling when I hit the ground, ears pricked to catch the slightest sound. I lay still for a few moments, heard nothing, and righted myself into a crouch.

The tall grass and shrubs gave me perfect cover as I made my way to the small door that exited the kitchen. One hand lifted to the knob, turned it, my brows lifting when it gave no resistance. _Really, Fenris? Just leave the doors unlocked. Make it easy, why don’t you?_

Clean was the first thing I thought when I slipped into the house proper. The light tang of citrus hung in the air and the stone floor gleamed beneath my soft-soled boots. I closed the door, grinning when it made not a squeak or groan, but slid closed like the well-oiled thing it was. I stayed low, in a crouch, and made my way around the kitchen. There was little light, but it didn’t really matter, I could see what I imagined in my mind. 

As I stalked deeper into the house, I was surprised to find that most of the connecting doors in the mansion were open. It didn’t bother me, it made getting to the main foyer a breeze, but I thought it seemed strange Fenris would leave the place so open. Unless of course he truly hated what I’d done, and of course by extension me, and could not stand to be inside the place. In which case, leaving the deed would be moot.

I cursed in my head, then chided myself. I _had_ done all of this without his permission, as a gift. If the elf didn’t want the gift, I had no right to be an ass about it. And if he disliked it that much, I supposed I could finagle a way to sell the place and give him the proceeds, likely through Varric. A tremble of guilt twisted my gut. I sincerely had not been trying to chase the man from his shelter, but once more, the fact that I was shit at interpersonal relationships seemed to smack me in the face.

When I crossed into the large room at the base of the double staircase, I moved utterly silent toward the heavy, dark table I’d had placed against the small wall between the stairs. Pulling the deed from my tunic, I propped it against a warm, bronze candelabra. Task complete, I turned to leave and almost wet my pants when the door I’d entered through slammed shut.

“It certainly took you long enough.”

It was instinct, I swear to Christ it was. I cast the mind blast before I even fully comprehended that Fenris had moved behind me, the sneaky fucker.

“ _Vishante kaffar!_ ” He flew back from me and landed sprawled on his back a few feet away.

“Fenris! What the fuck, man, do not sneak up on me!” I turned toward him and consciously called fire to light the large chandelier I knew hung above us. Shadows chased away, I looked around and was pleased to see the elf hadn’t destroyed all I’d had done.

He twisted around, rolling onto his hands and knees before pushing to his feet. “Sneak up on you! You broke in to my _house_!”

“Not exactly. You did leave the doors open. Thanks, by the way, right courteous of you.”

He made a strangled growly noise and charged at me. I squeaked, I’m pretty sure I squeaked, and scrambled out of his grasp, dashing up the stairs to my left and stopping on the landing. 

“Now, look, Fenris. I get that you’re pissed. And I guess you have a right to be. But I’m not going to apologize, so if that’s what you’re hoping to choke out of me it’s not going to happen.” 

His face was etched in a, frankly, scary scowl. “I have the right to be – You trespassed against my wishes, treated me like a thing, and I have the _right_ to be furious with you!”

“Wait just a minute. I did no such thing. I had your fucking house cleared of dead bodies and refuse, made it clean and livable. I might have gone against your wishes, ass, but I did _not_ treat you like a thing!” Righteous indignation boiled in my veins.

“I don’t want or need your blighted help, mage!” He bellowed the words and I wanted nothing more than to punch him in the face then.

“Well you got it anyway, you branded bastard! You don’t like the place? Burn it to the ground! Collect the insurance. Sell it and run away. I don’t give a right proper fuck one way or the other.” I started out yelling, but ended up barely growling the words my teeth were clenched so tightly.

Without another word, I spun on heel and ran for the bedroom door, which stood open, thankfully. I didn’t stop moving until I was out on the balcony once more, jumping up to catch the edge of the roof and pulling myself onto the building.

“Piper! Piper, get down here. I am not done!”

I looked down at him. “I am. You want to keep bitching? Best scramble your skinny ass up here and catch me.”

His entire body lit up and he threw himself against the building, fingers and feet finding purchase between the stone as he drew that lithe body upward toward my position.

“Well, fuck.” I didn’t wait to see him make it onto the roof. Nope, I skedaddled my smart mouth over Hightown mansions with utmost haste and not a little panic. Across the Keep I flat out ran, jumping down from platform to platform until I landed in the small square outside Hawke’s estate.

“Piper, I swear to the Maker!” 

I paused only long enough to shoot a look over my shoulder to spy a lyrium-ghost leaping along the stone overhangs I’d just left. My eyes widened and I slammed myself against the front door, tearing the thing open so hard I almost ripped it off. I didn’t slow down either, I burst into the weird foyer thing, tripping over the dog and the rug, and scaring the shit out of Bodahn.

“Piper! Where did you come from?” 

“Holy fuck, Bodahn, Fenris is, oh shit!” I rolled onto my hands and knees and scrabbled like a crab toward the stairs as the elf charged into the house.

He looked beyond infuriated, his chest was heaving and he was so bright I had to shield my eyes. I took the steps two, three at a time, and didn’t even bother slowing down at my own bedroom. Hell no, I was running straight for Hawke. If nothing else, Nevarr was a big guy, I could throw him at the elf while I jumped out the window to escape.

I slammed the master bedroom’s door open, had a whole two seconds to take in the action going on in the bed, before I dove over both Anders and Hawke (who had been busy pounding the fuck out of the mage) effectively putting the two naked men and one very large, very heavy bed between me and a rampaging elf.

“Piper!” Nevarr’s face was priceless, really, utter shock and maybe horror too. Not that I actually had the time to appreciate it. I rushed to the small window, fighting with the sash to get the thing open.

“Do not think Hawke will protect you, mage!” Fenris’ words echoed from the hall.

“Fenris?” Anders did a semi-crunch, which made Hawke grunt pleasurably. “What mage is he talking about?”

Fenris stormed into the room, hand pointing at me. “Her.” And then he realized what he’d stumbled into and turned crimson red in the firelight. He spun around, words spluttering from his lips, “I’m sorry, Hawke, I- she-“

I giggled and pushed myself through the window and out onto the small overhang. And because I really have no control over my smart mouth, I popped my head back inside just to snark, “Aw, Fenny’s embarrassed. Too bad, if you weren’t such a prude, you might have caught me!” Laughing maniacally, I slammed the sash closed and slid off the estate, wincing at the impact shock, but ignoring it as I bolted for the stairs to Lowtown, adrenaline and relief making me giddy.

* * *

“Piper, you are _such_ a naughty girl.” Isabela bumped her shoulder against mine. I gulped down the glass of water she held out and immediately fought not to throw it back up as another wave of dizziness and nausea stampeded through me.

“Yeah, naughty, that’s me. Shit, shit, shit, all three of them are going to be absolutely ape shit.”

“You know, you can’t hide up here on the roof of the Hanged Man forever. Eventually, you’re going to have to come down.”

“Ha! I’m not putting these feet on solid ground ever again. Besides, I make a great lookout. Hell, I bet I could spy on the Qunari like this, easy peasy.”

“Piper.”

“Isabela, are you? You are! _You’re_ giving me a disappointed look.” I threw up my hands. “Unbelievable, the completely self-centered pirate queen is giving me the ‘you can do better’ glare!”

She huffed, then shrugged. “Listen, I know I’m a worthless piece of trash-“

“Bela, shut the fuck up.” I gave a ragged sigh. “Look, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t jump down your throat. I adore you the way you are, selfish but with a heart of gold. And you’re right, I’ll have to come down sometime. Just not right now and probably not today. I need time to cool my heels as much as they do.”

“Fair enough. So,” her voice turned sultry, “did you really crash into Hawke’s bedroom while he was shagging Anders?”

I made a pleasant hum in the back of my throat. “Yes, yes I did. Too bad I couldn’t hang around and really enjoy it though.”

Bela sighed and leaned into me as the Kirkwall sun beat down on us. “A girl after my own heart.”

We sat that way for a while before I asked the question both of us felt hanging in the air. “So how long have they been here, Isabela?”

She shifted next to me and gave a soft chuckle. “You really are wickedly clever.”

“Yes, yes, flattery will get you nowhere. I’m guessing they came up from Darktown, stuck close to the buildings so I wouldn’t see them?”

“Got it in one.”

“I don’t suppose you or Varric told them to leave me the hell alone, did you?”

“Actually, Corff did. Said he owes you for some good deeds you’ve done and that if any of them come up here, he’ll ban ‘em from the bar.”

I laughed. Good deeds, huh? What I’d actually done was lift several crates of expensive Orlesian brandy from the docks, took them out of the possession of an uppity bastard who’d stiffed Corff on his tab. “All hail good deeds then.”

“Piper, you’re getting pretty red.” Worry colored Bela’s tone.

It was my turn to sigh. “Yeah, I know. I think I’m getting sun poisoning. I feel really sick. But I’d rather be dead than trapped in a room with those three. Besides, it’s like win, win. I’m gone, can’t cause any more trouble, and everything goes back to normal. Plus, I’ve left my ‘estate’ to you seven, to be evenly split. The Prince is either rich enough or can’t have money of his own, so I’ve set aside a nice donation to the Chantry.” A bit of a waste, really, but it was the thought that counted.

“Piper, that’s not funny a’tall.”

I heaved to the side and vomited all over the place. “Not,” a hacked cough cut off my words. I swallowed the burning acid and cleared my throat. “Not laughing.”

“Bollocks.” 

Isabela jumped to her feet and beat a hasty retreat from the roof, while I laid down on my side and looked out at the horizon. It was a very lovely view, despite the giant slave statues marring the image. I really wished I had the energy to sit up and move because I knew what was going to happen next.

I’d probably have a seizure, maybe black out, and I’d wake up sometime tomorrow, healed and half naked in my bed at Nevarr’s house with three of the biggest pains in my ass hovering, just waiting for me to wake up so they could have a go at me – and not in a fun way, either.

“Really, Piper? Now it’s sun poisoning instead of pissed off elf? I’m sensing a pattern, here. Vartarrel, darkspawn, now the sun, you really have a thing for poison don’t you?”

A cool wash of magic and the world righted itself, at least enough for me to sit up without puking. “Anders, please, go away.”

“No luck there, my dear.”

I dropped my face into my palms. “Nevarr.”

“How is she?”

“Unlike Vartarrel poisoning, this I can fix. And I just did. She’s right as rain, look, even her skin is healed.”

“Don’t you think you’re a bit old to be playing hide and seek?” Hawke’s tone held humor, but also a harder edge.

“I think I’m too old for a lot of shit, Hawke. This fucked up quadratic at the top of the list.”

No one said anything and I didn’t look up to see their faces either. Instead I shifted away from my sputum and stood. I walked the length of the building, heard at least two set of feet follow.

“Why exactly did you do what I expressly told you not to do?”

“Hmm, let me think… You’re not my daddy, Nevarr. I waited two weeks and I asked you fuckers to give a girl a hand.”

Anders snorted then coughed and I fought the grin his response drew from me.

“Then why’d you run off? You knew what would happen if he caught you.”

I whirled around. “I didn’t expect him to actually _chase_ me!”

“Why not?”

“When has Fenris _ever_ chased anything on his own, Nevarr?”

“Hadr-“

“No, he did not chase her. Her men cornered him and he retaliated. Fenris is never the chas _er_ , he’s always the chase-e.”

Ander shifted. “She has a point, love.”

My shoulders drooped and I shook my head. “Look, putting the elf and I in close proximity now would be a very bad idea. He’s still pissed off, I’m still pissed off. Give it a few days, and we’ll all be back to strained UST and sniping. Alright?”

“UST?” Anders cocked his head, seriously pondering what those three letters might stand for.

“Unresolved sexual tension, you blighted ass.”

Both Hawke and Anders brows rose, nearly identical surprised looks on their faces. Hawke recovered first. “Right, well, uh, so are you going to stay up here, then?”

“Not now. You know where I am. I’ll probably just go home and lock myself in my bedroom. I’m really tired and grimy.” And with that, I stepped off the roof, grinning when both men yelled my name. 

I popped my head up over the side of the building. “What? There’s another roof here, Jesus, you should see your faces.” Laughing I hopped from the lower height and onto the Lowtown street.

I heard them cursing me all the way to the stairs headed toward Hightown.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GRAPHIC SEXUAL CONTENT AHEAD. Reader discretion advised.

I took my time combing out my hair. Orana offered to braid it for me when she’d come to collect my supper tray. I’d almost let her, but with a promise that she would in the morning, I sent her on her way. I really was tired and just wanted to go to sleep and put the whole of the past day behind me.

I don’t know how long I was asleep when I startled awake under the press of a foreign weight. I must have been exhausted not to have heard the intruder enter my room, but that didn’t matter in the moment. Right then, all I knew was fight or die.

I slammed my elbow backward and caught a hard chest piece with the blow, a harsh masculine grunt bursting forth into the room. Opening my mouth, I tried to scream, but a hand came over my lips, stalling the sound. Baring teeth, I took hold of the flesh and bit down, hard, tasting blood, hot and metallic on my tongue.

Another grunt and a hand fisted in my hair, pulling hard, which served to really piss me off. Rolling, I pinned the body beneath me as I kicked my legs free of the blankets before bringing both hands up to the forearm wrapped around my chest. I dug my fingers in and pulled hard, hard enough to break the damn bone, and was rewarded with a bellowed curse.

I tumbled from the bed, tripping for the door as I screamed, “Hawke!”

The bedroom door smashed open as both Nevarr and Anders rushed into the room, Anders calling a spell wisp to light the room.

“Piper, Piper, what’s the matter?” Hawke grabbed me by the shoulders.

“The bed, there’s someone-“

“Fucking cunt, she broke me arm!”

“Son of a bitch.” Anders ran to the bed, throwing blankets aside to reveal my attacker.

I didn’t recognize him, but his face was covered with a mask of some sort. The Warden punched the man once, twice, and the intruder stilled. “Hawke, send for the guard.”

Nevarr rubbed my upper arms. “I’ll have Bodahn fetch Aveline. Will you be alright with Anders?” His face was painted with fear and anger.

I felt the first waves of shaking begin, but managed to nod my head. The adrenaline was peaking but I was also going in to shock. I could tell because I was suddenly extremely cold and dizzy. “An-Anders?”

His tall, warm body was behind me before my knees gave out. “Shh, shh, it’s alright now. You’re safe. I promise you, nothing like this will ever happen again, Piper. I swear it.”

“Ho-hold tighter or I-I’ll shake apa-apart.” My teeth began clacking together and I clenched my jaw to hold back the tremors.

Hawke stormed back into the room, metal cuffs dangling from one hand. He strode to the bed and rolled them man onto his stomach, pulling his arms behind him, which brought the bastard awake, briefly, thanks to the excruciating pain from the arm I’d broken, before agony sent him back into unconsciousness.

Anders lifted me into his arms and took me to Hawke’s room. He closed the door softly and moved to the bed, settling me across his lap, arms forcefully tight around my body as I continued to shake. Fuck, I hadn’t been that scared in years, but in the moment the past returned with a vengeance, sweeping away Kirkwall with a heavy handed pass.

I was back on earth, a few months into the journey west. My family and I were camping when bandits, marauders, desperate survivors, it really didn’t matter, attacked us. I’d covered my husband and children as they’d escaped to our car, but one of the bastards had grabbed me, intent on taking my gun and probably anything else he could get from me. He was the first man I killed, blew his fucking head off, which gave his buddies enough pause for me to get to the car without them following.

Anders voice brought me back to the present. “Slow breaths, Piper. We need to try and slow your heartbeat and breathing before you hyperventilate.”

“Fu-fuck, su-such a pansy.” I shuddered, pressing my head hard to his chest, willing my body to calm down, fighting furiously for some control. “Didn’t he-hear him, wh-why didn’t I he-hear ‘im bre-break in?”

“I don’t know, but Hawke and Aveline will find out.”

It took forever for the shudders wracking my limbs to slow to viscious quaking in Anders hold, but when the sound of muffled voices penetrated the door, I was breathing closer to normal and shivering uncontrollably instead of twitching like a thing possessed. I was still very cold, though being clothed in only a t-shirt likely had something to do with it.

The door opened and Aveline stepped inside. “Anders, Piper. Are you alright?”

I nodded. “Yeah, I th-think so. He pulled my hair, but otherwise I’m fine.”

The guard-captain nodded her head and flashed me a smirk. “He definitely got the short end of the stick then. Arm’s broke in three places.”

“I don’t do so good with surprises.”

“Then I should count myself lucky you only pitched me on my ass.” Fenris moved in behind Aveline and I instinctively burrowed closer to the man with his arms wrapped protectively around me.

“What are you doing here?” Anders’ voice wasn’t exactly curt, but neither was it welcoming.

“He was at the Keep delivering information on a slave ring working out of the docks when Bodahn burst in.” Aveline looked between the two men, then at me, but didn’t comment. “I’ve had my men escort the prisoner to the dungeons. I’ll question him in the morning. Piper, if you would stop by tomorrow as well, I’d like your statement.”

“Okay.”

The red-haired woman nodded. “I’ll take my leave then.” She turned and inclined her head to the elf. “Fenris.”

“Guard-Captain.” He waited for her to exit the room before he stepped closer and damn it, I whimpered and tried to crawl into Anders, fingers digging into his chest, face buried in his neck. 

It made no sense, but with terror so close to the surface, the primitive part of my brain was still in charge and it saw Fenris as a potential threat.

“Fenris, by the Maker, can you not see she’s in a panic. Stay back.”

I didn’t see him stop moving, but I heard him heave a troubled sigh. “I apologize. It was not my intent to distress her further.”

Anders sighed then, one of his palms coming up to soothe over my back. “I know. Look, just sit down, since I assume you aren’t leaving.”

“No.” Fenris’ reply was short, hard. 

We sat there, the three of us, in silence for quite some time. Eventually, all the hormones washed from my system and though jittery, I felt better. Unfurling my body from Anders, I slid off his lap.

“Piper?” Warm golden eyes searched mine.

“I’m alright, Anders. Sorry I freaked out. Fuck, I hate that shit, makes me feel pathetic.”

He gave me a gentle frown. “It’s not pathetic. It’s perfectly normal.”

I gave a stifled snort. “Yeah, sucks to be normal in this and just about nothing else.” I shook my arms out and rolled my neck. “Well, since I’m up, I think I’ll go downstairs and get something to eat.” Anders made to stand but I pressed my palm to his shoulder. “No, I’ll be fine.”

He didn’t want to let me go alone but he sat back down anyway. I didn’t look at Fenris as I left the room. My feet stumbled as I neared my bedroom door and I tripped past it as quickly as I could, wondering if I’d ever be able to sleep there again. On unsteady legs, I made my way to the kitchen, where Bodahn poured me three generous fingers of brandy and toasted two thick pieces of bread. 

I tossed back the liquor like it was water but slowly ate the bread, excusing myself with a small smile. I couldn’t go back upstairs, not tonight, so I made my way to the library, giving Nim a fond pat when the big Mabari fell into step beside me, apparently assigned as my protector.

I perused the shelves before choosing one of Isabela’s tawdry tales. If there was anything that might get my mind off what had happened, it would undoubtedly be the pirate’s friend fiction. Orana came in, carrying a thick blanket and another tumbler of brandy.

“Thanks, Orana.”

“Is the fire warm enough?”

“Yeah, it’s good. Go and get some rest. I think we’ve had all the excitement we’re going to, tonight at least.”

The elf hesitated, but finally dipped into a small curtsy. “Good night, Piper.”

“Good night.”

I opened the cover of the book and tucked the blanket around my legs, but I don’t think I made it three pages in before I succumbed to sleep.

* * *

“I’ve never been so sick with fear in my life, Anders. Maker, the sound of her screaming my name is still ringing in my ears.”

“I know, love. She was shaking so hard, her skin so cold… I don’t think I’ve wanted to kill someone so badly before, including the Knight-Commander. Piper’s a force of nature, but seeing her like that, shit, I will do anything never to see that again.”

I shifted in my chair, wincing quietly as my neck strongly cautioned me never to sleep upright again. Nevarr and Anders must have been on the other side of the door. It stood partly open, which allowed their voices to reach me clearly. I scrubbed my face with my hands. I felt like shit, but Aveline said she wanted to see me and I needed to get out of the house.

I stood and Nim gave a soft chuff, drawing the attention of the two men outside the library. The door pushed wider, revealing a freshly bathed Hawke and Anders, but…

“No Fenris?” 

Anders pointed behind me and I turned my head. Against the far wall stood the elf, sword unsheathed, tapered tip against the floor, forearms resting over the pommel. I wasn’t sure what to think of that, either his unnoticed entry or the fact he had been keeping watch, protecting me.

“Fenris.” I wasn’t sure what else to say so I said nothing, instead walking toward Hawke and Anders. “I want to bathe and get dressed, then I guess I should go talk to Aveline. Does anyone know what the hell happened last night?”

The men stepped aside so I could pass by and fell into step behind me. I stalled as I approached my room, heaving a loud exhale when I saw how bright the room was. Every window was open, all the curtains pulled wide apart, warm sunshine pouring in. I stepped inside, noting the bed had been stripped and remade with brand new linens.

“Thanks. I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep here anytime soon, but at least there’s a good chance I can sometime.”

“The intruder used stealth to get in the house. And he came through your window. That’s why no one heard him or sensed his presence.”

I pursed my lips. “Have to be a damn high-caliber rogue to manage that.”

“Yes. I don’t know who sent him or why, but Aveline had a gut feeling. She said she thought she’d have some answers for us today.”

“Alright. I won’t be long.” I moved toward the closed bathroom door and felt my stomach churn. “Actually, would one of you come check the bathroom? I know, it’s stupid –”

Fenris moved around Anders taller body headed for the door. I stepped back when he lifted the massive weapon he carried in one hand and opened the aperture. He disappeared for a few moments, striding out with the sword sheathed at his back. “It’s clear.”

I gave him a small smile. “Thanks.”

“I will stand guard.” 

Part of me wanted to scoff at the elf, but the part of me still reeling from being attacked in my own bed squelched the idea. Instead, I dropped my chin to my chest and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind me, but not all the way. 

I stripped off my shirt and turned on the water, drawing the liquid hotter than I usually would, but I felt very unclean. I whistled as I stepped into the tub, sinking beneath the water. My head began to throb, or maybe I finally noticed, and lifting my fingers to my skull I hissed through my teeth as I felt a gnarled mass of crusty feeling strands. 

The fucker had pulled my hair _really_ hard and its dark color likely masked the damage last night. I used my own magic to heal the skin, but getting the mess clean might be a problem without a shower head or another set of hands. The one thing I sorely missed, especially then, was a shower.

“Fenris?”

“Yes?”

“Would you call Orana up, please?” I turned my head to see through the crack in the door.

Fenris stood back to the opening and I watched him shift his feet. “Orana went to the market with Leandra.”

“Shit. Is Anders still out there?”

“I believe he and Hawke are in the kitchen.”

“Fuck. Never mind.”

“What do you need?”

“It’s nothing. I can probably do it by myself. No worries.”

I swear I heard him grind his teeth. “Fuck, woman, what do you need?”

“To wash my hair, alright? It’s matted with blood.”

“Fine.”

“Fine?”

“I will wash your hair.” 

I watched him pull his sword and sheath off his back, heard the sound of buckles being opened and sat there, stupefied, the whole time. It wasn’t until I watched him pull the chest piece off that my brain caught up with what was going on.

“Wait, what? No, Fenris, really, I’ll be fine.”

He turned and pushed the door open and I covered my breasts with my hands and drew my knees up. He lifted a dark eyebrow and I narrowed my eyes. Right, he’d seen me naked already. But not while I was coherent.

“Where’s the soap?”

“In that closet there.”

Brain cells? What were those? I had indignation for about three seconds before the fact that Fenris was topless took precedence in my barely functioning grey matter. Holy fuck, if I thought Anders was hot (and he was) or Hawke (he was as well no doubt) there wasn’t a word for Fenris. And damn it, I just knew it. Of all of them, the blighted elf would have to be the one who turned every single one of my cranks to the max.

He was broader than I expected him to be, and his musculature was actually quite dense considering the sleekness of his build. Part of me wanted to laugh at how wrong I'd been calling him 'skinny', but that would have required an actual working brain, which I seemed to lack just then. Fenris was no hulking behemoth of overly pumped man-flesh, but his pecs rose above his chest wall, his upper arms and shoulders beautifully cut, the dense muscles flexing with every movement. And sweet mercy, his back, gods I could have died happy just then as I watched the ripple of physical power narrowing to a vee, two perfect, delicious dimples riding just above his ass.

Fenris reminded me of the feather weight wrestlers I knew in high school. Not big or bulky, truly solid, more powerful than the runners and swimmers, but lithe, sleek, graceful. When he turned to face me, I tried not to ogle the etched abs between his chest and his waist, though I don’t think I was all that successful.

As if all his gorgeous strength wasn’t decadent enough, it just had to be highlighted by the lyrium veins mapping across every part of the elf I could see, all of which was perfectly accentuated by the olive tone of his skin. Seeing him naked on Sundermount, obviously the distance had been such that the majesty of his form was obscured. 

Or, it could have been I’d been overly focused on the rigid length of his cock.

But Jesus H, I knew I was drooling, I had to be since I was swallowing so fucking often and hard. I tried to close my eyes, especially when he smirked at me, but all I could do was make a choking sound and finally jerk my head to the right so I could stare at the wall instead. 

“Shift forward so I can reach behind you and hold your breath.”

He didn’t give me much warning before a bucket was plunged into the bath and unceremoniously dumped over my head. I spluttered but didn’t comment especially once I felt the press of his fingers against my scalp. His touch was gentle, but thorough, fingers carefully flushing out the dried blood.

I was tense at first, but the longer those fingers soothed and scraped, so sure not to pull or tug, the more I relaxed, bit by bit, until my neck and shoulders were totally loose and my head dropped back with a sigh. I felt him chuckle more than heard it as he shifted his hand to support my neck.

“Slide down.”

I tightened up, but did as he asked, keeping my eyes firmly shut. I didn’t really want soapy water in my face either, so leaning back was a good idea, but it took all my willpower to pretend I was at a salon and not naked in a tub of water with Fenris’ hands holding me up, smoothing through my hair.

“I think that’s sufficient.” His voice was low and grumbly and I nibbled my lower lip as he lifted me upright.

“Thanks. I’ll be finished in just a minute.”

He pulled back, finger nails grazing the slightly pointed tip of my ear as he withdrew.

Shit, it was like he’d done the same motion over my clit. “Ah!” The surprised exclamation was out before I knew it was even a possibility.

His hand stilled and I was sure Fenris would hurry from the bathroom but…

No. No, the elf rotated his hand, curling his fingers beneath the flared volute and running the pad of his thumb over the flesh. Mother Andraste, he may as well have been between my legs. I shuddered, could not believe how sensitive these ears were.

“Oh, fuck, hmm.” I wanted to pull away, but Christ, I couldn’t. Every stroke, each caress, stole my will, took away any desire beyond _more_.

Suddenly, warm fingers were gone and I made a needy sound, but apparently Fenris wasn’t finished yet. His hand curled firmly around the opposite side of my neck, and he pulled me to the side of the tub, water sloshing as my hands flailed out to grab the sides as hot breath fanned over sensitized skin.

The sounds I made were nothing more than lust-filled gibberish as he licked, nibbled, suckled and traced every curve, dip, and whirl of my ear. I was shaking, moaning loudly, fingers cramping around the porcelain edge, legs drawn up, thighs pressed together as I neared my tipping point. 

“Ooh, Fenris, fuck, sweet Jesus, Fenris…” My eyes rolled beneath my closed lids. One more plunge of his tongue, just one more scrape of his teeth, and I would come. And it would be _sooo_ good.

Like ice against skin heated by the sun, the shock of him reeling back from me was not only unwanted, but painful. I fought to open my eyes and turned my head, unbelieving the elf was actually going to _stop_ when I was so damn close. Through need-blurred eyes, I watched the muscles of his chest and arms bunch and ripple as he ran a ragged hand through his hair, his face flushed, his breathing harsh.

“I- I-” He pushed to his feet and charged from the bathroom, closing the door firmly behind him.

I sat in the tub, dazed and aching for a few seconds before growling in frustration and plunging myself beneath the water to scream my frustration into the liquid medium. Pushing once more toward the air, I scrubbed my skin and left the tub, teeth clenched, positively fuming as I dried off quickly. 

It wasn’t that Fenris ran hot and cold because I didn’t believe that for a moment. No, what was so damnably infuriating was the way he tried to deal with _not_ actually being cold at all. He hid all this unbelievable passion beneath a shield of control so thick the best most people ever managed to do was pull a smirk from behind the barrier. It was only when he fought himself, and the inner Fenris won, that a person could actually feel the inferno burning inside, but losing control – it sent the damn elf scrambling faster than lightning before thunder.

I tried to ignore the lasting embers of hunger he’d stirred in me as I pulled open the door and walked into the bedroom. It was blessedly vacant, though I had no doubt the elf hadn’t gone far, his pride and loyalty wouldn’t have let him leave me completely abandoned. As I pulled on clothes, choosing armor to match Fenris, and quickly pulled my hair up I snorted at myself. I was edgy and cranky, thanks to both my surprise visitor and the elf’s impromptu seduction and really, I didn’t think I could, or should, take much more stress. I needed an outlet that would allow me to expel not just my sexual wants, but the reactivated fears of a life spent watching for the next attack with little hope for safety.

Put bluntly, I needed to get laid, but with someone who I knew would protect me, keep me safe, once passion had cooled and I was vulnerable. I didn’t even know how to explain the thing, though. I wasn’t sure anyone in Kirkwall, because no one on Earth had ever gotten it, would understand the weird dichotomy making my skin itch and my teeth gnash. 

If anyone might, it would be Anders, though whether I could even put forward the suggestion without causing damage to his relationship with Hawke… Fucked up quadratic indeed. I strapped on my blades and squared my shoulders. I’d worry about it later, I had a report to give and several answers to get.

The door opened quietly and I stepped into the hall. Fenris pushed away from the wall avoiding my gaze. I shook my head, then narrowed my eyes. “Pay backs are a bitch, elf. Consider yourself warned.”

His body stiffened, fingers curling into fists, but he said nothing. I smirked and turned to the left, heading downstairs with the ex-slave trailing behind. 

“There you are. Ready to go?” Anders stepped away from the fire, holding a hand out to me. I took it with a smile, my gaze flashing to the mage’s when Fenris gave a low growl from over my shoulder.

“Yeah, let’s do this thing. When we’re done with Aveline, I’d like to speak with you. Privately, if at all possible.” 

Anders lifted a brow, his amber gaze shifting to Nevarr and then to Fenris. “Of course, Piper.”

“Great.”

The four of us left the estate, me surrounded by them, and traveled the brief distance to the Keep. Along the way, several nobles and guardsmen nodded to Hawke, greeting Nevarr with nods and blessings on his day. Nevarr was polite but he slowed for none, obviously as focused as I on getting to the bottom of things.

“There are times when being right can be a real pain in the ass.” Aveline leaned a hip against her desk, motioning for us to come in.

“What did you find?”

“Someone hired the rogue to kidnap Piper, though who is a bit unclear. Based on some of what the bastard confessed it seems there are those in the city who know you’re part Qunari.”

“Kossith. I’m not Qunari.”

Aveline inclined her head. “As you say. However, something else he said makes me think this could have more to do with your connection to Hawke than the Arishok.”

“I thought you’d have answers, Aveline.” Nevarr crossed his thick arms over his chest, frowning.

“I’ve done the best I can. The mercenary didn’t ask a lot of questions before he took on the job. And he met with an intermediary, not with the person who actually paid for his services. He told me his contact doesn’t know he failed, though. And I kept the break in quiet, only Fenris was awake when Bodahn came last night. We’re going to set up a sting, get the man to draw his employer’s stand in out.”

“It’s not a bad plan. I’d like to be there, when you do. Call me crazy, but I’ve a real hankering for a meet and greet with the asshole that decided this was a good idea in the first place.” I paced away from the boys, toward the window in Aveline’s office.

Hawke had plenty of enemies, hell I probably had a few of my own thanks to my rather crafty penchant for stealing things others weren’t inclined to part with. Still, I found myself almost irrationally pissed off at the whole situation probably because this shit wasn’t part of the _game_. This was something that had come to be simply due to my existence in Kirkwall. It was an ugly reminder how real the situation was, as well as pointing out the glaring fact that for all I knew, there was more than plenty I didn’t.

I loathed the emotions roiling in my belly, helplessness and fear. No, I’d never been able to completely eradicate them from my life, not before certainly, but since I’d been in Thedas, those sensations – the ones that kept me alive as much as they kept me detached and lonely - had faded to distant, easily ignored pulses. Standing in the guard-captain’s office, I knew I didn’t want to go back to the Piper I’d been before – looking for the knife in the back every time I turned away, expecting the worst every moment of the day. 

Two-plus months in Kirkwall had reminded me what it felt like to _live_ not just survive. And while I still had plenty of shit to worry about, lots of things that made me afraid, it was a totally new type of fear and anxiety and even it felt more vibrant, more alive, than the stark grey emptiness of earth. 

I heard the clank of armor as Aveline stood. “Absolutely.”

“Thanks, Aveline.” I faced the room and lifted on shoulder. “You need my report, right?”

She gave me a small grin. “Yes. If you three would excuse us?” She made it a question, but she wasn’t asking.

And all three men seemed to know better than to try and argue. They shuffled out, Nevarr telling me they’d be waiting at the entrance. The Ferelden warrior with the Orlesian name motioned for me to sit and I settled into the chair opposite her desk as she called in a guard to witness the deposition and prepared parchment and ink.

It didn’t take me long to recount the events of the previous night. After all, everything had happened fairly quickly.

“Is there any reason you can think that someone would target you, Piper?”

I nodded. “Sure. I’m ridiculously wealthy, apparently affianced to the most eligible bachelor in the city, I broke a nobleman’s hand when he wouldn’t keep it to himself, and I’m part Kossith. I also tried to free the Qunari kidnapped by Varnel, I’ve moved mages out of the Gallows for Anders, openly mocked the Knight-Commander, and nearly bankrupted at least one of the Merchant’s Guild members.”

“Maker, you’ve been busy. What is the noble’s name?”

I had been pretty busy, and missed Aveline’s question at first as I tried to think of anyone else I might have pissed off. “Huh? Oh, um, Gerald. Lord Gerald. The guild member’s name is Aeducan, probably a relative of King Bhelen’s. And really, I’d have left him alone, but he kept sending coterie fuckers to mess in Varric’s shipments.”

“Alright then, I think I have all I need from you. What are your plans for the rest of the day?”

“I think I’m going to see Xenon about some nasty wards for my bedroom windows. Then, if I’m really lucky, I’ll manage to get Anders alone and fuck his brains out.”

Aveline and her guardsman both choked and turned lovely shades of red. I grinned and shrugged. She asked.

“One of these days, Piper, that honesty is going to get you in trouble. There is such a thing as too much information.” She gave me a stern frown, but there was genuine affection in her tone.

“It already has, trust me. And really, how could I give up the stuttering, shocked reactions I get all the time? Too much fun!”

She shook her head at me and shooed me out. “Go on. And no, I do not want to know if you managed to accomplish your goals later.”

I laughed at that. “I promise, if I do, you won’t need to ask.” Giving her an obnoxious waggle of my brows, I stood and quick-stepped from her office, her chortle following me out.

I continued to grin broadly as I approached Hawke at the grand doors to the keep.

“You look rather pleased, Piper.” He pulled the door open for me.

“What can I say? Aveline always knows how to make me smile. Where’d the other two go? Surely not somewhere together; perish the thought.”

Nevarr chuckled and fell into step beside me. “Fenris decided you’d be fine in my care and Anders really needed to get to the clinic. Speaking of the elf, exactly what happened this morning?”

I gave a sharp ‘ha’ as we wandered deeper into Hightown, toward the market. “I discovered the elf has an ear kink and he left me high and dry or rather wet, I suppose, in more ways than one.”

Nevarr stumbled and I snickered. Yep, those reactions were just too good to ever stop being inappropriately open. Hawke sent me a half-humorous, half-irritated glance as he righted himself. “What?”

“That bastard apparently pulled my hair harder than I thought. I had a nasty tear on my scalp and the hair was all matted and crunchy with dried blood. Thedas doesn’t have showers and I needed help to wash it out. Well, I didn’t really, I mean I asked for Orana or Anders, but Fenris volunteered. And everything was fine, until he scraped over my ear.” 

I reached up and caressed the soft skin, felt a frisson of warmth slip through me. Nothing like what it felt like when Fenris had touched it, but pleasant and arousing none the less. A bit like masturbation, I guessed, I could do it and feel good, but usually better with a partner.

“And then?” 

Hawke stood very close as I paused at Jean-Luc’s little store front. The heat of him, the rumble of his low tenor… I pulled my fingers from my ear and reached for a pendant of deepest blue. Instead of answering, I pawed through wares I had no interest in until the tension radiating from the man at my side became a physical thing and I couldn’t continue to ignore him.

With a sigh, I left the merchant and headed for the stairs. “And then he commenced to mouth fucking my ear, really, until I was just…about…there. At which point, the elf jumped away like I’d burned him and left me alone. And no, I didn’t finish myself.”

I was about to take the first step down when Nevarr’s hand closed around my upper arm and he forcibly steered me back through the market. I jerked at his hold, to no avail, and tossed him an angry glare.

“Let go, Hawke. What the fuck is your problem?”

His face was hard and he said nothing and I stopped fighting. Either he was really pissed off or… no, I couldn’t imagine what else could cause the manhandling. Not that he was actually hurting me, he wasn’t. Why he was angry with me, I didn’t know, but as the estate neared I assumed I’d find out soon enough.

Inside we went, straight past a rather worried looking Bodahn, followed up the stairs by a confused whine from Nim. Nevarr stormed past my bedroom and into his, closing the door with a firm snap before he released me. I jerked the sleeve of my armor down and was about to get rather pissy with the man when he picked me up, straight off the floor like I weighed about as much as a pillow, and slammed me into the wall, his fingers curled around the cheeks of my ass, his lips over mine, hot, insistent, and softer than silk.

“Nevarr, umphf!” I opened my mouth and he took advantage and gods preserve me, I was more than willing to be advantage-d.

I buried my hands in his hair and changed the angle of my head, opening my mouth wider, thrusting my tongue past his teeth, tasting him, savoring him. He thrust his hips and I grunted, fuck, he felt so good, hard and huge and ready between my legs. He pulled back, just a little and our heaving breath mingled as we looked at each other, hunger, need, desire too long pushed back a living thing that grew with each beat of our hearts.

“Tell me no now. You won’t get another chance.”

I smirked softly. “Why not?”

He ground his hips between mine and my eyes slipped half closed as I groaned.

“Because I’m going to lay you on that bed and fill you with my flesh.”

Holy shit, I almost came then. “Fuck yes.” I pulled his hair, forced his mouth back to mine, teeth biting, savaging. 

He moved dizzyingly fast, had me on the bed between thrusts of our tongues against each other. My hands shook, his fumbled, as we struggled to get me out of my blasted armor and then him free of his finery. And when we were both blessedly naked, I looked up at him, kneeling between my legs, cock so thick and hard, dancing softly with the pulse of his blood, I whimpered.

“God damn, Nevarr.” I lifted a hand to his belly, fingertips drifting over the rock hard relief of his abs. Forget Hollywood actors and the fake fitness of male models, Nevarr Hawke was granite etched in flesh, every single curve and cut the result of hard-fought battles and a life of struggle.

He was massive, like Ah-nold as a barbarian, except way harder, so much more taut, toned, tight. I could see the sinew in the muscles across his shoulders, the tension in tendons down his arms. I ran my fingers over his body, the heat of his skin only making the feel of the power beneath it more potent. This physique wasn’t for show, it wasn’t created in a gym or with the help of some thirty-day fasting ritual.

The awe on my face must have shown because Nevarr chuckled softly, drawing my gaze from his body to his face. His eyes, green like the darkest emerald, glittered hot and hungry and predatory, but it was the bubbling fizz of mischief there that saved me from swooning like some silly maiden. This was my Nevarr, not some fantastical illusion, or the construct of pixels I’d long been delighted by.

“Like what you see?”

I laughed and drew my nails up and over the thick pectorals of his chest, scratching softly over the tiny, light brown buttons of his nipples. “Is that a rhetorical question?” His lids dipped and he hummed at the attention. I reversed direction, watching his stomach ripple as I tracked my way to the thing he had but I didn’t.

He was uncut, not that it surprised me. I didn’t imagine any Thedosians were circumcised, but he was so hard it made little difference. I only noticed because he lacked the slight reddening beneath the glans that usually marked the lost foreskin. I didn’t look away from him as I encircled his flesh, pressing toward his pubis, then twisting my wrist and retreating back. Nevarr grunted, gave a small thrust against my ministrations, his calloused hands falling to my knees, then sliding up and up, thumbs barely grazing over my pussy before he curled his fingers around my waist, pulling my lower body off the bed and toward him.

“Put me inside, Piper.”

I licked my lips and spread my thighs farther, tilting my lower body up, one hand on his cock, the other at his waist, and brought him to me. The movement might not be something sensuous to everyone, but it was one of my hot buttons. To look in my lover’s eyes while they filled me, it just did something liquid and fiery and twisty to my insides. I shivered, wondering just how Hawke had managed to figure that out.

“You are unbelievably tight. And wet.” His voice was guttural, every syllable making me hotter and slicker. I’d never been much for talking during sex, but fuck, Nevarr was quickly changing my mind.

I pulled my hand from between us and lifted both palms to wrap around his biceps. Arching my back, I thrust him home, legs automatically coming over his hips to hold him in place. It burned, holy mother, the size of him seared me in a way I could not explain. It was a pain so good, so bad, my mouth fell opened and I panted as those most intimate muscles struggled to adjust.

“I don’t think this body has done this before.”

He collapsed over me, palms landing beside my head, forehead pressed to mine. “Maker, don’t say that. I’ll never last.” He laughed softly and I slid my hands from his arms and into his hair.

“Sorry, but it’s true. Jesus, you feel so fucking good, Nevarr, but shit, so _big_.”

His hips thrust and I whimpered, pleasure sparking from where his pelvis ground my clit, pain echoing from the strained walls of my sex. “Piper, have mercy.”

I looked into his face, saw the strain of holding back, but the smile of happiness and relaxed into him, flexing my pussy around him, using my superior knowledge of sex to get this new body ready for what I knew was coming, what I wanted so badly I would have sold my soul to have it.

Hawke’s body shuddered above me and he groaned with every rhythmic clench and release, until finally, I sighed, the pain gone, only pleasure with every contraction.

“Move, Nevarr.”

Oh, Maker, did he ever. I dug my fingers into his shoulders, then scraped hard down his spine to dig my nails into his ass, drawing my knees up his sides, eyes squinted shut as Nevarr worked his body like a master, hips thrusting, ass clenching, pelvis swiveling. Every thrust timed just right, angled exactly so, I was coming before I even realized I was that close, screaming his name.

“Nevarr!”

“Andraste yes, come Piper. Fuck.” He leaned back, drew my legs over his arms, then pressed forward, pinning my knees to my chest, putting me in my favorite position (when I was human). If anything, in this new body, it was exponentially better.

His cock was so deep, so hard, and the orgasm didn’t stop. He didn’t slow, either, and soon I left the first release behind as another built, stronger, deeper, and I knew when it finally crashed over me, I would be unmade. “Shit, Hawke, don’t stop!”

He groaned and lost his controlled movement, hips snapping hard against my ass, Nevarr pounded into me and everything drew tight as a bow. My hands scrambled for purchase, somewhere, anywhere, finding an anchor in the breadth of his shoulders. Everything curved inward and I struggled to breathe. He gave a harsh shout and hammered into me with every bit of the power in his big body.

“Come, Piper. I want to feel you, once more.”

I didn’t have the breath to scream the second time. I felt his skin break beneath my talons as the universe coalesced to the point where his body connected to mine a millisecond before recreating the explosion that began all life.

I heard him cry out my name, felt Nevarr bury himself as far inside me as he could get. The first release of his come was liquid fire, and my pussy contracted so hard it almost hurt. In fact, as I came apart around him, the orgasm was so powerful I felt a faint pain reminiscent to cramps as the aftershocks began, a sure sign of a mind-blowing fuck.

Hawke rolled us both onto our sides, his face buried in my neck as we both tried to come back to ourselves. Air heaved between us, fingers clutching, lower bodies still grinding, striving to pull every last bit of pleasure from the mating. I began to laugh, overwhelmed with release and giddiness and soon enough, Nevarr joined me, hugging me close to his strong, sweaty chest.

“Holy fuck, Nevarr. That was-“

“Un-fucking-believable. Andraste’s tits, my lips are numb. So are my hands and feet.”

I gave a weak slap against his cheek. “Mine too. Sleep now, sleep sounds good.” My voice was a bit slurred, but there was nothing for it. 

“Mmm, yeah.” He shifted, rolling to his back and pulling me over the top of him. 

Our bodies remained connected and I realized as I drifted off with the sound of his heart beneath my cheek, I liked it. I felt safe, naked above the mighty Nevarr Hawke, impaled on his slowly softening cock, his large arms wrapped around me. With the last of my strength, I reached for the nearby coverlet, pulling it over us to ward off the chill. As soon as I was able, we were definitely doing this again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It may be a bit before this gets another update. While it's complete, I do have to edit each chapter before I upload them and I have some pressing chapters to attend in my unfinished fics. No worries, a bit means a week or so, if that, not like months, LOL!
> 
> Also, just want to remind folks this is a m/m/f/m fiction, with two OTP's at the finish which I guess makes a OT4? just so no one thinks Piper has all the sudden abandoned Fenris. No, no, that's not going to happen. But when I said pear, LOL, I really meant it and Nevarr, the devil, well he was the one who *finally* made things happen first. As an aside, I do like to know if the yummy bits are as yummy as I hope they are, I just hate to leave people wanting...


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Graphic sex, readers be advised, of the m/f/m kind.

“I missed all the good stuff, didn’t I?” 

I stirred, pressing my nose closer to Nevarr’s throat as Anders' voice, pitched low so as not to startle, drew me from sleep.

Sometime during our nap, we’d shifted, and I was now pressed against Hawke’s side, his arm around my waist, my head supported by his shoulder. I turned my face, eyes blinking open, seeking the mage.

I found him sitting beside me on the bed, a soft smile on his mouth, but a twinge of sadness in his eyes. Without thinking, I reached an arm out to him. “Please don’t be upset, Anders.”

Rolling from Nevarr’s warmth, I turned to face the Warden, pulling at blankets until I was curved around him. He sat Indian-style on the bed and I moved until I could rest my head on the middle of his thigh, looking up into those warm, orange eyes.

His hand came to my head. “I’m not upset.”

“Don’t lie. You know I hate it.” His lips curved and I tucked one hand beneath my cheek, fingers drifting over the inside of his leg. 

“It’s almost impossible for me to be cross with you.”

I wiggled my fingers. “Anders?”

His smoky amber gaze darkened. “Yes.”

“I really, really want to suck your cock.”

The fingers in my hair tightened in reaction to my words. “Maker, Piper.”

“Please?”

Hawke shifted behind me. “Yes, please, Anders?” His sultry tone made me shiver.

The mage looked away from me and toward his lover. Whatever he saw there turned his eyes molten and his leg shifted beneath me. I leaned away, watched him stand from the bed and begin undoing his robes.

“No, no, I want to.” I hurried from the blankets, desire for the warden flushing my skin, bringing my nipples to tight points. I took a moment to assess his attire, before attacking the fastenings with deft motions, tugging the long sleeved thing from him and tossing it away before dropping to my knees to unlace his boots.

Together we got him out of those and then, smiling up at him, I unfastened his breeches, dragging the rough fabric and his smalls down his long legs, palming his ass and enjoying the flex of taut muscle as he stepped out of the last of his clothes. I sat back on my heels just to admire the view for a bit.

Obviously, I’d seen him shirtless and knew how good he looked, but it was his cock that held my attention now. It was lovely and also unmodified, and while it looked to be a bit thinner than Hawke’s in the shaft, the head was undoubtedly larger. Not unbalanced, but the glans was broader, thicker than Nevarr’s. It would feel _amazing_ inside me, but I could imagine it might feel even better in an ass that included a prostate.

“I see why the boys like you so well, Anders. This is a cock just made for fucking a man’s ass.”

He laughed and drew his fingers along the curve of my face. “I can’t say I’ve had complaints from either side.”

I scooted closer and actually rubbed my palms together, which drew a hearty chuckle from Nevarr as well. “Mmm, I’m sure. God, sorry I just have to-“ And with no more preamble, I rose onto my knees, wrapped my left hand around the base of his almost fully erect cock and opened my mouth wide.

“Shit!” Anders stumbled a bit, and I followed. The sound of fabric against skin rustled from beside me, footsteps on stone nearing as Hawke made his way to us.

I looked up, hummed my approval when Nevarr’s arms came around Anders waist and chest, his mouth dragging wet kisses up the mages neck, over the lobe of his ear. I met Hawke’s gaze over the mage’s shoulder, his eyes sparkling with renewed hunger.

I swallowed around the quickly engorged breadth of Anders, gaining a sharp grunt and the instinctive thrust of hips. It took some maneuvering and concentration, but when I was able to relax my throat and jaw totally, and that broad head filled my pharynx, it was absolutely worth the lack of air and small pain to hear the lusty groans of both men, feel Anders hands seek and find purchase in my hair, as he held on for dear life.

I moved my fist from his base, drawing my fingers lower to cup his balls and I pulled back, tongue undulating against and around the shaft, before pausing to suck hard at just the broad end, paying close attention to the sensitive space directly beneath the crown.

“Piper, oh, Maker!” 

Gazing up the line of his body, I saw Nevarr’s fingers plying the hard nipples on Anders chest and moaned around the mage’s cock, pressing my thighs together when Hawke tugged the rust colored flesh with rapid plucks. Ander hips jerked against my lips and I gave him what he silently asked for, sliding my mouth down and down until the soft hair at the base of his cock tickled my nose.

“I won’t last, fuck, she’s humming, Andraste!” His head was thrown back against Nevarr’s shoulder, eyes closed, and his hands pulled tight against the strands in my scalp. 

Speeding my movement, I pulled all the way off before taking him deep, over and over, watching Hawke increase the pressure of his twists and pinches of tiny, tight nipples. I looked into Nevarr’s eyes, and lifted one hand, calling slick to shine on my fingers. His eyes widened, desire burning, and set his teeth against Anders shoulder, biting firmly. But we understood each other, and slowly his feet shifted as his hands trekked down, over the Warden’s sides and around to his buttocks. 

I drew back to tease Anders’ cockhead while Hawke widened the man’s stance and dug his fingers into his pale, firm backside, opening our lover to my seeking, slippery digits. At the first touch of my finger against his rear passage, Anders cried out and my senses buzzed with the flavor of salted silk as precome flowed from his cock.

I traced the soft, puckered entrance before testing his resistance slowly, gently. Anders widened his stance, hands guiding my mouth, pleas for more spilling form his lips in Ferelden, Tevene, and his native tongue. I smiled around his length, groaning low and loud, knowing the vibrations pushed him closer to insensate as surely as the finger penetrating his body.

He relaxed around me and I added a second finger, making sure he was ready before I focused my attentions on the small, firm bump little more than a couple of inches inside his body. I had to grab his hip with my free hand when he bucked hard into me, thighs shaking, as pleasure stole his sense.

“Fuck!”

Nevarr’s hands appeared by my face, one of his strong, calloused palms dipping below my chin to hold Anders balls, the other circling the base of the cock slick with my spit. There was no awkwardness between us as we worked Anders into a fury of need, poised on the brink of release, held there by our hands and my mouth. Taking him together was as natural as breathing, neither of us needing words.

“Please, please! Piper!”

Hawke nodded at me and I took a deep breath before taking Anders deep down my throat one last time. When he was seated, balls against my chin, I rubbed over his prostate in hard circles, pressing upward, and was rewarded with the sweetest scream of release I may have ever heard.

Anders entire body flexed as he came down my throat, fingers painfully dug into my hair, ass clenching around my fingers as I continued to stimulate the spot that can take a man to places he’s never been before, can break him apart and remake him in pleasure. I closed my eyes, relishing the wash of magic as the Warden was completely lost to ecstasy. It was heady, the rush of his come, the stinging tingles of power, I wanted to stay that way forever, but my breath grew short, and I was forced to pull back. The last small bit of his spill pulsed against my tongue and while come was never a favorite flavor, its bitterness vile, I found in the moment, I was glad to know the taste of Anders.

My eyes fluttered open as I withdrew from him completely. He shuddered and moaned loudly when my fingers left his body, his legs going out and he collapsed back against Hawke, whose strong arms kept him upright. Anders eyes opened, he looked down at me dazed, before tightening his grip on my head. With gentle direction he drew me to my feet, before slipping his hands to the back of my neck.

With strength I didn’t think he had, considering what had just transpired Anders pulled me to him, his mouth opening over mine with fervor and aggression, tongue thrusting deep, the flavor of his seed seeming to drive him for more. My hands flew to his head, the silken length of his hair tangling around my fingers, and kissed him back. It was open, sloppy, wet, tongues and teeth, lips dragging against each other, until I was dizzy, a mewling sound leaving my throat to find escape in his.

He pulled away, eyes searching mine, soft with satisfaction, but still burning with hunger. “You’re bloody amazing.”

Hawke’s warm hands curled around my upper arms. “Most definitely.”

I pressed myself flush against Anders and smiled. “Thanks. What can I say, I love sucking cock, but fingering a guy while I fuck him, mmm, just does something to me.”

Anders huffed and grinned. “I’ve never had a woman do that. Maker, most men can’t do it so well.”

I sighed. I was extremely aroused, but I wasn’t sure whether to act on it or not. I didn’t really know where to go from there at all, in truth. “I suppose I should get cleaned up and dressed.” With a quick peck on Anders mouth, I made to pull away, but both men stopped me.

“Oh, no, a gift so generous must be repaid in kind.” Anders stepped away from Nevarr, arms coming around me, lifting me back onto the bed. “You’ve heard about the Grey Warden’s, of course?”

I looked down his body, saw his cock pulsing to full mast rapidly and grinned. “I may have heard something.”

“I think you should show Nevarr just how nimble your fingers are while I show you some tricks of my own.”

I shivered and laid back, shifting until my bottom rested at the edge of the bed. A zip of magic and my fingers were ready once more. “You’re going to ruin me for other men.”

Hawke climbed up next to me, settling in a kneeling position, ass resting on his heels with his knees spread wide. “I fucking hope so.”

I watched him take his thick cock in his fist and reached for him, thumb grazing the heavy sack between his legs, index finger slipping along his perineum until the tight ring of his ass was beneath the pad of the digit. I was very careful, knowing one wrong move could seriously hurt the big male. Those talons of mine were deadly, or could be, which was why I tried to keep them trimmed and blunted. Everything had gone fine with Anders, but each body was different, and I couldn’t bear to hurt Nevarr any more than I could the mage.

“You’re very tight.” I gave him a lascivious grin.

He pressed down on the invading member, cock jumping in his grip, a drop of precome forming at the head. “I don’t usually receive. Oh, Maker, that is _soo_ good.”

While I was busy getting Nevarr used to me, Anders was aligning our lower bodies. I turned to look at him, watched his face as he breached my body, felt myself grow slicker as I tightened around him. My sex was tender still and the broadness of the Warden’s cock stretched the sensitive tissue almost uncomfortably. He looked up at me when a small whimper escaped me, his thumbs rubbing a gentle caress over my hips. 

“Only Hawke, then?”

I nodded. He smiled and sent a wave of healing energy into me. The ache of sore muscles faded, but not the delicious over full feeling of his cock inside me. I ran my free hand down my torso, to the apex of my legs, first two fingers gliding over slick lips to stroke his shaft, before withdrawing to press against my clitoris.

“More, Piper.” Hawke’s voice was harsh, his breathing loud.

I gave him what he wanted, and he threw his head back, ass clenching around me as I slipped inside him to the base of both fingers. I felt the organ beneath my fingers, and withdrew until I could circle it. His hips rocked against me and I pushed in until my palm was against the firm curve of his ass, then pulled back, rubbed his prostate and thrust again.

I was concentrating so hard on Nevarr, watching his body, remembering every flex of muscle that told me clearer than words what he liked, what he loved, what he wanted more of, I almost forgot about Anders between my legs.

“He’s beautiful.” The Warden’s voice was thick with desire and real caring, drawing my gaze from Hawke to him.

“So are you. The way you came apart...” I shivered, rocking my hips up, bearing down on his cock.

He smiled and shifted one hand, bringing his thumb over my hard clit. The pulse of lightning jerked me from the bed, made me slam my fingers into Hawke.

“Fuck!” Isabela hadn’t been kidding, Jesus, that was some trick.

“Yes, harder, Piper.” Hawke began to grind himself on my fingers, not that I was surprised. A man as powerful as Nevarr would want to feel himself taken, know all his strength could be matched, overwhelmed by his partner.

Anders rolled his hips, butting against the end of me. I moaned and drew my legs up and apart, wanting him deeper. He pulled my hips closer, and gave me what I wanted. Long, slow thrusts, his cock sliding almost free, the thick crown catching at the mouth of my sex before he pressed deep. A surge of electricity, in counterpoint to his thrusts, and soon it was all I could do to remember to manipulate Nevarr’s pleasure center as I lost myself to Anders.

Struggling to keep from coming, I glanced at Hawke, the end of his cock shining with precome, hips jerking between my hand and his. I shifted, wrapping my thighs around the mage, stretching to add a third finger to the two spreading Nevarr around me. “Fuck my hand, Hawke.” It was a command, made undeniable when I pushed hard against his prostate.

He cried out and his thighs began to flex as he lifted himself off my fingers, then plunged down hard, fast, his rhythm relentless. I stretched my fingers inside him, and he shook. He was close, so close, his balls drawing tight to his body.

Anders jerked me hard against his pelvis and it was my turn to verbalize the intense pleasure coursing through every nerve, every cell of my body. “More, Anders, god, more!”

I moved my free hand around the back of one thigh, pulling my knee back, opening myself to the rougher, stronger movements of the man between my legs. Shit, I was so wet, so hot, the feel of Nevarr clenching around my fingers, speared on my hand and working hard for his release, my own body doing the same as Anders drew me up and up.

“I’m coming, fuck, yes!” Hawke pulsed, hot come splashing on my forearm, grunting with animalistic release and I kept fucking him until his free hand grabbed my wrist and forced my hand as far inside his body as it could go. At that point, he rocked on me, the place in him throbbing beneath the press of my fingers, more come spilling onto my skin and his.

“Piper, look at me.”

Anders voice demanded and I complied, rolling my head to watch him, lips pulled tight over teeth as he lifted my ass from the bed, holding me aloft as he gave in to the savage need apparent in every stark line of his body.

I tried to arch into him, but the position gave me little leverage, I was at his mercy and I screamed as he gave me none. If I’d thought the way Nevarr and I came together was powerful, Anders was showing me a whole new dimension of intensity. Electricity flowed constantly from the tips of fingers, across my clit, zipping down the obscenely slippery lips of my sex, and along the length of his cock where it was buried deep in my pussy.

“Anders, Anders, oh my god, Anders,” the words were a litany pouring from my lips. I was so close, I wanted to come so badly.

“Piper!” He exploded inside of me, fingers dug painfully into my hips. His abdomen looked excruciatingly tight as he rammed his cock into me, short, almost violent thrusts that brought me over moments behind the first spill of him deep inside.

I lost all control of my magic, felt a wave of something rush out from me, into both men, and Anders’ power flared in response. Fuck me, it was fucking amazing, scary really. I felt suspended at the zenith as wave after wave of delight flowed like a tide, crashing in, pulling back, then returning with equal fervor to begin the cycle anew.

Anders collapsed on top of me, not quite fully, but pressed close and I began to laugh. Joy, pure and undiluted, took over where ecstasy faded. I carefully slipped free of Nevarr, curling my hand against the hot, sweaty muscle of his thigh, as I continued to giggle.

“Holy shit.” 

Anders shifted over me and my whole body tightened, back arching as the chain reaction of a secondary orgasm rolled over me. I flailed a hand into his hair, pulling his mouth to mine as my hips undulated against him, remnants of electricity dancing along my skin. When I’d finally settled, he pulled away from me, happiness making his face so much more open and relaxed.

“I think _that_ was definitely a ‘holy shit’ moment. I’m almost afraid to move.”

“I may never walk again, Anders, but it was absolutely, positively worth it.”

Hawke flopped down beside me. “Most definitely. Anders is right, you’re fucking good at that.” He pressed a kiss to my lips, tongue slipping in, teasing, before he drifted away to place small nips along my jaw to my ear, where he paused only to laugh softly, not actually touching the skin, before finally settling his chin atop my head.

Anders heaved a satisfied groan and slipped free of me, which drew a shuddered cry and made me immediately roll onto my side and draw my knees up. My entire body was still ridiculously sensitive.

“I think I need a nap now.” The Warden grabbed a blanket from somewhere and pulled it over us, rolling to spoon against my back as Hawke shifted to pull me closer to his side. I felt the men lean toward each other, heard the soft sounds of their mouths coming together and smiled.

Tucked between them, I was ridiculously relaxed and content. And knowing nothing could touch me with these men near; I happily fell into exhausted sleep.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explicit Sexual Content, reader discretion advised. Public, maybe-sort-of-if-you-look-at-it-close-dub-con, fellatio.

I have no idea how long we slept, but it was Orana who woke us. The sun was low in the sky, so my best guess was sometime after seventh evening bell.

“I’ve brought a tray.”

I rubbed sleep from my eyes and leaned over Nevarr’s chest, flashing the elven woman a smile. “You’re the best, Orana. Did anything important happen while we were… occupied?”

She blushed delightfully and dipped her head. “Guard-Captain Aveline dropped in and left a message with Bodahn. Mistress Amell has gone to the theatre with Lady Rothchild. Sirrah Varric stopped by for something, but, well, he said he’d see you at the Hanged Man this evening.” Her ears darkened and I filled in what she didn’t, or probably couldn’t, say.

“Thanks, Orana.” 

She curtsied and hurried out the door. I rubbed my face in Hawke’s chest, felt his fingers rifle through my tangled hair and really, all I wanted to do was purr. But two very wild, very thorough bouts of sex were probably all we had time for at present. With great reluctance, I shifted away, dropping a kiss on his mouth, before rolling and doing the same to the still sleepy eyed Anders.

“Up and at ‘em, boys.” I hopped from the bed, gave the mage a teasing smack on his bare ass, before sauntering to Hawke’s attached bath.

“Hey!” Anders gave a sound of feigned indignance and Nevarr laughed.

I left the door open and went about collecting a towel and soap for my bath, drawing the water nice and warm, and sinking below the surface with a contented sigh. One of these days, I promised myself I’d have a proper bubble bath, a nice languid soak, but I was actually really hungry and going to the Hanged Man sounded wonderful.

When the first grunts from the bedroom reached me, I couldn’t help but smile. Of course those two needed a little physical reconnection. Knowing they were enjoying each other without me didn’t upset me in the least. I cared deeply for both men, loved them even (yes, yes, I finally admitted it) and I knew they felt strongly for me as well, but there was something very _right_ about Nevarr and Anders being more strongly bound to each other than to me.

The thought of Fenris, however, being with anyone without me, well that brought to life a violent and rather vicious green-eyed demon. It wasn’t really fair, no, but I knew if the elf and I ever managed to move past this frustrating tug-of-war we were in now, I wouldn’t be able to handle him running to Isabela for occasional trysts alone. Once we were together, if we ever could be, I could imagine us in bed with Nevarr and Hawke, but never anyone else. And not all the time, either.

Fenris would be mine and I his and if I never knew another’s touch again, it was fine by me. A particular throaty groan from Anders tingled through me and I grinned more broadly. I was aroused, yes, but the idea of watching them together held more appeal than taking care of myself. Besides, there’s something to be said for feeling hot and bothered but not rushing to the finish. 

I washed quickly and stepped from the bath back into the bedroom wrapped in a towel. I moved quietly to the chair by the fire, which gave me the perfect spot from which to view the action. Anders was curved over Hawke, the larger man pinned beneath him, one pale hand pressed to Hawke’s throat, the other holding one of Nevarr’s wrists to the bed. 

They were beautiful, the sleek lines of Anders creamy skin against Hawke’s sun-kissed body a striking contrast. The mage was working himself hard and deep into the other man, and if the sounds coming non-stop from Nevarr’s mouth were anything to go buy, he was close to the end. 

“Not yet, Nevarr.”

There was a loud gasp of air, then a quiet choking sound and I found myself even more turned on. So, Hawke enjoyed a little breath play, did he? God damn, I doubted he got to play the bottom very often, but it seemed a position he enjoyed, if the way his hips were heaving, the way he spread his legs as far apart as he could and held himself up for Anders to fuck with abandon was any indication.

“That’s it, yes, fuck my cock. Maker, I’m going to come so deep in you.” Anders’ voice was ragged and I watched his arm flex as he let up the pressure on Nevarr’s neck. His body shone with sweat, his red-gold hair in utter disarray. I squirmed a bit in my seat, getting hotter by the second.

I had to curl my hands around the arms of the chair when Nevarr orgasmed, just watching his come arc over his belly, onto those thick pectorals made me itch to touch myself. But I kept still, biting my lower lip to hold back my whimper when Anders followed close behind, leaning back to lift Hawke’s legs and push forward, burying his magnificent prick as deep into the man beneath him as he possibly could.

They shuddered together, and then arms wrapped around backs, mouths fused as they rolled to the side, Hawke’s broad palm sliding down Anders back to grasp one ass cheek tightly. Their breathing was labored and harsh, the sound as glorious as a choir of angels in my opinion. As they relaxed into each other, I stood and stretched, body heated but deliciously so. What can I say, delayed gratification was one of _my_ kinks.

“I’m going to eat and get dressed. Then I’m heading to the Hanged Man.”

Anders flopped onto his back, one arm over his eyes, looking thoroughly debauched and happy as I’d ever seen him. “I don’t know if I can even move.”

I snorted. “Please, virgin body, right properly fucked twice by two very well-endowed partners. If I can do it, so can you.”

Hawke chortled. “High praise, indeed.” He sat up, hand curling around the one Anders had pressed to his chest. The two men looked at each other for a few moments, something unspoken passing between them before Nevarr turned his keen gaze to me.

“What?”

“I was wondering-“

“We, we were wondering.” Ander interrupted, drawing a grin on Hawke’s mouth.

“We want to know what’s next. We don’t want to pressure you, or push, but well, shit, why is it so much more difficult with her? I didn’t have trouble with you?” Nevarr shoved a bit at Anders and the mage laughed.

“Why are you asking me? I’ve never asked anyone to be anything with me, it just seemed to happen.” The Warden turned to look at me, supplication in his amber eyes. “Put the poor man out of his misery, will you?”

I swallowed and looked away from them. I wasn’t sure that this had to be anything, had to have a name put to it, but at the same time, that foreign place I’d tried so hard to pretend was excised long ago pulsed in my chest. The idea of treating what had happened like some one-off, or worse, no strings good time made me feel unclean and wrong.

Worrying my lip, I looked back at them. I wasn’t sure what to say, or how to say it, and when all else failed, I fell back on tried and true. “I don’t know. I want you both, I want to do this again, together, maybe apart. This wasn’t just scratching an itch, for me. But if it was for you, I understand and that’s okay.”

Hawke gave me a lopsided grin. “That’s just it. We feel the same way. I want, we want, you here, in our bed.”

“Oh.” I looked down at my feet, danced on set of toes over the stone.

“I have something for you.”

I looked up, frowning a bit with curiosity, and moved to the bed. Nevarr untangled himself from Anders and rolled to the night stand. His fingers searched for something before he turned back to me, a small box in his palm.

“Open it.”

I lifted a brow. It couldn’t possibly be what I thought it was. I opened the lid and my mouth gaped. Oh yes, indeed, it was exactly what I’d thought it was. “Holy fuck, Nevarr. I was kidding about the ring. There’s no reason to take it that far, I might not even remain here-“

His large hand curled around mine. “Do you remember what I said about being happy?”

I looked up at him and nodded, felt the burn of tears in my nose before I ever felt them in my eyes. “Yes.” The word was barely a whisper.

“I meant it. No matter how unserious you thought I was, I assure you I wasn’t. I want you as a partner, Piper. And before you say no, I understand how you feel about Fenris. I’d never ask, or even want, to take his place. This is a symbol of my protection, or our connection, but it’s more than that.”

I looked at Anders, so sure I’d see hurt in his eyes. After all, I knew he loved Hawke more truly, more deeply than I. Instead, I saw hope in his whiskey colored eyes. “I already have my ring. And anything between us would never be recognized by the Chantry anyway.” He lifted his hand and I noticed the large peridot set in a thick silver band on his finger.

“It’s beautiful.” I ran my finger over it, smiling when I felt a pulse of magic. “And useful too.”

Anders grinned. “Look at it, Piper. Please.”

I released his hand and did as he bade, drawing the ring from its bed of velvet. My breath caught in my throat. It was plain, not heavy or overly ornate, exactly to my taste, but the design… “Is that lyrium?”

“Yes, trapped in the emerald.”

“And the filigree holding it in place, that’s your family seal.”

“It is.”

“Amber in the band.” I could not believe the care Nevarr had taken, no did I miss the symbolism. 

The band itself was silver, pure and warm, a channel in the middle filled with the darkest, richest brown amber I’d ever seen. The prongs where the large emerald was mounted were shaped into the Amell crest, the points of the dual birds’ wings and head holding it in place. But it was that emerald, the exact shade of Fenris’ eyes, shot through with lightly glowing lyrium that made me want to do something utterly girly and start bawling.

“Damn you,” I laughed huskily, “how could I possibly say no?”

Nevarr slipped it onto my finger, then pulled me in for a tight hug and a deep kiss. I clutched at his back, smiling against his lips when Anders pushed between us to take his turn. Finally, I stepped back a bit, looking at the ring with a soft sigh. “What am I going to do about Fenris?”

Anders made a grumbly noise, but pressed a quick kiss to my temple anyway. “If the blighted elf ever takes the hint, you mean? A marriage to Hawke would be advantageous for everyone, but even if it never comes to pass, that ring is the physical proof of our devotion. And that’s all it ever has to be.”

“Until Fenris makes up his mind, though, Anders and I want you right here, between us, with us, part of us for as long as you want.”

I nodded and that got me a swift tickle along my sides until I screeched and tugged completely free of them. “Come on! Get ready.” I laughed all the way to my room, a stupid grin etched on my features.

I called Orana to help get my unruly locks in some kind of order and dressed in my favorite lavender top and tight black leather pants. The previous night hadn’t been completely forgotten, and I strapped on my weapons before I headed back to Nevarr’s room to find he and Anders washed and redressed, Orana stripping the bed sheets.

“To the Hanged Man!” Hawke thrust a finger toward the door and Anders shook his head at the man’s silliness.

The three of us left the house, my arms linked in theirs, headed for Lowtown.

The inside of the tavern was crowded, not unusual at the end of the week, but it seemed quite raucous. I was jostled about as Nevarr pushed through the throng toward the stairs and when we finally stumbled into Varric’s suite, it was with a good deal of relief.

“What the hell’s going on?” I looked at the dwarf as I took my regular seat at his table.

He shrugged. “Who knows, Oleander? Could be a boat of raiders landed in port. Could be some noble came into an inheritance.”

“Actually, I believe it’s due to the raise Hawke gave the Bone Pit workers.” Isabela sauntered in and plunked herself next to Varric. “My dear Piper, you’re positively glowing tonight.”

I rolled my eyes, then gave her my own sultry look. “Hmm, well-polished and absolutely purring, Bela.”

The pirate threw her head back and cackled. “I want every detail.”

Varric leaned forward with interest and I shot them an evil smile. “Not a chance.”

The pouts on their faces were priceless, drawing loud laughter from both Nevarr and Anders. “Our girl gives as good as she gets, wouldn’t you say, Nevarr?”

Hawke looked at Anders then at me. “Without a doubt.”

“My fingers are practically itching for parchment.” Varric harrumphed good-naturedly as he sat back in his seat.

“Where is everyone else?”

“Aveline said she’d be here in a bit. Sebastian had some preachy thing to do. Merrill said she needed to do something with the mirror. I can’t say where Broody is, though he’s never missed a game of Wicked Grace yet.”

“I am here.” 

My body went on full-alert as Fenris entered the suite. He wore the grey outfit I’d seen on the morning I first woke from being poisoned on Sundermount. It made my mouth water and based on the gleam in his eyes, he noticed.

He also bypassed his normal seat between Hawke and Isabela, instead sliding in next to me where Aveline normally sat. I shot a look at Nevarr, who lifted his brows and shrugged, before that sensual mouth turned up in a wicked grin. I pursed my lips and glared. Not impressed.

I gathered my courage and looked at the elf, only to find his eyes locked on the ring proudly taking residence on my finger. He seemed enraptured by it, one of his long fingers reaching out to touch the dark green stone with its magical occlusion. “Lyrium.” His voice was soft, as if he didn’t realize he spoke aloud.

I leaned close to his ear. “Trapped in the darkest emerald.”

He startled, his face turning to mine. We stared at each other for quite some time, apparently, since it took Isabela tossing some bit of flotsam at me to drag my gaze from his. Leaning back in my seat, I glared at her smirk before motioning to Norah when the barmaid stepped into the room.

“Still have some of that brandy?”

“’E sure do, Pip.”

“Good, I’ll take a bottle. Anyone want a glass?”

Isabela of course wanted one, but both Nevarr and Anders declined. “That shit hits like a bronto.”

I grinned. “But it goes down like silk.”

“I’ll have a glass.” Fenris spoke low, and I swear to god he did it just because he knew the effect it had on me.

“Three tumblers, Norah.” I dug into my coin purse and gave the woman a handful of sovereigns. “Keep the extra, my girl.”

She bobbed her head. “Yer a good un, Pip.”

I waved her off and sat up in my seat as the first round of cards was dealt. We played though a few hands, me taking two and Isabela the third, before Aveline joined us. Her brows lifted at the change in seating, but she said nothing as she took the normally empty seat at the end of the table.

“Orana said you stopped by. I didn’t have a chance to read the missive, though.” Hawke pushed a mug of beer toward the big woman, who took a long drink before replying.

“The set up will go down tomorrow. At the docks.”

“We’ll be ready.” Anders fingers curled into a fist.

“Good. I don’t fancy letting this ass get away with fucking with my friends. Otherwise, I’ve nothing to report.” She took a moment to look over Nevarr and the Warden before glancing at me and when she blushed softly I had to smother my giggle. “I see your afternoon went as planned.”

“And then some. I didn’t make it to Xenon, though. Ah well, gives me something to do tomorrow.”

Fenris looked at all of us, but I ignored him. Well, ignored his look at any rate, since it dawned on me that positioned as he was, so close to my side, I might be able to work in that payback sooner than I’d thought.

Slowly, so as not to draw attention to my actions, I withdrew my left hand from the table top and dropped it to my side. Unfurling my fingers, I took up my tumbler and held it out for Isabela to top it off, using the motion to shift closer to Fenris until I felt the material of his slacks against the very tips of my digits.

He made a throaty sound, but I ignored it, pretended I hadn’t felt a thing. Instead, I took a sip of the brandy, let its warm liquid potency settle in my belly and turned my attention to the cards in front of me. I didn’t leave my hand there, no, I acted as if there was nothing strange happening, bringing both hands to bear while I played and anted, only to let it fall to my side again and again, each time bringing more of my skin to play over his. 

While cards were laid down and gold changed hands, the others slowly began to realize I was tormenting the elf, sexually. They tried to pretend they didn’t know, but as the evening wore on, they watched the secret battle wage with baited breath. It took hours, I swear it did, but by the time I finally cupped the rock hard bulge between his thighs and felt the merciless grip of his fingers digging in to my wrist, I don’t know who at the table was more ready to fuck: Fenris or everyone else. 

“Piper.” My name was a hard, vibrating thing on Fenris’ lips.

I kept my face completely blank while I tested the strength of his erection, firmly rubbing the throbbing hard prick barely contained in his breeches. It pulsed beneath my caress, and his nails tore into my arm. 

“Yes, Fenris?” I only looked up from my cards then, turning to face him.

He was hunched a bit at the table, his cards gripped in the white-knuckled hold of his visible hand. He looked at me, passion and fury in equal measure burning in those deep green eyes.

“It’s your turn, Broody. Are you in or out?”

_Oh, Varric, as soon as he lets go, I’ll have him out._ Shit, it was no wonder I was so damn good at this game, my poker face was damn near unbeatable. 

He released me and I had his pants unlaced, my fingers wrapped around the naked girth of his cock before he’d tossed three silvers into the pot. His breath rushed out of him and he bucked into my hold, though from where everyone else sat, they wouldn’t have seen anything more than the way his nails dug into the table briefly.

Fenris wanted me to stop, but in order for that to happen, he knew he’d have to make a scene and then _everyone_ would know what I’d been doing – not like they didn’t already, but as of then, we could all pretend ignorance. I watched him fight himself and felt myself getting wetter and wetter with each passing moment. When the battle was over, he relaxed his body, but his jaw was clenched so tight I thought he’d crack a tooth.

I turned back to my own cards, and bid, my eyes catching Anders’ across the table. I licked my lips as I made the first long, slow pull of skin over lyrium-branded flesh and struggled not to moan myself. Fenris was _huge_ and just holding all that male dominance in the palm of my hand had me about two steps from throwing my cards in the air and diving down to do my best to choke to death on his cock.

He bit his lower lip, I watched it from the corner of my eye, and I tightened my fist in response. My god, I could imagine him sprawled out on his back before me, hands buried in his hair, body thrashing, moaning as I sucked him off with slow, agonizing attention. I shifted in my seat, thighs pressing together, and almost stopped right then. This was quickly becoming torturous for me as well.

But I’d claimed pay backs, and though he was wildly aroused, he wasn’t quite ready to come. So I drew another card and played on, working him for all I was worth, smearing copious precome down the shaft, around the crown, pausing to tumble his hairless balls between my fingers, then returning to a slow, hard stroke, up and down, until Fenris did something I swear to god I never, ever thought I’d see. Hell, I didn’t even know he had it in him.

He slammed his cards down on the table, jerked his seat closer, before pressing his back hard against the wood frame behind him and wrapping his fists around the arms of the chair. His breathing was ragged, broken, he’d abandoned all pretense of control. His eyes were closed, and he gave himself up to the pressure of my hand. Right there, at Varric’s table, with nearly the entirety of Hawke’s extended family staring at him, mouths agape.

“Finish me.” It was a plea, a demand, and I don’t know who moved faster. Me or Aveline, who clearly felt she’d seen as much as she could handle and beat a hasty retreat. 

I twisted my wrist and released him, using my superior strength to jerk his chair round to face me at the same time I shoved free of my own seat and dropped to my knees in front of him. I did not care that Isabela was practically riding Varric, or that Hawke and Anders were too stunned to move at all. I did what I’d wanted to do from the moment I’d felt his cock beneath my fingers. I leaned forward, drew my tongue from base to tip, then took him into my mouth.

“ _Fasta vass_!” It was a hissed curse, but his hips thrust into me and I welcomed the aggression. I didn’t even bother with skill or finesse, I simply opened wide and took him as far as I could.

It hurt, it was hard to do, he was thicker even than the head of Anders cock, but I powered on, because the rush of erotic power I felt with my nose flush against his pubis, the sound of cracking wood and bellowing Fenris above me, was better than any drug, any high, I’d ever felt. I dug my talons into his thighs and pulled back only long enough to breath before choking myself on him again, swallowing around him, using the muscles of my throat to stroke him, bring him, push the elf over the edge and into the abyss.

It did not take long, but when he came, Jesus what was it about these men? It was like the best fucking thing ever, watching them come. Fenris’ whole body left the chair as he bowed up into me, forcing me to rise fully onto my knees, both hands coming round to grasp his utterly perfect ass.

“Piper!”

Shit, yeah, hearing him yell my name? My entire body contracted at that. As he grunted, grinding against my face, I swallowed, milking every last fucking drop of release until he collapsed into the chair, the sound coming from him not too far from a sob. I let him go slowly, tongue licking every inch, tasting the remnants of his seed, the faint after flavor of lyrium twisting a delicious shiver between my legs. With relish, I pulled free of his cock with an audible pop, sitting back to lick my lips with a satisfied hum.

“I… will… kill… you.” He couldn’t even open his eyes and aftershocks rippled through him, cock twitching, tiny beads of echoed orgasm pearling at the slit in the crown of his prick.

A line from the game popped into my head and I couldn’t stop myself. “On another evening perhaps.” My voice was rough, throat protesting the action.

I stood and grabbed my tumbler. Tossing back the last of the brandy, which soothed the ache, before looking at what remained of my companions, I tried not to laugh. Isabela had either ridden her way to release or Varric had helped her, if the state of her clothes and his hair were anything to go by. Nevarr and Anders, they looked dumbstruck and highly aroused, both of their faces ruddy, their chests rising and falling rapidly.

I looked back at Fenris, saw another small ripple of pleasure tense his body and smiled before giving the rest of the room a jaunty salute and walking straight out the door, through the bar, and into the Kirkwall night.

Aveline was waiting for me and she gave me _such_ a look when I strode to her, laughing brightly. “Come on, Aveline. I do apologize. It wasn’t my intention to scandalize you so. Truly.”

“I don’t believe you for an instant.”

I gave her a small pout. “I don’t lie. Not even for something like this. What I will tell you is he deserved it, even if I was much nicer to him than he was to me. But now, it’s done, and since he can’t, as yet, coordinate his body, I think that’s a good sign I should get home before he can.”

She shook her head. “You are trouble.”

“But you love me anyway.”

This drew a chortle from her and we walked, arm in arm, back to Hightown.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut... and the inevitable angst... Damn Fenris!

Nevarr and Hawke burst into the kitchen, breathing hard and looking like they’d run from the Hanged Man all the way to Hightown.

I lifted a brow and finished the last bit of whatever sticky delicacy Orana had given me. “It’s about time. I was starting to wonder if you two’d ever come home tonight.”

“Fenris is coming.” Nevarr panted heavily, leaning against the counter behind him dragging breath in so fast I was worried he’d hyperventilate.

“He already did, I thought.” I smirked at my own wit, but neither Hawke nor Anders looked even remotely tickled. “What? Seriously, he can’t be that pissed off. No one could be that pissed off after head like that.”

Anders snorted and though sweat beaded at his brow, he seemed much more collected than Hawke. “You know, I would agree. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen anyone fellated so well, including watching you swallow my cock mere hours ago.”

“Anders!” Hawke straightened and heaved a final heavy bellow of air. “Piper, I’m not sure you should stay here. Maybe you could go to Merrill’s tonight.”

I licked the last sweet remnants of my treat from my lips before standing. “Nope. If he wants to pitch a fit, I’m not going anywhere. It’s past time we get this shit over with. If I’m lucky, I’ll be sore in more than my chest come morning.” I couldn’t help the frown I knew pinched my brow, but it was a truth I was all too aware of. 

Fenris was going to devastate me and I was going to let him. _Stupid, idiot, of all the utterly ridiculous things…_ my dark half was not happy with the decision, but really, I couldn’t keep doing this fucked up back and forth with the elf. There was danger here, of the non-emotional kind, someone had targeted me and being distracted by the elf would only leave me more unfocused. Better to sleep with him and watch him leave, bury the pain of it behind my clever façade, and concentrate on a threat I could actually defeat.

For a moment, I thought back over the last couple of months, remembered all the angst and drama I’d had to work through to even come this far. Baring my soul, telling Hawke and Fenris about earth, my family, how fucked up I was emotionally. I shook my head at myself, at how far I’d come since the moment I’d awoke in the elf’s house, staring into faces utterly familiar and terrifyingly surreal. 

The fact that I was about to confront my greatest fear, knowing full well the outcome would like be horribly painful, said something about how much being with these people had changed me. Because really, though my inner self was pitching a bitch, and I’d probably be hurting this time tomorrow, I realized I was ready to take this step. I needed to do it, for myself as much as for Fenris.

I gave the two men facing me a wistful smile. The last day with them had been better than anything _I_ could have dreamed, the sex so much more than that because I’d let them in, because I fucking cared, really. I had no regrets. I stopped before them, kissed each on the cheek, before pushing by and calmly walking into the entrance room. 

Nim lay before the fire and Bodahn gave me a smile. “Hey, Bodahn. You and Sandal might want to retire early. Hawke says Fenris is on his way, and I don’t think the two of you want to see the tiff we’re likely to have.”

He nodded and took his boy by the arm. “Come on, Sandal. We’ll go visit with Orana, see if she would like to play a little for us.”

“I like Orana.”

Bodahn chuckled as they left the room. “Yes, I know. So do I.”

I heard Nevarr and Anders approach, but didn’t turn to them. “Is Leandra here?”

“No, she’s staying with Lady Rothchild this evening.”

“Good, then I won’t need someone to put a sound ward on her room.”

“Piper, are you sure you want to do this?” Anders, so worried, so caring.

“It’ll be fine, Anders. No go on, you two. This is bound to be awkward enough without the two of you gaping.”

Hawke mumbled something, but soon enough their footsteps echoed against the stairs. With a sigh, I opened the door to the foyer and pulled the chair from the fire close enough to see him when he came in without making it look like I was actually waiting. Leandra’s book sat on the tiny table and I picked it up, dog-earing her place, before turning to the first page and beginning to read.

I got about forty pages in before the front door opened, the light of his brands preceding him into the house proper. I set the book down as he came into the room, crossing my hands over the leather bound pages as I looked up at him.

“Fenris. You’re looking a bit distressed.”

“You.” He hurled the word at me like an epithet.

“Yes, it’s me.”

“You- You!”

“Mmm-hmm, me again. Is there something you want, Fenris?” I flicked my tongue at the corner of my mouth and watched his eyes track the movement like a cat watches a mouse.

“I, you, _vishante kaffar_!”

“Right, well, when you think you can actually articulate something of value, let me know. Until then, I’m off to bed. Be sure to close the doors behind you.” I set the book aside and rose, knowing how dangerous it was to turn my back on him but choosing to do so anyway.

I could feel him vibrating behind me, but I didn’t turn to look. In fact, I was totally surprised I got as far as I did before I heard him unleash a roar and storm after me. I had only just opened my bedroom door when he slammed into me from behind, the strength of him lifting me from my feet as he drove us further into the room, crashing our bodies onto the soft mattress of the bed, his rigid, glowing body pressing me deep into the padded cushion.

“Shit!” The air rushed from my lungs and I struggled beneath him, managing only to turn onto my back before he climbed over me, hips between mine, gauntleted hands gripping my wrists in an unbreakable hold atop the sheets.

“I should kill you.” He seethed and I’m sick because it was _hot_.

“A little death, Fenris? _Le petit mort_? Promises, promises.” I rolled my pelvis against his, my meaning unmistakable.

“Why? Why did you do that?”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “I warned you, Fenris. And what have you to complain about? I was _much_ more thorough with you than you were with me.”

“But you…” He drifted off, the anger bleeding away as he looked at me, really seemed to look at me.

“I sucked your cock. In full view of four other people. Until you screamed my name and came down my throat.”

He growled and instinctively pressed against me. “Yes. Why?”

“Because I wanted to. Because you wanted me to. And I loved. Every. Second. Of. It.” I punctuated each word with a lift or roll of my lower body and strained against his hold. Just remembering what I’d done made me want to fucking beg him to take me. “Why does it matter? At least I didn’t leave you high and dry, Elf!”

“So it was a punishment then?” He eased off me a bit and I registered what he said.

“Are you fucking serious!” I lifted my head off the bed to growl in his face. When he pulled back more, I took total advantage, wrapping my legs around his waist and heaving with all my strength, until I flipped us.

His face was surprised as I jerked free his hold and put him, instead, in mine. “You are an absolute _idiot_ Fenris. No one, and I do mean no body whatsoever, voluntarily tries to choke themselves out on a cock like yours as _punishment_. If I’d been interested in retribution, I’d have left you hard and aching when you _demanded_ I finish you.”

I shook my head and sat back, letting go of his wrists and jamming my hands in my own hair instead, frustration and irritation feeding a loop of agitation that danced through my body. Fuckin’ hell, the elf just didn’t seem to get it, at bloody all. Sighing, I dropped my hands onto my thighs, spread across his hips, and looked at his lovely face. “Fenris, I am totally in lust with you, like madly. And despite how much you push my buttons, I really, really like you too. Do you get it now? Have I cleared things up for you?”

At first he looked confused, then surprised, and then he frowned. At that point, what else could I do? I hoped the words would be clear enough, but I knew better. Actions spoke louder. So I rocked back against his very receptive body and peeled my blouse off, followed by the demi-corset. Then I reached for his hands, pulling the gauntlets off, watching his face the whole time, before I raised his bare skin to the hard points of my breasts.

“Touch me, Fenris. Please.”

Thank Christ, _that_ seemed to work. He reared up, doing one of the most amazing crunches I’d ever seen, to replace one of his hands with his mouth. Oh my god, the things he was doing, I went from a good simmer to a full, rolling boil with the first flick of his tongue over one aching nipple.

“Finally!” I plunged my hands into his hair and really, just held on as he gave in to the demands of his body and conquered me.

By conquer, I really mean it. Fenris had me on my back, his teeth and tongue and lips pulling, biting, nipping at one stiff peak, then the other, back and forth, while I squirmed under him, panting, begging for more, but nothing I did would speed his movements. Instead, all I got was a dark chuckle and his mouth on my ear.

“Fenris, oh shit, Fenris!” It was better than in the bathroom, because my body was spread open and his cock ground against the sweet spot there, while he first licked, then sucked, and bit at my ear. I dug my hands into his cloth covered ass, pulled my knees in tight to his ribs, and made some of the most vulgar, slutty sounding moans I think I ever have.

“I’m going to come, Fenris.” I choked the words out, the muscles of my stomach tightening in faster and faster contractions, my empty body flexing in desperate need. I’d never been more aroused, more wet, hell I was so excited I was actually a bit nauseous, so overwrought with desire my stomach churned.

“Good.” He rotated his pelvis against mine, riding the hard ridge of his body over my clit at the same time he bit down on the apex of my right ear.

The term ‘keening’, it means sharp, piercing, or biting at least with regard to sound. That’s the noise I emitted as orgasm ripped through me. The cry was high-pitched, almost scarily high, and not far from a wail, cut short only by the strength of the contractions of my diaphragm making breathing near impossible. My hands dug into his ass so hard, I felt my fingers cramp up, my legs shook so bad I could barely keep them pressed against his sides.

“Magnificent.” His dark voice, filled with longing and a hunger so raw it ignited something wild and chaotic inside me, coasted over my skin as he pulled away. I whimpered at the loss of his heat.

I couldn’t have opened my eyes if I wanted to then, but my ears told me all I needed to know, the sound of cloth drifting over skin before the weight of him came over me again. I helped him remove my pants as best I could, all considering. When he settled against me, when the head of his cock pressed into me, I arched my neck and bit my lower lip to keep the sounds inside me.

I was beyond slick, my body more than ready, but the elf was a lot to take in. He grunted as he moved forward, agonizingly slow and I couldn’t stop the pained noise in the back of my throat.

“Am I hurting you?” Fear and concern rode his tone and I swallowed hard, shifted to make myself more open, forced my eyes wide.

Fuck, looking at his face, I was lost. There was wonder and need, a soft vulnerability in his gaze as we merged together. “Yes,” I hissed the word and fought not to struggle beneath him.

“I will stop.”

“No!” I shouted the word and dug my hands into his sides. “No, please, god, don’t stop, Fenris. Don’t ever stop. It’s the perfect kind of pain.”

He warred with himself and I contracted my sex around his, causing him to respond with a small thrust.

“Ah!”

He stilled and I pulsed again, he pressed forward. We repeated this until he could go no deeper and I was shivering in his arms. I wanted to fucking cry; there wasn’t a place inside me he didn’t touch, not a millimeter of my skin he wasn’t burrowed beneath. Our eyes remained focused on one another and I was terrified because I knew the physical act we engaged in had pushed me into an emotional place where I could not hide what I felt. Not from my eyes, nor my face, or my body as it clung to his.

“I think I am finally as deep as I can be, and yet,” he voice wavered and his hips surged forward, “I would be deeper.”

“Fenris.” I whispered his name, his words evoking the memory of the first morning in his garden and later, the crazy night at the Hanged Man when he’d said he couldn’t be deep enough. 

Fenris seemed to be thinking the same things as he lowered his chest to mine, his fingers curling around the sides of my face. Then his mouth touched mine, gently, warm soft lips caressing mine, slowly, so very carefully learning the shape of me, the taste, and every nuance. I followed his lead, reciprocating with banked fervor, perhaps, but no less passion, relaxing onto him, into him. I left fear behind and gave myself into Fenris’ keeping.

By the time he began to move there was no more pain, the only tension one of a sensual nature. I moaned into his mouth, he nipped at my jaw, his hips rocking against me, his cock hitting every nerve center with excruciating accuracy, so that each stroke was almost a little orgasm in itself. 

Fenris pushed onto his palms, changing the angle of his thrusts, and I followed him, shifting my hips, canting up toward him, holding the backs of my thighs in a bruising grip. Gods, I shook, was coming apart at the seams and I hadn’t even come yet. Being with him was simply that perfect.

“Piper.” His voice beckoned me. “Piper, please, I want to see your eyes.”

His voice was ragged, his fingers digging into my hips as his body gave into the urgency riding us both. I moaned and did what he asked, falling into those evergreen orbs and all the things left unsaid in their depths. “Fen-ris,” his name broke on my lips and he responded with a hard, deep thrust.

“Piper, now.” He didn’t shout, no he growled the words and became a wild thing, his face contorted in sublime agony as he pounded into me, over and over, and then I came undone.

I didn’t keen or scream or even gasp. And I’m not even ashamed of what happened when we reached that perfect pinnacle, me a few short moments before Fenris. I choked on my own heart and gave a loud, almost pained, sob. If there was ever a sound that existed which could better encompass the kind of love I felt for him, I don’t know what it might be. 

This was not the love of a mother for her child. I’d heard that sound, made it myself, in joy and devastation. This was not the love of a friend for another. It wasn’t even the kind of love shared only in sex. The sound I made was, I don’t know as silly as it sounds, I imagined it to be the song of one soul, perfectly attuned to another. It was beautiful, it was awful, and I couldn’t stop from making it if I’d wanted to.

For his part, Fenris cried out as well, falling onto me, his face buried in the curve of my neck as his body heaved and rippled, form flexing and relaxing with such power, I felt every lift of tendon, every bunch of muscle where we touched. Neither of us spoke, we simply curled into each other, my arms going around his back, his burrowing beneath me to curve around my shoulders. 

Satiated, satisfied, replete, they were as good as any word to explain how I felt, and yet they lacked so much in the usage. I squeezed my eyes hard, trying to stem the tears, and held on to Fenris as tightly as I could, fighting the exhaustion weighing my limbs, praying to every deity I knew to make this time different. _Please, please, don’t let him leave._ I’d been fooling myself. Making love with Fenris was not something I could put behind me.

Because in truth, it had redefined me.

* * *

When I woke, I didn’t need to reach out to know Fenris wasn’t beside me. I felt the distance between us in the pain behind my sternum. Squeezing my eyes closed, I took a slow, quiet breath and promised myself I’d hold it together long enough to get through this part. I rolled to my side and propped my head up on my palm.

“Was it that bad?”

It was fucking eerie, seeing him stand there at the fireplace, armor in place, staring into the flames so very like the god damned game. I hated it, that I knew what to expect, that those imaginary pixels were being played out in front of my eyes. 

“It was fine. No, that is insufficient. It was-“

“Better than anything you could have dreamed. I know.”

“Do you?” His retort was sharp and shit, it cut deep.

“If it matters at all, it’s the same for me, Fenris. And I’ve been dreaming it a hell of a lot longer than you.” I shifted and sat up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed, uncaring that I was naked from the waist up.

“I remembered. My past. It was just flashes, bits and pieces, but I can’t…”

“I could tell you I’ll help you through this. Tell you I care about you, but we both know it won’t change your mind. It’s too much, too soon.” I looked at my lap, didn’t know if he could see the crystalline pearls slipping down my face.

“I’m sorry. I feel like a fool.” I heard him turn around, heard his feet move over the floor. “Forgive me.”

I pressed my hand to my chest and wished for his power with every fiber of my being. If I tore my own heart out and gave it to him, maybe it would stop him from walking out the door. I looked up at his retreating form. “How can you just walk away from me? When I can barely watch you leave?”

Fenris paused, back to me, head down, and I held my breath when he didn’t move forward or back, just stood frozen.

“I wish I could just make you turn around. Turn around and see I’m right here; I’ll face your demons with you. You aren’t alone. There’s so many things… Damn you, Fenris. All I can do is wait, hope to god you realize sooner rather than later what you’re walking away from.”

His posture slumped but he didn’t face me. No, he quietly left, the sound of door closing so loud I wanted to scream. Instead, I buried my face in my hands and wept, cried like I hadn’t in years, and when my eyes were swollen and dry, I remembered, oh so painfully, why love of this kind never had a place in my life. It just hurt too god damned bad when it was thrown back in one’s face.


	26. Chapter 26

“Piper?”

I blinked my eyes open, bleary and scratchy from crying and too little sleep. Anders sat beside me and the look on his face just wanted to make me start bawling again. “Don’t Anders. Just don’t. I can’t handle your sympathy right now.”

He sighed and looked away from me. “Then you’ll be fine with Nevarr. I’ve never seen him so furious.”

I rolled away from him, to the far side of the bed and sat up. I didn’t want to get out of the damn thing, I wanted to lay there and fade away, and I hated myself for the weakness. “What’s done is done. Nothing any of us can do about it. I should know, I tried.”

“That doesn’t mean we have to _like_ it, Piper.” There was a hard thread of anger in the mage’s voice and despite the horrible pressure in my chest, I was warmed by his ire.

“I know.” I spoke softly, quelling emotion, hardening all of me against more pain. 

Fuck, I had to shove the jagged edges of myself away, hide them down, otherwise I might as well just give up and take that long walk off a short pier. After everything I’d survived, everything I’d fucking suffered and come through the other side, one blighted elf was _not_ going to end me. No matter how much it felt like exactly that had already happened.

“We’re here for you, Piper. Everything Hawke said yesterday is still true today.”

I glanced down at my ring, curled the unadorned fingers of my other hand around it, sinking into its weight, its warmth. Yes, my heart was broken, but it still beat, and I wasn’t alone. I thought back to earth, to the hours spent playing this game that was no longer a game but my _life_ and I felt an ironic smile tug at my lips.

I’d never considered ‘cheating’ on Fenris in the game. Even unknowing if he would ask forgiveness and return or not, I couldn’t do it then, but now, now I knew it was different. He thought it would be easier if I hated him, and though I wanted to so badly, it was never going to happen. That said, I didn’t have to be alone and lonely, not like the Hawke’s I’d played had been after he’d left them.

No, in my Kirkwall, I refused to allow the elf to return on his terms. _If_ he ever chose to come back to me, he would do it knowing Anders and Hawke were part of the deal. And if he decided to go to Isabela, well, then that was how things would go. I wasn’t interested in her seconds. He’d already killed a piece of me and this was the real fucking world, so to speak. I wasn’t game Hawke and Fenris wasn’t going to just stroll back into my life in three years with an, admittedly, excellent apology and everything would be right as rain.

Anders and I didn’t talk as I bathed and dressed, nor did Hawke say anything when we joined him in the garden. In fact, we’d all eaten and were sitting in silence for quite some time when I stood up and announced I was going to the Hanged Man. Both men looked at me curiously and I did my best to give them a reassuring smile.

“Not to get shit faced, I swear. I need to have a chat with Rivaini, that’s all. I’ll see you later.” I bussed a kiss on each masculine mouth before leaving the estate.

The walk to Lowtown was uneventful in the late morning sun and as I took the stairs to Varric’s suite two at a time I felt like I might, just maybe, be alright. Varric called out for me to come in when I knocked and I did.

“Where’s Bela?”

“Good morning to you too, Piper. I have to say, you don’t look nearly as, uh, pleased as I thought you might.”

“Varric, not now, okay? I’m sure you’ll get most of the tale over the next few days. It can wait. Me seeing Isabela can’t.”

“She’s two doors down on the left.”

“Thanks.” I turned to leave and his voice followed me out.

“She’s probably still sleeping!”

I didn’t bother to knock on her door. Nope, I strolled right in. “Isabela, Isabela, I need you bright eyed and bushy tailed.”

Bela’s eyes flew open. “Pip, it’s a bit early, don’t you think?”

I closed the door and shifted to lean against it. “No. There are a couple of things we need to talk about, Rivaini. Rather, I’m going to talk, you’re going to listen, and then the two of us together are going to deal with the mess you’ve made.”

She sat up in the bed, generous wares on display and I won’t lie, I admired the view. Her tits were every bit as lush and full as one would expect. Her smooth mocha skin was absolutely delectable. And in another time, I’d have happily spent the day learning every single one of her charms, even if I had to visit Anders afterward. 

“Mmm, I know that look.” She grinned and I did too.

“Once upon a time, Bela. But not now. In fact, while we’re on the subject, there is something I’m need to ask of you.”

“Oh? What might that be?” Seduction, sin, and sex incarnate was the pirate queen.

“You’re serious about Merrill, aren’t you?”

The rogue looked a bit surprised. “Why do you ask?”

“Because if, hypothetically, Fenris were to come to you and offer to play, I need to know you would turn him down cold.”

Her eyes widened and she looked at me for a very long time. I didn’t hide from her penetrating gaze, either, no I put it all out there. It might have been a while, but she knew what it was like to love someone and lose them and she had to see that shining in my eyes.

She shook her head and tsked at me. “Love is stupid, Piper.”

“I know. I promise you, Bela, I know even better than you. One of these days, we’re going to get absolutely thrashed and I’ll tell you about my past and make you tell me yours. We aren’t so very different, and neither are the places we come from. Even knowing, there’s nothing I can do to change it, so please, tell me what you have with our sweet Dalish blood-mage is something you wouldn’t risk for a quick roll with Fenris. Because if you fuck him, I don’t think I could stop myself from cutting your heart out.”

Something like empathy shone in her eyes, despite the fact I’d just threated to end her life, and with a weary sigh she nodded. “I swear to you, I won’t touch him. Not even if he offers himself up on a platter.”

“Good.” I gave her a weak smile. “I suppose I should get to the main reason for bursting in here. Your relic. I know you’ve been keeping an ear out, blah blah blah, but I know what it is. I know who will end up with it. And I know that by the time you get your hands on it, it’ll be too late to do much good.”

“Is that right?” She quirked a brow and I cocked my head.

“The relic is the Tome of Koslun, which you stole from the Orlesians, while they were on their way to return it to the Arishok. You did get caught in the storm, but that wasn’t all, since the Qunari dreadnought was stuck to your ass, blowing fire and smoke at you the whole way. You both crashed, and you’ve both remained, them trying to find you _and_ their book, you trying desperately to find the book to save your own ass. Does that about sum it up?”

Bela had a poker face almost as good as mine, but with every word out of my mouth the woman curled tighter and tighter in on herself, real fear and a look of nausea twisting her lovely features. “Yes.”

“No one but you and I know the truth. And while I know you think you need the damn thing to save yourself from Castillion, I’m going to give you a bit of precognitive information – even if you give the relic back to him, the Qunari will never stop hunting you. Do you understand? Fuck Castillion and his little smuggling ring, you will be persona non grata number one with an entire nation of people. Now answer me this, does that seem like a good idea for a woman who wants to rule the seas?”

She swallowed hard, as if this had never struck her. “No.”

“Then you see why we need to get that fucking book, now, before Wall-eyed Sam tries to sell it to the Imperium. It won’t stop the hellfire churning between the Arishok and the Chantry, but it might possibly buy us some precious time to prepare. Is Sam in Kirkwall yet?”

“He has the relic?”

I nodded. “Yep.” 

She threw the covers off and began tugging on her clothes instantly. “Why didn’t you say so when you first came in? He’s hiding in a hole in Darktown.”

“Then I think it’s time you and I pay him a visit.”

“Piper?” 

“Yeah?” I watched her strap her blades on.

“Do you remember when I said watching Fenris do his magical fisting thing to you was the hottest thing I’d ever seen?”

I bit my lip, hiding the jab of pain her words delivered. She had no way of knowing Fenris himself had reminded me of that day but a few brief hours ago. “I do.”

“Watching you blow him? Definitely a thousand suns hotter.”

I snorted. “Thanks, Bela.”

“That’s me, I’m a giver.”

* * *

I’m not sure whether I was actually upset Sam died anyway. I mean, I suppose he was sort of like a red-shirt, there only for to die. Either way, Bela knew exactly where he was, and though that was a bit of a detour from the game, as I looked down at the relic I didn’t really care. All that mattered was I had the thing the Arishok wanted and Seamus was still alive. 

Bela returned to the tavern with my promise to keep our secret, for the time being at least, and I went back to the estate. To say I was surprised to see the elf chatting with Leandra would be an understatement, but even I was impressed with the way I not only ignored him, but walked right past him without so much as a glance.

I headed for my room, hid the tome beneath my underclothes in the dresser, and left quickly. I wasn’t sure where Nevarr was, but considering the time of day, late afternoon, I knew Anders would be in his clinic. I descended the stairs and swallowed a curse when I found only Fenris waiting for me at the last step.

I tried to walk past him, but he put an arm out to stop me. The sight of my emerald green hair band at his wrist almost undid me. “Do not touch me, elf.”

“I only want a moment.” He pulled his arm back.

I refused to look at him. “You had one last night. Right after you tore my heart out. Sorry if I’m disinclined to give you time now to shred my soul too.”

I pushed by him, hoping I hid the stutter of my breath as the bare skin on the backs of our hands touched, and walked to the cellar door that led to Darktown and pulled it open.

“ _Festis bei umo canavarum._ ” He seemed to speak more to himself than anyone.

I gave a humorless laugh. “I’d say you’ve already managed that, Fenris.”

I left him standing at the stairs without another word, though how I managed to make it into the clinic before I started to shake, I’ll never know.

“Damn it, he was at the estate, wasn’t he?” Ander wiped his hands on a clean cloth and came straight to me, wrapping his arms around me even as he doused the lanterns and shut the doors.

I nodded against his chest and clenched my jaw. I couldn’t afford to do this every time I was near Fenris, but the wound was so very fresh. Fingers curled in Anders’ robes, I tapped my forehead against his breast bone a couple of times before stepping back. “I’ll be okay. Listen, where’s Nevarr?”

“Piper, please, let me help you.” His eyes shone with compassion and love.

“Even you can’t fix this. Not really. It’ll take time, we both know that, and hell, maybe less than even I think. He certainly won’t be enjoying anyone else’s charms in the meantime.” I tilted my face up to his, and knew there was an evil smile curling my lips.

He looked at me warily. “What did you do? Please tell me you didn’t get a crazy curse from Xenon.”

I laughed and it felt good. “No. I told Isabela if she ever hoped to get that ship, she’d stay as far away from the bastard as possible.”

“Isabela? I can’t even imagine.”

I shrugged. “To be honest, I couldn’t either, but I swear to you, it could happen. But not this time. Besides, I think Merrill is a better match for our pirate queen than my Tevinter.”

“Yours?”

“Whether he likes it or not. Now, where’s Nevarr?”

“Meeting with Aveline, laying out the plan for tonight. I assume you’re going to want to accompany them?”

“I said so already. Why? Who else is going?”

He only gave me a patient look.

“Great. Well, with any luck, this thing will blow up in our faces and there will be plenty of people to kill as a distraction.”

“Only you would think murdering ne’er do wells an appropriate distraction for an aching heart.” He kissed me softly on the forehead and unwound his arms from me.

“Since you’ve already closed for the day, how about we go have something to eat? Just you and I.”

Anders made his way into the back room I knew he used as his bedroom and I followed. I leaned against the doorjamb as he pulled off the robes he’d worn to treat patients, baring his body to the waist as he washed up in a nearby basin. Damn, I didn’t think I would ever get tired of seeing him half dressed. Or fully naked, for that matter.

“I’m sure Orana or Leandra will prepare a meal.” 

I watched his physique move as he dried off before stripping the rest of his clothes, moving to a small trunk to retrieve clean pants and a tunic. I hummed with appreciation as I watched him pull on a pair of caramel colored breeches I knew were made of soft, supple leather. The tunic was in a lighter shade of cream, and when he turned back to face me, I didn’t even bother to hide my lascivious thoughts.

“Good enough to eat, like the perfect butterscotch candy.”

“Now I’m candy?” He chuckled and moved to me.

“Absolutely. Eye candy, body candy, mouth candy. Finger licking good, Anders.” My words had the intended effect, his amber eyes darkening, the fit of his pants leaving nothing to the imagination.

“There is no way I can walk around Kirkwall with a hard on.”

I grinned. “I don’t know why not. It’s fucking hot. But if you insist, I’ll behave. Come on, we’ll get something from a vendor and just spend time together. No patients, no drama. Please, Anders?”

He smiled. “Lead on.”

I whirled with delight, grasping his hand in mine as I drug him from the bowels of Darktown and up through the city to Hightown. He lifted a brow at me as I purchased meat pies and fruit tarts from the small cart that normally sat off to the side in the Chantry courtyard.

“Come on, there’s somewhere I want to show you. Can you climb?”

“Well enough.” 

We made our way further up, to Fenris’ mansion, which sat dark and quiet.

“Piper?”

“Shh, if he’s moping in there, I don’t want him to know we’re here. Okay, you take the food and I’ll give you a boost.”

Anders looked skeptical, though once I practically threw him to the top of the wall, he was less skeptical and more amazed. I swallowed my laugh and followed him up until we stood together, looking out over the roofs of Hightown.

“This way. I remember Hawke telling you he’d seen the garden I built for the elf, but I can’t imagine you bothered to visit. I want you to see it.”

I held his hand and helped him over uneven steeples and pitches until we stood on the roof of the mansion next to Fenris’, a full unhindered view of his garden below us. I sat down, cross-legged, and motioned for him to join me.

We ate in silence, watching the fading sun shine on the amazing scene below. When the last of the meal was gone, I shifted and Anders spread his legs for me, so that I ended up leaning back to his chest, his arms wrapped around me and my hands enfolding his.

“Hawke was right. It’s breathtaking, Piper.”

“Yeah. I’d do something like it at the estate, but I think Leandra loves her garden as it is.”

“Hmm, probably. I can’t believe how it looks so natural, all those different plants growing together. So many of them would never even bloom near each other, but here in this tiny world you created, they’re thriving.”

“Anders?”

“Yes?”

“If I told you I had a way to extricate Justice from you, would you be angry with me?”

He was quiet for a long time. “No.”

“Would you be interested in doing it? If I swore to you, before we did it, that separating the two of you will not, in any way, stop the revolution I know you’re planning.”

That made him tense, but I held onto him.

“What do you know?”

“I know about Alrik. And more, but I won’t talk about it, not yet. Just in case, I don’t want to hurt you. Have you asked for Nevarr to help you stop the Tranquil Solution yet?”

“No.”

“I don’t suppose you’d consider letting me try before you go after Alrik, would you?”

He sighed and kissed my head. “No.”

I wished he would change his mind. “Alright. But will you at least agree to listen to me after?”

“Okay, Piper. I’ll listen to your idea once I’ve stopped that sadistic bastard.”

It wasn’t what I wanted, but it would have to do. My heart twinged for the pain I knew he was going to suffer, but it was his choice. I snuggled closer as the sun dipped below the roof line. “I guess we should go meet Nevarr. I want to do this again, Anders. It means more to me than I can say, just being with you, having you close and warm around me.”

“You’re a bit of a poet, aren’t you, love?” He gave me a tight squeeze with his soft chuckle. “We will absolutely do this again.”

We stood and I turned to him, pulled his mouth to mine and lost myself in the magic of his lips and the press of his sleek body. When we drifted apart, he was once more clearly aroused and I couldn’t help a slow, naughty stroke over the bold outline of his cock. Anders, the light-hearted man I remembered from _Awakenings_ , he was the man who swatted me on my ass as we made our way to Hawke’s home.

I was laughing and so was the mage as we walked into the house. Nevarr and Aveline turned to greet us, both of them grinning at our playful poking and prodding of each other.

“I was about to send Nim to find you two.” Hawke walked to Anders, pulling the man down for a brief kiss. “You taste like raspberry tart and… Piper.” He waggled his brows at me and I laughed.

“We’re to meet the contact in an hour. I sent Fenris ahead with a small complement of my guard. They should be in position by the time we arrive.” Aveline shot me a glance. “Have a bit of restraint, won’t you? I can’t get answers if people are dead.”

I gave her a put-upon frown. “But Aaa-ve-liine,” her name was a long whine but I couldn’t keep the mischievous grin from my lips. 

She shook her head and tried to stay stern, so I cut her some slack.

“Okay. I’ll try to keep my pointy blades to myself until you say different.”

“Thank the Maker.”


	27. Chapter 27

I kept to the shadows as I waited for the bastard who’d attacked me to approach the cloaked figure waiting at the edge of the docks. Right where a statue of Hawke (or well maybe of Hawke, I was never quite sure) might one day hold a bright, shining flame aloft. Patience had never been one of my virtues. Hell, I wasn’t sure I even had any virtues, but waiting was absolutely never, ever going to be something I enjoyed or engaged in with any sort of glee, or even without the gnashing of teeth.

Still, with Anders at my side, our magic humming between us, I did feel less edgy than I might have otherwise. I looked to the left, past his strong shoulders and beyond the stairs heading toward the farther docks, and noticed Fenris unsheathing the behemoth of a sword he carried. How he managed to do it with the razor sharp blade avoiding even the tiniest flicker of light, I’d never know. Nevarr was right beside him, the _Dogs of War_ in his capable hands, ready to smash heads and get things done.

Anders followed my gaze then turned back to me with a knowing glint in his eyes. “Quite the pair.” The words came to me on a breath of air and I nodded.

“Scary as fuck and totally drool worthy.”

Anders jerked his chin in the direction of the prisoner and I turned to watch the action. Aveline was playing at being a worker, shifting crates nearby, and she stayed in the role she chose as a short, heavily cloaked figure made its way toward the rogue who’d broken into my room.

“Is it done?” 

There was something so familiar about that voice, but I couldn’t place it.

“There’s been a complication.” The rogue moved closer and so did Fenris and Hawke.

“No, no, no, no. You must do it. The voice told him she must die. If she doesn’t die, he won’t get it back and he’ll kill us all!” The robed figure sounded frantic.

“That’s not my problem.” The bandit might have been a rogue of some skill, but his arrogance was a real blind spot.

I didn’t have the time to speak before the shorter body withdrew a blade and buried it in the stunned human’s chest. The man who’d been hired to kill me, as opposed to kidnap me like he’d told Aveline, fell to the unforgiving stone and breathed no more. His lie no longer mattered.

The Guard-Captain reacted before the rest of us, her powerful body slamming into the hooded mass, taking it to the ground with a soft cry of pain. Her men filed from their positions to provide her with cover in case her quarry hadn’t been alone, one of them passing her a pair of heavy cuffs as she took the male into custody. It took some effort, but Aveline retook her feet and hefted her burden as well, finally pushing back the cloak to reveal the face beneath.

“Holy fucking shit.”

Aveline’s face turned to mine. “You know this dwarf?”

I nodded. “Sort of. He’s Bartrand’s steward. I can’t remember his name though, but Varric will know him.”

At the sound of my voice, the dwarf looked up at me and began jabbering away, terrified, fighting to be free of Aveline’s control. I didn’t remember him being quite so nuts in the game, though looking at him he didn’t seem crazy so much as petrified.

“You have to die. He’s feeding us, eating them, but if you live, he’ll kill everyone!”

“What in the Maker’s name is he raging about?”

I looked at Hawke, who posed the question, then at Aveline, then at Anders. Shit, this was actually a really big deal, a really big thing to share, especially since his seemingly insane ramblings made total sense to me. I didn’t even know if Varric knew his brother was back in town and I certainly couldn’t disclose everything I knew right there, in front of the guard and any passerby.

“I’ll explain after he’s in a cell at the Keep and we can have a bit more privacy.”

“Piper.” Aveline gave me a warning tone and I gave her my most apologetic look.

“I swear. But not here, not now.”

She growled and so, unsurprisingly, did Fenris. The Guard-Captain motioned for a couple of her men to take possession of the dwarf. “Take him to the Keep. Piper, get Varric and meet us there. Hawke, go with her, just in case. You two,” she pointed to Anders and Fenris, “come with me.”

I’ve no idea why she demanded the warden and the ex-slave go with her, but I wasn’t about to complain. With a nod, I started toward the entrance to Lowtown, Hawke at my heels. As we took the stairs together, I found myself wondering just exactly how in the hell a possessed lyrium idol, which was no longer in Bartrand’s care but in fact belonged to Meredith, was ordering my death when it and I had never come in contact. 

I mean, the game never did do a very good job explaining exactly what was so fucked up about the crazy-ass, red-lyrium riddled thaig Hawke and company had found at the end of Act I. It never made clear how Bartrand remained tainted, maybe even possessed himself, even though he sold the idol to Meredith, who then had the thing fashioned into a massive sword. And of course, she was also driven mad by its power.

I was really curious as to how all of these things might come together or what they might reveal. After all, Marethari had apparently been able to divine some things about me already, perhaps it wasn’t just the Dalish Keeper who had the ability to sense my presence and see possible changes I might make. I won’t lie and say I took it all in stride, no, I was definitely worried by the unexpected turn of events, but I was also intensely interested in the story being revealed.

Nevarr and I made it to the Hanged Man in no time. I waved at Corff and Norah as we headed to Varric’s suite. Merrill and Sebastian greeted us with warm smiles.

“There you are, _lethallin_. It’s been too long since you visited.”

I leaned over the small _elvhen_ , giving her a quick squeeze. “I’m so sorry, Merrill. I’ve be an awful friend these last couple of weeks. But I’m really glad you’re here. There’s been a development and you might be able to help me out.”

“What’s happened, Hawke? Varric said Piper was attacked in your home?” Sebastian sat back in his chair, his lovely eyes showing real concern.

I still hadn’t really warmed to the prince-priest, so I was a bit surprised to hear genuine worry in his voice. I wasn’t interested in becoming his best pal, but perhaps I should at least try to get to know him better. 

Or at least get him and Bela hooked up. 

“She was, but Aveline just apprehended someone in connection to the break in. Someone Piper says you know, Varric.”

The dwarf’s brows climbed high on his forehead. “Me?”

I nodded. “Yeah. But don’t worry, I know you have nothing to do with it.”

“Of course I don’t!” Varric was clearly offended and I scrambled to smooth his ruffled feathers.

“No, I didn’t mean – shit, it’s your brother, Varric. Bartrand was behind it.”

“Bartrand?! That’s not possible, he’s not even in Kirkwall.”

Ah, well, shit. “Actually he is. Damn, look, you need to come with us to the Keep. I’ll explain once we get there.” I looked at Merrill and Sebastian. “I’m really sorry to cut into your evening like this, but I swear, the drinks and ribald jokes are on me tomorrow night.” I gave them my most charming smile and they both laughed and agreed.

Varric was cussing about a nug and someone’s uncle as he followed Hawke and I through the streets of Kirkwall. It was well past dark, but the guards at the doors of the Viscount’s Keep nodded and let us in without question. We made our way quietly to the barracks, filing into Aveline’s office directly.

I threw myself into her chair. I didn’t care if it was polite or not. I definitely wanted to be sitting down for this part.

“Whenever you’re ready, we’re all waiting.”

I glared at Aveline and struggled to find a way to reveal the nugget I was hiding. “First of all, I’m going to tell you right now, none of you are going to like what I’m about to say. In fact, at least two of you are going to flip shit, though not exactly in the same direction. Secondly, after all this time, if even one of you tells me I’m full of it, I will not say another word on the topic. Period.”

“Get on with it, already.” Varric grumbled and I sighed.

“Fine. The guy who met the guy that broke into Hawke’s house was Bartrand’s steward. I can’t remember-“

“Hugin?” Varric interjected with absolute shock.

“That’s it, yeah, him. The nonsense you all thought he was spewing, actually made total sense to me. See, Bartrand is, hmm, I think the way Anders explained it was that if he ‘wasn’t a dwarf, I’d think this was the work of a demon’. Something close to that. The idol, it fucked up his mind, by my estimation it possessed him. When he came back here, he sold the thing in a moment of semi-clarity, for quite a hefty sum, but the damage was already done. It still talks to him, controls him, and now, he’s utterly bent, doing any manner of depraved act trying to get the idol back.”

“There’s-“ 

I shot a nasty glare at Aveline. “I meant it, Aveline. Now, I can take us to the mansion he’s living in. Funnily enough, it’s only a door or two from Fenris’ place. Right now, it’s likely filled with lyrium-crazed mercenaries and no small amount of half-eaten staff. Seriously, Bartrand has lost his fucking marbles and the only way you’ll even get a couple of minutes of sanity out of him is if you take Anders with you when you go to confront him. He’ll be able to clear the fog, for a very brief period, during which Bartrand will confirm most of what I’ve said himself.”

Varric and Hawke looked at Anders who lifted his shoulders. “I can’t dispossess someone, but if their mind is tainted, I could push back the corruption. But Piper’s right, it won’t last long. And it won’t be permanent. A mind fractured by demons isn’t something that can be fixed, at least not by any magic I know of anyway.”

“Why did he keep saying you had to die? That still doesn’t make any sense.”

“I can’t say for certain, but I have an idea. I mean, I suppose I’ve been here long enough to seem like I belong, but I don’t. I’m not from here, I was transported here through god or Maker or who the hell ever knows how. I told you, I’ve already changed things, things that were set in stone in the game version of Kirkwall. If Keeper Marethari could sense the difference of me, it stands to reason less good beings might as well. And considering who ends up with the idol and all the shit that happens because of it, I wouldn’t be surprised if I could possibly represent an unwanted fly in the ointment.”

“Who has the idol, Piper?” 

Aveline asked the million dollar question and I heaved a very loud, very agonized sigh.

“Knight-Commander Meredith.”

I couldn’t make heads or tails of who said what next, the entire room erupted into loud shouts and curses and fuck, if they kept it up they’d wake the entire guard.

I put two fingers in my mouth and gave a shrill whistle. Silence fell immediately. “Hey! Shut the fuck up!” Five sets of eyes turned to me and I shook my head. “This is absolutely, positively, not information I want going beyond this room. For the love of all that’s holy. I get it, shock and horror, but it is what it is. She may not have it right now, but she will have it very soon.”

“Do you mean Bartrand still has it, or might?” Varric leaned against the edge of the desk.

“No, I mean she has the fucking thing turned into a gigantic sword. She’s already bought it. The steward said ‘he’ll never get it back’, speaking of Bartrand and the idol. I’m saying it may not be strictly in her keeping right now.”

“Maker help us all.” Anders’ voice shook.

“There is no Maker. And honestly, there’s little we can do about it right now. There are more pressing problems, namely the Qunari, in Kirkwall. However, I have some things in motion, which I’m hoping against hope will help mitigate the damage later. Speaking of, Aveline, Seamus?”

“He’s still in the Keep. Though he and his father had a very heated argument this morning.”

“Fuck, I can’t seem to catch a break lately.” I scrubbed my hands over my face. “Listen, I have to go to the compound tomorrow. There’s something I have to return to the Arishok. If I promise to be here early, before eighth bell, can you corral the kid until I arrive?”

Aveline nodded. “If push comes to shove, I’ll tell him you asked to speak with him. Don’t think I’ve forgotten that you’ve yet to tell me what exactly is going on there.”

Leave it to the guard-captain to remember something I’d said weeks ago. “I wasn’t intentionally stalling, but point taken. You keep him here. I’ll fill you in before I see Seamus.”

“You know, if you gave all of us more information, we might actually be able to help.” Nevarr sounded a bit irritated.

Maybe it was the stress of the day, maybe I was tired, I don’t know, but I snapped back at him. 

“Really? Exactly how might you do that? Despite what any or hell all of you may think, I’m not keeping this shit to myself to somehow gain an advantage! What happens if, by just spilling my guts, everything changes and even worse things occur as a result? Fuck, do you think I _like_ knowing things that might hurt you people? That could potentially put you in danger? God damn it, I hate it, alright! I fucking hate knowing what’s going to happen, especially when it turns out there isn’t a fucking thing I can do to change it.” 

My gaze shot to Fenris and my throat grew thick. He looked away from me and I snarled. Shoving away from the desk, I stood and pushed my way through the group and to the door. “Believe me or not, at this point, I don’t give a fuck. Take Anders with you when you visit Bartrand, Varric, mark my words. It will suck, but you’ll save yourself a hell of a lot of heartache if you do. I promise you that.”

I jerked open the door to the guard-captain’s office and stalked out. It was safe to say I had met my limit.

* * *

Jesus, seventh bell rings very early when one didn’t go to sleep until past third bell. I drug myself from bed with minimal bitching, though. I had so many things to do, talk to Aveline and Seamus, return the tome to Arishok and charm/demand he keep the Viscount’s boy safe from Patrice and her foul machinations, find out if the Qunari might be interested in leaving, say within the next day or so. Then of course there was getting Aveline together with Donnic, clearing out the Bone Pit and buying those useless damn pick axes.

And Justice, dealing with Alrik, the fallout of Varric finding Bartrand, taking Sebastian to deal with Lady Harimann, and fuck I was sure there was some other major plot or character point I was forgetting, not to mention the endless sundry side bits that seemed to pop up. I stopped in the kitchen for a cup of coffee and an apple, gave Bodahn and Orana a sleepy smile as I tucked the tome into a satchel and headed for the Keep.

I wasn’t even remotely surprised to find Aveline working through her morning training in the barracks yard, leading a group of about a dozen guard in martial practice. She broke them off into pairs, set them about sparring, before making her way to me.

“We’ll be done shortly.”

“No rush. I think I’ll head inside, see if I can track down Seamus.”

She wiped sweat from her brow and gave me a nod. “He was outside the Senechal’s office earlier.”

I entered through the nearby door, grinning to myself when I saw it opened into the barracks. Apparently, the door that I couldn’t ever enter in the game went to the training yard. I tightened the pack on my shoulders, keenly aware of what I was toting around and left the guard quarters, hoping to find Seamus quickly.

While my luck hadn’t seemed all that good of late, in this at least I came out ahead. Seamus was indeed lingering outside Bran’s office, pacing back and forth in the very quiet anteroom.

“Seamus, I’m glad I caught you.”

“Piper, right? Serrah Hawke’s fiancé, if I remember my father correctly.”

“Yep, that’s me.”

“Why would you want to speak with me?”

I looked at the two closed doors. “Is Bran in yet?”

Seamus shook his head. “No, he won’t be here until after ninth bell.”

“Then how about we use his office?” I gave the Viscount’s boy a conspiratorial wink before moving to the Senechal’s door. The lock was a breeze and soon enough, I motioned for him to follow me in, closing the opening behind him.

“Messere?”

“I’m guessing the pacing bit is you trying to figure out how to tell your dad you want to join the Qun.”

Seamus’ dark brows jerked upward, his eyes going almost comically wide. “How did you know that?”

I leaned a hip on the corner of Bran’s desk. “I know a lot of shit, Seamus. You wanting to convert is only one of them. I’m right, though, yes?”

He looked wary but nodded. “Yes. I intended to go to Arishok and request to become _viddethari_. I don’t feel like I have a place here, a purpose, but in the Qun…” His voice trailed off.

I leaned forward and gave him a pat on the shoulder. “I understand, Seamus. I really do. You understand once you do this, there’s no going back? You’ll leave Kirkwall and you won’t be able to return. You’ll have to sever all ties with your father as well. The Qun doesn’t do family as you know it.”

Pain darkened the boy’s eyes. “I know and I am sorry for it, knowing how much it will hurt my father. But I have to do what’s best for me. I’d be a lousy Viscount, but with the Qun, I believe I’ll find a place where I can do good work, fulfilling work.”

“The thing is, Seamus, there are forces at work in this city that will use your conversion to sow destruction,” I paused, not really sure how to tell him he was in danger and might be killed, without actually saying those exact words. “It’s your choice. Your father will not like it, he’ll likely ask Hawke to try and bring you back. But defecting from the Chantry, Seamus, it will make you a target. That said I am determined to make sure the bastard’s looking to start a war don’t get the chance.”

“I’m not sure what you’re trying to tell me, Serrah.”

“You and I, together, are going to see the Arishok this morning. I’m going to accompany you for two reasons: one, because I have something Arishok wants very badly and two, to ensure you get to the compound in one piece and you _stay_ there. This is of utmost importance, Seamus. Once you enter those gates, you cannot leave them again, for any reason. Not until the Qunari leave Kirkwall.”

“Why?”

“Because if you do, bad people are going to very bad things, and you, your father, and all of Kirkwall will suffer terribly in the aftermath. Do you understand? I don’t care who begs you to leave, I don’t care if you get a letter from the Viscount begging to see you, you must stay with Arishok. The Qun protects their own; they will not allow you to be harmed if they can prevent it.”

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, fear creeping into his gaze, worry pinching his brow. “Are you certain it’s really so dire as that?”

“Yes, Seamus, I am. If this is what you want, I must have your word. Otherwise, I swear I’ll have you locked in the dungeon with round the clock guard until I find another way to resolve the situation and bring shadows into the light.”

“I wouldn’t prefer that, Serrah.”

I gave him a small smile. “I didn’t think you would. You word, then?”

“You have it, Serrah Piper. I will stay in the compound.”

I relaxed as the weight of that lifted from my shoulders. “Thank you, Seamus. You’re helping both of your people tremendously, I promise you. I have to meet with the guard-captain, do you mind to accompany me to the barracks?”

“I was going to wait for my father, speak with him before I left.”

I pressed my hand against the boy’s shoulder. “Seamus, make the choice. I can’t risk leaving you alone, here. Do you think speaking with him this morning will be any different than yesterday?”

He shook his head.

“Write a letter, tell him you love him, that you’re sorry, whatever, but we must move quickly from here. Come with me, please.”

He stood and followed me from the room. We returned to the barracks, where I saw Seamus settled in the small common room with parchment and ink and three guards Aveline held above reproach. She and I retired to her office, where I perched myself on the sill of an open window and told her the story of how the Qunari ended up in Kirkwall and exactly what I was hoping to accomplish.

“I have the tome in my bag, now. If you’d like, you’re welcome to accompany Seamus and I to the compound. In fact, that might be a good idea.”

Aveline looked ready to strangle someone. Probably Isabela. “I cannot believe that _whore_ is the reason they’ve been here for almost five years now.”

“You can kick her ass later. I promise, I won’t even interfere. The thing is, I might be able to save Seamus, hell, with enough time, we might even be able to protect Dumar. But Patrice and her ilk, they aren’t going to let this go. They will make the first move, Aveline, and we have to be ready.”

“Do you have any idea what they might do?”

I shook my head. “No. In my world, they kill Seamus, the Qunari respond and then, well,” I paused and looked away from her, “in my world _you_ actually are the final nail in the coffin.”

“Me?” I don’t think I’d ever seen her so shocked.

“Yeah. A couple of elves, elves who will have come to the guard to report one of yours violently raping their sister, are going to kill the man responsible. Then they’re going to convert and you are going to demand Arishok return them. Of course, this is also tangled up with getting the book back, since Arishok will know it was in Hawke’s possession but that Hawke doesn’t have it – Damn it, it’s confusing, since some of that won’t happen now.”

“I’ve heard no claims of any of my guard breaking the law so despicably.”

I shrugged. “All that means is it hasn’t happened yet, which is actually a good thing, since there’s a bunch of shit Hawke still needs to deal with before everything comes to a head.”

“I wouldn’t consciously stir that ox-man into open confrontation.” Her face flushed with anger.

“Aveline, I know that. But think about it, a couple of murderers run to the Qun, claim they want to convert. The Arishok refuses to hand them over.”

“But he must, justice should be served.”

I gave her a pointed look.

“Shit. What if I overlook it?”

I frowned at that. “Aveline Vallen you can’t be any more or less than you are. Can you honestly say, a week from now, a month, several months, that you’d be able to do that?”

“If it meant keeping the city safe.”

“Listen, at this point, I don’t know what might happen. Worrying about a possibility is a waste of energy. I prefer being proactive as well, Guard-Captain, but sometimes we don’t have the luxury.”

She sighed, frustrated, but nodded. “Alright. You said something about Dumar, about protecting him.”

“I think, when Patrice makes her final move, you should put the Viscount in protective custody. And not here. Get him out of the Keep, hide him away somewhere safe. If warfare happens, the Arishok will make his way here, take control of the city as he moves, and herd all the nobility to the Keep, where he’ll offer them a choice to submit or die. If Dumar is here, Arishok will kill him as proof of his control. If he isn’t –“

“And if his son is still alive, then we might still have a secular leader when the dust settles.”

Aveline was damn smart. I smiled and nodded. “Very nicely put together.”

She grinned for the first time since I’d started talking. “They didn’t give me the job because I look good in the uniform.”

I laughed. “Oh, I don’t know, you look pretty damn sharp in the armor of the guard. So, will you come with me today?”

She spared a look at the top of her desk and the thick stack of papers thereon. “Definitely.” 

I watched her strap her sword and shield on and I hopped from the window. “Thanks, Aveline. I appreciate it.”

“Do you want to bring anyone else?”

I thought about it, the rejected the idea. “No. Between the two of us, I think we should be able to handle anything that comes our way. At least long enough to get away, if necessary.”

She didn’t look quite as confident as I felt, but then again she hadn’t been there when I’d killed seven Qunari by myself. I didn’t take it personally. We collected Seamus from the common room, and Aveline promised to hand deliver his letter to his father. 

“Should I take anything with me?”

I shook my head. “The Qun provides.”

“Then I am ready.” The boy held his head high as we left the Keep and made our way toward the docks.

I was proud of him and terrified for him as well. But Seamus Dumar had made a decision and he was following through because he felt it was the right thing to do. I admired his conviction, even if I didn’t necessarily agree with the choice.

The Qunari at the gate made no comment as Aveline, Seamus and I passed through. I motioned for the young man to approach Arishok first, the guard-captain and me hanging back.

“You are Viscount Dumar’s offspring, are you not?”

Seamus’ voice was a bit unsteady, but he kept his back straight and his shoulders up. “I am.”

“What is it you seek, human?”

“I humbly request a place within the Qun, Arishok.”

“Do you? Why?”

“I have no purpose, no direction. I would gladly serve the Qun in a capacity of its choosing than remain in Kirkwall, doing nothing, having no use.”

The Arishok sat for several minutes, clearly pondering the boy’s request, likely weighing all the various ways converting the Viscount’s son could harm his people, and maybe the benefits. Finally, he nodded and motioned to a man at his left. “I will accept your conversion, _viddethari_. Follow Karasten, he will show you your place.”

Seamus gave a polite nod, and waited for the Qunari to guide him away. As the two figures disappeared around a stone wall, I watched him glance at me, his face beaming.

“Why are you here, woman? Have you decided the Qun is superior as well?”

I snorted and lifted a brow at him. “Uh, no. I have something for you, Arishok, an offering of peace.”

“Is that so?”

I slipped the pack off my shoulders, moving slowly when his men tensed. With utmost respect, I pulled the heavy book from inside the cloth, pressing it tight to my chest as I made my way up the steps to his dais. When we were but a scant few inches apart, I offered him the thing he needed to return to Par Vollen.

He sat forward, awe flashing across his features. “The Tome of Koslun.” A ripple of reverence echoed from Arishok through the gathered Qunari. His lethal fingers curled around the bindings and he looked at me. “How did this come to be in your keeping?”

“I took it from a thief, Arishok. One who is now dead.” I chose my words carefully, hoping if I kept it vague, but not too vague, the Qunari leader would infer Isabela was dead. I didn’t know if it would work, but it was worth a try.

“And how did you know it belonged to my people?”

I lifted a brow. “I did tell you I knew much more than I would share. Besides, I can read. The Qunari are the only people I know of that speak Qunlat.”

“And the thief is dead?”

“Yes, Arishok.”

“We can return to Par Vollen.”

I took a small breath. “Arishok, if I may, I’d like to request your aid.”

His brows lifted in surprise. “My aid?”

“We both know there are still people in this city that would as soon see you dead as on a boat home. Those forces are dangerous and I believe they will try and take Seamus Dumar, sacrifice him on the altar of their hate. I would like to request you keep the boy with you, or at least within these wall, until such time as you depart the city.”

“We protect our own.”

“I know, but these assholes aren’t above subterfuge to gain an advantage. If, say, the boy were to get a letter from his father, begging Seamus to meet him, to talk with him, would you deny the _viddethari_ that request?”

Arishok frowned. “No. I would not.” He nodded his head. “I will ensure the _viddethari_ does not leave the compound.”

It wasn’t so much that I thought Seamus would break his word, but I wanted a backup guarantee, so to speak. “Will you make ready to leave the city, now?”

“It cannot be done immediately, but yes, I have what I came for and if the thief is dead, then the Qun requires nothing more.”

“Thank you.” 

“ _Shok ebasit hissra_. This city does not deserve your effort.”

_Struggle is an illusion._ Maybe the Arishok was right, in fact I pretty much agreed. “ _Asit tal-eb,_ Arishok. _Panahedan_.” Still, things were as they were meant to be.

“ _Panahedan. Ashkost esaam Qun._ ”

I inclined my head and returned to Aveline’s side. She wanted to ask, but waited until we were back at the docks before doing so.

“What was all that at the end?”

“He said struggle is an illusion and I shouldn’t waste my energy on this city. I told him it is what it is and goodbye. He said I should seek peace in the Qun.” 

“Will they leave now?”

“Not today, probably not even within the month, but yes, the demands of the Qun are satisfied.”

“Maker, Piper, I could almost kiss you.”

“Don’t get too excited. There’s still plenty of time for the shit to hit the fan. But it’s a win, regardless of how short-lived it may be.” I nudged the guard-captain’s shoulder. “Aveline, there’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you about.”

We walked together back toward Hightown. “Oh? What might that be?”

“Donnic…”


	28. Chapter 28

Hawke, Isabela, Merrill and I slogged our way through sand and bandits to light the first signal post, letting Aveline know the road was clear. Nevarr shook his head as he overheard the guard-captain’s horrible attempt at flirtation.

“Maker, she’s bad at this.”

“Like you expected any different, Nevarr. She really is a woman-sized battering ram, much better at a blunt force attack.”

“If only that were true! She’d have thrown the poor man down and had her way with him by now.” Isabela twittered to herself and I rolled my eyes.

“Just because she’s not as sexually aggressive as you-”

“As me? I’m sorry, this from the woman who choked on the biggest cock I’ve ever seen in a room full of people?”

Merrill’s mouth dropped open. “How did I miss that?”

Nevarr started laughing and I punched him in the arm. “It happened over a week ago, Merrill. You and Sebastian were otherwise occupied for our regular Wicked Grace game.”

“Oh, I remember. I was trying to get the…” Her voice trailed off and she sent a quick glare at Hawke. Though she’d sort of forgiven him for keeping the Dalish tool, it was still a bit of a sore spot between them.

“Yes, well, I’m sure the whole thing wasn’t nearly as shocking or aggressive as Bela here is trying to imply. It was a little crazy, but really, it’s the Hanged Man. All kinds of crazy shit happens there.”

Both Hawke and Isabela shook their heads. 

“Oh, no, I’d say it was violently crazy and highly erotic.” Nevarr’s laughter was rough, tinged with arousal no doubt.

“Agreed.” Bela waggled her brows and I turned my back on them.

“Yeah, well, there won’t be any repeats. Sorry, Merrill.”

“Oh, it’s alright, Piper. I always miss the dirty things.” 

We trudged to the next signal and I took my unsettled feelings out on the slavers who got in the way. Ten days wasn’t a very long time and though I’d done my dead level best not to think about Fenris, the bastard wormed his way into my thoughts all the time. The fact that I flat out refused to go anywhere near him didn’t help either.

Not that I thought being around him would be better, but shit, missing him was just as painful as pretending he didn’t exist. I gave the man in front of me a particularly vicious kick to the groin before stabbing him in the neck. It didn’t help.

“Second one’s lit!” Merrill skipped happily past me and I couldn’t help but grin.

“I take it it’s safe to frolic, then? No trees to insult.” I called after her and her cheerful laughter echoed back to me.

Hawke bumped into me and I leaned against him as we walked. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

I shook my head. “You didn’t. And hey, thanks, Nevarr. You and Anders have been the best.”

He laced our fingers together and brought my knuckles to his mouth, pressing a soft kiss against the skin. “I’ll still beat him to a pulp, if you want.”

I chuckled. “No. Really, it is what it is. Either he’ll get his head out of his ass or he won’t.”

“Anything you need, Pip. I mean it.”

I smiled. “Right now, just knowing I’m not alone and that neither of you think less of me for being so damned broken is enough.”

“Wouldn’t have you any other way. That reminds me, mother wants to have an engagement party. I told her I’d speak with you.”

I grumbled. “Is that really necessary? I seriously do not like large crowds, fake smiles, or pompous attire.”

“It isn’t necessary, but Mother would be thrilled to give us one.”

Oh my god, he was using Leandra-guilt against me. I gave him a look that said I knew full well what he was doing. “Fine. But I get to pick my own dress.”

He swung me around and I smacked his shoulder. The man was ridiculous sometimes.

“I can’t wait to tell her. She’ll be so excited.”

“Speaking of telling people things, did Anders tell you about Alrik yet?”

Hawke’s smile faded in an instant. “He did. I can’t believe the Chantry would support that kind of insanity. I mean, for the evil I’ve seen the Templars do to mages, not all of them are cruel bastards. Most of them aren’t. Surely there must be those who would stop something like this Tranquil Solution.”

“All Templars aren’t bad, Hawke. Just like not all mages automatically turn to blood magic. The shitty thing is, especially in Kirkwall, it seems the malevolent outweigh the good.”

“You’ll come with us.”

“Of course. Varric too. I think besides you and I, he’s the mage’s closest friend and Anders should have people at his back that care.”

“Speaking of Varric, Maker, I wish you’d have given us a bit more detail about what to expect when we found Bartrand.”

I gave him a regretful smile. “Did you miss the whole ‘he’s been feeding his servants to each other and forcing them to eat raw lyrium’ part?”

He lifted a brow, unamused. “That place was a fucking house of horrors. And even though Anders tried, there’s almost nothing left of the bastard.”

“He couldn’t tell you why his idol wants me dead, then?”

Nevarr shook his head. “Just kept rambling about how ‘it wasn’t his fault’ and he shouldn’t have sold it to ‘that woman’ and ‘unnatural things meddling, warping threads’.”

“The last part is new, but the rest not so much. Varric get him squared away in a sanitarium?”

Hawke nodded. “I might have still wanted him dead, but Varric was right. Whatever that idol did to him is worse than death.”

I kind of agreed. “If Bethany hadn’t survived, I don’t think I could have let him live, but I can sort of understand it now. Still, it’s good I wasn’t there, I probably would have stabbed him in the eye on principal, fuck mercy.”

Nevarr bumped my shoulder. “You’re a bloodthirsty thing, you know that.”

I shrugged. “There are times since coming here that I feel like I’m losing my edge.” 

“Oh, I don’t know, the way you crushed that raiders balls before you ripped out his throat… I think you’re fine.”

I snorted. “Come on, one more to go. Followed by a bit of awkward and then a happy Aveline.”

As we cleared the sandy curve in the path, I heard Merrill yell out something in Dalish and Hawke and I both gave a chuckle as we raced toward the action.

* * *

I stayed almost busy enough over the next month to not think about Fenris. Not quite, of course, because if people were capable of getting over heart break that easy there’d be no poetry written about it, no angst, no drama, and no reason to give a shit. So I suppose what I should say is that while I felt pretty much dead inside, I managed to get a _lot_ of shit done, using the pain and my need to not give in to it as the motivation for action. It’s a more honest statement, but it doesn’t really make me seem all that badass.

The trip to the Harimann estate had apparently gone well, or so Nevarr told me after he returned from discovering the Demon and Lady Harimann the week after we finally got Aveline and Donnic together. Sebastian hadn’t taken it very well, but then again, I didn’t expect he would. For all his cries of piety, Prince Vael was a mortal man and subject to all that entailed. That said Nevarr made a nice mint off the loot from the endeavor, so it was a good day as far as Hawke was concerned.

Dealing with Alrik, however, was another matter entirely. Of course, Nevarr and I had been able to talk Anders down, but the mage was all sorts of fucked up afterward. He hadn’t been back to the manor in almost two weeks and it was tearing Hawke apart. As I made my way downstairs, dawn only just peeking through the high windows, I realized between the two of us, it was a sad sack time at the old Amell estate.

Which was why, after blithely avoiding the Maker-be-damned elf for forty two days, I was about to voluntarily go to his mansion and garner his help to finally free Anders from Justice, and vice versa. I’d spent the last several days on Sundermount with Keeper Marethari, learning the ritual she’d used to send us into the Fade to help Fenyriel. As well as the new section on separating souls and how not to end up a mindless husk. Good stuff.

The pack on my back held the three potions I needed, as well as the incantation itself. I had it memorized, backward and forward, but just in case… I couldn’t afford to fuck this up. I had one chance to do this crazy thing, and no opportunity for a do over.

“Good morning, Mistress.” Orana bobbed her head and I smiled.

“Orana, Piper, call me Piper. Is Lady Amell in the garden?”

“She is.”

“I’ll be out for a while, Orana. Tell Nevarr I said not to worry, I’ve got this.”

She gave me a curious look but nodded. “I will give him your message.”

“Thanks. See you later.” I gave her a little wave and wandered through the kitchen and out to the garden, pausing to grab my necessary cup of java.

Leandra looked toward me as I approached the table, a warm smile curving her mouth. “Good morning, dear.”

“Morning, Leandra. May I join you?”

“Of course.” She motioned for me to take the seat opposite her and I did, tugging the pack off my shoulders and setting it at my feet. “So, Piper, have you any further ideas for the party?”

I took a sip of rich, hot, liquid caffeine and smirked. “Orana and Bodahn are cooking, right?”

“That is what you wanted.” She gave me a patient look. Leandra Hawke had wanted to best chefs in Kirkwall to cater the event, but I’d been rather forceful in my rejection of the idea. I loved the little elf and the elder Feddic’s cooking, but more than that, I trusted them not to fuck with the food.

“And you’re keeping the guest list small, right?”

“Under two hundred.”

I didn’t even bother to hide my cringe. “How did you manage to secure the Viscount’s Gardens, Leandra?”

The woman blushed, a lovely, sweet pink, her eyes sparkling. “I shall never tell, though it didn’t hurt that Dumar owed you and Nevarr a great debt.”

I lifted a shoulder. “It will be beautiful, no doubt.”

“Piper, I know you and my son have an… unconventional relationship, but I want you to know all I care about is Nevarr’s happiness.”

I met her eyes in the early morning light and felt a bit of lump in my throat. “You’re an amazing woman, Leandra Hawke. He’s lucky to have a mother like you.”

“Then I suppose you are as well, aren’t you, my sweet Piper?”

I blinked frantically when she reached across the table to take my hand. “I’d be humbled to think of you as a mother.” The words came thick.

“And I’m delighted to call you daughter.”

We sat together for quite some time after that, discussing details, colors, the guest list. She really was thrilled to be planning the shindig and much like Nevarr, I couldn’t really be all that put out by it since it gave Leandra so much joy.

“I suppose I should be off. I’ve been avoiding this particular journey for too long as it is.”

“Going to see Fenris?”

I shook my head. The woman was uncannily perceptive. I could see where Hawke got it from. “Yes. If I’m not back in the morning, send Nevarr for me.” I joked, but there was a kernel of truth in my jest.

“I will.” 

I retrieved the pack as I stood then moved to Leandra’s side. Bending at the waist, I pressed a quick kiss to her cheek, possessed by the urge to do it. “Bye.”

She pressed her lips against my face, one soft hand cupping my chin. “Try not to get into too much trouble, dear.”

I grinned, my spirit warmed by her affection. “Not too much.”

Her sweet laughter followed me out of the garden, the light notes carrying me from the estate, past the Chantry, and up the stairs to Fenris’ home. Once there, thought, I suddenly felt like I’d swallowed a brick and taken a double dose of Ipecac. My gut churned fit to have me throwing up coffee and I was suitably glad I had opted out on solid food.

I shook out my right hand, trying to use will and the cool morning air to dissipate the clamminess there, before curling the fingers and pounding on the heavy door. I knocked four times, paused, and knocked twice more before dropping my fist down and trying not to shift around nervously while I waited for the elf to answer.

There were birds singing and in the distance I heard the bark of a Mabari. Hitching the bag higher on my back I lifted my arm to bang some more when the door swung open to reveal a half dressed and quite disheveled Fenris.

“What?”

Ooh, a growl and holy shit, he reeked of alcohol. “You smell like a fucking brewery, Elf. How long before you’re sober?”

He lifted one hand to block the light, eyes blinking rapidly. “Piper?”

“The one and only. I need your help, Fenris. But you need to be wholly together or you’re of no use to me.”

“I am not drunk.”

“Anymore. Fair enough. Bathe and get dressed. I’ll wait here.”

“ _Fasta vass_ woman, come in the house!” He snarled and whirled on his heel, stomping into the dark recesses of the mansion.

With a sigh, I followed him in, shutting the door and walking slowly, hoping to the gods bare-chested Fenris would be out of sight by the time I made my way into the receiving room.

“What do you need my help with at this unholy hour?”

And no such luck. The elf sat on the bottom step of the staircase and I struggled not to ogle his bare flesh like a rabid bitch in heat. It didn’t really work. All that skin, the blue-white veins, the bunch and flex of taut muscle, shit I was shaking and struggling to keep my feet as I stumbled to the little table and chairs. _Focus, girl, focus!_

“Anders.”

His lip curled. “What of him?”

I tore my gaze from his form, instead turning it on the small oil painting of griffons in flight that hung on the wall nearby. “Listen, I don’t give a fuck how you feel about him. I don’t care what your opinions are. You and I are the only two that can help him, and we are going to do so. If you need a reason, Elf, then chalk it up to a debt you owe to Nevarr. Hawke loves him and you’re indebted to the man, so you’ll get the fuck dressed and do this because it’s something Nevarr would want.” 

“Fine.” The word was angry, hard as Fenris spat it out, but he got off his ass and headed up the stairs.

“Thank your Maker.”

I heard him moving around the bedroom, then the sound of water running. 

“Piper!” Damn the man’s voice really carried.

“What?” I hollered back and felt like an idiot for doing it.

“Piper!”

“Fuck. I’m coming.” _Oh, don’t I wish_. “Shut up,” I snarled at my inner voice.

Up the stairs I trudged and into his room. The door to the bath was ajar and I eased closer to it, being very careful not to get near enough to see inside. I was grateful that I’d had the ensuite fixed up because I had a feeling the elf wouldn’t have hesitated to traipse through the mansion utterly naked and glistening wet…

Not going there. “What do you need, Elf?”

“How are we going to help the Abomination?”

I gritted my teeth at the moniker. “By doing what we did for Fenyriel.”

“Pardon?”

“We’re going into the Fade with Justice and you’re going to rip the Spirit out of Anders.”

“I am _what_?”

“You’re abilities work in the Fade. I’m going to paralyze him, you’re going to phase your fist into Anders, and pull Justice free. I’ve spent the better part of the last week researching and discussing this with Keeper Marethari. It will work, though I’ll have to show you how to do it first. So hurry up. I want to do this today, not sometime in the next ten years.”

Water splashed and I closed my eyes, imagining Fenris rising from the water, drying himself, pulling on his leggings. My heart started to pound and my breath grew shallow. 

“How are you going to show me?” His voice was startlingly close and I flinched at its nearness.

“Are you dressed?”

“I am decent.” 

I opened my eyes to find the elf clutching a towel at his waist. “Damn it, no you aren’t. Put some fucking clothing on!” 

Something dark, pain and anger maybe, flashed in his green eyes and his features hardened. With narrowed eyes he dropped the towel and strode away from me.

“Fenris.” His name was a groan as I fought not to turn and look, to watch him. “Usted me está metando.”

“What language is that?”

“Spanish, not one you or anyone in Thedas can understand.” _Thank god_ “It’s similar to Antivan and maybe Rivain, I suppose, but not close enough that anyone here will understand it, I don’t imagine.”

“What did you say?”

I laughed. “If I wanted you to know, Fenris, I’d have used a language you understand.”

He harrumphed. I heard the distinct noise of armor buckling then the sound of the massive bed giving beneath weight. “Show me what I must do.”

I opened my eyes to look at him and wished so very much that there wasn’t all this stupid tension, anger and hurt feelings, damaged pride, between us. With a sigh I moved closer to him. “We can do this one of two ways.” I pulled the pack off and set it on the bed to rifle through its contents coming out with a small bluish green vile. “I can send you to sleep and take this to follow you into the Fade. Or you can knock me out and take it yourself.”

“Are you insane?”

“Very likely. Look, I know you hate magic, I get it. For all I know, Danarius used sleep spells to make you pliable for torture or something. I don’t want to trigger a fucking crazed Fenris in the Fade that’s too pissed to listen to me because I put you under a spell. So, if you can’t tolerate the idea, knock me the hell out and take the potion. I can heal whatever you do once we get back.”

“I am not going to hit you.”

“Of course, I might be able to defend against that.” Damn it, I shook my head at my sharp tongue. “Sorry. Fine.” I lifted my hand, palm close to his forehead and said the word to take him into the realm of dreams, tried to ignore the flare of anguish in those beautiful eyes a moment before he slumped backward. 

I grabbed for him as he started to slide from the bed, maneuvering him more fully onto it and shoving him toward the pillows so I could climb up beside him without our bodies touching. This whole thing was hard enough without waking up plastered next to the elf when we got back. As I shifted him, my hair tie at his wrist caught the light and I had to take a couple of moments to collect myself at the sharp stab of pain seeing it caused.

Uncorking the vial, I tossed back the contents and lay down, trying to remember everything Marethari had explained as my eyes drifted closed. Being the guinea pig for this lesson wasn’t one of my brightest plans, but the Keeper assured me if Fenris was as smart as I thought, it would be fine. Right, because letting the man who already had part of me, fondle the very essence of ‘Piper’ in his hand was totally ‘fine’.

Reality shifted and I found myself standing in Fenris’ garden. At least he’d picked a decent venue. “Fenris?”

“I am here.” 

I looked around, but couldn’t see him. “Keep talking so I can find you.”

“I am beneath the tree, Piper.”

Easy enough, then, I made my way to him. “Stand up and let’s do this.”

“I do not even know what _this_ is.” He stood and frowned at me.

“Phase and take off your gauntlet, then give me your hand.”

He grumbled but did as I asked. I tugged on his wrist bringing him close. I took a deep breath, inhaled and exhaled, steadying my nerves. “You’re going to put your arm inside me, but instead of looking for my heart, you’re going to feel around for my soul. It won’t be far from the organ, and Marethari said you should be able to tell the difference.”

“Piper-“

“Just do it, Fenris!”

I felt the faint vibration in his skin as he pressed against my chest and squeezed my eyes shut against the heat of him as he penetrated my body. Much like the last time, it didn’t exactly hurt, but there was a lot of pressure. My heart pounded a panicked rhythm and I tried to calm down.

“Piper.” His voice, Jesus H Christ, concerned, worried, so damn seductive. I hated him then, really hated him.

“Feel for it, Fenris. Hold it, learn the texture. Anders will be different, of course, but similar enough you should recognize the sensation. All you’ll have to do is latch on to the thing that _isn’t_ him. Then very carefully, you will pull not Anders from Anders.”

When he touched my spirit, I gasped. There weren’t words to describe the impressions, the emotions, which erupted from my core, firing at light speed through my brain. Touching the face of a god, being in the heart of a newborn star, watching a sun die, those things must feel like I did when Fenris’ fingers caressed my soul. I could hear the lyrium in him and it was definitely angelic choirs. Nevertheless, I shuddered because my awareness was a pain that wasn’t pain, having his ephemeral flesh in contact with my ethereal self.

“This… is you.” His voice cracked and I wanted to look at his face, but I couldn’t open my eyes against the riotous clanging and surging going on inside.

“Yes.”

And then his fingers were gone and I staggered back from him, both hands pressed to my chest. It took me several minutes to collect myself and once I had, I found I couldn’t look at him. I didn’t know what it was like for Fenris, but it was so far beyond any intimacy I could fathom I wanted to pretend it never happened. I silently cursed Marethari.

She’d said there would be a price, there was always a price for magic like this, but as I stood straighter, as I felt the pulse of love and agony, the pull of Fenris, I really wanted to smack the wise woman in the mouth. There was zero chance I would ever be able to move on from the elf, not now, not when I could feel myself bound more tightly to him than ever. With a growl of my own, I spun around and stalked back toward the mansion. 

“Come on. We need to get to the clinic before he starts treating patients.” Using the door as a trigger to break the influence of the potion, I pushed it open and woke up with a start, shooting to a sitting position and jumping off the bed in one motion.

I took a few seconds in the real world to settle myself before I lifted the spell on Fenris. He sat up groggily, rubbing at his face, but I noticed he avoided looking at me as I collected the bag and turned from the room. I felt him behind me as we left his home and headed toward Darktown.

I put my hand out as we approached the unlit lanterns. “I don’t know how smoothly separating them will go, so be prepared for a struggle. And please, Fenris, be fucking careful.”

“I understand what is at stake, Piper.” 

I cut him a scathing glance. “Great. Understanding isn’t the same as doing. You understand the Circle is fucked up, but you don’t think doing anything about it is a good idea. So I’ll thank you to _do_ what I’ve said.”

He turned his face from me and I curled my lip before taking hold of the door closest and giving it a tug. It was locked, but that was easily remedied and soon enough, we were in the clinic.

“Piper, Fenris. What brings you two to Darktown this early?” Anders was at a small table mixing potions, the sly grin on his face saying he knew who picked his lock.

“You, Anders. I have something I think you’ll want to see.” I set the bag on a cot and opened the flap, waiting until curiosity drew my mage from his work and to my side.

“What is it?”

I hit him with the sleep spell before he realized what I was about to do. Thankfully, my reflexes were superhuman and I was able to sweep him into my arms before he hit the floor. “Move, so I can lay him down.”

Fenris stepped aside and I settled Anders on cot not far from where we stood. 

“How long will that keep him under?”

“Not long. Anders is a powerful spirit healer and mage, which is why we have to hurry. Tilt his head back for me.”

I ran to the pack and pulled out everything I needed, tossing an amber vial to the elf even as I uncorked an identical tube and moved over the Warden. I opened his mouth and slowly poured the contents down his throat, making sure he swallowed every drop. It took a few seconds, but there was a faint _pop_ , a shiver of the Veil as Marethari explained it, which signaled Justice/Anders was in the Beyond.

“Drink it and get comfortable.” Fenris did as I asked and sat on the floor, back resting against the cot Anders occupied. 

I opened my own tube and chugged the bittersweet contents while I built magic. When the vial was empty, I tossed it aside and sat as well, holding up my hands as the ritual words began to flow from my lips. Power grew, a breeze made of energy stirring my hair as the spell came to life, throwing me into the Fade with an almost painful shove.

“What have you done?”

“What I had to, Justice.” I looked around but didn’t recognize the construct I’d been dumped into.

“You are interfering! We will leave this place.”

“Fenris!”

The elf appeared out of thin air, brands lit, and took hold of the Fade Spirit. The lyrium in his body seemed to stun Justice, as I expected, and Anders’ body staggered to a stop. I laid a Glyph of Paralysis to the right of them. “Push him into it, but don’t touch him again until the trap takes.”

Fenris nodded to me and gave Justice a small shove. Thank god, it worked. I approached the temporarily immobilized spirit, taking his hands in mine. He couldn’t move, but I felt the waves of rage pouring off him. With a nod to the elf, I began to speak, to hold his attention while Fenris moved behind him.

“Justice, you almost killed that innocent girl and Anders has been paying for your inability to see shades of grey with guilt that’s killing him. This has to stop.”

“She thought me a demon!”

“I know the virtue you embody is not a kind one. It’s black and white, right and wrong, but in the mortal realm, Justice, nothing is that cut and dried. You do not belong there and I can’t allow you to continue eroding Anders away. It’s time for you to come home. Fenris.”

Anders body jerked at the intrusion of the elf’s body. “No, he cannot!”

“Don’t stop, Fenris.” I recast the glyph, stepping inside the spell to place my hands on either side of Anders face and began the hardest part of the ritual. I fed force and healing magic into the body in front of me, swirling it around Fenris’ arm, pushing it in to aid him as the elf tore the two spirits apart.

Marethari explained Anders and Justice were tightly bound and I’d have to do this if I had any hope of success. Anders mouth opened and he began to scream, inhuman shrieks that tore at me like poisoned claws. I tried to fight back the tears and pain as every horrific wrench of Fenris’ hand echoed from the Warden and into me. This was the price I knew I had to pay, to share this agony by using a healer’s energy to share the burden of separation with Anders. 

“Piper?”

“Don’t hesitate, Elf. Finish it!” Anders/Justice began to shake in my hold and I gripped him more tightly, pushed the magic harder between the widening gap of their spirits and tried to block out the torturous wails spilling from a man I loved.

There was a sickening, wet sound and suddenly everything was silent. Anders collapsed against me and my knees buckled under his unexpected weight. Scrambling for a pulse, I found it, thready and weak.

“You have killed him.” 

I looked up into the face of Justice and shook my head. “Not yet.” Opening my mouth, I used the last of the incantation, watching as Anders body shimmered to nothingness in my lap before looking at Fenris, whose own face shone with sweat, his body shaking from the effort it took to maintain his hold on the spirit.

“Fenris, let him go.”

The elf pulled free and stumbled away, putting distance between them. He looked at me, unsure what to do and I gave him a sad smirk. “Sorry about this.” Then I loosed a bolt of electricity, ‘killing’ him to send him back to Kirkwall. I hadn’t been particularly thrilled with that part of the whole thing either, but Marethari assured me my companion would wake unharmed, just as we had when we’d gone into Fenyriel’s dreams.

I could only hope the blighted elf would awaken and start feeding the rejuvenation and healing potions I had in the bag to Anders. Slowly, I retook my feet and faced Justice alone.

“Our mission is not done. There is no justice for the mages of Thedas.”

“I know and I mean to change that. But don’t you see? You don’t belong there. You were hurting as much as you were helping. I understand that you _don’t_ agree, but this is how it must be.”

“I am no demon!”

“Justice, you aren’t benevolent either. And you probably never were; it’s the nature of your virtue. What you did for Anders, saving him from that fucking Templar Warden and his ilk, _was_ a good thing. But what you wanted to do to the Grand Cleric? To all the innocent people who would have been in the Chantry? That is not just, it is not righteous.”

“How will you free the mages, then? There can be no compromise!”

I sighed and rubbed my fingers against my eyes. “I don’t know. Maybe you’re right; maybe there can’t be a compromise. Truthfully, I believe Meredith will start the war herself, crazed by that idol and seeing maleficar in every corner and shadow. But at least now, Anders won’t be forced to do something that goes against everything he is, everything he believes in.”

“He has killed.”

“Yes and he will again, but only as a result of action against him, not with cold blooded intent.”

The spirit was silent for a long time. Then he gave me a small nod. “I believe I understand.”

“My time is up. I can feel the pull of the other side. For what it’s worth, I hope you’ll be alright, that there won’t be any lasting effects.”

“I can feel the pulse of vengeance in me, even now. But I have learned much in my time among mortals and so even that I cannot regret.”

The Fade shimmered and dissolved, Justice’s words ringing in my ears as I came to. “Anders?” My voice croaked and I swallowed trying to work some moisture back into my mouth.

“He is unconscious but stable.”

I collapsed onto the floor. “Thank god. I’m just going to sleep for a bit, Fenris.”

“I will keep watch over you both.” There was something funny in his tone, but I was too wiped to try and figure it out.

“Thanks.”


	29. Chapter 29

“I should throttle you! Idiot woman, wake up!” Long, strong arms wrapped around me, pulling my upper body from whatever I was laying on and into a hard, almost painful embrace.

“Anders? Dude, ease off. I’m fine.”

His fingers tangled in my hair and he tugged my head back so he could look at me. “I don’t know whether to kiss you or kill you.”

I smirked. “You’d miss me too much if you killed me.”

“Why did you do that?”

I looked into those dark-honey eyes and shifted until I could caress the scruff on his cheek. “I had to, Anders. If there was a way to separate you two, I had to at least try. You’ve been hiding from Hawke, from me, ever since we went after Alrik, letting yourself waste away under the weight of your guilt. It’s tearing Nevarr apart. Me too.”

Anders closed his eyes and pressed our faces close. “I know what you did, Piper. The price you paid. I can’t ever repay it.”

I slid my hand into his hair and gave him a sharp tug. “Hey, it was my choice. I feel a bit savaged and not in a good way, but I’ll mend. Marethari said it would take time, but we’ll both heal and we shouldn’t have any lasting effects. Well, except for an extra sensitivity to disruptions in the Veil and possibly being stoned around Fade lyrium. The Keeper was pretty sure about the first, not so much the latter.”

“What?”

I sighed. “Yeah, something about feeling a bad ache around rifts and suffering the lyrium, what was it she called it? Oh, lyrium rapture that Fade Spirits feel. Not as bad, I mean we won’t be drooling idiots, but we’ll feel something, or we might. I don’t know, and honestly, I do not care. If I get pains in my chest and fall into a swoon every time I’m too near the elf, it’s worth it for you to be free.”

“I don’t think you need any help with the last one. But you can't blame it on his lyrium, it's not from the Fade.” I felt him smile against my forehead and I huffed.

“Whatever. Speak of the devil, where is Fenris?”

“Said he needed to run an errand but he’d be back in a bit. I can’t believe he agreed to help.”

I pushed against Anders and he released me. Sitting up next to him, I did a few stretches and rubbed my belly. I was starving. “He didn’t. I told him he was going to do it and if he needed a reason beyond it was the right thing, then he could chalk it up to owing Hawke for, well, for just about everything really.”

Anders laughed and stood, rolling out his own kinks. “Why am I not surprised? Can’t get cooperation, head straight to blackmail.”

“If that doesn’t work, there’s always physical force, though with Fenris, I doubt either of us would come out the other side undamaged.” I laughed at myself. “Ha! Seems like I got that anyway.”

“Got what?”

“Damaged. Well not damaged, just, I’m not sure what to call it.”

“What are you talking about, Piper?”

I looked up at Anders and realized I’d been talking more aloud than to myself. “Nothing, Anders. It’s not a big deal.”

“Piper.”

I rolled my eyes. “I had to show Fenris what he was looking for.”

“How did you do that?”

“By shoving his arm into my chest and telling him to root around for my soul.”

“Maker, Piper, you… I… what in the Void were you thinking?”

“That if Fenris fondling my spirit was what it took to make sure he didn’t tear the wrong essence from your body then that’s what I’d do. Like I said, I’m not hurt, I’m just-“

“Irrevocably tied to that bastard for the rest of eternity.”

“Huh? No, it’s not like he took my soul out and looked at it or anything.”

“He touched it, in his phased form, his spirit form. There’s a mark now, a connection of the Fade between the two of you. I guarantee it.”

“Uh, okay. I don’t remember seeing anything. I mean, well I felt like he’d snagged a piece of it, I suppose. I’ll admit, I did think I was more closely, hmm, attached to him afterward. But I figured it was one sided, no worries.”

“Damn it. Think of it like a cord. It might have started from you, but he’s stuck too. Over time, it’ll strengthen; expand until the two of you are as closely tied as I was to Justice.”

“Bullshit.”

“If only. There’s a reason why no one but the Imperium has ever tried to separate a spirit from its host without killing the vessel.”

“That’s not true. The Warden Commander, well Wynne, dispossessed Connor Guerrin in pretty much the same way we did Fenyriel. She wasn’t bound to the Arl’s boy after the fact.”

“How do you _know_ that?”

I actually raised my brows. “Actually, I was talking about how I played it out, I don’t know what the canon is for the story.”

“Piper!”

“Sorry, it’s how I played the game. I guess I lucked out and that’s what actually happened here as well. It’s beside the point, Anders, why would I be whatever I am to Fenris?”

“Because when Wynne destroyed the demon possessing Connor she didn’t feel up his immortal essence.”

“Ah, well, it is what it is. Don’t imagine the elf is going to like this turn. Well, fuck.” I pitched myself onto my back and flung an arm over my eyes. “Will it really be like you and Justice?”

The cot dipped as he retook his seat. “No. I mean, he won’t be able to take over your body or anything like that. Honestly, I’m not all that well versed in this kind of thing. I was a bit melodramatic there. If I remember some of my more obscure readings, it’ll be like you can sense each other, like he’s a constant presence in you and you in him.”

“Will we be able to like talk to each other psychically?”

“Psychically?”

I dropped my arm enough to look over it at Anders. How did he not know that word? I mulled it over and wasn’t sure I had a good explanation. “You know, like telepathically. Mind to mind?”

“What? No! He’s not a blood mage and neither are you. You won’t be thralls!”

“Jesus, chill. Sorry, I guess I thought… It doesn’t matter. No psychics in Thedas, got it.”

“You’ll be able to feel him, know where he is, know if he’s hurt or in pain, things like that.”

“Okay, so kind of helpful but also not. So eventually we’ll feel all each other’s feelings or whatever?”

Anders sighed, heavily. “No, it’s not like that. Fuck, I’ll have to see if I can find some material on spirit tethers. When I say feel, I mean like a weight or pressure, inside of you. If he’s hurt, distressed, terrified, has strong emotional reactions, you’ll know. And you’ll be able to find him, no matter where he is or how far away. And vice versa.”

“I get it. So maybe not a great thing, considering, but nothing that’s going to take over my life or something like that. I can live with it.”

“What if he can’t?”

“Then he runs away again and hopefully distance will make it easier to bear. I don’t know. You just said it can’t be undone, though I wager it can, it’d just be horrifically traumatic.”

“Yes, it would. For both of you.”

“Well, I guess if he’s that bent over it, once I have the strength to tell him, I’ll let him decide.”

“The sooner the better. The longer the tether is in place, the worse it will be to reverse. If we could even find a proper version of the spell or ritual in the first place.”

“Fuck. Fine. I’ll tell him when he gets back. Now, can we please stop talking about Fenris and discuss you and your god damn notions of how to fix the Circle.”

“What do you mean?”

I sat up and glared. “Anders, really? Blasting the Chantry sky high is not a solution.”

He actually looked like he’d be sick. “You know.”

“Oh yes. I’m like a fucking Oracle. I always wondered when you got the idea, and by your reaction, I gather you and Justice discovered the recipe for black powder a while ago. You just didn’t get the guts, or rather Justice/Vengeance didn’t have enough control, until a few years from now to go through with the plan.”

“I’ve had it since Amaranthine.”

I nodded. “Makes sense. Did you steal it from Dworkin or just get him drunk enough to copy it from his notes?”

“He never could hold his Orlesian brandy.” The mage smirked, a fond memory playing in his head no doubt.

“Doesn’t really matter. We will find a way, Anders, but not by taking innocent lives. You get me?”

His smile disappeared and he made a ragged sound. “Yes. Piper, fuck, there really isn’t anything I can do to express how thankful I am you did such a stupid thing.”

“Well maybe not with Fenris sure to return any minute, but maybe later?”

He whipped his gaze to mine and I gave him a totally licentious stare, which wiped away all anxiety as he started to laugh. “You are so bad.”

“You know it.”

“Good, you’re awake.” Fenris walked through the door, a large basket in his hand.

“What’s that?” I motioned to his burden.

“Dinner. I was not certain how long you would be unconscious, but I assumed we all needed to eat.”

“Thank you, Fenris. That was very thoughtful.” Anders took the basket and set it on the table, opening the top to peek inside.

“You are welcome, Abom- Anders.” 

I lifted a brow at the elf’s correction but didn’t say anything, about that, at least. “Fenris, there’s something I should tell you. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t –“

“I already know you are tied to me. I am not an idiot.”

Well, that shut me right up. I must have looked ridiculous, my eyes open as wide as they could get and my mouth puckered in shocked moue.

“When I held your essence, I saw the strands stretch from you into me.”

“But not with Justice, right?” Anders turned to face the elf.

Fenris glanced at the man. “No. I don’t know much about possession, but I gather the only way to bind a Fade dweller is through that process alone.”

Anders nodded. “Demons and spirits have to have a willing host, a form to house them in their entirety. Because they aren’t mortal and the essences are too different.”

“But what about you? Didn’t you at least brush by Anders soul?”

“I did, but your spell and your magic must have prevented any transference.”

“I could study it, give you a clearer-“

“No. No thanks. I’ll take the vague, really, because right now – This is just a little too much for me, I think. Yeah, so, I’ll just head out and try to pretend this fantastically surreal conversation hasn’t happened at all. Right, see you later.” 

I was off the cot and at the door before either man could react. My head was spinning. First, that Fenris had ‘seen’ whatever he’d seen and failed to mention it. Second that he and Anders weren’t ripping each other’s heads off during a discussion of _magic_ , but most strange of all was that the elf didn’t seem the least perturbed by this new chain he had to deal with. Totally bizarre.

“Woman, where are you going?”

It really grated on me when he called me that. “Nunya, elf.” I smirked at myself.

“Where the Void is ‘nunya’?” Anders sounded so confused I had to bite back a chuckle as I walked through the clinic door.

“Nunya business!” I yelled back as I made my way down the stairs, then up, then down again, and up until I arrived on the Lowtown streets. I didn’t wander far though, just enough to pull open the doors of the Hanged Man and seek out my favorite dwarf.

“Oleander! Bit early aren’t you? Game’s not on until tenth bell.”

“Varric, if I’m lucky, I’m early enough to be shit faced by the time everyone else arrives.”

The dwarf lifted a brow. “Bad day?”

“Oh, I don’t know. I spent the early morning with Leandra, discussing the party. Then I went to Fenris’ and blackmailed him into helping me separate Anders and Justice. That went well, by the way, Anders is all Anders once more. Hmm, oh, yeah, and I managed to tether myself to the elf, for eternity according to our Warden friend. And guess what? Fenris knew and didn’t seem the least bit upset. So, I don’t know, storyteller, you tell me. Bad day?”

I dropped into the chair closest to him and dropped my head onto my arms on the table.

“Norah! Better bring some alcohol. A lot of it. And strong!”

“Aye, Varric!” The barmaid’s voice came from a distance.

“To answer your question, I’d call it a helluva day and leave the interpretation of good or not to someone else.”

I snorted. “Yeah.”

“So I’ll avoid the question I want to ask most and instead say Anders?”

“I’ve been at Sundermount this week, leaning the ritual to enter the Fade from Marethari. It worked out pretty well, for all intents and purposes. Justice is where he belongs, my soul and Anders’ are only a little frayed around the edges, but they’ll heal. All in all, I can’t complain. That’s the second, well maybe third, big thing I’ve been able to change. I’m pleased.”

I heard the sound of feet and lifted my head, shooting Norah a big smile as she set a heavy tumbler and a bottle of finely aged Antivan port to my right, between the dwarf and I. “You must be an angel!”

She chuckled as she set a big bowl of stew and a hot loaf of bread in front of me. “’Ere, you look like you could use to eat.”

“I am starving! Thanks, Norah.” I dug in as Varric accepted his own tumbler.

“Put it on my tab.”

We didn’t talk much while I filled my belly. The way Varric would just sit and wait, not pushing, utterly patient, was one of the things I liked best about him. Still, once the food was gone, the dishes cleared, and I was on my fourth glass of port I heaved a sigh and swung my head to look at him. “Alright, ask.”

“Tethered to the elf?”

“In order to separate Justice and Anders, I had to pull their spirits apart. Or rather, I needed Fenris to go glowy and do it. But he wouldn’t know a soul from a heart, so I had to show him the difference, by using myself as the practice dummy. Apparently, that’s not usually a good idea, to let one mortal spirit handle another. It causes some kind of bond, I guess.”

“I see.”

“Yeah, I can hear the gears whirring in your head. But don’t go getting all romantic, it’s not like that. In fact, it isn’t like much of anything right now. Anders says it will get stronger but he’s no expert on this. Said so himself. We’ll just have to wait and see. Unless Fenris wants it undone, in which case, I might have to take a vacation to Ferelden, enjoy some time in the cold and mud while the ravaged bits of my soul heal.”

“Ravaged bits of your soul?”

“I know, so melodramatic. Pretty much, though, I mean, my innards still hurt something fierce from tearing apart Anders and Justice. That was the cost; I had to suffer with him. Worth it, though.” I finished my fourth glass and poured a fifth, taking a nice big slurp, letting the warmth of the alcohol seep through me.

“Between you and Hawke, I can barely keep up with the stories.”

I laughed. “Ah, Varric, you’re a fucking gem, man. A real diamond in the rough, you know that?”

He snorted and raised his glass. “To you, Oleander, may you always provide me with such wonderful fodder.”

I shook my head. “Here, here.”

* * *

By the time the rest of the gang arrived, I was thoroughly hosed. Alright, maybe not thoroughly, but I had a magnificent buzz and felt no pain what so ever. Aveline came in minus her armor for once and leaned close to tell me Anders and Nevarr were at the estate.

“Smoothing things out?”

She grinned even as a blush warmed her cheeks. “I didn’t ask, Piper, but I’d say it’s a fair guess.”

“What is?”

“Guardsman Donnic! Wow, I didn’t think you’d come to one of these.” I grinned broadly at the man and extended my hand.

He took it in a firm, warm grip and gave me a couple good shakes. “Messere Piper, it’s good to see you again.”

I released him and looked at Varric. “Nevarr and Anders won’t be in this evening. Who are we waiting on?”

“Choir Boy and Daisy and of course Rivaini, and I think that covers it.”

“Not quite.”

I slowly turned my head. “Man, come on! One night, just one Fenris.”

He lifted a brow and opened his mouth. “You have had forty-two.”

I don’t know who was more shocked, me or everyone else. _He’s been fucking counting?_ I had to have been gaping, because he smirked and his lips parted.

I snapped ramrod straight and narrowed my eyes. “Do not. If you value your hide, do not say what I know was about to come out of your lips.” And just like that, my buzz and good mood were gone. The fucker did not get to make asides about fucking me and walking out.

At least he looked chagrined as he settled across from me at the table. I pulled my gaze from his and slumped in my chair, pouring another drink and slamming it back, hoping against hope to regain at least some of my good humor. By the time Isabela, Sebastian, and Merrill arrived, I was once more nicely mellow, tucking the pirate queen close when she slipped onto my lap.

“Damn, your tits are amazingly firm, Bela.” I pressed my cheek to the full curve above her ribs and listened to her throaty laugh through her skin. And totally ignored Fenris’ unhappy rumbling.

“My, my, someone is feeling quite relaxed.” She stroked her fingers through my hair and I swear I almost purred.

“It’s been a long fucking day, Rivaini.”

“How long?”

I snorted and nipped the side of her breast. “Not that kind of long, bitch.” I glanced down at my cards and frowned. “Shit, this hand is tripe. I fold.” Tossing the cards toward Varric, I lifted my glass and finished off the port.

With a pat on the warm thighs spread over one of mine I urged Bela up. “I think that’s all for me. I’m beat.”

There was a round of grousing, especially since I was leaving before even Aveline, but I smiled and waved them off. “Seriously, I’ve been up since before dawn. I promise, I’ll be here night after for Diamondback.”

“You better be. I need at least a chance to win back those sovereigns I lost last time.”

I tipped my head to the prince. “You can try, Bastian.”

“Bastian?”

I smiled at the pink on his cheeks. “If you’d rather I call you Choir Boy?”

“No, no. It’s just… No one’s called me that in a very long time.”

I pressed a palm to Aveline’s shoulder in goodbye. “I won’t shorten your name if it bothers you, Vael.”

“I like it… Pip.”

I grinned. “There you go, Bastian, you’re getting the hang of it. Night, Merrill. If you’ll be home tomorrow, I’ll stop by.”

“That would be so nice.”

“How about we do some shopping? I have coin and it won’t spend itself.”

“I don’t know,” the small Dalish woman fidgeted. So damn endearing. For a blood mage.

“I insist. You can help pick out decorations for the party.”

She brightened immediately. “Yes!”

Slipping past Donnic, with a final wave, I made my way out of the tavern. Lowtown was so quiet in comparison I had to pause for a few minutes to let my ears adjust. I didn’t get far before I _sensed_ him.

“Fuck me,” I whispered under my breath and stopped walking, waiting for him to catch up. When he paused to my right, I pinched the spot between my eyes and shook my head. “Fenris.”

“You have been avoiding me.”

I started walking again before I responded. “No shit.”

“Piper-“

“Look, I’m not exactly sure what you want here, Elf. And if you think you’re bad with intimacy, boy, you have nothing on me. So if you’re expecting me to help you out, it ain’t gonna happen.”

“I haven’t even seen you in more than forty days.” His voice was soft, pulling at me, digging under my skin.

“Better than three plus years.”

“Excuse me?”

“Is there one?”

“Damn it, woman.”

“Stop calling me that. Fuck, it irritates the shit out of me!” I stopped and turned on heel to face him. “Fenris, I can’t deal with you, alright. I’m avoiding you because being anywhere near you is physically fucking painful. You left, you walked out with some bullshit about forgiving you. Truth is I was the idiot. I knew what would happen and I,” I had to stop myself before my tendency for ‘brutal honesty’ caused me even more problems.

“I am sorry.”

I shut my eyes and tried to pretend he hadn’t said that. It didn’t work. “I don’t want your apology, elf.”

“Then what do you want?” Frustration and confusion colored his tone.

“You, Fenris. You with a side of Hawke and Anders, as long as you wanted it too, but really, just you.” I opened my eyes and looked at him, watched him absorb my words. “But you can’t even deal with me, so more than that certainly isn’t an option. Still, you asked and there it is. But I’m not waiting three years, Fenris. No, no fucking way. Either you get your shit together or forget it. I’ve been through enough bullshit, I refuse to pine over a man who’s too fucking afraid to reach out with both hands and fight for what he wants, a man who refuses to grab onto the future and instead is stuck in the past.”

The muscle in his jaw ticked. I sighed and began walking again. He was welcome to follow and brood, but I was done talking. With pained breaths, I steadily made my way to Hightown, trying to ignore his presence behind me, all the way home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's taken so long to update. School's back in session and I have been ridiculously busy. I can't guarantee regularity, but I will do my best to update more often, especially since this story is finished. Thanks so much for your continued support and kudos! It means the world to me :D


	30. Chapter 30

The day of my ‘engagement’ party dawned warm and bright. Thank god, otherwise I think Leandra would have sought out maleficars to change the weather to suit her needs. When Mama Hawke set her mind to something, it was best not to get in the way, Maker or demon or even the Divine herself. I dressed in armor and strapped on blades, promising I would return to the estate in plenty of time to be ‘properly adorned’ by who-knows-how-many assistants Leandra had hired to make sure all of us – including Anders – were looking beyond perfect.

I laughed to myself as I made my way toward the Alienage. Over the last two months, Hawke and Co. had whittled down all the quests, sojourns, and endeavors I could remember – and some I didn’t – until the only major event yet to come to pass was the Qunari uprising. There had been a couple of attacks, nasty traps set by the fervent outside the compound at the docks, but between Hawke and me, we’d managed to keep a lid on things. How much longer that would hold was anyone’s guess though.

My thoughts drifted to the evening to come and I felt a bit melancholy. We were missing a few people from the family. I’d given Isabela her ship a little over a month past and she’d wasted no time hiring a crew and setting sail. She promised to return, but it would be a while before I had her witty banter and naughty sense of humor to enjoy. Merrill had gone with her, to everyone’s surprise but mine, which was why I was on my way to the Alienage. 

Merrill didn’t have much, but the Alienage wasn’t the safest spot in Kirkwall. I’d agreed to keep an eye on her place, reinforce her wards and so on, while she adventured on the high seas with Rivaini. Besides my promise, I really didn’t want to be stuck at the estate all day. I was nervous enough about the coming soiree; it wasn’t a good idea to stew about it for the next twelve hours. Better to find something to occupy my time.

A quick check of the apartment showed everything as it should have been and with a sigh and a wave to Arianni, I wandered into Lowtown proper. I forced myself to keep walking past the Hanged Man else I fell to the temptation to be soused when I arrived at the party. I browsed the shops, wandered through Darktown, even visited the Gallows and tried not to stab a few Templars just for fun, but eventually I found myself outside the Qunari compound.

I knew myself well enough to recognize if I was there then there was a reason. With a little shrug, I made my way to the gate and pushed inside, inclining my head at the large-bodied males milling about as I approached the Arishok.

“ _Panahedan_ Piper. Why are you here?”

I took the steps upward, watched him lift a hand to stay his men, before settling my butt on the top step and leaning back against the stone wall. “Honestly, I’m not sure Arishok.”

“If you are coming to check on progress, I have already notified your idiot of a Viscount we will be ready to leave within the month.”

I gave him a cross look. “Arishok, I don’t give two shits how long you stay and I don’t run errands for Dumar. That’d be Hawke.”

“It was not Hawke that unbound my men in that filthy whole. It was not Hawke that brought their swords. It is not Hawke who attempts to protect the Viscount’s son from those who would use him to further their cause. It was not Hawke that returned the Tome of Koslun.”

“That’s not completely true, well except for the last thing. He doesn’t even know I did that at all. Hawke told you about Aarvarad, he didn’t hide the abduction of your men, he didn’t hide the abuse of their bodies either.”

“You speak the truth. It is a surprise, in this cesspool, to find two worthy beings.”

I closed my eyes and tipped my head back. Great, I didn’t want to be _basaslit-an_ , had no idea what that might fuck up, but in the moment, I couldn’t be bothered to worry over his words. “I know the Qun doesn’t allow marriage or partnership, and you rarely celebrate or engage in revelry, but is there ever a time when you are expected to parade yourself amongst your peers and pretend interest simply because it’s demanded of you?”

“No.”

“I didn’t think so.”

“ _Maraas imekari_. What bothers you, woman?”

“A child bleating without meaning? Yeah, I suppose I am. There’s something I agreed to do, I gave my word, but it’s a thing I dislike intensely. Never mind. Look, I’m here, and here everyone has a purpose, a use. I need to be useful for a while. I need something else to focus on. I’m sure it isn’t done, but I don’t suppose you might have a suggestion, Arishok?”

He considered me for several long minutes before nodding. “I will make an exception. You will spar with my men. Teach them how to fight one such as you. This will release your frustration and benefit the Qun.”

“I’m not killing anyone.”

“Agreed. _Qunari, teth a!_ ” I watched men pour into the small open area between the Arishok’s seat and the gate below.

I rose and went to them, directing them backwards in a pattern that gave me and my partners plenty of room to maneuver without stacking the big bodies so deep those in the back would be unable to see.

“Do you spar with blunted weapons?”

“No.”

I shook my head. “Figures. Whenever you’re ready, Arishok. No more than two at a time, otherwise it’ll be difficult for me to correct them while we spar.”

Arishok relayed my order then nodded to the men. “ _Vinek kathas_.”

I didn’t pull my blades, merely watched two men step forward, staffs in hand, and approach. They came as one, so I dealt with them in kind, using my forearm to deflect the thrust of the first to striker, whirling toward him, slamming my elbow into his belly at the same time I kicked out at the second’s knee, dropping him to the ground. 

I danced behind the first who still had his feet but was bent double, and leapt at the downed Qunari, curling my hand into a fist. My punch connected with his jaw loudly, though I pulled the punch enough not to break his jaw. The force of the blow and the snap of his head sent him face first onto the ground, unconscious.

My other opponent used my changed focus to grab hold of my shoulder, and despite the painful grip of his claws, I stepped back, into him, using both hands to leverage his size against him, pulling/flipping him over me to crash onto his back. I didn’t pause, merely slid my hold around, torqueing his arm painfully. He patted his hand on the dirt, a universal sign for acquiescence. 

I released him, then offered the big male my hand. He stood and I looked him over. “You are too quick to attack and you are unbalanced in your thrust. It might serve you better to hold the staff like this,” I picked up his weapon and grasped it just past the mid-point, toward the blade end. Then I moved through a few steps, thrusting, but using the back end as well, to slam and whip at the air. “Do you see?”

He nodded and I gave him back the staff. The second man roused and once he regained his feet, I explained a weakness of all Qunari. “Your knees are too unprotected. It’s too easy to remove the advantage of size. My best suggestion would be to study foot work, perhaps even dance, as it would leave you both more dexterous and more flexible.”

And so the afternoon went, me spanking various Qunari warriors, then pointing out where they could improve. The sun rode low in the sky when the Arishok rose from his dais.

“And what would you suggest of me?”

I looked up and up at the massive wall of masculine flesh standing near enough I could feel the heat of his body. “I wouldn’t presume to comment, Arishok. I’ve never seen you fight, nor have I fought with you.”

“We will rectify this. Now.”

My eyes widened but I tipped my head as I backed away. This time I waited, watched, but he didn’t unsheathe the two monstrosities strapped to him, so I left my weapons in place as well. He was terrifyingly large, but as he moved over the ground, I noted the lightness of his step, the easy balance he had. 

“You’re a rogue.”

He gave me a nod. Well, that was certainly interesting. In game, I’d assumed he was specked as a dual-wielding warrior – something a player could do in _Origins_ but not in game two. But watching him move, I realized that wasn’t the case. He was huge, certainly, but every bit as flexible and quick as any rogue I’d seen.

He dashed forward and I blocked his blow with the upswing of my right arm and used the opening he gave me to land a solid left-hook. He grunted, but otherwise didn’t react, instead latching onto my wrist and using it to flip me ass over elbows. Thankfully, I had excellent spatial orientation, so when I landed, I managed to do so on my feet and wasted no time sweeping the leg closest to me. He staggered back but didn’t fall and it gave me time to put space between us once more.

I don’t know how long we sparred, but it was long enough that I started to really sweat and so did Arishok. We were fairly evenly matched, though with weapons he’d have the advantage of more power behind his swings and longer reach. Still, he left himself vulnerable too often and finally, after I managed a powerful kick to his right knee, which he took in order to grapple my ankle and slam me onto the ground, we both conceded a draw.

“I told you to watch for the knees.”

“You allow yourself too close.”

We didn’t smile at each other, exactly, at our dual offers of advice, instead exchanging a nod. He offered me a hand up, which I took, dusting myself off as he strode back to his throne.

“The hour grows late.”

I noted the diminishing light of the sun and agreed. “It’s time for me to go. I thank you, Arishok.”

“ _Panahedan_.”

I felt the respect of the Qunari as I walked away, more potently that when I’d killed seven of them in order to remain outside the Qun, more keenly than when I’d returned the fallen’s swords. All things considered, I got to work out most of my tension and they learned a bit against a skilled adversary. 

“You will be _basalit-an_ now.”

I nearly fell over, I was so startled by Fenris’ voice. The elf stood at the bottom of the stairs before the gate, inside the compound proper. “What the hell are you doing here, Elf?”

“Hawke has all of us looking for you. I told him you would be here, but he disagreed. Apparently, he was wrong.”

“He shouldn’t have. He knows you can find me, anytime.”

“Indeed.”

I didn’t want to discuss our ‘connection’, so I moved the conversation along. “I’ve hours until the party yet. What’s the rush?”

Fenris shrugged. “I did not ask why he wanted you found.”

“How long have you been here?”

“Several hours. Arishok allowed me in.”

I looked over my shoulder at the leader of the Qunari, but he was deep in conversation. “I wonder why.” I spoke more to myself than to the elf at my side. We made our way up from the docks and I smirked as I admitted I’d have talked to the wall if it allowed me to ignore the fact that Fenris was close enough I could breathe in the scent of him, lyrium and leather and the smell of rain in the forest. _God damn him_.

“I imagine as a lesson.”

I didn’t pretend ignorance. “A lesson on what? You and I have sparred before, though not in a while.” And I was _not_ going to think about the double entendre there, no, no I wasn’t. _God damn him_.

“On foolishness, perhaps.” He didn’t elaborate.

I rolled my eyes. “Whatever, Fenris. Well, here we are. Uh, thanks, I guess.” I turned away to pull open the door of the estate, only to shiver when his hand encircled my upper arm.

“Hawke requested I attend this thing.”

I didn’t look at him. “Then I suppose I’ll see you later.”

“I will not, if you do not want me there.”

“I always want you, Fenris. Any day, any time, all the time. Come if you like or don’t. Your choice.” With a tug, I was free his hold and slipped inside before I heard his reply. 

* * *

“Leandra, you have fucking outdone yourself this time.” I looked at my reflection in the mirror and almost cried. 

“Maker, Piper, you are positively celestial. I just knew the color of that gown would be divine. And your hair, by Andraste I know it took hours, but it’s perfect!”

I touched my fingers to the emerald and amber circlet, set in gold, sitting just below my hairline. The large teardrop amethyst that dangled from its center rested in the middle of my forehead. It was a bit of an irritant, though Leandra assured me I’d forget it was there soon enough. Bangs swept back in a braid, the rest of my hair fell around my face, over my shoulders, and down my back in large, cork-screw curls, interwoven with tiny braids to hold things in place, and enhance the design.

I looked past my face, to my throat and down. She was right, the violet she’d chosen for the dress was identical to my eyes, and it was adorned with thousands and thousands of tiny diamonds, I guessed, woven directly into the fabric. I looked radiant, glittering with subtle flares of crystalline color every time I moved. And she’d had it cut in a style that allowed me the freedom to move without sacrificing the black-tie needs of the evening. I was glad I’d caved and let her pick the dress.

Gaze returning to my face, I grinned. Yet again, Leandra had me make-up’d to within an inch of my life, though I had to admit the elven woman who’d wielded the brushes and pencils did so with absolute genius. My face was more than beautiful without makeup, something it hadn’t been on earth, but looking in the silvered glass, I was stunned at the elves' talent. 

My eyes looked larger, smoky and sensual; my lips boldly defined and colored a dark raspberry. She’s set some sort of shimmering powder all over my exposed skin that smelled a bit like honey and vanilla, so that the final result made me think of an angel. A terrible, magnificent angel, whose beauty was beyond human comprehension. Really, I almost wanted to be ill, looking at myself.

“Come my dear, it’s time we were on our way. Fashionably late is one thing, obnoxiously tardy is another.”

I turned from the mirror and strode toward her, lifting the hem of the gown so she could see my knee-high leather boots beneath. Leandra laughed and took my hand, curling it around the crook of her elbow. “I really do appreciate you giving me this little thing. If I had to be on my feet in something like those,” I pointed to her silver pumps, “I’d never make it past an hour.”

“If you weren’t needed to flit about and dance, I’d have demanded it. But I remember my engagement ball, to the Comte de Launcet. I wish someone had let me wear sensible shoes that night.”

“Where is Nevarr?”

“I sent him ahead. It’s a bit odd, but not unheard of. Besides, when we arrive, he’ll be able to make the women swoon as he comes to collect his soon-to-be bride.”

I laughed. “It’s all about the entrance, then?”

“Absolutely, my dear.”

As we stepped from the estate, I noted the small complement of city-guard waiting to escort us. Among them was Donnic, who staggered a bit at his first look at me. “Maker, you’re lovely.”

“Thanks, Donnic.” My tone was sarcastic, but the grin I gave him was real.

The sound of revelry rose to meet us as we made our way through the Viscount’s Keep and back, toward the gardens. There were guards at the gate, who saluted, before opening the heavy iron barriers allowing us in.

“The Lady Leandra Amell and Messere Piper.” 

I glanced to the side as the pronouncement was made, noting a rather staid looking fellow standing at almost painful attention. I’m not sure whether looking at him was a good thing or not, as when I turned back to the collected bodies, it was to find at least two hundred sets of eyes staring at me.

A hush fell, there were gasps of awe – or something like it – and murmured rumblings of indeterminate meaning. I held myself tall and proud, projecting confidence and calm when I really didn’t feel either. Bodies began to shift, parting, and I finally made eye contact with Nevarr.

He stepped to us, lifting Leandra’s hand to his lips. “Mother, you look positively radiant.”

She released me and moved into him, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Try not to ruin the dress, Nevarr.”

He gave a hearty chuckle as he turned to pass her off to Anders, who stood behind him. The mage accepted her hand and gave me a brilliant smile before they moved through the throng.

“I don’t believe Andraste herself could have been more stunning, Pip.”

“Flatterer.”

I took the two steps down to stand in front of him. Then without preamble, I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his, needing to be grounded in the real, needing to know no matter how shaky I was, his strength would be there to support me.

Nevarr didn’t disappoint, his arms coming around me, hands carefully cupping the back of my head, mouth opening beneath mine. Our tongues dueled and I tasted the wine he’d had. Too soon, he pulled back, dipping in twice more for quicker caresses before finally stepping away and taking one of my hands in his. “You’re a minx. It’s a good thing I had the coat cut long.”

I laughed and let him lead me through the assemblage toward a long table at the rear of the garden. He pulled out my chair, helping me settle into it, before resuming his place at my side. I looked past him, saw Leandra and then Anders to his left. 

“You look amazing, Piper.”

“Thanks, Anders. You clean up deliciously yourself.” 

And he did. Though he sat now, I could see his attire in my mind and really had to give Leandra massive props. She’d chosen a black leather outfit for the mage, the stitching and embroidery accents in dark, amber-gold. The clothes fit close, perfectly plied to accent every single one of Anders’ benefits. She’d even made him leave his hair loose and I was a bit surprised to see signs of curl in the unbound tresses.

He lifted his glass to me and I smiled, then looked to my right. “Who’s here?”

“I am.”

I whipped my head back toward Nevarr and I was absolutely certain he read the anxiety etched on my face. “Who thought this was a good idea?” I hissed the words at Hawke. He tipped his head toward his mother, who was engaged in a conversation with the man across from her.

“You are no more uncomfortable than I.”

I gritted my teeth and gave Hawke the most pleading, beseeching, damn near groveling look I could dredge up. At least I hoped that was what my expression said.

“It’s only through the meal. After that, we’ll be dancing and mingling.” His eyes told me he was sorry I was uncomfortable and I dipped my chin.

“Fine. Okay. I need something to drink, Nevarr.”

He lifted his arm and called a waiter over and I straightened in my seat and struggled to ignore the heat of the elf. My hand shook as I lifted my filled goblet and I had to bring up my other hand to steady it, lest I spill the dark red liquid down the front of my gorgeous dress. It took two glasses for me to like I could look at Fenris.

Holy hell, Leandra had the elf dressed in black as well, but all the accents on his attire were in a purple identical to my dress. I couldn’t tell if he wore breeches or leggings, but his shirt was of the lawn variety, with a sleek leather vest over the top. Fenris had left the top tie undone and I could see the lovely expanse of his neck and more, at least a few inches on either side of the vee at his clavicle. 

My mouth went desert dry and I reached for my glass, draining it. “You look nice, Fenris.” I was certain ignoring the male that was sat directly to my side was some sort of social faux-pas, so I tried my best _not_ to look like I was as uncomfortable as I felt.

“I cannot think of a word to describe how you look. Beautiful is inadequate.”

I blushed. “Thank you.”

“The first course is about to be served.” Nevarr leaned close to speak in my ear.

“I don’t know if I can eat.” I whispered back.

“If you’re that upset, I’ll change seats with you.”

I closed my eyes and leaned against him. “I’ve barely seen him in three months. You’d think I’d have my shit together by now.” I dropped my left hand beneath the table to grip Hawke’s thigh. “But my stomach is in knots, my hands are clammy, I have to pay attention to my breathing so I don’t hyperventilate. I’m so fucked, Nevarr.”

He hummed against my temple. “You could be.”

I giggled, which was his intent, but sadly it did nothing to relieve the hungry ache in my chest and between my legs. “You are not helping, Hawke.”

He shifted in his chair and I felt his fingers on my knee. “I can.”

I shivered. Fuck, the scandal alone would be the talk of the nobility for months. Never let it be said I wasn’t adventurous, or crazy, because despite where we were, who we sat between, I licked my lips and turned so I could look into his lovely eyes. “Thank you for offering.” I curled my fingers around his where they rested on my leg.

He gripped me a little harder. "I'm here."

I smiled softly and took a deep breath. Glancing at the bane of my existence, I noticed Fenris looked utterly relaxed - to any onlooker. This close, I felt the tension riding his body, noted the way the hand on the table top was clenched in a tight fist. Knowing the situation was just as stressful for him as it was for me actually had a calming effect. 

I looked into his face, saw the careful neutrality masking his eyes, and gave him a soft smile. It was one evening, only one in the span of a life. Surely the two of us could get through it without poking and jabbing, without squabbling or prodding the wound between us. Fenris dipped his head in a nod and some of the strain eased from his body. The first course arrived, soup of some kind, and I picked up my spoon, turning my attention to the meal. But as plates were removed and new ones took their place, I found myself looking at the male to my right repeatedly. I smiled when a braised fish entrée was brought and his lip curled.

Motioning to the waiter, I waved a hand in the direction of Fenris’ plate. “He abhors fish. If you would remove it?”

“Of course, Messere. Would he have the lamb in its place?”

“I would.”

The man took the plate and I glanced at the elf to find him staring at me with an odd look.

“What?”

“How do you know I hate fish?”

I grinned. “ _'Fish, fish, and more fish. Blegh, let’s find those crates.'_ ”

His eyes widened just a bit more. “You weren’t even there.”

I shook my head. “Fenris, I’m really not sure why, after what, like almost half a year, you would have any doubt left.”

I turned back to my plate, picking at the fish myself. The waiter returned with a fresh plate for the elf and I passed mine off to the man when he left. Nevarr was engaged in conversation with his mother and Anders, so I sipped my wine and watched the people enjoying the meal and the company. It was kind of funny, really, how very similar to earth Kirkwall seemed right then.

“The lamb is very good. Try some.”

I glanced over to see Fenris holding out his fork. I frowned. “I don’t know. I’ve never had lamb.”

He lifted one dark brow. “Did you not have it on your ea-“ he caught himself and corrected, “Where you are from?”

“No, we have sheep. I’ve just never eaten it. By the time I was born, and the country I was born in, well we have cattle and pigs and chickens. Those are the staple meats. Lamb and fish, things like that were and still are more commonly eaten in other nations, older ones, than my own. I have eaten squirrel though, and deer,” I tapped my chin. “Come to think of it, I’ve eaten a lot of shit, octopus and squid and shrimp. I love shrimp. Clams and oysters, duck and goose. I guess somehow, lamb never got on the list.”

“I am not sure what half of those things are. Here, try it.” He pressed the fork closer to my mouth and I obligingly opened.

It wasn’t bad, but it was definitely different. Not gamey, like deer or elk, but not exactly beefy or even porky either. I shrugged as I swallowed. “It’s okay. Better than fish, at least.”

He smiled softly. “What else do you know about me?”

I sat back in my seat and shifted to face him more. I watched him eat for a few minutes, trying to decide what his motivation was, if he had some ulterior motive, and decided it was better to talk to Fenris than to sit there, staring out into the crowd looking ill-suited to the entire event.

“Besides what I’ve already told you? I, well to be honest, it’s sort of weird. I know quite a bit about your time in Tevinter, I know you like the Aggregio, but you probably enjoyed smashing the bottles on the walls more. I know you like the idea that the Mabari defected from the magisters because they found the ‘barbarians’ more palatable than the magickers. I know you never wear shoes and that you think the rapidity of elf breeding is ‘plucky’.”

He choked a bit at that one and took a drink from his own glass. “Do I?”

“It’ll come up, eventually.” I grinned, but it faded as I looked into my goblet. “You have a deep dislike of the Dalish, though whether that’s due to being from Tevinter or if it’s because they look down on you simply because you aren’t of their ilk, regardless that you were a slave, I don’t know.”

“A bit of both, I suppose.”

“I know you try to believe in the Maker, even though you aren’t exactly swayed by his lack of attentiveness. I know you enjoy playing cards, you aren’t half bad at it, but you are a shit about paying back what you lose at them. I also know, given proper incentive, you could eventually be convinced to fuck Isabela, repeatedly. Apparently, it’s only your first lover you walk away from.” I didn’t even bother keeping the venom from my voice.

“I do not think so.” The tips of his ears darkened.

I snorted. “Believe it. Although, not this time. Isabela likes breathing more than she likes the idea of shagging you.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means the only way you’re sleeping with anyone but me is if you pay for it. I’ve made sure of that.” I felt my heart begin to pound as hurt and anger burned in me. And since then was not the time, I motioned for more wine and took several deep breaths before I continued on.

“It’s funny, though, Fenris. Everything I know about you is pretty one-dimensional. It mostly revolves around the Imperium and Danarius and your slavery. There are a lot of things I don’t know, things I always wanted to know, if only so you seemed less flat, as a character. Like your favorite color, if you have one. Your favorite stories. What foods you like best, if you can sing or like to, even if you aren’t good at it. You once told Varric you spent your days in the mansion choreographing dance routines. It was a joke, but it made me wonder if you do dance.”

“I thought you already knew my favorite color. It’s blue. You did my entire bedroom in shades of it. I don’t know many stories, so I can’t answer that one. I enjoy hearty foods, thick stews and bread hot from the oven.”

I lifted my eyes to look at him. The corner of his mouth lifted as he continued, “I do like to sing, though I don’t know many songs either and I have been known to dance.”

“I have a book for you, actually. It’s by Shartan. I’ve had it for months, but, well, I kind of forgot I had it and then… Anyway, I’ll drop it off tomorrow.”

“You must know-“

“I do. But I promise, you’ll learn. Hawke will teach you.”

“What about you? You were a teacher, were you not?”

I sighed. It figured he’d remember that. “I’m not sure if I have the strength for that, Fenris.”

He was quiet for a while and then he asked me something I really wished he hadn’t. “Did you know, before?” He didn’t need to fill in the unsaid parts.

I swallowed hard, pressing a fake but obviously believable smile to my face as the next course was served. The waiter returned the grin without hesitation. Unwilling, or maybe unable, to answer his question immediately, I ate some of the salad before pushing the plate back and looking at Fenris. “Yes. I knew. I hoped, stupidly that it might be different, but I expected it.”

“Then why?”

I seriously didn’t want to respond. I didn’t want to speak half of the things clamoring to be heard inside me. So I sorted through it all and tried to find the most honest, yet least intimate answer I could, which ended up being no answer at all. 

“Fenris, exactly how much ammunition do you think I should give you to hurt me with? Because really, I think you’re smart enough to figure that out all by yourself, despite the fact that you don’t think you’re worthy of the answer you know to be true.”

His olive gaze flared and I think his lips started moving before his brain realized what he was saying. “Say it, Piper.”

I leaned close, took his chin between my fingers. My lips parted and I knew I was about to tell him what he wanted to hear, but as the first word took shape a half-dozen city guards burst into the reception.

“Someone attacked the Qunari and the Arishok is on the march!”

Aveline jumped up from her place at the end of our table and started shouting orders as the guests began to panic. I leapt from my chair, onto the table, and jumped down on the opposite side, rushing straight for the Viscount who sat not far away.

“Dumar, come with me!”

“But Messere Piper, surely-“

“Listen to me. If you want to live, come with me now!”

I practically drug the man toward the guard-captain. “Aveline, you need to get him somewhere safe and _not_ here. Take him to Hawke’s estate. Use the tunnels there that lead to Darktown. Take some of your men and stay in the cellars. You should be safe and easy to locate once the dust settles.”

“I can’t leave the guard leaderless, Piper.”

“Fuck! Fine, name your men and I’ll get Dumar to the estate, but fucking hurry!”

Aveline nodded and motioned to five men. “Follow her and protect the Viscount at all costs.”

“Yes ma’am!”

“I’m coming with you.” Fenris' voice came from behind me. 

“Sounds good to me.”

“Piper!”

I turned to see Hawke leading Leandra to my side. “Take Mother with you. The rest of us will stay here with Aveline.”

“You might want to head toward Lowtown and deal with the mess burning there. Watch out for looters.” I threw the suggestion at him as the guard began herding Leandra and the Viscount toward the exit.

“Maker, the Arishok must have been planning this for ages.” Hawke took the greatsword offered him by one of the guard.

“Probably, though it’s moot now. Gods damn it! Why, why couldn’t that bitch just have let it go?” I fairly growled the words.

“Bitch?” Varric had Bianca at the ready.

“Patrice. I will kill her myself.”

“You will go, Piper.” Aveline pointed in the direction of the estate.

“Yeah, come on then.”

It took less than ten minutes for Fenris and me to lead Leandra, the Viscount and his guard to Hawke’s. Thankfully, the Qunari hadn’t yet arrived in Hightown, though I doubted we missed them by much. Hurrying everyone inside, I told Bodahn to collect his boy and Orana, plus Nim, and follow us into the basement.


	31. Chapter 31

We’d been in the cellar for a while and I was getting seriously antsy. I looked at Fenris and he gave me a nod.

“You, guardsman.”

“Messere?”

“The elf and I are heading topside. Nim?”

The Mabari cocked his head.

“Keep them right here. Between you, Sandal, and the guard I expect to find everyone healthy and in one piece when I get back.”

Nim barked twice and gave a wag of his tail.

“Piper.” Leandra gave me a look full of worry. I moved to the woman and gave her a big hug.

“I have to go. I can’t stay here not knowing.”

“Messere Piper, I do not know how to thank you.”

“I’m sure you’ll think of something, Viscount.” I gave him a warm smile. “You stay here and you’ll be safe. Hawke will get your city back, I swear it.”

Fenris and I rushed up the stairs, him taking care of barring the door inconspicuously, while I ran up the stairs and threw on clothing more appropriate for battle.

We met at the main door, the sounds of fighting clear through the heavy wood. Fenris shifted on the balls of his feet and I drew my blades.

“Magic.” He hissed the word and I glared.

“No shit. Orsino and the Circle mages are doing their dead level best to protect this city, you ass.” I jerked the door open and rushed outside, sure enough taking in several mages casting at their large Qunari attackers.

I didn’t bother to check if the elf followed me into the melee. Several mages already lay dead on the broken flagstone and I’d be damned if we lost anymore. I gave a war whoop and slammed both daggers into the behemoth closest to me, jerking the razor-sharp edges out in a spray of blood and moving onto the next without so much as a pause.

I heard Fenris roar and couldn’t stop a grin as I charged the small group of magi valiantly trying to hold back several of the grey-skinned males. I attacked, recognizing the face of one as I shattered his knee. I shook my head even as I slid one blade across his throat.

“I told you to watch the knees.”

The mages seemed stunned as I gave them my back and parried the mighty swing from another Qunari staff. The hilts of my daggers grew slick and when I swiped my tongue over my lip, as air rushed in and out of my mouth, the dark taste of copper filled my senses. No wonder the magi were a bit startled, I must have looked like something out of a nightmare.

Thankfully, the mages recovered themselves quickly. I felt one magical buff after another settle around me, even as waves of ice gave the advancing Qunari pause and fire exploded all around. Across the courtyard, I caught a glimpse of Fenris, backed by Orsino, slashing through his would-be adversaries with all the cold efficiency of a highly-trained, and exceptionally powerful, killer and couldn’t help the less-than morally righteous glee that filled me up. 

I don’t know how many we slayed, or how many wounds I received from spears and swords, but eventually, the only sounds I detected were those of my harsh breathing and soft whimpers as the remaining mages collapsed against each other in exhaustion and sorrow.

“You’re Piper, correct?” Orsino approached me, Fenris beside him, and I sheathed the daggers.

“I am, First Enchanter. Sorry we couldn’t meet under better circumstances.”

“I’m not. Without you and your elven friend, I don’t know if we’d have survived.” The leader of the Gallows mages stepped close to me, his healing magic pouring into me.

I nodded to him. “Thanks. Has the Arishok come through here yet?”

The mage gave me a grim nod. “We arrived just as he herded most of the nobility into the Keep. We tried to stop him, but he set some of his men on us.”

I looked at Fenris. “Shit, shit, shit. And neither Hawke nor Meredith is in Hightown yet. Shit. What do I do?” I wasn’t actually asking the ex-slave for direction, but this was a big deal. I didn’t want to be Champion of Kirkwall. That was Hawke’s job. At the same time, I didn’t want to simply stand around and wait either.

“If you go in there, Piper, you will be the one to bear the consequences.” Fenris' voice was a low rumble, his gaze searching mine.

“I know.”

 _Fuck me._ I closed my eyes and tilted my head toward the sky. Dumar was alive in the basement of the estate. Even if I was made Champion, the city still had its Viscount. The Qunari already had their relic, so maybe, just maybe, I could talk the Arishok out of following through with his plan. If nothing else, I could stall him until Hawke arrived.

“Orsino, get your mages to a safe place, or at least a defensible one and wait for Serah Hawke and Knight Commander Meredith to find you. The elf and I are going into the Keep.”

The mage looked like he wanted to argue, but decided against it. “May the Maker watch over you.”

I wanted to tell him his god could shove it, but I didn’t. “Let’s go, Fenris.”

“I will not leave your side.”

With a fair bit of trepidation, I began the long climb into the Keep and prayed I wasn’t about to royally screw the pooch.

* * *

As we breached the outer doors, Fenris and I found ourselves staring into a sea of battle-ready Qunari. I pulled my daggers and gave a low growl, allowing magic to swell inside me. From the corner of my eye, there was a flash of white-blue as Fenris called his power as well.

There were so many, I have no idea how the elf and I managed it. Sten after Sten, Saarabas and Aarvard, they just kept coming and we mowed them down until there wasn't a space of my skin not covered in blood, until I could barely keep hold of my blades because of the copious liquid life that was spilled everywhere the eye touched. My mana pool was almost nothing, I was casting on vapors, and my body screamed with the agony of overwrought muscles.

"I don't know how much more I have in me." I blasted one of the beasts with a fireball as he tried to charge. Skin blackened, bubbled, sloughed off as the massive male fell to his knees.

Fenris appeared at my side. "Draw from me."

My eyes widened. "Fenris-"

"Do it!" With one hand, he swung his sword outward, separating the head of the Karasten bearing down on our position. He held his free arm out to me.

In another situation, if it weren't necessary... _Shit._ I took hold of his bared forearm, where the guantlets didn't cover, and felt everything disappear instantly. There was only Fenris, the connection between our souls thrumming with power, the lyrium in his flesh reaching for my magic, pouring into me until I was almost high on the rush.

Tearing my hand away, I threw magic at the Qunari in relentless strikes. Firestorms, cones of cold, chain lightning crashing loudly from one big body to another, the stink of ozone and cooked tissues clogging my nose and mouth. A gravity ring and Fist of the Maker stunned the invaders, leaving them defenseless under Fenris' assault. The elf danced among the bodies, slicing, severing, silencing our opponents until all that remained was he and I.

I sagged against the handrail of the stairs, digging in the small pouch at my hip for a rejuvenation potion. I knew what could be coming and facing Arishok at less than my best was a guaranteed death sentence. Chucking the bottle over my shoulder, I mounted the steps and made my way to the double doors of the throne room, Fenris at my side. 

We stopped outside the doors and I took a deep breath. This could be it. I could walk through the doors and die, or find myself taken into the Qun's keeping. That moment might be the last I had in Kirkwall, the last I had at all. I exhaled and turned to look at Fenris. This was the shittiest time to do what I was about to do, but I couldn't go inside and leave it undone.

"Fenris."

The elf swung his face toward me, those blasted eyes blinking slowly. "Are you ready?"

I gave a short laugh. "I don't know anyone can really be ready for this, but yeah. As much as I can be."

"Good. I have faith in your abilities. You will triumph."

I slid my daggers away and grabbed the elf by the shoulders before he could react, pull away. I looked into his blood smeared face, memorizing every line, every crease, the way his dark brows lifted, the tiny glints of gold in the depths of the dark forest eyes. This was the face I wanted to see when I drew my last breath.

"You deserve to be free, Fenris. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be loved. I know you don't always think so. I know the guilt of what happened with the Fog Warriors, when Danarius returned for you, haunts you like a cancer. You have to forgive yourself for that, and for all the horrible things you were forced to do as a slave. You're a good man, Fenris. You're loyal, strong, so kind sometimes it breaks my heart, and I want you to give me your word you will stop punishing yourself for the past. You swear to me you will stop hiding from life. It's past time for you to live, Fenris."

He tensed in my hold, emotions swirling through his gaze faster than the speed of light. I watched him shake his head, and I tighted my grip.

"Your word, Fenris."

His lips thinned to a line and he closed his lids, hiding his inner thoughts from me. I thought for a moment he might fight to pull away, but Fenris surprised me. He relaxed in my grip, blinked at me and nodded. "I give you my word."

I pulled him to me, hard, our armor complaining at the force, before taking my fingers from his shoulders and thrusting them into his hair. I didn't ask, I took the kiss from him, hoping against hope that everything I felt for him, thought about him, could be conveyed in the connection between our mouths.

With a soft groan, I let him go and put my hand on the knob. The door opened silently, but the noise from the accumulated nobility rushed from inside. I looked over my shoulder at the elf.

"I love you, Fenris. I always will."

With that, I stepped into the room and toward whatever destiny or fate or plain shit-luck had in store for me.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are only a couple of chapters left, but don't fret... Because this story just wouldn't leave me alone, there is a sequel too :) Who'da thunk such a crazy pear of a kmeme prompt would have become so epic, LOL!
> 
> Thank you very, very much to everyone who has read, commented, and kudosed. I knew this one was an odd bird when I started it, but I can't possibly explain how rewarding it is to hear that - for all it's a-typical and niche-y-ness - readers love Pip and Co. as much as I do :)

I pushed through the crowd, head high, gaze locked on my target. It took Arishok a few moments to notice me, but when he did, he descended the dais, hefting one of his massive battle axes over his shoulder.

" _Panahaden_ , Piper. Take note, _bas_ , this is what respect looks like in the Qun. Most of you will never know it. This female is _basalit-an_ worthy of my time."

I squared my shoulders. " _Panahaden_ , Arishok. I had hoped you wouldn't believe this to be necessary."

"We were attacked and they tried to harm the _viddethari_ you sent into my keeping. Seven of my men were killed. It was the last affront I would tolerate."

I sighed. I understood, damn it, I understood all to well. But I did not want this to end the way it had in the game. "Arishok, please. Take the tome, take your people, and go. I don't care if you have to steal ships right out of the harbor. Please."

"You beg for these simpering fools? For these fat _dathrassi_ , who know not what goes on around them, and only look up from their own selfishness when a vice fails to be fulfilled?" His disgust was evident, not only in his tone, but in the curl of his upper lip.

"No. I beg for you." I stepped closer to him, heard the collected nobility murmur and gasp, fear and curiosity warring among them. Lowering my voice, I looked up into his proud face. "I know where this is headed. I have no wish to end you, nor do I desire to die on your blades. You're an honorable male, Arishok, and regardless of our differing ideologies, I respect you. Thedas would be lesser without your presence."

He seemed to consider my words for a long time. Long enough, at least, that some Hightown lord thought it a good idea to call me a Qunari whore beneath his breath. The Arishok's gaze flickered and before anyone could react, a Sten strode to the man and snapped his neck. The people screamed, some panicked and tried to run, but the room was under the grey giants control.

Arishok shook his head, a minute movement, but I bent my head slightly in understanding, before stepping back from him. "Kirkwall is my city, Arishok. If you want it, you'll have to take it from me."

"Piper." Fenris' voice came to me, over the terrified cries and soft sobbing of the Kirkwallers being held captive.

If I looked at him, I might lose what little courage I had. Instead, I withdrew my blades and took position. "I challenge you, Arishok. If I lose, you're welcome to try and take the city from Hawke. If I win, your people will leave without further ado."

"Agreed."

The Qunari soldiers shoved the humans in the room back, giving their leader and I space to maneuver. Had it only been hours ago I'd sparred with the massive male before me? Only part of a day when I'd held hope it wouldn't come to this? I watched him, images of pixelated fights flashing through my mind. How similar to the game would the real duel be?

When he charged at me, I had my answer. I hesitated, stepping out of his path at the last possible moment, bringing one blade down hard across his back. He slammed into the back wall of the room, a growl rumbling from his huge chest. Spinning on point, I swung my body to face him, and lobbed a fireball at his broad back. It struck flesh with power, the magic slamming into his body, stunning him temporarily.

I felt tears well in my eyes as I leapt through the air and landed on his seared skin, driving both big blades deep, to the hilt into his neck. Unlike the game, I refused to drag this out any longer than necessary. This death wasn't for entertainment, it was utterly needless, and as I wrenched my arms in a motion parallel to the floor, felt the heat of Arishok's blood as it spewed from the jagged, gaping wounds I'd laid across his neck, I struggled to keep myself from screaming with impotent rage.

Arishok staggered beneath me, his knees giving way as the last of his life gurgled loudly from the mortal wounds I'd inflicted. My breath shuddered as I wrenched the weapons free of his flesh, force of will the only thing keeping my sorrow at bay. The entire thing was terribly anti-climatic, over so quick only those Qunari nearest me even realized what happened at first. I followed his body to the ground, rolling to the side and taking a moment before I stood.

No, the fight was nothing like the game. There was no health potions, no kiting, just shocked silence and a terrible guilt building in my chest. Such a waste, all of it. As I stepped away from the Arishok's still form, the reality of what occurred rippled outward, through the collective, human and not. I looked at no one as I made my way to the male I presumed to be Arishok's second in command.

He looked at me, surprise clear on his face, before dipping his forehead to me briefly. " _Panahaden_ , Serah. As you find the Qun."

"And you, Sten. Safe return to Par Vollen."

With no more words, the Qunari followed the Sten toward the double doors, just as Hawke and Meredith burst inside. 

"They are leaving, Knight-Commander." My voice rang loud in the space.

The woman lifted a brow at me and sheathed her sword as she watched the might-have-been conquerors file out. She moved forward, took note of the dead Arishok and the faces of the collected nobles.

"It seems... Kirkwall has a new Champion." 

The people cheered loudly, cries of 'here, here,' and 'Messere Piper saved us' echoing through the room. I looked over Meredith's shoulder at Hawke and prayed the man could read my mind.

"Knight-Commander, if the threat is passed, I think it a good idea to retrieve the Viscount." 

I sighed shakily and reached out for Nevarr's hand as he drew to a stop at my side. "He's safe, and so is your mother. Did you find Orsino?"

Hawke nodded. "He and the Gallows mages were protecting people trapped in Hightown when Meredith and I found him. He told us where you were."

The Knight-Commander watched us, her eyes narrowed, her gaze raking over Nevarr and I. "Dumar lives?"

I lifted a brow myself. "You sound surprised. Yes, he does."

She covered her reaction well, but I didn't miss the anger that flared in her cold eyes. "Then we should return him to the Keep. The city needs its leader."

"I couldn't agree more." Turning from the woman, I strode toward the exit myself. I needed to be away from her, away from that room, away from the body of the Arishok. But first, there was one more thing I had to do. 

Stepping to the lifeless body, I pulled Arishok's blades from his empty shell. Carefully, I held them to my chest. Soon enough, a Qunari would arrive in search of lost blades and these two, in my opinion, were the most important. They were also two Hawke was never asked to retrieve in the game.

For all the things I'd been able to change, this one I could not weighed me down. With a heavy heart, I left the Keep. 

* * *

Three days after the Qunari uprising, Hawke and I were called to the Keep by Viscount Dumar. I had no idea what to expect, but it certainly wasn't what transpired. Dumar, with his only son gone, but alive, to Par Vollen, his city protected by a capable Champion, revealed his intent to step down from the office. And that he'd made Nevarr Hawke his heir.

"Your Excellency?" Nevarr had looked ready to fall on his face, his skin pale with shock.

"You are the best chance this city has of not falling apart beneath the weight of the conflict brewing between the Templars and the mages, Hawke. Don't act so surprised. Beyond that, you saved my son, your soon-to-be-wife saved this city from the Arishok, and you are the most truly noble man I have ever met. You can, of course, abdicate, but what's done is done. You are the Viscount, now."

There was no ceremony, not then, just the removal of a circle of gold from Dumar's head, and placed on Nevarr's by Elthina. The Grand Cleric gave her approval with a nod before returning to the Chantry. Bran, Cullen, and Aveline witnessed the exchange of power, unusual as it was, and that was that.

"Viscount Hawke. Has a nice ring." I leaned my hip against the corner of Hawke's new desk, a mere half-fortnight after the political landscape of the Marches had been significantly changed, and tried to lift his spirits. 

"Bran is already planning some belated coronation celebration for the city. He says it will double nicely with our nuptuals. Apparently, what Dumar did is a faux-pas of sorts." He looked up at me, his green eyes blood-shot from lack of sleep. A week in office and I could tell Nevarr was ready to hot foot it back to Ferelden. 

"Listen, don't let this shit bog you down. You're Viscount now, Nevarr. Run this city as you like. Period. There are at least eight people in Kirkwall, who are not to be fucked with, that have your back."

He chuckled at that. "True enough. I've made it clear to the Senechal there's no way in the Void I'm sitting in this office all day. He didn't appreciate the declaration, but I told him if he likes his job, he'd better get good at following my orders. With Aveline's help, I'm setting up a court of sorts, with someone trustworthy to preside over the ridiculous squabbles I'm supposed to settle on a daily basis. And I'll leave most of the day to day with Bran, except for the coffers. Those I already turned over to Varric."

I grinned. "I know. Brilliant, that, if I do say so myself. He'll have Kirkwall so filthy rich, there won't be any way to spend all the sovereigns in an age."

Nevarr stood and stretched. This had become a bit of a ritual over the last week, me showing up in the early afternoon and dragging Nevarr away from the Keep. He hadn't asked for this position, nor did he want it necessarily, though neither of us was ignorant enough not to see the benefits. Even so, I empathized, I wasn't exactly thrilled to be the 'Champion'. But I wasn't about to pass the mantle, and neither was Hawke. As he strode around the desk and took me into his arms, I tilted my face up just a bit and met his kiss with passion and power.

We pulled apart reluctantly before joining hands and leaving the room. He nodded at Bran as we walked down the stairs and I hid a smile by biting my lip as the Senechal struggled to keep his mouth shut about the Viscount just walking out in the middle of the day. As we stepped into the Kirkwall afternoon, I sighed and looked up toward the clear, blue sky.

"Piper?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm moving Mother and Anders into the Keep this week."

"I know. Exactly how much scandal do you think it will cause when you move your male lover in but not me?" I laughed loudly and he grumbled a chuckle in response.

"Ask me if I care." 

We'd spoken about living arrangements after we were _bound in the eyes of the Maker_ (I rolled my eyes every time someone used that phrase). I told Hawke I would gladly take a room in the Viscount's suite, but that I wouldn't always be there. In fact, I'd been looking for a place in Lowtown, near the Hanged Man, for the last week. Something not too seedy, but not too fancy either.

I grinned at the big warrior at my side as he continued speaking, "I've deeded the estate to you."

I stumbled a bit at that. "What? Why?"

"I know you've been looking for a squat near the tavern. But there's no reason for that. Beyond the fact that I know you've money enough to buy up half of Hightown, I don't want you so far away."

"Far away? Be serious, it's like a twenty minute walk. What's really going on, Nevarr?"

"I know you need a place you can go when you need to be alone. And damn it, I want to give you something. Something of mine, something only I could gift you. Call me selfish, if you want, or stubborn, or an idiot," he tugged me close. "But it's done. And since I'm the Viscount, I won't be approving any reversals of the deed."

"Hawke-"

He shook his head. "I don't want to leave the place empty, either. I love you and this benefits us both."

I gave him a little frown, but nodded. "Alright, Nevarr. Thank you." I stopped and leaned in close, lifting my hand to caress his cheek. "I love you too, you know."

He smiled brightly and pulled me close. "I hoped, but hearing you say it is so much better. I never thought I'd find one person to share my self with, let alone two, or maybe..." He paused a moment, then cleared his throat. "Piper, you need to see Fenris."

I stiffened and tried to pull away, but Nevarr refused to let me go. "And there you went and ruined a lovely moment." I wasn't really angry, I just didn't want to talk about the ex-slave. "Exactly why should _I_ be the one to seek him out. He knows where I live. Hell, he can know where I am with a thought."

"Because he has no idea how to deal with what I know he feels. Because you love him. You love him in a way no one else possibly can. He's your Anders, he's the other part of your soul. And because you told him how you felt right before you challenged the Arishok and you've avoided him ever since. You aren't a coward, Piper."

I grit my teeth. No, I wasn't, but... Damn it all, I really didn't relish a heart-to-heart with the elf. Maybe I should have, maybe my saying those things before I killed the Qunari leader changed things for Fenris, maybe... A hell of a lot of maybe's and too little surety.

"Fine. Even though I swore I wasn't going to do this. I wasn't going to keep putting myself out there, keep chasing after a man who doesn't, or can't... Ah, fuck. Yeah, fine." A part of me felt like I was betraying myself, agreeing to Hawke's request, but son of a bitch, there was an ache in me that nothing could ease. "I'm not the only one avoiding, though. He's been keeping himself snookered away since the day after the showdown."

Nevarr grinned a bit. "To be fair, none of us were in any shape for chatting that day."

I snorted. "No shit. Who knew we could empty Corff's cellar all by ourselves? Hell, who knew that daft bastard would open the Hanged Man up and let us in after all the cluster fuckery still blowing up throughout the city. I have never, and I do mean never, been so shit faced in my entire life. Or lives. Or whatever."

Hawke laughed aloud at that and hugged me close to his side. "I don't think any of us have been so drunk. Still, you know where he is. I know you do."

Did I ever. Drawing from his power during the fight had only deepened the connection between Fenris and I. Instead of having to focus on the elf to get a fix on him, as it were, he was now a constant shadow at the back of my mind. The bond wasn't, so far, something I couldn't ignore, but it was more real, more potent, than it had been before we fought the Qunari.

I didn't have to think about it, I could almost see Fenris in my mind. "Yeah, right now he's drinking with the dwarf."

Nevarr lifted a brow as we approached the estate, holding the door for me as I stepped inside. "That's rather specific."

I sighed and pulled the interior door wide, casting a quick smile at the Feddic's and Orana as I headed toward the stairs. "Hmm, well, the link thingy you just referenced? It's stronger than it was. I had to use Fenris as a mana pool when we were trying to get to Arishok. I tried to refuse, but he was right. We'd have both died if I hadn't done it. But, consequences and all. Not good or bad, it is what it is."

My bedroom door was slightly ajar, as I'd left it, and the wood swung open to reveal Orana had tidied up. I shook my head with a soft sigh. I'd told the woman a thousand times she didn't need to clean up after me, but to no avail.

"I see." Hawke stepped into the room as I went to the bureau. I pulled the Book of Shartan off the shelf, removing it from the protective cloth it was wrapped in. "What's that?"

"It's a book. For Fenris. He can't read, yet, but between you and I, he'll be tripping through the pages in no time."

"Fenris can't read?"

"They don't teach slaves to read in the Imperium, Hawke."

His dark green eyes disappeared behind his lids and he gave a loud sigh. "Right. Well, I'll do whatever he needs."

"Thanks, Nevarr."

"Pip?"

I grabbed a backpack and shoved the book in before answering him. "Yeah?"

"Are you, uh, well, what I mean is, Anders and I, uhm... shit."

I chuckled softly. "Hey, the last week has been crazy and let's not lie, the month or so before that weren't much better. Fallout from Fenris and all. But if you're asking if I'd still like to be the cream in your manwich, the answer is yes. I'd have blown this crazy-cicle city already if not for you two. Of course, if this goes splendidly well with the elf..." I let my voice trail off. 

Nevarr gave me a bold, warm smile. "Either way."

I hefted my bag and stepped to him, pressing up on the balls of my feet to give him a soft, sweet, open kiss. "Love you." I never failed to surprise myself with how easy those words slipped from my lips sometimes. Or how often I spoke them when I had no intention of doing so. I didn't lie to myself, the emotions scared the shit out of me. But I was getting a bit easier with the depths of my feelings, with the way they were fully and earnestly returned without expectation or demand. "I'll be back later, probably with Anders. If I'm going to Lowtown, I may as well swing by the clinic and give a hand."

His thick, powerful arms came around me, lifting me from the floor so he could give me a hotter, deeper taste. "Dinner will be ready when you get back. Mother wants to try another service for the wedding."

"'Kay." 

He let me down slowly and the feel of his aroused flesh made me want to ditch the book, the chat, and my clothes and spend the rest of the afternoon in erotic expression. With a sigh, I moved out of his embrace and toward the door. "Wish me luck."

"Luck, Pip."


	33. Chapter 33

"Oleander, nice of you to drop in." Varric leaned back in his chair, a broad grin on his mouth.

"Dwarf, you just saw me last night." I chuckled and plunked my bottom into the chair to his left. "So, did he say where he was going?"

The merchant prince shook his head. "Sorry. We were having a perfectly broody chat and then he sat up and skedaddled, without so much as an 'another time, dwarf'. I figured you'd be in shortly."

Sighing, I tilted my head back and looked up at the ceiling. "We have so many issues, we should charge a subscription."

Varric gave me an odd look, which only made me sigh again. Closing my eyes, I thought over all the things that had happened since I'd left earth and awoke in Thedas. Memories I didn't ponder often, of my life before, of so many hours spent with a controller in hand, living through the story on screen.

A not-so-vicarious thrill, that's what being Piper, Champion of Kirkwall was and despite all the drama, and the hurt, I had plenty to be thankful for, more than a thousand things, good things, that I was blessed by. It took losing everything I held precious, sacrificing myself and dying on earth, for me to learn how to really live.

"Varric?"

"Oleander?"

"Should I go after him or wait for him to come to me?"

He chuckled softly. "Why can't you ask me how to invest your next thousand sovereigns?"

I opened my eyes and turned my head toward him. "Because I don't need your advice on money. I want your advice on Fenris."

It was the dwarf's turn to sigh. He shifted in his seat, settling himself deeper against the heavy wood. "I could tell you you're greedy. You have Hawke and Anders, maybe you don't need Fenris as much as you think you do. I could tell you to remember he was, and is still in some ways, a slave. I could say if you love something, set it free. If it comes back your love was meant to be."

"But?"

"Fuck that. There are only two real rules if you want to be happy in Thedas. Rule number one: Don't take anything for granted. A dragon, darkspawn, or hell, a crazy blood mage can pop out of any corner at any time. Never forget that and always be ready to fight for what you hold dear."

I nodded. "And rule two?"

"Make your own happiness. The Maker turned his gaze a long time ago. He's no damned help. If you find something worth calling your own, don't stop until it is. Fuck the masses and their opinions, for that matter fuck the Chantry and her laws, and may the Maker have mercy on anyone who gets in your way."

A snort choked me a little. "That sounds like the motto of a villain."

He smiled. "Maybe so. But it's a good rule and the best of us follow it too."

I rolled his words around in my mind and didn't miss how similar they were to ones Nevarr had given me almost a year ago. They were both right. _Grab life with both hands._

"Thanks, Varric."

"So, are you going after him?"

I shook my head. "Not right this minute. But yes. See, I told myself I wasn't going to chase him, partly because I figured he'd just run harder. And I didn't want to force him into anything, but this isn't imposing my will. It's me showing him no matter how far he runs, I'll always be there, ready to accept him as he is, wanting to. That said, some things are even harder for Fenris than they are for me and wanting, believing he can have something of his own, well... So I'm gonna go bug Anders for a while. I'll let the elf think he's escaped, for now."

Varric nodded. "I like the way you think, Oleander. So, ready for the big to-do next week?"

"Nice segue," I laughed. "And no. I mean really, I don't get why Nevarr and I have to be married so formally, but Leandra is on cloud nine and letting Bran partner the official coronation has at least lessened his whininess." I gave a shrug.

"If he weren't so good at his job, I'm pretty sure Viscount Hawke would have already kicked the Senechal's ass out the door."

"Indeed. Heard from Bela?"

Varric scooted forward, leaning his elbows on the table. "She sent word. Told me to let you know she and Daisy will be here with bells on. And that she's bringing you the best gift ever."

"Ha! Why does that _not_ fill me with the good type of anticipation?"

"Because Rivaini's best presents usually aren't for public consumption and often involve violence and gratuitous swearing."

"Very true." I pushed out of the chair and smiled brightly, bending at the waist to lay a quick kiss on the dwarf's lips. "Thanks, Varric."

Warmth and genuine affection filled his brandy-colored eyes. "Anytime, Oleander. Anytime."

The walk to the clinic was relatively brief. Only three people stopped me to say how thankful they were to me for saving the city. I accepted their gratitude, hopefully graciously, even though being reminded of Arishok's death still hit me like a gut punch. As I approached the clinic, I was surprised to see the lanterns unlit. It was mid-afternoon on a Thursday, they should have been warm and welcoming.

"Anders?" I rapped the door with my knuckles, ears perked for any sound beyond the heavy wood. 

I heard the sounds of voices, but they were too low for me to clearly make out what was being said. Still, my skin crawled. Whoever was in the clinic, I knew in my gut they weren't supposed to be there. Slowly, I pushed open the door, one hand going to the hilt of a blade as I stepped across the threshold.

What I saw... Fuck, it wasn't as if I hadn't seen it a thousand times on earth, after the fall, when humanity lost all veneer of civility and turned instead to barbarism. But I hadn't seen those things inflicted on someone I loved. I hadn't allowed it. I wouldn't allow it.

Anders was bound and gagged, stripped naked, and tied to the shaky frame of one of his cots. His body was damaged, bruised, fresh whip marks slicing across his back, blood marring so much of his beautiful skin. I couldn't look closely, not then, I wouldn't have been able to do what needed to be done. So I blocked him out, the stillness of the Warden's body, the grey cast of his skin and instead, put all my focus into one, single thought. 

_Fenris, I need you._

I charged the group, the four of them in their shiny silver armor with the garish red symbol on their chests. The first templar fell quickly, the group's attention all too focused on the debased, defiling act perpetuated by one of their own, and not aware enough of their surroundings. The first, his blood sprayed the rest, woke them from their sick, depraved lust to finally see me.

"The Champion!" The fat bastard to my right exclaimed a second before I buried the claws of my unburdened hand in his throat and ripped it out with a scream, a bellow of pure hate.

Two down, two to go. The third of the quartet was a big man, well over six feet and thick with muscle. He pulled his greatsword and swung at me and I rolled to the right to avoid the blow, coming up on my feet next to the rapist, struggling to do his laces.

"I will kill you and deliver your heads to Meredith myself." I slashed at the still-fumbling man, catching him beneath the edge of his plate and ripping with all my strength, tearing the metal from his body, laying bear his weak, human flesh.

"Piper!"

Those in the room who could swiveled their heads to see a beacon-bright elf storm through the open clinic door, his beast of a sword raised, compact power charging toward the biggest Templar as a bull does a matador. I tripped backward, felt the fire as the chantry-man's greatsword cut into my arm and across my chest. Regaining my feet, I flipped away, coming up behind the son of a bitch who'd thought he could harm my Anders and live.

"Kill him, Fenris." 

I drove my dagger into the mage's defiler, slit him from shoulders to ass, with a criss-cross motion at the end to sever his spine. He fell to the ground, paralyzed from the waist down, dying painfully, but I wished I had time to truly make him suffer. I didn't, though, and I dropped the blade beside the dying Templar and scrambled to Anders' side. 

The sounds of the elf's fight faded as I took in the destruction before me. My mage, my Anders, his body was broken, damaged, and as I fell to my knees, I heard the tell-tale gurgle of Charron's toll.

"No, no, no, no..." I couldn't lose him. My life would be so diminished without this man in it. The one thing, the one big thing different about Thedas, over earth, was that I hadn't lost someone who meant something to me. I leaned over him, air trapped in my lungs, hands shaking uncontrollably. I smoothed his normally well kept hair, now matted with blood and god knew what else, off his cheek and called on magic.

Flashes, faces that were not so much memories but parts of my soul, flickered through my mind. My daughters, my son, my husband, the first man I'd killed, the bear who finally killed me... I couldn't let Anders become one of those ghosts. I would die if he became a whisper in the dark, ephemeral and fleeting.

"You stay with me, you son of a bitch. Anders, you stay with me!" I knew I was screaming, my pain and terror flowing unbidden in wet tracks down my face as I poured healing power into his too still form, felt with tendrils of energy his stuttering heart, and gave more. I would empty all that I was into him, if only he might live.

"Piper." Fenris knelt beside me, I could almost make out the shape of his still-glowing form as he reached out to touch me.

"No. He's still alive. I won't let him die. He can't," my voice broke, magic shuddering under all that I was willing it to do. "He's mine. They tried to take what is _mine_. I won't let them, I won't, Fenris."

I collapsed against Anders' side, sobs and energy and love flowing from me in a tsunami of power. I felt his heart steady, beat harder. I listened as the death-knell rattle left his lungs. I struggled to open my eyes and saw pink seep back into his flesh. I couldn't fix all of him, I didn't have enough mana, but that didn't matter. So long as he stabalized, anything else could be healed later. Magic could undo the oldest physical damage and make it right.

"Piper, let me aid you."

The lyrium in his skin sang to me and I took what he offered without question. I lifted my hand, laced our fingers together, and prayed to every deity I knew that it would be enough. I don't know how long we stayed that way, Fenris and I, giving everything we had to save Anders, until there was nothing left in me, until I was so exhausted I began to hallucinate, to see and hear things that could not be and with a sharp cry, I succumbed to the mortal limits of the inhuman form I inhabited.

* * *

"Pip? Pip? Sweet Andraste, don't you slip away now."

 _Nevarr_. His soft, hoarse whisper trickled through my ear and into my consciousness. I stirred, my body hurting almost as bad as it had when the Vartarrel poisoned me. My chest was so tight, my muscles twisted even more fiercely, and my head pounded like the footfalls of a herd of elephants.

"Anders..."

"He's alive, my heart. Can't you feel him?"

I shifted, felt the heat of another body, and cried. I didn't have the wherewithal to hold on to Hawke, but he did, and he gathered me so close I felt the pulse at his neck against my lips. He held me while I wailed out my relief, rocking me softly until all I had left was harsh gasps and stuttering sniffles.

"Fenris?"

"I am here."

Hawke shifted, though I felt his reluctance to relinquish me as leaner, lither limbs embraced me. I fought to raise my arms, to press against the elf, and felt him draw me more fully to him, one hand cupping the back of my head, the other wrapped around my torso.

I fit my face in the sweet spot I love so well, where his shoulder met his neck, and breathed in the smell of my elf. I thought I had no more tears, but they fell from my burning, swollen eyes nonetheless.

"Tell me you saved their heads."

"Their bodies remain where they fell."

"Good." I took a deep breath, letting his scent ease some of the pain in my body, both real and emotional. "You came, Fenris, you heard me."

"I felt your terror, your rage. I could do nothing else but find you when I felt your call. You almost died, saving Anders. I... I nearly lost you. I've never been so frightened. Piper, don't do that again."

I wanted to smile, but all I could do was cry. I didn't want to spend another day, another hour, another minute apart from this damned, stubborn elf.

"I love you, Fenris. I love you so much and I know this is a really bad time and I know you're probably freaking out right now, but I don't care. I won't let you run from me anymore. I won't take the chance that Danarius will find you and I won't be there. If Anders had died, I would have been broken, hollow. If I lose you, there is no reason to go on. Please, I can't... Please," I couldn't stop saying those things, repeating them, fingers trying to find the strength to dig into his flesh and never let go.

"Piper." I felt his lips brush across my forehead, forearms pinning me to his body, as his voice washed over me, filling me with warmth, with hope.

"I am yours. I will be yours as long as you'll have me."

"Forever, Fenris. Forever and a day."


End file.
